Almost Perfect

SERGEANT PEPPER IS A LONELY HEART’S CLUB BAND

Jack swept into the Hub’s boardroom, eyes shining. ‘Ladies! Tonight we’re going speed-dating!’

Ianto will bloody love this, thought Gwen. She looked across at him, all shining in his smart little woman’s business suit, the skirt stopping well above the knee. ‘Marvellous!’ she mouthed, while at the same time thinking, ‘Bit trampy, Ianto.’

Jack coughed. ‘As I was saying. Tonight, according to Patrick Matthew’s Facebook group, his speed-dating group meets. Little Miss Death may well be there. Tonight might even be the night she meets him. So we should be there too.’

Gwen snorted. ‘Come off it, Jack. Have you seen the kind of people who go on these things?’ She pointed towards the list of people who ‘may be attending’. ‘They’re not exactly conventionally attractive are they? I mean, there’s a few I wouldn’t kick out of bed, but you know, they all look a bit… normal.’

Jack leaned over. ‘What are you saying, Mrs Williams?’

‘Well, I hate to admit it…’ Gwen really hated to admit it. ‘But you and Ianto aren’t exactly speed-dating material. Ianto’s drop dead gorgeous, and you’re-’

‘Too good to be true?’ Jack smiled broadly. ‘It’s the twinkle in my eye.’

‘Not exactly, no,’ said Gwen, carefully. ‘I just don’t think you’d do your best work.’

‘Are you kidding? I’d be brilliant.’

‘I’m sure you would, Jack,’ said Gwen patiently. ‘But I don’t think we’d learn anything. You’d just walk out of there with a pile of phone numbers, some broken hearts and a hickey.’

‘That would be from Ianto,’ sighed Jack. ‘Too much of the teeth.’

Gwen gently stirred her coffee and idly wondered how often the two of them actually had sex. She suspected that most of the time they just stood in a room naked, hands on hips, pouting at each other.

Ianto just looked deeply embarrassed. ‘I think Gwen’s right.’

‘Great,’ said Gwen. ‘I’ll pop home and change.’