A Rage for Revenge

18 Aftermath

I sent Loolie up to the gully to bring Falstaff down immediately. We didn't know if there were more of these bikers or if these were all there were. We couldn't take chances.

I sent the other children out looking for everybody else. Apparently, Jason had been posting a lot of people on perimeter patrols to guard against just this kind of attack. It hadn't worked.

But at least most of the younger children had been moved out of the camp. Every day, Jason had moved a few more people into emergency hiding places. I knew where one of them was. There were some overgrown fields on the other side of the swimming pool; at the far end had been three large billboards. We'd knocked them down to make a quick lean-to; it looked like a pile of rubble, but it was actually a fairly well-stocked shelter. I sent children scattering to all of the others as well, to call everybody back.

Valerie took charge then. Yes, Valerie. When I looked at her questioningly, she simply said, "I don't have time for the drama now."

She was amazing.

She put some of the girls to work searching the bodies and gathering up all the weapons; but nobody was to go near the bikes. We didn't know if any of the others had been booby-trapped. After that, she had them start dragging the dead bodies off to one side. The bikers-well, they were food. Ray and Ted and Gregory-Ann and Jinko and Danny and Billy-well, they were food too; but we would honor them first and we would use their bodies to feed the new babies.

Falstaff was back by then and Valerie and I set him circling in a close patrol. He wanted to eat first, but Valerie insisted that he patrol. He went off with a sulky rumble.

With Falstaff's return, most of the bunnydogs and bunnymen also began to come out of hiding. Nobody knew where Jason or Orrie had gone to. Jessie and Jan were absent too. Also Orson and Mr. President and Libby. And Frankenstein and Marcie. Most of the bigger men had gone with them too.

All right. We'd make it work without them. Valerie called a circle.

A Circle of Screamers, she called it.

She said, "We don't have time for a proper grieving, so let's everybody do as much anger and grief and rage and upset as we can. Let's see how much noise we can make. Everybody now. Nobody gets left out!"

And we did.

We howled, we stamped, we raged. Valerie had been raped and she wanted revenge. Three of the other girls were howling for the same revenge as well. It made me embarrassed to be a man. I felt as if I had been raped too. I screamed with them. The children screamed and shrieked. I roared. Falstaff roared. The circle roared. We grabbed hold of all our emotions and shoved them out through our eyes and ears and throats and did it until we had no strength to do anything more-

-and then we held onto each other and we hugged. And we cried. And we kissed each other and laughed and petted each other's hair and reassured each other that it was all over and we were going to be all right again.

And then Valerie stopped us, brought us back down.

"All right; that's a good start. Now, we've got work to do. I know we didn't get all our screaming out yet, but we will when Jason gets back. Let's finish cleaning everything up and let's give ourselves a little dinner as well. All right?"

Valerie started dinner preparations and put everybody to work and we managed to get all the children cleaned and fed, bathed, and tucked into bed by ten.

And still Jason hadn't returned. Valerie and I looked at each other. Could something have happened to him?

No.

That was unthinkable.

Falstaff came back, his stomach rumbling and we let him eat several of the bikers. His farts were probably going to be awesome for the next few days.

Jason and Jessie and all the others, including Orrie and Orson, showed up after midnight. They looked exhausted.

They listened patiently as Valerie and I explained what had happened, and what we had done afterward.

Jason blew up then.

He was furious that we had brought back everybody from the emergency hiding places.

"You stupid, damned fool! I decentralized this camp for a purpose. I didn't want everybody here, exposed like bait! What do you think would have happened if the rest of the biker family had come in?"

"The rest of them-?" Jason nodded.

My stomach clenched. My heart dropped to my feet.

"This gang had over a hundred members. You had thirty of the worst ones here, but the rest of them were based down at Little Creek. They were going to come up here later tonight. They wanted this camp."

"Were? Past tense?"

Jason turned away from me, shaking his head. "It was a nasty, dirty job, Jim. You don't want to know. There were too many of them. We couldn't take any guests."

Jessie added, "There were fifty women and children and twenty warriors. We took them all down. The warriors first. Then the others. They forced us to. They wouldn't surrender."

"If we had failed," Jason said, "you would have had everyone and everything all in one place and totally defenseless." There was real anger in his voice.

I felt just as betrayed. "So, you really didn't trust me. Otherwise, you would have included me in your planning."

"I did include you," Jason said. "I put you in the right place for the right job."

"Yeah, you put me off in the far corner of nowhere, a place where I couldn't get into any trouble." I was fuming. "You should be thanking me, you asshole. I saved lives here. I did good here."

"You didn't follow instructions, Jim. I was depending on you to follow instructions. There was a purpose to my plan."

We were at the center of a circle. I didn't care. I said, "Jason, when I was in the Special Forces Warrant Agency, nobody ever gave me an order that I couldn't ask for the explanation behind it. That was a rule. My job wasn't to follow orders; it was to take responsibility for the result. There's a difference. Now, are you telling me that all you want me to do is follow orders, or do you want me to take responsibility."

"Don't hand me that jargon, Jim! I made it up!" He caught his breath. "Of course, I want you to take responsibility. But you don't realize what you did here, do you? You endangered lives. Do you also take responsibility for that?"

I threw my gun down at his feet and started to walk away. Frankenstein grabbed me by one arm and turned me around to face Jason. "I should have walked away from here when I had my chance," I said. "I thought I was part of this Tribe."

Abruptly, Jason's face changed. "Jim," he said quietly, "you never asked."

"I thought it was obvious."

"But, you have to ask. That's the rule." Jason's eyes were incredibly blue and patient.

I didn't know what to say to that.

"Guests don't get responsibility, Jim. They're guests. Hosts get responsibility. Is that what you want? Is that what you're demanding? To be a host? Because if that's what you want, the answer is yes. We've all been waiting for you to ask for it."

He waited for my reply.

I took a breath, I looked at my feet, I looked at the gun, I shrugged my arms away from Frankenstein's hands. I looked at my anger. I was stupid. Jason was right. I hadn't followed orders. And I did want responsibility. And I did want to be treated with respect and love. Yes, I did want to be an equal partner.

I was just afraid to ask for it.

"Why?" Jason asked. "Why not?"

"Because . . ." I looked up at him again. "I was afraid you'd say no."

"Oh, you poor stupid fool. Who hurt you so badly that you walk around through life believing you're not entitled to be loved?" He stepped over to me and wrapped me up in his big I'riendly arms and held me as hard as he could. Jessie wrapped her arms around us then, and Frankenstein, and everybody else as well.

"Jim," he held my face in his hands. "Around here, the answer is always yes. We never turn anybody away. We love you. We love you for your courage and strength and for everything you did right today. We even love you for what you did wrong, because we know why you did it. You did it because you care. I know you understand what I'm saying, Jim. I can see the tears running down your cheeks."

"Jason." I managed to gulp it out.

"Yes, Jim?"

"May I join the Tribe?"

"Yes, Jim. I'd like that." And he kissed me. They all kissed me.

It was one of the happiest moments of my life.