Bring Me the Head of Prince Charming

Chapter 2

Back in his mansion in Augsburg, Azzie turned off his all-seeing eye, one of the last items he'd picked up from Supply.

Suddenly there was a sound from outside. Looking out of the window, he saw a Nameless Horror picking its way up the path. It was vaguely man-shaped, it had one talon in a sling, and it wore an eye patch.

"Hail, Azzie," the Nameless Horror said.

"Hail yourself, Nameless Horror," Azzie said. "You have about five seconds to tell me why you have invaded my awesome solitude before I boot your Shapeless Ass out of here."

The apparition's eye sockets glowed. Its mouth curled into an approximation of a smile.

"Ah, milord Azzie, you talk exactly as I thought you would! I've been so longing to meet you!"

"What the hell is this all about?" Azzie asked.

"I'm your greatest admirer," the Horror said. "I hope to do great things in the world. At present I am only an apprentice demon, and am serving my time doing Nameless Horror work. But I know that will come to an end and I will be awarded full demon status. Then I hope to be just like you!"

"That's a laugh," Azzie said, laughing sardonically, but flattered in spite of himself. "Me, the failure, the loser."

"You are not up on recent events," it said, solidifying slightly to improve its enunciation. "The Powers of Evil have decided to grant you a prize extraordinary." It held out to Azzie a small box. Azzie opened it and found within a small statuette of a stylized demon, done in nasty orange, all except for the eyes, which were colored green.

"What's this piece of rubbish?" Azzie asked.

"It's a special award for Best Evil Deed of the Millennium."

"But what's it for?"

The Nameless Horror took out a scroll from somewhere within its shapeless clothing. It read, "This is in acknowledg­ment of a masterful performance at the Millennial Awards Din­ner, when the said Azzie Elbub did disrupt and confound the proceedings with various Hateful Visitations, thus proving that, even in defeat for the main prize, viz., direction of man's destiny for a thousand years, the said Azzie Elbub has shown the ef­frontery and sangfroid that marks the true "worker in the vine­yards of Evil."

Azzie accepted the award and turned it this "way and that. It was really very nice. It was not the mam prize, "which the Powers of Good had won by default, despite the cathedral fiasco, as a continuation of a previous victory. It would look very nice on his mantel.

"Well, thank you, young demon," Azzie said. "It's sort of a consolation prize, I suppose, but welcome nonetheless. You say you admire me, eh?"

"That is correct," the Nameless Horror said, and after that intoned some lines of praise so fulsome in their ingratiation that another being "would have been embarrassed. But Azzie, who was not much bothered by self-doubt - only the insufficiency of others-was well pleased.

"Thank you, Nameless Horror. I accept this prize, and please tell the committee that I am well pleased by it. Now go you and do evil!"

"That's what I "was hoping you'd say," it replied, and took itself away.