The Lotus Eaters

Anno Condita 471 Executive Mansion, Hamilton, FD, Federated States of Columbia, Terra Nova

"Turn that shit off," said the President, Karl Schumann. A flunky picked up the remote to turn off a television that seemed to have nothing on it but anti-gringo protests from Atzlan to la Plata.

The President, watched by his press secretary, the Secretary of State, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the Attorney General and a few others, paced vigorously from wall to wall.

"General," Schumann asked, "are you absolutely certain we didn't do it? The President of Santander is positive that we did."

JCS suppressed a highly amused smile, answering, "Mr. President, we know exactly who did do it. The ACCS we have on patrol over the Santander coast recorded the whole thing as it happened, even though they didn't quite understand what was happening. The Balboans did it. I don't know all the details, but they did it. And they set it up to pin it on us."

"But . . . why?"

"My guess," answered the JCS, "is that they didn't want to piss off the Santanderns because they've got all the enemies they need already. And, too, it isn't like we haven't been pressuring them to do something about the drug trade, or as if they don't have good reasons to keep drugs out of Balboa."

"What's the ambassador down there say?" Schumann asked of State.

"Ambassador Wallis says the Balboans won't admit a thing to him. They refuse to discuss it. Which is screwy, because if it was them, then they know it couldn't have been us."

"It wasn't us," JCS reiterated.

The Secretary of State gave JCS a look which as much as said, So you say.

Schumann returned to his desk and sat down. "In any event," he said, "Santander, the whole of Latin America, thinks we did do it. There were protests today in every capital. The Santanderns are showing helmets, our kind of helmets, all over the news. They claim we shot down one of their planes and shot up an airfield. Their President is threatening to shut down diplomatic relations and kick us completely out of the country."

State shook his head. "Not a chance, Mr. President. They need us."

"Mr. President," said JCS, "we can prove to the Santanderns that the Balboans did it. We'll just release them the tapes of the whole incident." The general screwed up his face. "But then, they wouldn't necessarily believe we couldn't—didn't—fabricate the whole thing, would they?"

The press secretary bent down and whispered something softly in the President's ear. The President's eyed grew wide and he said, "Ladies and gentlemen, if you leave me alone for a few minutes to confer . . ."

When the room was cleared the President of the Federated States asked "No shit?"

"It's true, Karl. Your polls are soaring. Everyone in this country thinks you did it, and they're just tickled pink by it. And you need this. The people are happy the country's getting even with someone, and don't really give a shit if it's not the real guilty party."

"But what about all the civilians killed, kids even?"

"Just the cost of doing business. Besides, they were just foreigners. Nobody cares."

"And if Balboa decides to take credit?"

"They won't. Firstly because now no one would believe them. Secondly, they'll be too late once you've said we did it. Thirdly, because, as the general said, Balboa probably doesn't want Santander pissed at them. Santander is, after all, ten times bigger than Balboa is. Lastly, if they wanted to take credit, they would have done so already."

The President reached a decision. "Bring in the others."

* * *

"Mr. President, you're live."

Schumann looked into the camera, his sincerest-seeming expression writ plain on his face. "My fellow Columbians. I would like to announce that a raid was conducted against certain members of Santander's drug cartels who were implicated in the recent criminal attacks in the Republic of Balboa in which American citizens lost their lives."

"Naturally, I will not divulge any details of the mission. Operational secrets will be preserved in my Administration. But let this be a lesson to those who would resort to terror, wherever they may be. You cannot run far enough or fast enough. You cannot hide well enough. The forces of justice will overtake you."

As the President fielded questions, the press secretary marveled, What a master. And he didn't even have to lie, exactly.