Providence

Chapter Nine Healing

“Nina?”

I raised my eyebrows, but my eyes wouldn’t open.

Jared brushed the hair away from my face and kissed the exposed patch of skin on my cheek.

I blinked to focus, and Jared’s blurry form came into view.

“It’s six thirty, sweetheart. You have an eight o’clock class.”

I sat up, immediately grabbing Jared’s arm. “Whoa.”

“Dizzy?” he asked.

“As if you didn’t know.”

He smiled, leaving my side to grab a stack of folded clothes and place them on the end of the bed. “Claire brought some more of your things.”

With my eyes half-closed, I stood up and stretched, and then inched up the hem of my shirt to change.

“Er…Nina?” Jared said, grabbing my hands. “I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful in the morning. Seeing you standing here in my t-shirt is nearly driving me mad. Would you please stop trying to send me over the edge?”

I grimaced at his infuriating insistence on putting off the inevitable. I’d always been the one to procrastinate when dealing with the intimacy issue. Now that I’d felt strong enough about someone to want to press the boundaries, he insisted on dragging his feet.

Sensing my aggravation, he kissed my nose and jogged down the stairs, allowing me the privacy to change.

“I’ll drive you to school, if that’s okay,” Jared said after breakfast.

“That would be great. Thank you.”

The roads were slick with ice, and the trees and grass were frozen in time under the inch-thick frost. Jared effortlessly navigated the Escalade to Brown’s campus, keeping my hand in his until we pulled into the parking lot.

“I’ll meet you here, then?”

“Er…yeah?” I said, caught off guard.

“I thought it would be best if you stayed with me for a few days,” he shrugged, “until your hand heals. You’ll need a fresh dressing every night.”

I pressed my lips together, trying not to let myself get too excited. I didn’t want to tip him off.

“Or not…I can call you later,” he backpedaled.

I slid my arms around his middle. “I would love for you to pick me up.”

Jared’s eyes relaxed. “I will be right here, one-thirty.”

Initially, the excitement of staying with Jared propelled me through the first half-hour of class, but as the hour wore on I had a hard time concentrating. Doubt seeped into my every thought, and I found myself watching the clock, anxiously counting down the minutes.

He had left me on a day much like this one, including the perfect morning of smiles and kisses goodbye. Victory suddenly seemed too easy, and I felt sick with worry that he had appeased me long enough to disappear again.

Beth and Kim met me outside, eager to hear the story behind my bandaged hand. The prospect of enduring lunch and another class added to the stress of constructing a detailed lie of the night before had me nearly in tears. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I would go to meet him at the designated time and he wouldn’t be there.

Beth noticed my mood immediately. “What’s wrong, Nina?”

“Nothing. Why?” I asked, trying to keep my tone light. It was hard to seem casual when my chest felt full of concrete.

“Nina?”

I let out a sigh of relief. “Jared!” I said, grabbing onto his coat and hugging him. I was too relieved to care how ridiculous I looked.

He wrapped his arms around me without hesitation. “What is it?” he whispered into my ear.

“What’s going on with you, Nigh?” Kim asked.

I buried my face in Jared’s chest, and I was glad when he hugged me tighter.

“Nina,” he whispered in my ear again. “Did something happen?”

I peeked over to Beth and Kim, who watched me with confused frowns. I tried to smooth my face before looking at them. “I’ll meet you guys at The Ratty, okay?”

“Are you sure?” Beth asked, staring suspiciously at Jared.

“I’ll be right there,” I smiled.

My friends reluctantly left me behind, and I buried my face in Jared’s chest once again, tightening my arms around him.

“Nina, please tell me,” he pleaded. “You’ve been freaking out all morning.”

“I’m sorry.”

He pulled up my chin and scanned my face for a clue. He sighed in frustration when I didn’t speak. “Nina, I need to know.”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t come.” I looked down to my boots; I couldn’t look him in the eye while sounding so pathetic.

Jared took my face in his hands and kissed me tenderly. “I will never leave you again. Not like that.”

“Not like what?” I asked, concerned there might be more behind his words.

“I won’t make that mistake again. I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me.”

“You promise?”

Jared smiled. “I love you more than I could ever promise.”

I rested my cheek against his chest and closed my eyes, indescribably happy. The euphoria faded when I realized I would have to make it through lunch and another class before I would see him again.

“Nina?”

“I’m never going to get used to that, you know,” I said, frowning.

“Get used to what?”

“You sensing how I’m feeling. It’s….” I trailed off, wrinkling my nose.

Jared chuckled. “Weird?”

I looked at him sheepishly and shrugged. “Why don’t you come to lunch with me?”

“Here?”

“You can’t go to class with me, but you can come to lunch. It would help.”

“Help with what?” he asked, still stumped.

“With the….” I hesitated. Being honest meant casting blame in his direction, which I had no desire to do.

“Anxiety,” Jared finished for me. As I predicted, he was visibly upset that I felt that way.

“I don’t mean that it’s your fault, I just meant….”

He held out his hand. “Come on.”

I felt the corners of my mouth turn up, and I let his warm hand surround mine as we walked into The Ratty. Every face at the table seating my friends seemed to look over at us in unison as we walked to the buffet.

“They’re just curious.” I said as we walked through the line. Jared simply nodded.

“Everything all right, Nigh?” Beth asked once we were seated.

“Everything is great,” I said.

“You didn’t look so great when we left you,” Kim said. Her eyes narrowed in Jared’s direction for a moment, and then returned back to me.

Jared seemed amused by my friends’ incredulous expressions.

I picked up the spoon from my tray and muttered under my breath; I’d meant to grab a fork. Before I could get up, Jared sat a fork on my tray. I looked up to thank him, but before I could form the words, Ryan puffed a disgusted laugh.

“Is he going to feed you, too?” Ryan said.

“Shut up,” I sneered. If I hadn’t been so angry I might have feared for Ryan’s safety. Jared could have easily reached over the table and snapped his neck. He watched Ryan, but seemed outwardly unaffected.

“What are we doing this weekend, Ryan?” Josh asked.

“I don’t know,” Ryan answered. His eyes were focused on Jared, full of hate.

Kim spoke, “I say we go to our regular spot. We’re making that place a ton of money. The geriatrics love the entertainment we’re providing.”

“You just like older men,” Josh teased.

“Only the ones that carry around a bottle of Viagra,” she said off-handedly. Everyone at the table paused for moment, waiting for her to crack a smile. When she didn’t, they continued discussing plans.

Ryan looked away from Jared after Kim’s comment, and she winked at me after the moment had passed. The girl was a genius.

“I’m in,” Tucker said.

Beth turned to face me. “Nina?”

“Oh,” I said, quickly glancing at Jared from the corner of my eye. “I don’t know what I’m doing, yet.”

“Come on!” Kim groaned.

“Why don’t you bring Jared? It’ll be fun,” Beth chirped.

Ryan slowly turned to her with angry disbelief. Beth sank back in her chair.

Noticing Ryan’s reaction, Jared hugged me gently to him and smiled. “Sounds good to me. Do you want to go?” he asked, turning to me.

“Uh…sure.”

“Sweet!” Kim said with a mouth full of food.

“Spring Break is in two weeks,” Carrie chimed in. “Lisa and I are going to Tahoe. Does anyone else want to go skiing?”

“That sounds amazing! Do you want to go?” Beth said, looking at Chad.

Chad shrugged. “I haven’t been skiing in a couple of years. How many spots do you have open?”

“My mom has a place there. We can all fit if you guys want to come,” Lisa said.

“How much fun is this going to be?” Beth clapped. “Do you want to go skiing, Nigh?” she asked, turning to me.

“I don’t know. I usually go on vacation with my parents. I’m sure Cynthia has something planned, already,” I looked to Jared who nodded infinitesimally, confirming my assumption.

“You can’t get out of it?” Kim asked.

I shook my head. “Not this year. I don’t want to make her go alone.” Kim and Beth nodded in understanding.

“I’ve gotta get back,” Ryan said, rising. He peered up at me a few times while gathering his things, and then walked away without saying goodbye. Josh followed closely behind.

“What his problem?” Lisa asked.

Kim shrugged, but I caught her glance in my direction.

Jared walked me to my next class. I was glad that he decided to do that on his own; it saved me the humiliation of asking. Suddenly the task of sitting through the next hour was less daunting.

“I’ll see you after class?” he asked, kissing my cheek.

“I’m sorry you had to come all the way here,” I said, leaning my cheek into his lips and closing my eyes.

“Nina,” he scanned my face, exasperated. His was the tone he used when I had misunderstood something he thought was obvious. “Don’t apologize. I was here, anyway. How would I protect you from the loft?”

“So…you just hang around campus every day?”

“Unless you leave. That is my job.”

“So…when I saw you all of those times before, off campus? When I first started running into you?”

Jared nodded, looking caught. “Shamelessly stalking you.”

I felt my face brighten. “Good to know.”

Class seemed to fly by. Before I knew it, I was on my way to Jared’s loft again, riding happily in the passenger seat.

He held the door open with one hand, and held my bag in the other. I put my things in the downstairs bathroom, finding a deep whirlpool tub.

I will definitely be trying that out, later, I thought to myself.

I walked to the couch and sank into the cushions. I was home.

“Nina?” Jared whispered in my ear.

I blinked a few times, trying to focus as I looked around the room. The sun no longer filtered through the windows and a blanket was draped over me. “What time is it?” I asked, stretching.

“It’s after six. Did you want to go out for dinner or stay in?” Jared asked.

“Definitely stay in. I’ll cook this time,” I offered.

“You’re still tired, how about we order in?”

“You don’t think I can cook?” I looked at him with accusing eyes.

“I didn’t say that. I can’t say I’ve ever tasted your cooking. Jack has mentioned it, though.”

“He loved my cooking,” I said defensively.

“Jack adored you. You could have served him sludge from a toxic waste plant and he would have asked for seconds,” Jared teased.

“I’m going to prove it to you.” I walked over to the refrigerator and opened the door.

Jared was instantly behind me. “Nina, you’ve had a long week, a rough night last night, and you went to school today. You don’t have to prove anything tonight.”

“I’m fine,” I said, surveying the contents of his fridge.

Just then, Claire burst through the door, kicking it closed.

“You’re going to have to buy me another door — again — if you keep that up,” Jared growled, turning to face her.

Claire held two large, plastic bags. “Dinner.”

A smug smile immediately appeared on Jared’s face.

“I guess that settles it,” I said, defeated.

Claire brought the sacks to the table. “I was over by Thai Star. I got you the Green Curry, Nina. Jared…your usual. There are egg rolls and Satay, too.”

“Thanks, Claire,” Jared said, digging through the sacks and sticking an egg roll in his mouth. After a moment he looked up at me. “What?”

It was surreal enough to have my new boyfriend know all of my favorites, all of my idiosyncrasies, and sense my feelings. With his sister — who I’d seen all of three times— bringing my favorite dish from a restaurant I frequented, I couldn’t help but feel a bit dazed.

“I’m sorry. We’re going to have to do a better job of easing you into this,” Jared said.

Claire realized what he meant, rolled her eyes and spoke in a disgusted tone, “It’s dinner, Nina. I’ve been around you my entire life, so naturally I would know your food preferences. You were less disturbed about us being Half-breeds.”

“I know. It just took me off guard,” I whispered.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Jared said, glaring at Claire then looking back at me with concern. “It’s going to take some getting used to. We know it’s going to be awkward for you for awhile.”

“Speak for yourself. It’s annoying how you coddle her all the time,” Claire fumed.

“Don’t take your daddy issues out on her,” Jared snarled.

Claire narrowed her eyes and put her fists on the table, leaning closer to him. Jared automatically angled his body protectively in front of me.

“Wow! I am starving!” I said, a bit too loudly.

Jared and Claire both looked at me with their typical polar-opposite reactions. Jared was amused at my attempt to avoid bloodshed, and Claire appeared to be contemplating a way to choke me to death before Jared could stop her. I sat down and opened the flip-top box Jared had placed in front of me.

I watched him rummage through the other sack, pulling out boxes of appetizers, and I tried to mimic his casual demeanor. Claire stood there for a moment, glaring at both of us, and then sat down to her meal.

After a few minutes of silence, Jared and Claire began discussing their day. I caught on after a while that they were being vague. I didn’t press the issue, from the path of the conversation I assumed it was about Claire. At least they weren’t speaking a foreign language.

“It looks like I’ll be leaving in a couple of weeks,” Claire grumbled.

“Spring Break?” Jared asked.

Claire nodded. “Ich hasse diesen See,” she said, leaning back in her chair.

That was when my patience faded. “I’m going to have to learn German,” I grimaced.

“I’m sorry,” Jared said, “we’re not trying to exclude you. We were just discussing Claire’s training.”

“I gathered that,” I said, picking at my food.

Jared smiled at me with adoration and then leaned over to kiss my cheek.

Claire rolled her eyes. “Sie bilden einen Dummkopf von selbst.”

“I’m not making a fool of myself. She’s right, we’re being rude.”

I smiled at Jared’s complimentary translation. He leaned over again to quickly kiss my forehead before going upstairs.

Claire rolled her eyes again and then took her plate to the sink. “I’ve lost my appetite.”

I had to look twice when Jared returned downstairs. He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of red soccer shorts and well-worn running shoes. He stood behind me as I rinsed dishes at the sink, and then wrapped his arms around my waist.

“You don’t have to do that. I’ll get to it, later,” he said, pressing his cheek against mine.

“Don’t start,” I said, trying to sound tough.

Jared left me to retreat to the corner where he kept his home gym. I loaded the few dirty dishes in his sink into the dishwasher while Claire walked into the downstairs bathroom and closed the door behind her. Suddenly the door opened again and my suitcase was hurled with incredible precision from the bathroom, landing directly beside me.

“This is my bathroom,” Claire warned.

I swallowed nervously, staring at the suitcase that sat an inch from my foot. I offered a meek smile. “Nice tub.”

Jared puffed from the corner. “They’re both my bathrooms, and you’re welcome to either.”

Claire glared at him and slammed the door, making my shoulders shoot up to my ears.

“Don’t let her push you around. She’s all bark and no bite,” he puffed, pushing an absurd amount of weight.

I eyed the bathroom door. “She bites, Jared. She’d chew me up and spit me out.”

“She can’t hurt you. She just loves to see you squirm,” he chuckled.

“I thought you said you weren’t like the Archs, that you could hurt humans if necessary?” I looked back at him, trying to concentrate on the subject at hand instead of his perfect form.

“She could, but she won’t. Claire knows better than anyone what you mean to me. Besides the fact that she would have to come to blows with me to even come close to you — and she would never cross that line — she wouldn’t make me choose between you and my family. She’s just rattling your cage,” he said, repositioning himself on the bench.

“I wouldn’t let you choose between me and your family,” I murmured, knowing he would hear.

“Nina,” he said in that familiar frustrated tone, “you’re not listening to me. She knows how I feel about you, so you can stop worrying about Claire.”

I raised an eyebrow. “She might know how you feel about me, but one of these days she might over look it.”

“You’re the love of my life, Nina. There’s no overlooking that.” Jared spoke the words casually, but my legs disappeared. I had to steady myself against the counter to keep from hitting the floor.

“You okay?” he asked, continuing his workout.

“Me? Er…yeah. I’m just fine. Perfectly fine. Why?” I sighed at my utter failure to fool him. Jared simply smiled with a knowing look, never slowing his repetitions.

Claire emerged from the bathroom in a hooded sweatshirt and sweat pants, her hair pulled back into a wiry bun. She looked like a seventeen year old girl, for once. She fell into the couch, feet hanging over the arm, flipping through channels of the flat screen.

Once the dishes were finished I lingered in the kitchen, wiping down the counters over and over again. I decided to take my suitcase upstairs to organize my things as best I could, hanging my clothes in Jared’s closet and finding a place for my shampoo and toothbrush. It was fun playing house for the week, but it only took so long.

I stood in the middle of the room, feeling lost. Jared was still deep in his workout, and with Claire on the couch I saw no point in enticing him upstairs. I decided to try Jared’s incredible tub to pass the time.

The steam danced above the surface of the water as I let my robe fall to the floor. I stepped in with both feet, stifling a moan. Once I was submerged to my neck, my body instantly relaxed. I loathed the communal showers of Andrews; I would miss more than just the tub when I returned.

“Nina? Did you grab a towel?” Jared said, his voice muffled through the door.

“No, I didn’t,” I said in a sing-song tone.

“I’ll grab you one.”

Within moments, Jared’s arm poked through as he cracked open the door, extending a thick navy blue towel. I frowned.

“I can’t reach it,” I teased.

I heard Jared sigh before he opened the door just wide enough to get through, turning his head to the opposite direction. He was still only in shorts and running shoes, dripping with sweat.

He took a few more steps in my direction, holding out the towel. The water sloshed as I raised my steaming arm to grab it, setting the towel beside me on the ledge.

“Thank you.”

Jared sighed and left the way he came, making sure not to open the door any wider than absolutely necessary.

I slid under the surface of the water to suppress the laughter. He was working as hard to preserve my chastity as I was to rid myself of it.

I remained in the tub until my feet and hands were sufficiently pruned. Wrapped in my robe, I climbed the wooden stairs, noticing Claire was no longer on the couch. When I reached the top, I heard the shower running.

I rifled through my things and chose a pink silk pajama set, and just when I buttoned the top of my shirt, Jared walked out of the bathroom in a pair of black cotton pajama pants.

“Where’s Claire?” I asked.

“She had to go out…training,” Jared explained, pulling the first aid box out from under his bed.

I sat down and held my hand palm up for him to work with. “I thought you were finished with your training. What else could she possibly learn? And from whom?”

“You’re full of questions tonight,” he said, working quickly to disinfect and redress my wound.

“And you’re evading them.”

“We have to acuminate our skills when we….” he trailed off, his eyes darkening the way they had during our first date.

“What is it?” I asked, watching him place the last strip of tape on my hand.

“Can I ask you to do something for me?” he asked, closing his eyes.

“Anything. Except leave.”

Jared’s eyes popped open. “I don’t want you to leave. I’m asking you to wait.”

“Wait for what?”I grimaced. Jared had a knack for confusing me.

“Leave this one alone. For now.”

“What’s going on, Jared?”

“I promise to explain everything to you soon. But I’m just not ready to—,” he squirmed uncomfortably, “—can you wait?”

“If that’s what you want.”

Jared’s face instantly relaxed. “Thank you.”

“Can I ask just one thing?” I whispered, peeking up at the clouds reforming in Jared’s eyes. “I just…was wondering…will you ever have to leave me? For training, I mean.”

Jared smiled once again, obviously relieved at my question. “No. I’m finished with my training. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

“Poor me,” I teased.

I pulled myself back to lean against the headboard and Jared lay on his stomach beside me. He hugged my legs to him and rested his head on my lap, and I happily ran my fingers through his damp hair.

“Are you running a fever?” I asked.

Jared looked up at me, puzzled. “I don’t get sick, Nina, remember?”

“I know, but you…you’re burning up,” I said, feeling his forehead.

“I run a little hotter than everyone else. It’s a constant thing.”

“How much hotter?” I asked, skeptical.

“Around one-oh-four usually. I just got out of the shower, so I’m probably a little higher than that at the moment.”

I stared at him blankly; I had nothing else to say.

Jared chuckled at my speechlessness and let his head rest against my leg again. “It’s really not a big deal. Claire runs about the same. It has to do with how our bodies handle the extra…abilities.”

“Abilities….” I repeated. Most of the time I had a handle on Jared being half-angel, but only when I tried not to think about it. The details made my head spin.

“I can’t imagine how it must be for you,” he said. “It’s hard enough getting to know someone when you start dating, and then you have to deal with your boyfriend spouting off unbelievable particulars all of the time.”

“Oh, it’s boyfriend, now, is it?”

Jared laughed and sat up, readying himself to pounce.

My mouth hung open, feigning shock. “Don’t you dare!”

He grabbed my legs and pulled, sliding me underneath him. He playfully pinched my sides, tickling me as my laughter chimed through the loft.

“Okay! Okay. Boyfriend it is,” I giggled again.

Jared sighed in contentment at my words. “Everything I’ve ever wanted is right here in my arms.”

I couldn’t imagine why he looked at me that way. Six billion people in the world, and a man so perfect he was also half divine had chosen me. That fact alone was more than I deserved, but for him to say something so beautiful with that look in his eyes, I couldn’t help myself.

“I love you, Jared.” It didn’t seem like enough, but once the words tumbled from my mouth, his smile turned into pure elation, as if I’d given him the one thing he’d wanted his entire life. Before I could think to say anything else, his lips were on mine.

He kissed me differently this time; it was gentle, almost cautious. I wrapped both of my arms around his neck as he continued to work his warm lips softly against mine. He put so much emotion in these small, slow, tender kisses that I found myself fighting tears. He kissed me like a happy ending.

And then he stopped.

In one smooth movement, he moved me to my proper place in the bed. He crawled over me carefully, lying directly behind me, tracing my body with his. I took a deep breath and let out a satisfied humming sound that compelled Jared to pull me closer.

Just before I drifted off to sleep, I said the first prayer I’d uttered since I was girl. I wasn’t sure what I’d done to deserve such a wonderful gift, and I wasn’t sure if it was insolent, but I thanked God for fallen angels.