The Stainless Steel Rat for President

Chapter 24

As you can well imagine, that made quite an impression on everyone present. Particularly Zapilote. His parchment skin went even whiter and he staggered back clutching at his face. You would think that after having lived for over two centuries he would have had enough of it. He hadn't. He must have got into the habit. I spoke sharply now, too well aware of the gun against my head.

"You're dead Zapilote—if you don't get the antidote in time. Now get this idiot with the gun away from me!"

Zapilote staggered forward and reached up to seize Oliveira's ear, twisting it savagely as he hauled the man aside. The colonel shrieked and dropped the gun—which luckily didn't go off—and clapped his hands to the now-bloody ear. Zapilote shouldered him aside and stood before me.

"Get him on his knees!" Zapilote ordered, and the soldiers kicked me in the legs and forced me down. He stood before me, glaring down, while his breath rich with garlic and heartburn washed over me. "What about the antidote?" he breathed redolently.

"Only I know where it is. If you receive the injection within three hours you will live. The virus that is now spreading through your bloodstream is unknown on this planet. Your doctors cannot help you. By now you should be feeling the first symptoms of the infection. You have a fever. It will keep rising until your brain is destroyed by its heat. Your fingers are now beginning to tingle. Soon they will be paralyzed and this paralysis will spread to your entire body…"

He screamed a shrill, old man's scream. Raising his shaking hand to his face, bringing the tremulous fingers away wet with perspiration. Then he screeched again and staggered, two soldiers seized him before he could fall and half-carried him to his chair behind the oversize desk.

"Tell these men to release me," I ordered. "They will take these chains off me and then they will leave. The creature Oliveira will stay in order to carry out your commands. Issue your orders."

Zapilote's voice quavered as he spoke. The chains dropped away and I dragged myself to a chair and dropped into it. Oliveira stood, dazed, his hands still over his torn ear.

"Here are your instructions, Oliveira. You will get on the telephone at once and issue orders to release the prisoner you captured last night. The prisoner will not be harmed. He will be taken to Harapo's suit at the Hotel Gran Parajero in Puerto Azul. When he is safely there he will be given a phone number that will connect directly with this office. When I have received a phone call from him that I find satisfactory we will discuss the antidote. The longer you delay…"

"Do it!" Zapilote screeched. He turned to me as Oliveira worked frantically at the phone. "The antidote, where is it? I am burning up."

"You won't die for over three hours yet. Though you will be very sick. The antidote is nearby. It will be delivered when a message is telephoned. That message will not be sent until I am safely out of here."

"Who are you?"

"Your destiny, old man. Your nemesis. The power that will bring you low. Now send for my clothes so I won't have to waste any of your lifetime later on. See, Oliveira is off the phone. Order him to take care of it."

"How can I believe that you will do this, that you will send the antidote?"

"You can't. But you have no other choice, do you? Now issue the orders."

The entire operation took almost two hours. Two hours in which Zapilote almost sank into a coma due to his rising fever. Two doctors kept his temperature down with antipyretics. But they could not stop the paralysis of his extremities. All sensation and control was now gone from his hands and feet. He screeched weakly when the phone finally rang and I bent to pick it up.

"This is diGriz speaking."

"Are you all right?" Angelina asked. "I'm just fine. How is Bolivar?"

"He's right here beside me. Eating. Now get out of there!"

"I'm on my way."

I slammed the phone down and walked through the door without a backward glance. Following my instructions there was a chauffeured car waiting outside in Freedom Square, door open, motor running. As soon as I was seated it hurtled forward in the direction of the airport. My jetcopter was there, fueled and ready. I took off, circled and headed north to meet the heavily armed command copter with James at the controls. He waved to me as he swung his craft up beside mine and his voice echoed in my headphones.

"You did it, Dad! There's nothing in the sky—and if anything does appear we can blast it."

"Good. Send the signal to Zapilote with the name and address of the doctor in Primeroso—then let's head for home. It has been a long day."

I had visited the doctor on the way to the Presidio that morning: it seemed at least a hundred years ago. A very large sum of money had obtained his exclusive services for the day. He had a hypodermic syringe filled and ready and just waited for someone to come and get him and bring him to the person to be injected. I knew that he would get a very warm welcome indeed.

We were joined by the rest of our tiny aerial fleet halfway back to Castle de la Rosa. They had pulled out and left Puerto Azul as soon as Bolivar had returned. None of us wanted to be within range after Zapilote had received the injection and had recovered. We landed together. I killed the ignition and climbed stiffly down from the copter; my side was beginning to ache. Bolivar was standing there when I turned around. He had bruises on his face and I could see a bandage under his shirt. He noticed my attention and smiled.

"Not bad. Just a little kicking around when they caught me. You look a lot worse."

"I'll feel a lot worse if I don't get a little shot of painkiller soon. Take me to your medkit!"

"I have some here. Mom told me about the plan, what you did." His face was hidden as he gave me the injection. "I really do appreciate it, Dad. I don't really know how to say this…"

"Then don't. You'd do the same for me. Now lead me to a soft chair and a strong drink and I'll tell you all about my visit to the lion's den. Not the ribs!" I called as Angelina ran up to embrace me. "Let us just sit quiet for a bit before the doc straps them up. They've lasted this long. You know, it has really been one of those days!"

The marquez must have been told of my arrival as well because he was the next one to rush up arms outspread to embrace me. James stopped him before he managed to puncture one of my lungs with a broken bone. "Let us take this party inside," I ordered.

"Champagne!" de Torres shouted. At this rate he would be running out soon. "The best in the cellar. The crucial hours of this day will be talked about for years, a century from now!" Which, even if a little confused in its syntax, was emotionally understandable.

We sat in the deep chairs and raised our glasses. It really was the best champagne in the cellar I realized as it spread happiness and warmth throughout my system. I sipped again, and had my glass topped up before I told them the story of my visit to the Presidio. Leaving out the gory bits and making it sound far more exciting than it really had been, which is the way to tell a story.

"… after the phone call I just walked out of there and into the car. I took off and you know the rest of what happened then. We ended up here."

"Incredible!" de Torres gasped. "What formidable courage to go into that den of murderers like that."

"You would do the same for your son, wouldn't you?" I asked.

He nodded. "Of course. But I did not do it and you did. And what bravery to carry death at your fingertip. But is it not dangerous to travel to the planets, carrying this deadly virus with you…" He stopped and looked around at us as though we were all insane as my family burst into wild laughter, Angelina leaned forward and patted his hand to reassure him.

"It is not you that we are laughing at, marquez, but at Zapilote. The best part of this is that my Jim would never kill anyone. He couldn't carry through a plot like this if there were the slightest chance that even an animal like Zapilote might die by accident."

The marquez biinked in confusion. "I do not understand?"

"There is no deadly virus. The fingernail was coated with a pyretogen and a neural anesthetic. One of them gave Zapilote a high fever, the other numbed his extremities. The effects of both of these drugs wear off in about four hours. That's why the deadline."

"But the doctor—the injection?"

"Just sterile water. Now do you see the beauty of it all? It was just bluff! Not only is my husband the world's greatest hero, but he is also the galaxy's greatest con man and actor at the same time!"

I lowered my head in false modesty. But what she had said was true and I did not find it too hard to take. It had been a long, hard day and so a little soothing of the ego was very much in order.