A Rage for Revenge

21 The Revelation

A circle of torches obliterated the night. Orange flames sent gray smoke sputtering into the air high above our heads. The breeze pulled the flames sideways. There was no moon. There was no world. Beyond the circle, nothing existed.

We gathered outside the circle and waited.

Jason moved among us, greeting each one of us with a hug and a kiss. He spoke quietly to each person. When he came to me, he looked into my eyes and said, "Thank you, Jim. I'm glad you're here with us tonight. We love you." And then he added, "I love you."

I lowered my eyes, I couldn't meet his gaze-he was too beautiful to look at-but he tilted my chin upward and forced me to look at him. "Let it in, Jim. You are loved. You make a difference." He stared into my face until tears of joy and gratitude welled up in my eyes. I hugged him and kissed him and thanked him for letting me participate.

Jason stood before us then. He still hadn't stepped into the circle. He said, "For those of you who have not been to a Revelation before, I welcome you. For those of you who have, I welcome you back.

"All that you need to know tonight is that every Revelation is a different experience. If you have never celebrated the Revelation before, there is no wrong way to celebrate. If you have, then you also know that there is no right way to celebrate.

"The form of every Revelation is different-except when it's not. But regardless whether the form seems the same or different, comparison is a trap. Every Revelation is a different experience, no matter how many times you have celebrated. Tonight will be the same, and it will be different.

"What you see before you is a circle of light. We are going to create this as a sacred circle. What will make it sacred? Our agreement that it is so. If you are not willing to hold this circle as sacred, then do not enter it. If you are not willing to celebrate the Revelation then do not enter here. If you are not willing to commit yourself to the truth, then do not enter here. If you are not willing to experience yourself as the source, then do not enter here.

"If you are not willing to give up your expectations, then do not enter here.

"Tonight may be joyous. It may not. It may equally be despairing. Tonight may be intense. And it may not. Whatever expectations you have, leave them behind. What happens here will not meet your expectations.

"The space is fragile. And it is powerful. We, each and every one of us, must take responsibility for the creation of the space. We must leave behind our worldly concerns. We must leave behind all things that are not extraordinary. That includes the world of thoughts and concepts. We must leave those behind. Experience is not found in thought or concept. Joyousness is not found in explanation. We must leave that behind."

He raised his hands high. I became aware that Orrie and Falstaff and Orson were sitting quietly beyond the fringes of the crowd. "I will ask the new gods to protect the space tonight. I will be re5ponsible for the space inside the circle. I ask the new gods to be responsible for the space outside. Let no one violate the sanctity of our Revelation."

Orrie chirruped a low rumble. The other worms agreed with him.

Jason lowered his hands. His tone was immediately conversational. "I say this to you in the clear. No matter what happens tonight in the circle, do not leave it. Once the celebration begins, no one will enter the circle and no one will leave it. The circle is sacred. It must not be broken. The new gods do not protect us-they protect the circle. The new gods will kill anyone who crosses the circle of light. That is their agreement. It will be your 'crossesDo not break the agreement.

"If you damage the integrity of the space, you will destroy it. This space is too fragile-and it is too powerful. If you damage a space of this much power, the consequences could be dreadful. The physical universe will strike back. The physical universe always attacks where integrity is weakest. Understand this. You must not enter here unless you are willing to operate in a space of total, unconditional, absolute integrity. Look for yourself now and see if you are willing.

"When you step into this circle, let yourself step into a space of pure joyousness and absolute truth. When you step into this circle, you step beyond the universe, so that you may look back and observe. That is the declaration we make tonight.

"This circle is sacred because we say it is. So, before you can enter here, you must leave behind the ordinary. You must commit to the extraordinary. You must be willing to live tonight as if this will be your last night on the planet. It is possible for some of you that it will be your last night. People have died celebrating the Revelation.

"That willingness to live on the edge of death-that is the extraordinary level.

"If you are not willing to die, then do not enter here.

"It is neither right nor wrong to participate. It is a gift and an opportunity. If you are not willing to be responsible for yourself and your participation, then do not enter here.

"If it is not appropriate for you to be here, then do not be here. Now is the moment to stand aside." He waited. We waited. We looked around.

"There is no shame in walking away," Jason said. "Look and see inside yourself if it is appropriate for you to celebrate tonight." I wondered if I should stay.

One of the older men abruptly turned and walked away from the gathering. A moment later, a sad-looking lady followed him. They stopped a few paces and looked back.

Jason acknowledged the two with a nod, then he looked us over und said, "I know that there are those among you who are wondering now if you should leave too. I do not ask you to be certain. I only ask you to be willing. So if you are willing to be here, stay and participate." That was what I needed to hear. Jason continued, "But be clear: once you are in the circle, you are in the circle until the Revelation is complete. You cannot quit in the middle of a Revelation."

I was scared, but I was willing. I would stay.

Three more people separated themselves from the crowd and pined the two who stood apart. The crowd separated so they could see Jason and he could see them. He said, "Thank you for your honesty. I respect it and I love you for your courage. It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge that you are not willing to celebrate. You may celebrate with us at any time in the future. Now, please go to your beds and stay there until morning. For your own safety, do not leave your rooms tonight."

They smiled regretfully and turned and walked off together. The crowd closed the gap and faced Jason again.

His voice carried across the gathering.

Jason said, "How many of you are frightened?" I raised my hand with the others.

"Thank you. How many of you are angry?" Others raised their hands.

"Thank you. How many of you are eager?" He glanced around, taking it all in. He was beautiful. "Thank you. All you need to know," he said, "is that it's all part of the process. The process can't be complete without you going through your part of it. So whatever you're experiencing now is what you're supposed to be experiencing."

He stepped to the edge of the circle. This was it.

"This circle is sacred. I am willing to experience myself as source. I declare that I am ready to enter. Is there anyone here who objects?"

No one objected. "Thank you."

He stepped out of his shoes. He unbuttoned his shirt and discarded it. "You must leave behind your identity," he said. "For the truth is, you are not what you think. You are not your name. You are not your clothes. You are not your thoughts. You are not your body. You are the experience of these things. But you are not these things. So you must leave these things behind if you are to experience anything beyond them."

He stepped out of his shorts. He had a beautiful body. The orange flames of the torches sent flickering reflections up and down his skin. He seemed to glow in the smoky light. He was tall and trim and his muscles moved like silk. He stepped into the circle and stood just inside the ring of torches like a guardian. The firelight had a peculiar effect on Jason; it made him look almost as pink as Orrie. He even looked a little furry, as if he were covered with a fine pink down.

Jason grinned infectiously. I fell in love with him. Again. "Come on in," he called. "The enlightenment is fine." The tension broke. We laughed.

"All right," he called. "Who wants to enter?"

Jessie stepped forward. "I do."

Jason faced her. He spoke quietly with her. "Are you complete with the physical universe?"

Jessie thought about that for a moment. She said, "No, I am not."

Jason asked, "In what areas are you not?"

"I was unable to procure enough food supplies for the new gods for the rest of the week."

Jason nodded knowingly. "Are you willing to have this be complete? No matter what it takes?"

Jessie nodded.

"Good. Is there anyplace else in your life where you are incomplete?"

She shook her head. "Then you may enter."

Jessie stepped out of her clothes and into the circle. He hugged her and kissed her.

Frankenstein's monster stepped forward then. He loomed above Jason.

Jason quizzed him the same way he quizzed Jessie. "Are you complete?" he asked. Each of the revelators had to be clear. Jason asked about relationships or tasks or experiences. The person would answer yes or no. If yes, Jason would bid them enter. If no, Jason would tell them that they could not enter the spiritual world while they were still attached to the physical world. The incomplete things would pull them out. "The way to complete an incomplete thing is to acknowledge its incompleteness and have it be all right just the way it is. Are you willing to have it complete itself tonight? No matter what? Are you willing to surrender to the process of your own life?"

I began to understand. Really understand.

I am not my circumstances. I can step out of my circumstances. Let them take care of themselves. They will anyway, no matter What I do. If I am detached from them, they cannot control me. And I cannot be the author until I am detached.

I am the source of my own life. I stepped forward.

Jnson asked me, "And you, Jim-are you incomplete?" He looked deeply into my eyes and I felt as if I were being questioned by my lover.

I said, "I have things that bother me. And I am willing to leave them behind."

"However they work out?"

"However they work out."

"Step out of your clothes, Jim. Leave them behind."

I did so. Jason hugged me and kissed me and welcomed me into the circle.

When the last person was accepted into the circle we all sat. We purred for a bit, tuning ourselves to Orrie's sound, and then when we were all at such peace that death could have come quietly to any one of us without fear, Jason said quietly, "Loolie," and Loolie stepped into the circle carrying a small wooden tray. On the tray were two small mounds of pink and blue sprouts. She walked slowly around the circle, offering the tray to each person.

Each person took one pink sprout and one blue one. We held them, one in each hand, and waited.

Loolie completed her circle and offered the tray to Jason. He took a sprout of pink and a sprout of blue as well.

He held his hands up high, so all of us could see. He twisted the two sprouts together so that their skins broke and their juices mingled.

Then he ate them. And we did likewise.

The flames reached up. The night turned purple and blue and white.

The gods sang to us.

And we were revealed to the truth.