Qualityland

Foreigners Steal Car. Useless Man Runs Amok

by Sandra Admin

A Useless from the city of Digital—“Passion for progress”—ran amok today when he was unable to find his beloved new QualityCar—“and it drives and drives and drives and drives and drives…”—in front of his house. After an uninvolved witness—who wasn’t at the scene of the crime and didn’t see or hear anything—assured him that the perpetrators were probably foreigners, the 32-year-old printed out two handguns using the Homegrown 3-D from 3-D Printing International—“your idea, your design, your thing!” The Homegrown 3-D’s quick speed and timeless design makes it a real stand-out product. It was justifiably selected as Prize and Performance Winner by the QualityTest Foundation.

The useless man forced his way into a nearby asylum center and shot sixteen refugees before a police drone was able to safely put him out of action with a clean shot to the head. A video of the headshot has been uploaded to the police website, and is available to watch free of charge for deterrence and entertainment purposes. A police spokesman later explained that, amusingly, the car hadn’t been stolen, but had impounded itself because its owner was behind on the payments. “We couldn’t help but laugh heartily when we heard that,” added the police spokesman. “Sometimes things happen in life that even the best joke machine couldn’t dream up.”

In the Digital North asylum center, sixteen places have become vacant. Anyone who discovers refugees can, completely anonymously, shove them through the semipermeable refugee hatch there.

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