Birthright

“And who told him?”

“The Pnathians.”

“Yeah? Well, you can't prove it by me.” “What did the smears show?” asked Darlinski, scratching his head. “Nothing. Or, rather, nothing even remotely sexual. I've labeled the three smears One through Three. Now, Smear One, taken from the bottommost orifice, showed traces of water, a couple of enzymes, and the residue of two or three other organic liquids. From this, and the fact that they're not broken down, we've got to figure that its sole purpose is the ingestion of liquid nourishment. Smear Two has numerous traces of solids, plus a few decay germs and something which seems to act as a mild preliminary stomach acid. Ergo, that's where the solid nourishment goes. Smear Three is a problem, but I'd be willing to wager that its function is strictly vocal.” “But, damnit, one of those orifices has to be the equivalent of a vagina!” snapped Darlinski. “They're the only orifices on the whole goddamed body, and the subject is definitely a female.” “Maybe so, but she doesn't kiss and copulate in the same general area,” said Jennings. “There is absolutely no trace of any sexual hormone, lubricant, or other secretion known to science, and since she's a warm-blooded oxygen-breather, I have to think that her sexual hormones wouldn't be that hard to spot.”

“Could the orifice be used for excretion?” asked Darlinski. “Highly doubtful,” said Jennings. “No, I'll make it stronger. Definitely not. I would certainly have found something to indicate it if that were the case. Sorry to give you a problem, boss, but that's the way I read it.”

“A problem? Hell, you've given me a pair of them.” “Yeah?”

“First, I've got a female patient with no discernible sex organs. And second, I've got an eater with no discernible means of excreting waste products.” “Maybe that's what's wrong.” Jennings grinned. “Maybe she ate too much and is due to explode.” “Thanks a lot,” said Darlinski. “Well, I'd better get back down there and see if I can figure out what to do next.”

When he arrived a few minutes later he found the Pnathian gasping weakly for air. Its face, and hence its breathing orifice, was covered with a foul-smelling substance which seemed to be coming from its food-ingesting orifice. Quickly summoning an intern to help him, Darlinski managed to turn the Pnathian on its side and, taking an antiseptic wipe, began cleaning its head off. In a few moments the breathing became normal again, and, instructing the intern to keep a watchful eye on the patient, he took a sample of the substance up to Pathology.

“Well,” said Jennings after some thirty minutes of testing, “we've solved one of your problems. It seems that the same mouth, or orifice, does double duty: it both ingests the food and excretes it. Very inefficient.