World's End

Page 20

23

JOAND. VINGE

ily, "I don't offer that as an excuse, only as an explanation."

The Chief Inspector looked at me as though that explained nothing. I couldn't explain even to myself the dreams that had ruined my sleep ever since my brothers came: the ghosts of a thousand dispossessed ancestors;

the face of my father changing into a girl's face as pale as snow; endless fields of snow. ... I would wake up shivering, as if I were freezing cold. "I offer you my resignation now, sir." My voice did not break.

The Chief Inspector shook his head. "That isn't necessary.

Not if you are willing to accept the alternative of a temporary reduction in rank, and an enforced leave of absence until the Governor-General has forgotten this incident. And until your ...

emotional state has regained some kind of equilibrium."

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// only I could forget the past as easily as the Governor-General will forget about me! I only said, faintly, "Thank you, sir.

You show me more consideration than I deserve."

"You've been a good officer. You deserve whatever time it takes to resolve your problems . . .

however you can," he said, uncomfortably. "Rest, enjoy this vacation from your responsibilities.

Get to feel at home on this world." He glanced at me, at the scars on my wrists. "Or perhaps . . .

what you need is to look into your brothers'

disappearance in World's End."

For a moment I felt a black rush of vertigo, as if I were falling-- I shook my head, saw a fleeting frown cross the

Chief Inspector's face.

"Come back to the force, Gundhalinu," he murmured.

"But only if you can come back without scars."

Without scars . . . without the past. What's the point of having the scars removed? It would only be one more act of hypocrisy. I'd still see them. And so would he. Life scars us with its random motion. Only death is perfect.

24

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day 22.