Bring Me the Head of Prince Charming

Chapter 4

The next morning, Azzie began Prince Charming's train­ing. First, there were exercises in swordplay. For a young man about to face dangerous enchantments, the sword was the great all-purpose weapon. Properly used, a sword can kill just about anything. Prince Charming showed considerable natural talent with the blade. His trunk and right arm had been the property of a swordsman who had been highly skilled. This skill showed when Charming lunged and parried, advanced with stamping right foot, retreated with his sword swinging a windmill of flashing steel. Even Azzie, no mean swordsman himself, was hard-pressed by Charming's impetu­ous advances and cunning ripostes.

But the Prince seemed constitutionally unable to press his advantage once he had won one. Azzie, clad in an old exercise tunic and wearing only a mild sword-turning spell on his upper body, worked with him over and over on the basic maneuvers.

"Come on!" Azzie said, panting as the two went at it in the shadowed exercise yard behind the mansion. "Get your back into it! Attack me!"

"I would not want to hurt you, Uncle," Charming said.

"Believe me, you won't touch me. Come on now, go for me!"

Charming tried, but his native cowardice prevented him.

Whenever he got close enough to Azzie to perform a killing stroke, he faltered, and the lithe demon was able to batter aside his guard and touch him.

Worse than that, when Azzie attacked, shouting fierce words and stamping his foot, Prince Charming's skill fell apart and he had to turn and run.

Frike, watching, shook his head. Who would have thought that one little part of Charming's body, a coward's heart, would expand and suffuse his entire frame?

Azzie tried the various spells at his command, hoping to enchant the Prince into courage. But something obdurate about him seemed impervious to exhortation and spell alike.

When they were not fencing and exercising, Prince Charm­ing went off to a little gazebo in the far end of Azzie's estate. Here he kept his collection-because, despite his promising appearance, he was given to playing with dolls, dressing them up, and setting them out for high tea. Azzie thought of taking the dolls away until the Prince could attack properly, but Frike advised him against it.

"Oftentimes," he said, "the removing of a childish pleasure can drive a young man into a decline. Charming is uncertain enough as it is without you taking his dolls from him."

Azzie had to agree. It was obvious to him that something had to be done. But first he had to get the Prince's enchanted sword.

Supply had been promising one for what seemed like ages, but still hadn't been able to come up with the genuine article. They had plenty of Fairly Lucky Swords, of course, but none that was truly enchanted, with the ability to pierce any guard, to cut through dragons' scales, to plunge deep into the heart of an enemy. All the magic swords they knew of were already in use by other heroes, since Azzie's was by no means the only quest going on at this time. Azzie pleaded that his contest was special, since its winning or losing involved no less than the fortunes of evil for the next thousand years. "Sure," the supply-clerk said, "that's what they all say. Important, crash priority, believe me, we've heard it all before."

"But in this case it's really true!"

The clerk smiled unpleasantly. "Sure it's true, same as all the rest."

Azzie decided to leave Charming's training in the hands of Frike, who seemed to frighten Charming just a bit less than did Azzie himself. Azzie betook himself to Princess Scarlet's castle to see how the preparations were going there.

He came down on the outskirts of the enchanted forest. He had spent a lot of time and thought on this, and Supply had been pretty good about getting him what he wanted.

He stood at the edge of his forest, peering in. It was green and bosky, just as a forest should be. Azzie advanced into it. No sooner was he within the green confines than the trees began to move, and their limbs swung down slowly to grasp and seize him. Azzie eluded them with ease. The forest hadn't really received its full complement of fabulous animals and other strange creatures. And the branches moved so slowly that even a dimwit like Charming could avoid them without difficulty. Damn it, he thought, why was Supply holding out on him?

Angry, he flew back to Augsburg to see how Frike was proceeding with the training. He found his servant sitting on the front stoop eating an apple.

"What's the matter?" Azzie said. "Why aren't you exer­cising him?"

Frike shrugged. "He said he'd had enough. He said that he had decided to take a vow not to kill any living thing. Would you believe it, he's turned vegetarian and is considering joining a monastic order."

"Now that is entirely too much," Azzie said.

"Agreed, sire," Frike said. "But what can you do about it?"

"I need some expert advice on this one," Azzie said. "Go prepare my magic powders and the Amulet of Expedition. It's time for me to do some conjuring."