Bring Me the Head of Prince Charming

Chapter 5

Azzie took Ylith to the lab where Charming and Scarlet, now entirely assembled, lay side by side on marble slabs, veiled with two linen tablecloths, since Azzie had often observed that people look better slightly clad than not clad at all.

"They make a cute couple, don't they?" Azzie said.

Ylith sighed. Her long, mobile face was beautiful one mo­ment, sinister the next. Azzie tried to adjust his perception so that he would see only her beautiful side, but it was difficult; witches have obscure feature cyclings. Azzie had felt ambivalent about Ylith for a long time. Sometimes he thought he loved her; sometimes he hated her. Sometimes he tried to solve the problem by attacking it head-on; sometimes he preferred to forget it in favor of simpler problems, such as how best to spread evil and further the general bad. Sometimes - a lot of the time - he didn't know what to do. He loved her but he didn't always like her. But she was also his best friend, and when he had a problem he turned to her.

"They're real cute," Ylith agreed, "except for the lack of eyes. But you know that."

"It's why I'm showing them to you," Azzie said. "I've already told you that I'm going to enter them in the Millennial contest. They are going to act out the Prince Charming tale, entirely on their own, no urging from me, utilizing the famous free will that all intelligent creatures are said to possess. And they are going to come to the wrong conclusion and condemn themselves forever. But I need eyes for them, not just any eyes: special eyes. I need enchanted eyes. I need them in order to give the story that special air, that flavor, that fairy-tale savor- if you know what I mean."

"I understand perfectly, my dear," Ylith said. "And you want me to help? Oh, Azzie, you are such a child! What gave you the idea that I would find eyes for you?"

Azzie hadn't considered that. He scratched his scalp - scaly-that's what the Pit did to you every time-and consid­ered. He said, "I thought you'd do it because it's the right thing to do. I mean, you want evil to win as much as I do, don't you? Consider if good rules human destiny for the next thousand years: it could put you out of business."

"You have a point," Ylith said. "But it is not entirely persuasive. Why should I help you? I do have a life of my own, and other business in progress. I'm into administrative work for the coven, and I've been doing some teaching... ."

Azzie took a mental breath, the kind he always took before embarking on one of his really big lies. As he drew in that mental breath his genius and all his faculties took heed and helped him into the role he knew was needed.

"Ylith," he said, "it's very simple. I love you."

"Oh, really!" she said, scornfully, but not closing off the conversation. "That's rich! Tell me more!"

"I have always loved you," Azzie said.

"You sure acted like it, didn't you?" Ylith said.

"I can explain why I never called," Azzie said.

"I'll just bet!" Ylith said, waiting.

"There were two reasons," Azzie said, not knowing at the moment what they were but saying there were two in case one wasn't enough.

"Yes? Let's hear them!"

"I've already told you I was in the Pit."

"And you couldn't even send a postcard? I've heard that 'I was in the Pit' excuse before!"

"Ylith, you must simply believe me. There are some things a man can't speak about. But take my word for it, things came up. I could explain if there were time, but the important thing is, I love you; the bad enchantment has ended at last, and we can be together again, just as you have always wanted and as I secretly have wanted, too, though I said otherwise."

"What enchantment?" Ylith said.

"Did I mention an enchantment?"

"You said, 'Now the bad enchantment has ended.' "

"I said that? You're sure?"

"Of course I'm sure!"

"Well, I shouldn't have," Azzie said. "One condition for ending the bad enchantment was that I never speak about it. I just hope we haven't set it off again."

"What bad enchantment?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Ylith drew herself up to her full height and glared at him. He was really the most impossible demon. Demons are expected to lie, of course, but even the worst would occasionally tell the truth. It's almost impossible not to tell the truth sometimes, by accident. Except for Azzie. But that was not because he had a lying heart. No, it was because he was trying so hard to be really bad. She couldn't help but feel for him. He still appealed to her. And it was not the amusing season in Athens.

"Promise you'll never leave me again," she said.

"I promise," Azzie said. Then, realizing that he had ca­pitulated too soon, added, "Under normal conditions, that is."

"What do you mean, normal conditions?"

"Conditions that are not abnormal."

"Such as what?"

"How would I know?"

"Oh, Azzie!"

"You must take me as I am, Ylith," Azzie said. "It really is nice to see you. Have you any ideas about those eyes?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do have an idea or two."

"Be a doll and rush off and get them," Azzie said. "I'm running out of ichor and I don't dare resurrect these creatures before I have eyes for them. It might change their develop­ment."

"They'll have to wait," Ylith said. "Two special pairs of eyes aren't come by quite as fast as all that."

"We will all await you, my queen!" Azzie said.

Ylith gave a raucous laugh, but he could tell she liked to hear that stuff. Azzie waved, Ylith twirled, turned into a rotating column of violet smoke, and then disappeared entirely.