Providence

Chapter Fourteen Five Days

“And what have you two been doing in here?” Kim teased, walking through the door. She looked at me and made a face. “Have you been crying?” She glared at Ryan, then. “Are you being a jerk?”

“She’s okay…I think,” he said, staring at me with a blank expression.

“I’m fine,” I said. I turned to the sink and splashed water over my reddened face. I twisted around to face them, drying my cheeks with a towel.

“You didn’t,” she said, turning to Ryan.

Ryan nodded and shrugged. “I had to tell her sometime.”

Kim looked at me. “And?”

“Don’t,” I said, glowering at her. There would be hours of explaining, but it wouldn’t be to Kim.

Kim’s eyes widened with innocent surprise. “Don’t what?”

“I’m not having this conversation right now.”

“Nina…,” Ryan began.

“Don’t Nina me. You show up here, unannounced, and then…say all this stuff that I’m not prepared for. Damn it, Ryan! You’re making this impossible!” I was so grateful for the anger that I didn’t stop to think if my words were making sense.

“I didn’t say anything you don’t already know,” he said, standing up.

I stomped over to the door and yanked it open. “I want both of you to leave.”

Kim tried not to laugh at my temper tantrum, and Ryan shoved his hands in his pockets.

“I’ll see you at study group,” he murmured.

I slammed the door behind them and stood in place, trying to slow my pulse. Adrenaline pumped through me like I’d been in a physical altercation. I breathed in and out slowly and covered my face. That was it. Any chance we might have had to be friends was over.

My phone buzzed and I jumped. I hesitated before picking it up, and then peered at the lighted display.

It was Jared.

With each ring, I willed myself to answer it but couldn’t. The only explanation was the truth, and the truth would devastate him. The phone buzzed again, and I pressed the button, knowing if I didn’t answer he would end up outside my door. I wiped my face and tucked my hair behind my ear.

“Hello?” I waited for a moment and my heart pounded through the silence.

“Are you okay?” he finally asked, the pain evident in his voice.

I pressed my lips together and clinched my eyes shut, trying not to cry. “I’m ready.”

There was a pause, and then Jared’s strained voice came across the receiver. “You’re ready for what?”

“I’m ready to move my stuff…I’m not going to study group, so I can help you. We can have my things moved by ten and we can go to bed and forget this ever happened. I won’t talk to him, I won’t go near him. I swear I won’t.” I tried to sound optimistic, but my voice broke over and over.

I heard a frustrated sigh. “Nina, you can’t do that. He’s your friend.”

“Yes, I can. I will,” I promised.

I waited for him to tell me that he didn’t want a weak, faithless coward like me living with him, but he kept silent.

“You don’t want me now, do you?” I asked, struggling to keep calm.

He sighed. “I want you. I’ll always want you. I want you here because you want to be, not because you want to prove something…to me or to yourself. I don’t want you to come here because you don’t trust yourself there.”

I dropped the phone, covering my face with my hands. Why would he want me after what I had done? It was pathetic at best, and at worst it was dangerously close to being unfaithful.

I sat on my bed and rested my head on the pillow, trying to cry quietly. I didn’t want Jared to hear and feel worse than he already did. Ten minutes later I heard a knock at the door. When I didn’t answer, it slowly opened. Jared stood at the door, looking as devastated as I felt.

“I love you,” he said.

I sat up and wiped my face, trying to look him in the eyes. He walked over to me and pulled me to my feet, wrapping his arms around me.

“I want you to come home with me,” he said against my hair.

I nodded. It was the only thing I was capable of.

We kept pace with one another in silence down the hall. Jared didn’t reach for my hand; he simply walked beside me, opening the various doors for me as we walked to the Escalade. When he pulled away from the curb I struggled to keep the tears at bay.

Jared reached over and gently placed his hand on mine. “Don’t cry,” he whispered.

I shut my eyes, praying he wouldn’t offer further comfort.

He drove to the loft and parked. Neither of us moved after he switched off the ignition.

“I can have Claire grab some of your things if you decide to stay,” he said, looking ahead.

“Do you want me to stay?” I looked down at our hands, afraid of his answer.

Jared’s eyes darted over to me. “Do you even have to ask?”

“You shouldn’t want me. I’m a horrible person. You must be so angry.”

“I’m not angry. You feel bad enough for the both of us,” he paused for a moment, and then continued. “This isn’t your fault. It’s not even his fault…I did this. You’re supposed to be with him,” he said, his voice breaking at the end.

“Don’t I have a say in who I want? Don’t I have a choice? I don’t feel that I do. Even you act as if I don’t. No matter what I do, I lose.”

“You don’t know that, Nina. I could just be in the way.”

I shook my head, refusing to even consider that.

Jared gently pulled my chin to face him. “He said he wouldn’t make you choose. But if you don’t have a choice, I’m the one that loses. So I’m going to make you choose, Nina. Choose me. Please….choose me.” He shook his head. “I can’t live without you.”

I held his face and kissed him tenderly, pulling back to look into his eyes. “I’ve already made my choice, Jared. I’ll make it a thousand times if I have to.”

Jared buried his face into my chest and I held him to me, knowing he was as close to despair as I was. He had promised to fight fate for me, but I could see he was terrified that the fight wasn’t his at all — it was mine.

The next morning I felt marginally better. The fact that Jared’s arms were around me made the world seem right again.

“How did you sleep?” he whispered.

I turned over and pressed my cheek into his chest. “Like a rock. I don’t remember falling asleep. How about you?”

Jared shrugged. “All right, I guess. For me.”

“Did you get more than an hour?”

“No, not really.”

“You didn’t sleep at all, did you?” I grimaced.

“I had a lot to think about,” he justified.

When he noted my expression, he leaned down to kiss the top of my head and hugged me to him. “There are a lot of things for me to think about right now.”

“Like what?”

“How about you get in the shower, and I’ll get us breakfast. Waffles sound good?

“Waffles sound great. Don’t change the subject.”

He chuckled. “I don’t want to start out the morning rehashing the chaos. Let’s just have a normal morning, okay? You have a test in a couple of hours and I’m just about ready for Little Corn. Once we get those out of the way, we can talk the whole thing to death to your heart’s content.”

I ignored his dig. “Little Corn. Mmmmm. Hammocks, sun, beach, ocean…that sounds even better than waffles.”

I left the bed, pulling off his shirt on the way to the bathroom. I tossed the crumpled fabric into the hamper as I passed. Jared’s footsteps stopped abruptly and I smiled as I heard him continue down the stairs with a loud, flustered sigh.

The next days passed quickly. Before I knew it, the tests were over, the papers were turned in, and school had been dismissed for Spring Break. I spent Friday night with Jared, but even in his warm arms I was too excited to sleep. Saturday was spent packing, and I teased Jared with the dozens of bikinis I’d purchased for the trip.

Sunday finally arrived. I could barely contain my enthusiasm when I stepped out onto the tarmac. Cynthia had chartered a jet for our trip, as my father had always done. I had never understood before, but seeing the crates being wheeled in and loaded, I knew that flying commercially wouldn’t be possible. I tried to remember earlier vacations, scanning my mind for similar memories of Jared or Gabe directing traffic and giving orders as I boarded the plane. There was none. My only memories were of the smiling faces of our flight attendants as I was led into the fuselage by the large hand of my father.

I followed Cynthia up the stairs and tried not to stare at Jared as he handed our luggage to a man wearing a blue jumpsuit. I wasn’t sure how many people worked in the background when we left the country, but it seemed to be a full blown tactical operation. Even knowing the truth, the activity around the plane seemed like needless fuss.

Jared was all business. He seemed at ease giving orders and organizing the details of our flight, arrival and return. The men loading the plane worked fervently on each of his specific instructions, seeming to be afraid to make a mistake. When Jared spoke to one or a few, they listened with nervous obedience. He exuded control and leadership, and my heart raced in my chest.

Jared turned around once to look at me, and I waved. His mouth turned up into a warm smile before turning away from me with the no-nonsense expression he used with the crew.

I counted one large crate and three smaller crates. The luggage had been loaded, including an entire set belonging to Cynthia. My mother had never been one to pack light.

I tried to suppress my excitement when Jared finished and began to board the plane. He trotted up the stairs in a crisp white button down shirt and jeans and walked down the aisle, breezing right past me.

My expression compressed into a disappointed frown. Jared was going to insist on just being my protector during this trip. My first inclination was to cross my arms and pout, but I restrained myself so I wouldn’t have to listen to Cynthia lecture me on Jared’s priorities.

Jared plopped down in the empty seat beside me and fastened his seat belt. He let out an exhausted sigh and leaned over to kiss me on the forehead.

“It’s a lot more work when I’m by myself. I should have brought Bex,” he chuckled.

I stared at him for a moment, concentrating on keeping my heart rate at a normal pace and my smile polite. I didn’t want him privy to the fact that I was giddy about him being as much my boyfriend on this trip as protector.

“I’m impressed,” I smiled.

“Is that what it was? I wondered why you were so keyed up. I thought you had developed a sudden phobia of flying.”

I felt the blood rush to my face when the realization came as to why he had turned around and grinned at me from the tarmac. He could sense what I felt as I watched him.

I feigned insult. “I’ve never been afraid to fly.”

Jared’s expression turned dubious. “Impressed with what, exactly?”

I shrugged. “Just watching you give orders and how they reacted to you. I haven’t seen that side of you. It was very…appealing.”

“That’s what impresses you? Interesting,” Jared said, considering that for a moment.

“Oh, it’s more than that. You impress me all the time,” I said, scanning his face.

Jared leaned his head against the seat, staring into my eyes. He was clearly amused by the conversation. “Really? And here I thought I needed to work harder,” he smiled, leaning toward me.

I leaned in for a kiss, but he took each piece of my seat belt and fastened it snuggly across my waist.

I smiled and sighed, gazing out the window at the various crew members on the run way. I could feel Jared’s warm breath on my neck; he was looking out the window over my shoulder. The exhilaration I always felt before a trip mixed with the elation of being virtually alone with Jared for five days made it almost impossible to sit still.

“Are you all right? Your heart is going to take off before the plane,” Jared whispered into my ear.

“I’m just happy,” I said, still looking out the window.

The pilot came over the intercom and spoke directly to my mother, telling her our position in line for take-off, the expected flight time and the current weather in Nicaragua.

The plane pulled forward and we taxied to the runway. Jared grabbed my hand and interlaced his fingers with mine. He leaned his head against the seat and watched me with his light blue-grey irises, a content grin spanning across his face. I smiled and closed my eyes as the plane suddenly gained momentum. The fuselage shuddered and then transformed into a weightless, graceful vessel the second we left the ground.

Jared informed me that from the big island, there would be a water taxi that transports guests to Little Corn, but the small boat wouldn’t be possible with the crates of expensive surveillance equipment. He’d contracted a larger water craft to take us over and arranged for a car to take us to Casa Iguana, where we would be staying.

“Just a head’s up, you won’t see me for several hours when we first get there. I’ll be setting up a perimeter and situating the equipment. Cynthia’s reserved three cabins. She has the grand casita…”

“Of course.”

“…and you and I have deluxe casitas. They’re not bad for little cabins nestled in the side of a cliff.”

“A cliff? Where’s the beach?”

Jared smiled his patient smile. “Close. Just a two minute walk. The cliff cabins are more private. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“My guardian angel is with me. What could I possibly be worried about?” I grinned, kissing the corner of his mouth.

He smiled at my words and continued. “It will take some time for me to get set up, so that should give you time to get unpacked and settled into your room.”

“Three cabins seem wasteful to me. Why don’t I get settled at your place while you set up?”

Jared shook his head, amused by my idea. “My place will be full of monitors and computer equipment. Not exactly a romantic setting.”

“Aw,” I lilted, my voice sickeningly sweet. “You’re going to be romantic?”

He wrinkled his nose. “Don’t say ‘aw’.”

I giggled and leaned my head on his shoulder, settling in for the rest of the flight.

We arrived on Corn Island in the early afternoon, and I began peeling layers. Two men, one shorter than I and the other as tall as Jared and twice as wide, met us just yards from the plane. Several other locals stood behind them, ready to work and a bit intimidated. I looked at Jared and couldn’t fathom why they would regard him in such a way. I had seen him look far more menacing than he did now.

I quickly discerned that the two men standing in the front of the others were our drivers, and beyond them and the small workforce were their two waiting vehicles. A car that might have doubled as a taxi cab sat with open doors and a rusty, white moving truck waited for the crates.

I waited for Jared to demonstrate his fluent Spanish, but to my surprise he and the driver conversed in the only language I understood.

Once again Jared took charge, issuing orders and getting the crates and our things secured in the vehicles. I stood next to him this time, and I was more than pleased when he took my hand.

“We’re ready, Mr. Ryel,” the short man said with a thick Spanish accent and a discolored smile.

“The boat is waiting, correct?” Jared asked in a commanding, dispassionate tone he’d never used with me.

“Yes, yes. The boat crew will take you to the Little Island and has been given instruction. You will be quite satisfied, Mr. Ryel. You and the wife will have a happy time.”

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks as the small man nodded to both of us with a grin so wide it made his eyes close. Jared squeezed my hand, pulled it up to his mouth and pressed his lips to my fingers, keeping my hand against his chest. His eyes turned a bit softer as he thanked the man and handed him several American bills.

When we went on holiday during my formative years, I loved to pretend. I felt I could be whoever I wanted when we left Providence, and of course Jack encouraged my fantasies. Mostly I was a princess; a few times I posed as a famous ice skater, and once I was even an up and coming young actress. With my father keeping drivers and assistants, it was easy to appear as someone important. Letting the locals think I was Mrs. Jared Ryel was by far the best role I’d ever played on vacation. I righted my posture; I was flattered by what was being assumed and wanted to portray my part to perfection.

Forty-five minutes after we left the wharf, our boat pulled next to another dock, and the fresh hands of the boat crew went into action. Instead of pacing back and forth, they walked down the sand-covered pier to a trail, continuing around a corner past the thick, lazily bent trunks of native palm trees.

We followed the same path the crew had taken to another set of aging vehicles. Jared informed me these were two of just a handful of automobiles on the island. That fact came to light when I noticed some of the inhabitants straddling their bicycles and staring at our caravan with minor curiosity.

The morning had disappeared and evening quickly approached by the time I had settled into my room. At first glance, I was wary of what I would find inside, but once I climbed up the steps of my whimsically painted bungalow, the inside was spacious and clean. Palm trees surrounded my temporary residence, and I noticed Cynthia’s casita peaking out of the trees to one side of me, and Jared’s on the other.

I splashed my face with water and changed into the turquoise maxi dress I had bought a week before just for the trip. I tied the halter around my neck and chose a pair of sandals from my newly organized closet.

I plodded over the dirt trail to Cynthia’s cabin and found her already on her spacious veranda reading one of the many books she’d packed. She wore a large brimmed hat and square shaped sunglasses, her legs stretched across an adjacent chair, properly crossed. Even in her remote casita, she remained a lady.

“Hello, Dear,” she said, laying her book pages-down in her lap.

“Hi, Mom. How’s your cabin?” I asked, taking a seat beside her.

She leaned toward me and smiled. “It’s beautiful. And yours? What do you think about the island?”

“My room is great. I’m not sure about the island, yet, but I’m sure it’s going to be… interesting. No cars, no jet skis, no phones, no Wi-Fi, collected rain for water…not exactly what I imagined when you said you wanted to vacation in the Caribbean.”

“I’m sure you and Jared will find something entertaining to do. There’s snorkeling, fishing, and so on. Take care not to burn,” she said, returning to her book.

I took that as my cue to let her be. I strolled back to my cabin and decided to continue my walk, following a trail that led me to the beach in minutes. I gasped at the sight of it. The fishing boats on the horizon, the clear water and the Technicolor clouds were beginning to glow blues and yellows from the descending sun; it all would have been the perfect shot for a postcard.

“Incredible, isn’t it?” Jared said from behind me, folding his arms around my waist.

I leaned my head against his chest and stared out onto the ocean. “I think it’s the company more than anything,” I said, relaxing into his arms.

He pressed his lips against the bare skin of my shoulder and I smiled at the warmth left behind. “You are absolutely beautiful.”

I turned around and slipped my arms under his and tightened them around his middle. He was still in his crisp white shirt and jeans, but his sleeves were rolled up and he had changed into a pair of casual sandals.

“Why didn’t you correct the driver when he called me your wife?”

He grinned. “I guess I just liked the sound of it so much I couldn’t tell him he was wrong. Did it offend you?”

I shook my head. “Not at all. I’ve always liked to pretend on vacation.”

Jared raised one eyebrow, amused. “Are you royalty this time or an award winning actress?”

“Neither,” I laughed. “Apparently this trip I’m Mrs. Jared Ryel.” The words rolled off my tongue like I had spoken a beautiful foreign language. It felt strange to say the words together, yet it was familiar somehow.

Jared’s eyes brightened. “Well…pretend if you like. There’s only so much longer you can do that.”

I frowned. “Don’t remind me. Only five days left and we haven’t even started, yet.”

“I didn’t mean for the remainder of our trip, sweetheart. You can’t pretend to be Mrs. Jared Ryel when you are Mrs. Jared Ryel.”

“Oh,” I said, processing his last sentence.

He looked down at me with the softness in his eyes that he reserved only for our sweetest moments. I took in a deep breath and let a broad grin spread across my face. As talented as I had become over the years at false impersonation during vacations, I couldn’t pretend not to be overwhelmingly besotted by his sentiment.

“What do you say we walk down to the village?” Jared suggested. Sliding his hands down my arms, he took a few steps backward and pulled me along with him.

“I say yes,” I chirped, still high from the euphoria I had felt just moments before.

At a leisurely pace, Jared and I walked hand in hand down a dirt road — it wasn’t even a road, really, more like a double path that had been worn by bicycles, scooters, and the occasional vehicle.

We approached a fork in the path that bore a sign directing us to the nearby village.

It wasn’t long before the small huts and aluminum buildings of the village came into view. There were clusters of locals at each one conversing and watching us walk past. Some were smiling at us and some were eyeing us indifferently before returning to their various conversations.

I didn’t see a single tourist shop, although there were craftsmen selling various items.

We entered a hut that appeared to be a combined blacksmith and jewelry stand. Jared watched me look over the rings, necklaces and ear rings, some with shells, some with gems, although roughly cut and not one of them held with prongs or soldered. One ring in particular caught my eye. The band was silver, and at first glance there seemed to be tiny shells fastened to it in decoration, but when I looked more closely, I could see the two dozen or so miniscule gems appeared to be rough, uncut diamonds fastened to the ring with a tiny wire.

“You like that one?” Jared asked.

“It’s very unique,” I said, still staring at the indentations of the band.

The man held it closer for me to see. “This is real silver,” he boasted proudly. “We hammer it…see here?” He pointed to the indentions in the band. “Polished by hand and hardened in the tumbler. The diamonds are hand-fastened with the wire. Ten gauge wire, see…?” He made a show of rotating the ring to show how secure the diamonds were. “Made right here,” he beamed. “Very beautiful. You try on?”

Jared smiled patiently to the vendor and held out his hand. The man placed the ring into Jared’s palm and he lifted my hand, sliding it on my left ring finger.

“It’s a little big, but it fits,” he approved, looking up at me from under his brow.

“It’s beautiful….” I trailed off, eyeing it for a brief moment before taking it off. “Thank you. Have a nice day,” I said, nodding.

I wasn’t sure what expression was on my face, but Jared chuckled and shook his head. His arm hooked over my shoulder and he pulled me affectionately to him, kissing my cheek. He was remarkably different in this place than in Providence. The clouds in his eyes had been noticeably absent since we’d boarded the plane in Rhode Island, even while he dealt with organizing the crews and getting us and our things to each point in the journey. It was a nice change from the turmoil and angst he usually dealt with concerning our relationship. If it were even possible, I had fallen in love with him all over again.

We meandered to the end of the road, which consisted of four more brightly colored sheet-metal huts, two on each side. Some of the locals had congregated on one side playing their various instruments. The music was a lively blend of Latin and Caribbean, and it seemed to float in the air perfectly with the heat and humidity. Jared led me to where they were gathered and we watched them clap and play. They smiled at us as we approached, and then the man strumming the guitar gestured with a nod behind us. We turned to see an older couple from the other side of the street march to the beat until they were in the middle, and then they danced together.

Another couple joined them and then the guitar player cleared his throat to draw our attention. He nodded again to the street and spoke again, this time to Jared.

“You dance? Take your wife to dance!” he urged with a smile, gesturing again with a nod out to the other couples.

Jared smiled and looked down at me. “Would you like to dance?”

A sudden feeling of nervousness came over me, but the eager expression on Jared’s face made it impossible to say no. He pulled me to the center of the dirt street and twirled me around to the beat of the music. We danced for several songs, laughing as the people around us clapped and cheered. Jared effortlessly spun me around the improvised dance floor. My dress fanned out with every turn and my sandals kicked dirt against my legs. Soon I was breathless, but Jared didn’t seem to be remotely tired.

As the sun set the music slowed, and Jared pulled me close. My mind flashed back to the first time we danced at the pub, and I remembered what it felt like to be that close to him when he was all but a stranger to me. Just a couple of months later, we were in a foreign country, on a tiny island in the Caribbean Sea, dancing together in the middle of a dirt laden street among strangers, posing as husband and wife. Although both instances would be moments I would forever regard as precious, Corn Island was magical.

Once the song was over and the beat picked up again, Jared pulled away from me with an apologetic smile. “It’s going to be dark soon and you’ve had a long day. We should head back.”

I heaved a resigned sigh, pulling my mouth to the side in disappointment.

“We’ll come back,” he assured me, lacing his fingers in mine as we waved goodbye to our new friends.

“Yes! You come back! We’ll play more music for you!” the guitarist said.

Jared walked over to him, shook his hand and pressed a twenty in his palm.

“Thank you. We had a wonderful time.”

“No problem! You come back anytime!” The man smiled, even more animated than before.

We waved again before returning the way we came. Once we passed the fork in the road, Jared scooped me up in his arms.

“You don’t have to carry me,” I said.

“New shoes?” he asked.

“How did you know?”

“They’re rubbing against your toes. You don’t want to get blisters your first day here. We have a lot to see, yet.”

I shook my head. “You sense my feelings and you can pin point exactly where I’m uncomfortable?”

“I’ve told you that already. But it is getting stronger.”

“I know, but I still haven’t gotten used to the feelings-thing. It’s….” I wrinkled my nose trying to think of an adequate word.

“Weird,” he finished for me. “You’ve mentioned that.”

I kissed his cheek enthusiastically. “It’s already been an incredible vacation, and we’ve only been here a few hours.”

“I want this to be the best vacation you’ve had…so far.”

“Mission accomplished,” I whispered, running my nose along his cheek.

“I’m going to trip over something if you don’t stay away from my ear,” he chuckled.

“I doubt that,” I said, lightly biting his earlobe. I’d only meant to tease him, but a quiet moan escaped with his sigh.

“Nina, please don’t.”

“Does someone have an ear fetish?” I taunted, grazing the edge of his ear with the tip of my tongue.

He abruptly set me on my feet. I pressed my lips together and tried not to burst out in laughter.

“Well. That’s something you didn’t tell me on our first date,” I giggled.

Jared tried his best to be annoyed with my teasing, but his face twitched until a grin broke out across his face. “That’s probably because I didn’t know, then.”

I grimaced, knowing he would add this to the list of rules. “One more thing I’m not allowed to do.”

He scooped me up into his arms. “I’m already fighting with myself every second I’m alone with you, Nina. You…in this dress…as beautiful as you are. Not to mention feeling how happy you are with me, in this place.”

He sat me on my feet again and I realized we were already at my casita. I looked over to see Cynthia note our return. Satisfied, she blew me a kiss and retreated inside for the night.

It was only then that I realized my mistake. “You’re going to make me sleep alone, aren’t you?”

Jared tenderly touched my face. “If I had my way, you’d sleep in my arms every night for the rest of our lives.”

“Be careful what you wish for,” I said, unable to hide my relief at his answer.

“I’m going to take a quick shower. I’ll see you in ten minutes.”

I had to work to keep the bounce out of my step as I pranced up the stairs into my room. Jared watched me until I turned to wave at him from the inside of my screen door and then he disappeared behind the foliage.

The next morning, I woke up with a thin sheath of perspiration covering my body. Jared was lying next to me but, much to my chagrin, his arms were nowhere near me.

“What’s wrong?” he immediately asked, handing me a large glass of ice water.

“Why are you over there?” I pouted, taking a large gulp.

Jared smiled. “No air conditioning. I had to track down a fan,” he said, nodding to the corner. A fan sat beside the futon, oscillating slowly.

I frowned. “You left?”

“I keep it cool in the loft to compensate for you having to sleep with an electric blanket. Even on the particularly cold nights, I kept the heater off until morning so you wouldn’t overheat. With the heat and humidity here….” he trailed off, frowning.

“You were worried I’d get too hot,” I finished for him, trying to say it in the most diplomatic way possible.

“You did get too hot, so I had to improvise…and you’re still sweating,” he said, clearly dismayed at the situation.

I looked around to see that all the windows were open. “You didn’t sleep last night.”

Jared sighed, frustrated. “You could have suffered heatstroke from sleeping beside your boyfriend and you’re worried if I got my hour in.”

“You need more than an hour,” I pointed out.

“I slept.”

“Good,” I said, gulping more water down before setting the glass on the bedside table. “I’m going to take another shower, I’m sticky.”

Jared nodded with a guilty expression and then retreated to his hut.

I showered and then dug through my pile of bathing suits. I held up a small piece of fabric, finding what I hoped would render him speechless. Interestingly enough, it was a one piece. It was blush pink, with a dramatic cut out so revealing it might as well have been a bikini. Small gold circles lined the missing piece and a single strap came over one shoulder, leaving the other bare. I stood brazenly at the screen door; hand on hip, waiting for Jared’s reaction.

Jared kept his back turned. “Do I want to know what you’re up to?” he asked, sensing my impish disposition.

“Why don’t you turn around and find out for yourself?”

Jared slowly turned. The second I came into his line of sight his eyebrows shot upward and his mouth parted infinitesimally. He struggled with words for a moment, and I beamed with satisfaction.

“Feel like trying out the beach today?” I asked, smiling innocently.

“Wow,” he said, his eyes scanning over every part of me.

“Jared?”

“Yeah?”

“Beach?”

“I’ll get my trunks,” he said, wheeling around to his cabin.

I giggled as I watched him swiftly vanish behind the palms and return within moments. He walked over to me in light blue board shorts and it was definitely my turn to be impressed.

We spent the morning playing in the water, diving through the waves and splashing each other. After an hour, Cynthia strolled out of the trees and parked in a lounge chair, laying her book beside her on the sand. She had brought her camera with her and snapped shots of the ocean, of the fishing boats, of me, and of Jared and me. Jared even coaxed the camera from her and snapped a picture of me and her.

Jared handed the camera back to my mother and pulled me off the sand, leading me out to the water.

“You can replace the one on your nightstand with the picture of us together,” I said, thinking of the black and white photo beside his bed.

Jared smiled, splashing water my way. “I’ll get another frame. I’m keeping the one I have of you.”

I wrinkled my nose in disapproval. “Why? It’s a surveillance shot, isn’t it?”

Jared’s eyes grew soft as he scanned my face. “I was taking some of the pictures that are now in Cynthia’s safe. I snapped that one of you in the same afternoon…I wasn’t sure why at the time.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me through the water to him. “I took that the day I fell in love with you.”

I felt a surprised grin spread across my face as my eyebrows rose. “You failed to mention that.”

“You’ve never asked me to replace it before,” he pointed out, pulling me out deeper into the water.

After another hour, Jared talked me into returning to the sand to borrow the bottle of sunscreen Cynthia had purposely left behind when returning to her cabin.

I sprawled across the lounge chair and reached for the sunscreen bottle. It instantly disappeared from my hands and Jared squirted a large white dollop into his palm.

“I don’t want you to miss anything,” he said, trying not to smile.

I leaned back, gesturing for Jared to proceed.

He began at the tops of my feet and massaged the lotion up one leg, and then the next. I’d had several massages before, but Jared’s hands were significantly different as they pressed into and over my skin with the perfect amount of pressure. I bit my lip when he covered the skin bared by the cutout of my suit with his hands, his fingers occasionally slipping ever so slightly under my suit. He finally made his way to the rest of my body and kissed my lips when he was finished with my face.

“Front’s finished,” he prompted.

His head created a block to the sun that was directly above us, making his face black out and lining him in a brilliant halo of light.

I turned onto my stomach and Jared repeated the process again, this time beginning at my neck and working his way down. Once he finished with my ankles, I sat up and criss-crossed my legs. “Your turn.”

“I don’t need it.”

“You’re going to burn,” I warned in a sing-song tone.

“I don’t burn, Nina. Even if I did, it wouldn’t hurt…the redness would go away in seconds.”

I thought about that for a moment and then grimaced, looking out on the water. “Can you drown?”

He rolled his eyes, amused at my question. “I don’t know. I’ve never tried.”

“But if you did…wouldn’t that kind of negate the whole you-only-die-when-I-do theory?”

“I’m an excellent swimmer, Nina. And I seem to float easier than humans, so I’m going to say no.”

“How on earth would you know that?”

He grinned proudly. “The Coast Guard guys hated me. I could out-tread any one of them by twice the time and come out of the water as fresh as when I’d gone in.”

“When did you train with the Coast Guard?”

“When I was fourteen,” he answered matter-of-factly.

I shook my head, thinking about him blowing away every trainee at every training facility he’d ever been at, making the recruits crazy with frustration at being outdone by a recent junior high graduate.

“They didn’t object to a fourteen year old joining the ranks?”

“Gabe had more than enough connections to round out our training. Not to mention there are a few hal…Hybrids in the military and in the government. They’re aware of our need to train, and that makes it easier.”

I nodded as I contemplated Gabe’s connections, wondering if the soldiers Jared trained beside suspected anything.

Jared rolled his eyes again, this time in real frustration. “Why do you ask me things if it bothers you to hear the answer?”

“It doesn’t bother me. It’s just…surreal,” I said, watching the sun glistening off the lotion on my skin. “Don’t you think about your life and who you are and just shake your head at how incredible it is?”

“The only thing that’s surreal to me is that you’re sitting here speaking to me, that I can reach over and touch you,” he said, touching my face, “and that you love me. Sometimes I still can’t believe it’s real,” he said, pulling me off the chair and carrying me to an empty hammock.

Once we were situated inside, swinging lazily back and forth in the shade, I kissed the skin just behind his earlobe. “I’m not the one who has friends mentioned in the Bible. I’m not the one who heals amazingly fast, that can do anything and do it better than everyone else in the world…I’m not the one that’s practically perfection.”

“You’re my perfection. I’m all of those things for you,” he said, shaking his head at what he considered a serious misapprehension. “I exist for you, Nina. This mortal being so precious to the Creator of the Universe that it allowed for my existence. Tell me that’s not incredible.”

Words failed me. The only thought I could form was to kiss him, which I did, over and over. When the kisses became more intense, he gently restrained me and I smiled to hide my frustration.

We spent our days at the beach lounging and swimming, our evenings dancing and laughing in the village, and our nights in my cabin. While Jared and I swam in the clear water on Wednesday afternoon, the clouds rolled in. The waves were soon the largest we’d seen since our arrival and when we had to dive into the water regularly to keep from getting pummeled, Jared carried me back to the shore.

As soon as he stepped onto the sand, the rain began to fall. I looked up to the sky and smiled. The light, warm rain was a welcome change from the sharp, icy downpours of Providence. Jared and I raced to my casita — which he allowed me to win — and we parted ways to wash off the salt water in our respective huts.

Jared hadn’t returned when I slipped on a pair of white canvas pants and a pink tank top, so I walked to his cabin in my bare feet. I could hear his music as I approached; I thought that he might still be in the shower, so I knocked on the wooden border of his screen door.

“Come in, Nina,” Jared chuckled. “You don’t have to knock.”

Jared relaxed with his back against the wall, lying on top of his perfectly-made bed. He was scribbling in a thick, brown book. The screen door whined as I stepped inside, and several small lights caught my attention. Monitors and electrical equipment lined one side of the room.

I raised an eyebrow. “You brought a stereo?”

He shrugged. “I take it everywhere.”

“You couldn’t have brought an mp3 player?”

“I can’t have music blaring in my ears while I’m working.”

I crawled in bed beside him and he pulled me closer. “I thought you could hear me over a stadium full of people?”

Jared wrinkled his nose. “Okay, you caught me. I don’t like the way those things feel in my ears.”

I bit my lip and leaned into his ear. “But I thought you liked things touching your ears,” I whispered, brushing my lips along the ridge of his ear. He pressed his lips firmly against mine and in the same second, I was flat on my back. His reaction seemed automatic, and I was suddenly hopeful that his weakness was my best chance at changing his mind about waiting.

Just as I settled against him, he pulled away.

“Your lips are different than a pair of hard plastic speakers. Now behave yourself,” he smiled.

“Sorry,” I said unconvincingly, nestling in the crook of his arm. Listening to the rain tap out a soft song on the roof, I closed my eyes and smiled. It was the first time I had ever been glad for it to rain on vacation.

The pages of the book Jared held were full of hand-written words. He had begun at the very top of the page, writing in tiny script, using every empty space available.

“What is that?”

“My journal. I thought I’d get caught up. I’m about a month behind. I didn’t want to leave anything out,” he said, kissing my hair.

“You keep a journal?” I asked in surprise.

“What else is there to do for the six or so hours I’m awake at night?” he smiled.

“Do you ever write about me?”

“Nina, most of this book is about you,” he said, as if it should have been obvious.

I sat up. “Seriously?”

Jared grinned, amused at my reaction. “Yes. You don’t believe me?”

“Of course I believe you…I just….” I looked down at the thick book, and noticed that there was only half an inch left to write in. “That’s a lot of pages.”

His features softened as he scanned my face. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”

“You took notes on things I did?”

Jared laughed. “No. Well…sometimes. Mostly I wrote about the way the things you did made me feel, or plans I’d make, how I could get around Jack’s wishes, how I would live without you, how I would make you happy. It got me through some rough nights.”

“Is there anything bad?”

Jared grinned. “Would you like to read it?”

“No!” I cried. Embarrassed that he thought that was what I wanted, I felt the familiar fire burn under my cheeks. “It’s your journal. It’s none of my business.”

“I don’t keep secrets from you. You know that.”

I looked down at my hands and picked at my fingernails. “It’s private. I wouldn’t want you to read my journal.”

“You don’t have a journal. I probably would have read it if you did,” he said offhandedly.

I looked up at him, shocked.

“I’m kidding!” he chuckled. “There’s nothing I’ve written that I’m ashamed of. I think it would be a good thing.”

He closed the book and placed it in my lap. I was curious to know what the journal contained, but it felt wrong to read it, regardless of the permission I’d been given.

“Nina. It’s okay. Read it,” he said, taking a finger and flipping open the cover to the first page.

I spent the stormy afternoon with my head propped up against Jared, reading his private thoughts. Once I’d pored over the first few pages, the guilt slipped away and I found myself absorbed in every word. It was an odd sensation reading my memories from pages written at a time when I didn’t know he existed.

I chewed on my thumbnail as I read through my life from the outside. Jared played with my hair; otherwise he sat motionless and silent. Half way through one of his more lengthy entries, I realized it was written the night he’d taken a bullet for me.

…Claire extracted the bullet. I’ve been angry, but this time I was furious. I saw that bastard aim at her and I wanted to tear his head from his neck. I couldn’t end his life fast enough. That’s one less of Donovan’s men that will go after her, but it doesn’t make me feel better. I can’t figure it out. I yelled at Claire to finish so I could go back to Nina. I couldn’t even explain to Claire what I was so mad about, because I don’t know myself. The need to get back to her was ridiculous, because I knew that Dad was with her. She’d gone home by then, but I had to be near her and I was angry that I felt that way.

It’s like I’ve been addicted to her, but I didn’t know it until tonight. As if I didn’t already have to be near her to protect her, now I just need to be near her. It’s infuriating.

So now I’m here, watching her talk to Cynthia. I still don’t know what my problem is. For the first time, I was afraid that I would fail. And not just fail — that I would fail HER. Claire accuses me of being a perfectionist, maybe that’s what it is. Or maybe I just didn’t want to let her down. But why the hell should I care? She wouldn’t know either way. I don’t want her to die, but that should be obvious, right? She dies, I die.

Maybe I just care. And that wouldn’t be a bad thing… for me to care about her. She’s a sweet girl. She’s kind to others. She’s intelligent. She’s comically stubborn. She does that cute tuck-her-hair-behind-her-ear thing when she’s nervous. She’s beautiful… unbelievably beautiful. Anyone with any sense would care about her…spending all this time around her, I guess it was inevitable. But this is more than just caring. If I wasn’t bleeding all over myself I would have grabbed her and…I don’t know. What am I thinking? She can’t know about me. Maybe that’s what I’m angry about. Maybe I want her to know I’m protecting her. I think a part of me wants her to know. She’s walking around her house and has no idea that I saved her life today. And that should bother me WHY? She shouldn’t know. She shouldn’t know that I protect her or that I care about her or that I think she’s beautiful. Wouldn’t that be ridiculous if I had feelings for her? But maybe that’s what it is. Maybe it’s more than that. I think it’s more than that.

I think I’m in love with her.

I looked up from the pages of Jared’s journal to see that he was watching for my reaction. I pulled myself up quickly and scrambled to kiss him. His mouth turned up into a smile as I pressed my lips against his, so I pulled back to look into his eyes. His expression was triumphant.

I took in a deep breath to speak, but Jared’s face twisted into a frown. “Don’t say ‘aw’.”

I shook my head quickly. “I wasn’t! I was most certainly not going to say ‘aw’. That was amazing, thank you.”

“You should read the night of your sixteenth birthday. Or the day you graduated from high school. Or the night you went out with Philip Jacobs.”

I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t think I want to relive my sixteenth birthday. And I know I don’t want to relive the three hours with Philip Jacobs. Yech.”

Jared smiled. “I could read it to you. And I’ll leave out the parts you don’t want to hear.”

I leaned back against him, settling in to hear my life through Jared’s eyes.

I was amazed at how much he loved me for so long, and how he fought the sometimes insufferable longing to speak to me. There were parts that were difficult to listen to, and parts that — if I had wanted to interrupt him, which I didn’t — I wanted him to go back and read again.

He skipped to the entry he wrote the day of my high school graduation. He wrote how proud of me he was, and how beautiful I looked in my cap in gown. He spoke of how happy I felt and wondered where my college years would take us. Jared wrote a lot about being worried that once we gained distance between us and Gabe and Jack, that he would introduce himself.

His eyes clouded over as he read to me his fears that I would fall in love with someone at college, and the unknown reaction he would have watching me be with someone in that way. I learned how devastated he was at the prospect that I would never know how much he loved me, and how he dreaded the day I got married and had children with someone else. Jared’s voice broke as he read the words.

When he turned to the entry on the day that my father died, tears welled up in my eyes as he described watching Gabe fade away. Jared’s hand tangled in mine as he spoke of the moment he stood a few feet away from me, watching me sob on the bench. When the bus left the curb, the fight in him to stay away from me was gone. The tone of the pages changed significantly after that.

Jared smiled as he cited the joy he felt every time he ran into me, the expressions and feelings I would have, and how it felt the first time I’d said his name.

“Read what you wrote today,” I smiled.

“I will later. The rain stopped,” he said, shutting the book.

I looked up as I listened for the rain, but the only sounds were the intermittent dripping from the roof and the fronds of the palm trees, and the birds singing brightly just outside the cabin.

“What’s the plan?” I asked, sitting up and stretching.

“Why don’t you show Cynthia around the village?”

I smiled at his selfless suggestion, kissing him before I made my way to my mother’s cabin. She was drying her chair with a towel, a book in her other hand.

“Hello, Dear,” she said. Her sunglasses moved up with her smile.

“I was wondering if you’d like to go to the village with me. It’s really eclectic. I think you’d like it,” I said, resting my arms on the wooden railing.

Cynthia sat in her chair and opened her book. I knew the answer before she’d given it.

She smiled politely as she always did before she diplomatically turned down an offer. “I think I’ll just relax here, Nina. Why don’t you and Jared go exploring?”

“We’ve been almost everywhere,” I shrugged. “Are you sure you don’t want to go?”

Cynthia didn’t look up from her book. “I’m sure. Go have fun.”

I clambered up the railing and leaned far over it to land a kiss on her cheek. She simply grinned and continued reading.

Jared waited for me outside his cabin. “No dice, huh?” he said, opening his arms to hold me.

“She’s never been this way. I don’t understand it,” I said, pressing my cheek against his chest.

“She just misses Jack,” he reassured me. “What do you say we rent one of those cycles from the village and take a ride up the coast…try to find a village we haven’t seen, yet?”

I smiled enthusiastically and nodded.

Jared took turn after turn, indiscriminate of dirt or paved roads. A few huts came into view, and moments later we were in more of a town than a village. It looked like it might have been one of the more populated places on the island. Jared parked the bike and we walked along a cobble stone road. The buildings were less primitive than in the village we frequented.

The sunlight began to wane when Jared squeezed my hand. “We should head back. It’s going to be dark soon.”

I sighed, sad that another perfect day was over. Just as we turned around, a bell began to ring. I turned my attention in the direction of the beautiful tolling and noticed a group of people standing together on a street corner a block away, staring in the same direction.

“Let’s go,” I said, tugging on Jared’s hand. “I want to see what all the commotion is about.”

Half way down the road, a bright white chapel came into view. I gasped as I watched a newly married couple walk slowly down the steep rock steps to the small crowd that cheered, chanted and sang. Soon, they all began singing the same, happy song.

The group followed the couple down the street, clapping and singing in unison. The bell tolled a few more times and, as if on purpose, rang one last time before the last of the joyful procession disappeared.

I looked back to the chapel, hypnotized by its beauty. It stood taller than the other buildings with its meager two stories.

“Do you want to look inside?” Jared asked, gently tugging on my hand.

“I don’t think so. I just want to stay here.”

“Okay,” Jared murmured, obviously curious at my emotions.

I couldn’t explain it, but I felt a bit weepy. It was as if the building had spoken to me, asking me to stay a bit longer. Jared wrapped his arms around my middle, touching his lips to my hair. I felt the sweat bead on the skin of my back that pressed against his chest.

“What is it?” Jared asked after several moments.

“It’s just so beautiful,” I said, my voice breaking.

“No…there’s something….” he said, clearly confused by my mixed emotions.

I leaned my head back against his chest. “We’re going to get married in this chapel.”

“Right now?” Jared asked. I turned to scold him for mocking me, but he had a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

My grimace instantly turned into an appreciative grin. “I’d like to come back here…when the time comes.”

Jared’s irises glowed with the same azure blue as the sea. “I would travel to the ends of the earth to marry you.”

He grazed the line of my jaw with his thumb and pressed his lips against mine. I melted against him. Jared’s grip tightened as he sensed my elation, and my imagination transformed my clothes into a white dress and Jared’s khaki shorts and t-shirt into a suit.

“We’d better get back,” he said, looking up at the dark clouds rolling in from the horizon.

I nodded, and he led me away from our chapel. I watched it as we walked down the block until it disappeared behind the palm trees.

Friday morning came too soon, and Jared became the authoritative personality he transformed into when organizing the progression of our things from one point to another. Once in the air, Jared put his hand on mine.

“You’ve been quiet all morning. You want to talk about it?” he asked.

“I wasn’t ready. It went by too fast,” I murmured, looking out the window of the plane.

“We’ll take another vacation soon. The moment you finish your last final, I’ll have Robert take us to the airport and we’ll get on a plane…just you and me. Somewhere with air conditioning,” Jared promised, kissing my hand.

I sighed and nodded. Even though the prospect was infinitely appealing, I couldn’t rise above the morose I felt.

Jared lifted my chin to look into my eyes, appraising my mood for a moment. He seemed to deliberate something, finally pressing his lips together. “I was going to wait, but I think I should give this to you now,” he said, standing up to dig inside his duffle bag.

He sat down beside me and placed a small woven box in my lap. “Open it,” he smiled.

I pulled at the lid. Sitting on tiny shreds of palm fronds sat the ring I’d tried on in the village. A smile broke across my face.

“You liked that one, right?”

“I loved that one,” I said.

The sadness from our departure intertwined with how touched I was that he somehow went back to the village and bought the ring without my knowledge. Tears formed rapidly in my eyes.

Jared lifted the ring and held it between his fingers. My eyes darted from his hand to his eyes; he seemed nervous about something.

“I have a request,” Jared said, smiling sheepishly.

I raised an eyebrow. “A condition?”

“No, no…just a request. Once I put this on your finger, I’d like for you not to take it off until I replace it.”

My pessimism all but forgotten, I didn’t hesitate. “I promise.”

“You don’t have to promise, it’s just a request,” he said, heartened by my reaction.

“I promise,” I insisted.

Jared beamed as he slipped the silver band on my left ring finger. It fit perfectly.

“You had it sized?” I asked.

His smile widened. “I wanted it to be perfect.”

He laughed at me each time he caught me lifting up my fingers to stare at my left hand. I was still sad to say goodbye to our island, but knowing I had brought a piece of it with me made the trip home a bit easier.

Once we landed, I stepped onto the wet tarmac and pulled my coat tightly around me. The bitter cold wind swirled around me, and I was glad when Jared offered his warm arms as insulation.

“Why don’t you go ahead with Cynthia? You don’t have to stand in the cold with me,” Jared said.

I began to argue, but I saw the clouds in his eyes. “What is it?”

Jared’s brow fell inward, and I could see he didn’t want to tell me. Beyond Jared’s shoulder, a tall dark figure caught my eye.

“Samuel?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said through his teeth. “It must be pressing, or he wouldn’t have come.”

“I’ll meet you in the car.” I choked back the tears. We had barely touched the ground and already the harsh reality of our lives in Providence insisted we pay it attention like a spoiled child.

“If you love him, you’ll have to accept that this is the way it will be,” Cynthia said apathetically.

I watched Jared from inside the car. His expression was grave; it was not good news. He nodded once and walked towards the door Robert dutifully held open. Samuel was no longer there. He didn’t disappear, he didn’t fizzle out or his form blink from the space it occupied; he was there one moment, and then he wasn’t.

Jared slid into the seat beside me. “You can go, now, Robert.”

“Yes, sir,” Robert said, nodding in the mirror and then looking ahead.

I watched Jared work to keep the tension from his face. I didn’t need supernatural perception to know what he was feeling. He had the same look on his face when he pulled the book from the safe. He was afraid.