Qualityland

Are You Also Suffering From RAMnesia?

by Sandra Admin

Who among us hasn’t experienced this at one time or another? You’re out and about, then your earworm, augmented reality lenses, or your QualityPad conk out and you no longer know where you were going, how you were going to get there, and even why you were going there in the first place. In shock, you realize that you’re in a completely unknown place for unknown reasons: without money, contacts, or any way of proving your ID. Experts call this RAMnesia. You are as helpless as a baby that’s just been born to a drug-addicted prostitute in a cheap motel in a non-assisted precipitous labor. Cheap motels—the economically priced alternative to homelessness!

The loss of control experienced during an episode of RAMnesia can have traumatic long-term effects. This is why, as part of a high-profile pilot scheme, QualityCity has set up emergency call cells in popular locations, for people whose smart technology has suddenly become inoperative. The disoriented can flee inside these gleaming red boxes with Plexiglass panels in order to get information about themselves.

One of the first users of the call cells gave us the following enthusiastic testimonial: “Well, I was having a major crisis, because, well, my QualityPad suddenly stopped working. And I was, like, in total panic. A total blackout, man. I didn’t have a clue what to do. Then, luckily, I saw an emergency call cell. The first thing they did was tell me my name. Jan Civil-Servant. And I was like, oh yeah, that’s right. And that I had just missed my interview at QualityCorp—the company that makes my life better. And I was like, oh yeah, that was it. Shame. And that later I had a date with my current girlfriend. And I was like, really? What kind of girlfriend? And the call cell showed me photos and that, of her I mean, and I was like, cool, yeah, that’s her. And I was like: what’s her name again? And the system was like: Tamara Miller, and then I remembered, because she has such a crazy surname, you know?”

Critics of the project point out that it’s still unclear how people are supposed to find the nearest emergency call cell without technological help. According to the manufacturing company, the solution to that is very simple: There has to be a cell on every corner.

Comments

» by Jan Civil-Servant:

Cool! I’m in the news. Awesome! Fame!