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ods, I can't believe what I did to myself yesterday.
How could I have done something that asinine?
I was sick half the night. I've never been drunk like that. It's this place. It must be.
This morning I swore to myself that if nothing changed today I'd give up this insanity. I'll never know if I meant it this time or not... because something finally happened.
I was back in C'uarr's place, as usual. A local man came over to me where I sat, nursing my drink and my queasy stomach. Finally I realized that he was interested in me, and I looked up at him.
He was tall and heavyset, closing in on middle age, with skin the color of leather and straight black hair. A Company man, I thought
... an ex-Company man. His dingy coveralls had no insignia or identification, only white patches that showed they'd been there once. A tarnished religious medal dangled against his chest; bitter lines bracketed
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his mouth. "You Gedda?" he asked.
I found my jaw clenching with resentment. I've gotten too used to this enforced solitude. I worked my tongue loose, and said, "Yes." I go by Gedda here. It suits me better than my own name, and it hides my identity from chance encounters. My real identity is a liability in a place like this . . . and besides that, meaningless.
The man sat down without waiting for an invitation.
I frowned, but said nothing. He stared at me, assessing
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JOAN D. VINGE
me in turn. There was something disturbing about his gaze. "I hear you're a Kharemoughi. A Tech?"
I nodded. "I was once."
The hooded eyes dropped to the scars on my wrists.
"What happened?"
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I turned my hands over, palms down on the damp tabletop. 'I got tangled up in Blue." The standard phrase for trouble with the police. I saw his mouth quirk.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"Waiting."