A Rage for Revenge

65 Dirty Limericks

Of course, we ended up in bed.

She unpinned her dark red hair and it fell in an auburn cascade to below her shoulders. She took off her blouse and her bra and I saw how pearl-smooth her skin was. Her breasts were rosy; they looked firm. She took off her underwear and I started to giggle. Her ass was freckled.

And she had the longest legs.

I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life between those legs. She took me into her bed and into her body. I let go of my mind and let it happen. I dissolved into her freckled pink face, her tender red kisses.

She was a crimson ocean, stormy and wave-tossed. I was caught up in the rise and fall of her. I felt like a man caught in a whirlwind. My heart was racing-I could die here!-it didn't matter. I pulled myself up, pushed her knees up to her chest, and plunged in deeper. She wrapped her legs around me and began to gasp and laugh and cry. When she came, it was with a little shudder of delight, and then she pulled me close, hugging me even tighter as she held me and held me. I could feel her spasming and throbbing beneath me, around me, and I came too, exploding into her.

And then we collapsed into each other, rolling over onto our sides. I was still facing her, still inside her.

I let myself look into her eyes. She was beaming. "Hi," she said.

"Hi," I replied.

We lay there gasping for breath. "Now, I know," I said.

"Know what?"

"What it's like to screw a colonel. Always before, it's been the other way around."

She burst out laughing. "Believe me," she said. "It's far more fun screwing captains."

"Really?"

"Sure. You'll find out when you're a colonel."

"Mm, I love it when you talk dirty." I shifted my position, she smiled in response.

"Now, say general."

"Brigadier," she whispered.

"Oh, I can't stand it."

She giggled.

"Want to know something?" I said.

"What?"

"I've missed you."

"I've missed you too."

"You mean, I wasn't just a one-night stand?"

"No, you were; but whoever said that one-night stands couldn't be fun and affectionate too? You don't have to fall in love every time."

"Problem is, I did."

"Mm." She didn't answer that. "I didn't expect you to come back from that mission."

"Nobody did." I turned so I could look directly into her face. "You know, I used to wonder what it would be like to make love lo you."

"Really?" Her voice went soft. "What did you imagine?"

"Um . . ." I tried to remember. I couldn't. I started giggling.

"What?"

"I forgot."

"No, you didn't. You just don't want to say."

"No, really, I did."

"Captain, I could order you to tell me."

"Colonel, just about anything I would say right now would get me in a lot of trouble."

"Then I order you to say it."

"No, sir!"

She rolled me over on my back, so she was on top of me. She was surprisingly strong. She said, "What is it you're not saying? Tell me!" She saw the look on my face and pounced. "That one! Say it."

I said, "I love you."

She blinked.

"What did you say?"

"I said, 'I love you.' See, I told you it would get me in a lot of trouble."

She sniffed back the tears. "No-it's just-you caught me by surprise." She sniffed again. "The army takes a dim view of captains falling in love with their colonels. Well, sleeping with them anyway. I guess this is why." She smiled through the tears. "It's probably lousy for morale to see your superior officer crying."

I pulled her down to me and kissed her. She felt good. She made me feel good.

I stopped and looked into her face and said, "Well, it's true. I do love you. And you ordered me to tell you."

"I know. I have only myself to blame."

"For what?"

She gave her head a quick shake. Her red hair fell down around us both. "Never mind."

"No, go on-"

She shook her head again.

"Now, I order you."

She looked at me, impishly smug. "You can't order me. I outrank you."

"You can't pull rank in bed."

"Why not?"

"Well, for one thing . . ." I rolled her over on her back. Now I looked down on her. ". . . you're out of uniform. How do I know you're a colonel?"

"I fuck like one." Her expression was prim.

"Can't prove that by me. I've never fucked any other colonels."

"You want me to wait?"

"No, I want you to answer the question."

"What question?"

"The one you're trying to avoid. What is it you're not saying? I showed you mine, now you show me yours."

She saw I meant it and a sad look came into her eyes. She said, "I love you too."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh."

My jaw must have dropped. She reached up and pushed it closed. "Really," she insisted.

"I . . . I . . . " Now it was my turn to be flustered. I opened my mouth and a word fell out. "Why-?"

She shrugged and shook her head. "Beats the hell out of me. If I was going to pick a lover, you are probably the worst person I could pick."

"Thanks," I said.

"No, listen." She put a finger across my lips. "Jim, you are one of the dearest and sincerest and most committed men I've ever met. . . ."

"But?"

"There's no 'but.' It's all that sincerity and commitment that keeps getting you in so much trouble. I know I'm going to have my hands full trying to keep up with you."

"I didn't ask you to fall in love with me."

"So? I didn't ask you to fall in love with me either, but you did." She sounded sad. "So, here we are."

"Well, don't look so glum about it. I always heard that when two people fell in love, it's supposed to be a joyous thing."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot." She grinned up at me. "Wanna fuck?"

I couldn't help giggling. "I love you. I'll agree with anything you bring up."

"Really? Can I use my hands?" She used her hands.

"Uh . . ."

"Yes?"

I looked down. "I'm considering my response."

She followed my glance. "I like your response."

"Mm, do you?"

"I'm inclined to say so, yes."

"Well, I am prone to press the point-"

Our giggles were interrupted by the phone. It beeped loudly. We both said, "Shit!" at the same time.

"Wait a minute," Lizard said. "Let me see if I can reach it from here-"

"Here, I'll move with you-"

"I don't think this is going to work . . . "

"Yes, it will. Move your . . ."

"Oh, hell. Well, we tried-" She rolled away from me and scooped the phone off the nightstand. "Tirelli here."

Her expression clouded. "Say again? . . . Why?" She looked annoyed. "Yes, I'll be here. Yes, probably all night. Thank you." She hung up.

"Who was that?" I reached out for her.

"Dispatch." She didn't roll back to me. I let go of her shoulder. She seemed smaller now. Sadder. She sighed and said, "They were angry. I turned my beeper off. They wanted to know where I was." She lay down again, facing me, but her eyes were still distant. She rubbed her nose. "They told me to stay here for a while. They wouldn't say why."

I didn't say anything to that. I just waited. There was more. She reached over and patted me. "I guess we could do that. Couldn't we?" Her voice went soft. "I suppose we could think of something to do, couldn't we?"

"How about I just hold you for a while?"

"That would be good."

And then we shut up for a while. Whatever else we had to say wasn't important. It could wait.

She had the smoothest skin. Touching her was a luxury.

I felt like the man named O'Quinn-with an inordinate interest in skin . . .

After a bit, I started laughing again.

Lizard levered herself up on one arm. With her other hand she brushed the hair back from her face. "What?"

"Limericks. "

"Limericks?"

"Yeah. Limericks."

She blinked in confusion. "They told me you were crazy, Jim, but...."

"They were right. I am crazy. Totally bugfuck. I've been hearing voices in my head and having hallucinations ever since that worm fell on me three years ago."

"-But everybody's crazy these days. It's a given. So that's no excuse. Why limericks?"

"I dunno. I just keep thinking up limericks."

She grabbed my hand and bent several of my fingers backward. "Why now?"

"Ouch! Okay, okay. I was thinking of the one I wrote about you."

"You wrote a limerick about me?"

I shrugged, sort of embarrassed. "Yeah."

"Nobody's ever written a poem about me ever." She leaned over and kissed me.

"I think you should hear the limerick before you thank me."

"It's the thought that counts-" Then her expression clouded. She frowned suspiciously. "Let's hear the limerick."

"Okay, but don't say you weren't warned." She reached for my fingers again. I recited quickly,

"There was a mad pilot named Lizzy,

whose manners were said to be skizzy.

She could loop, she could twirl;

she could make your head whirl.

She left all her men fucking dizzy."

"Dizzy who?" asked Lizard.

"I don't explain 'em. I only write 'em."

"Hmm," she said. "Tell me another."

"Okay." I told her the one about Chuck-

who expressed a great fondness for duck.

Whether gravied or roasted, pressed, ,sauced or toasted.

--And he never got down on his luck."

Lizard looked at me blankly. "I don't get it."

"Down. You know, as in: 'How do you get down off an elephant?' "

"Huh?"

"You don't get down off an elephant. You get down off a duck."

"Oh," she said. "That's cute."

"Cute?" I sighed. Loudly. "All right. Try this one instead. Ahem-'He was held in regard for his pluck."'

She made a face.

"'-and once he made headlines while stuck?' "

"Mmm," she jiggled her hand sideways to indicate iffyness.

"Okay, one more try: 'Tho he liked it well-seasoned, he was oft heard to reason, I haven't the thyme for a . . . "

And then the phone went off. Lizard's face froze.

She reached over and grabbed the instrument with a frightened expression. "Tirelli."

She listened intently for a moment, then her face went gray. "She did? When?" She sat up quickly and switched on the light. I looked at her questioningly. She waved to me to keep silent. She was listening very hard. Her expression was grim. "Now? Couldn't you have given me a little more warning? Oh, is that what that was? Do I have time for a shower?"

I didn't wait. I rolled out of bed, padded to the bathroom and punched up a steaming spray. When I came back into the room, she was saying to the phone, "He's already on his way? All right-I'll meet him downstairs." She hung up.

"Meet who?"

"My driver. Lay out my clothes-?" She was already on her way to the bathroom.

"A clean uniform?"

"No, a jumpsuit. I'm flying tonight."

"What's going on?" I followed her into the shower, picked up a loofa and started scrubbing her back-and lower.

"Stop that. I'm in a hurry."

"To do what?"

"I can't tell you." She turned around under the spray, rinsing herself off. "You'll have to see it on TV."

"See what?"

"As of ten minutes ago, it's official. The president is moving the capital to Hawaii."

"And you're flying her?"

"Oh, no, she's got her own pilot. And they're already on their way, as of ten minutes ago. They didn't release my orders until Air Force One left the ground." She was already out of the shower and toweling herself off. "There's a driver on his way to pick me up. My plane is fueled and waiting."

"Who are you flying?"

She didn't answer. She just shook her head and walked away from me.

I followed her back into the bedroom. I watched her get dressed. She pulled on the jumpsuit quickly.

"What's going on, Lizard."

She straightened and pulled up her zipper. When she looked at me, her face was ashen. Suddenly, she was in my arms and she was shaking. "I can't tell you-"

"Huh?"

"That asshole on the phone! There're no fucking secrets in this city! He said, 'Don't even tell the little boy you're sleeping with where Mommy's going!"'

"I'm not little," I said.

"I know," she sniffed again. She was holding me tight. "Do you really love me?"

"Yes, I do." I held her as tightly as she was holding me. "More than I've ever loved anyone." I buried my face in her hair. I loved the smell of her, the warmth of her.

We stood that way for a long moment.

"I've got to go," she said. She didn't move.

"I know," I said. I didn't let her go.

"No, really." She pulled away. She looked at me. "I don't know how long I'll be gone. Will you wait for me?"

I nodded. "It'll take a nuclear weapon to get me out of your bed."

She went ashen. "I wish you hadn't put it that way." She kissed me. Hard. And then she was gone.