Level 7

MAY 31

P is in despair about me. She must like me very much. Apparently she is quite sociable, after all. She is doing her best to drag me out of my apathy.

I see her point quite well, but I cannot be bothered to make the effort. Why should I?

Does this mean I have become self-sufficient? I want nothing of anybody or anything down here. Perhaps that makes me the most self-sufficient creature on Level 7. Like a god!

Maybe I am a god, or about to become a god! Let R-747 invent myths about me, the god who pushed the buttons. X-127, the push-button god.

No, I have not pushed the buttons yet. But I am self-sufficient like a god. Not as happy, though. Not even as happy as the butterfly which is born and dies on the same day. But who said that gods should be happy?

I am a god. The god wants to make a bargain with a butterfly. He wishes to be a butterfly for a day—but outside the caves, up there—and he offers the butterfly in return an eternal existence—down here.

What do you say to that, butterfly? Will you agree to the bargain? It’s a good one: eternity for one day of flying among the flowers.

The butterfly rejects my offer. What is it saying?

It says it will not exchange one day of happiness for eternal misery! Damnable butterfly! The audacity to refuse a god’s bargain! To defy a god! To defy God!

I shall curse you, butterfly, you colourful hedonist, I shall curse you till the end of your days!

It says something. It dares to answer! What is it?

“I do not mind your curses, O God, for my day is short.”

It flies away.

Butterfly! Butterfly! Listen to me, don’t go away! Stay with me, I won’t curse you. But stay here with me. Wait! Please stay!