Level 7

MAY 28

P said today that she knew this was going to happen to me and that she had warned me. It is too late now, anyway.

I am so depressed that I do not want to do anything—except one thing: to get back to the surface. If I could do that I would willingly give up Level 7 for Level 1. Indeed, I would not care if they allotted me no level at all! Even if it meant spending just a very short time up above, just a day. To live for a day, and then perish!

Butterflies live for only a day, but they do live. Not in caves, but in the full light of the sun. Among flowers. They fly around from one blossom to another, in whatever direction they like.

I suppose complaining will not do any good, but what else can I do? Eat, meet P, talk with X-107 and sleep. That is the sum of my ‘activities’.

I can push the buttons, of course—when somebody decides it is necessary. That is an activity, certainly. But is it enough?

No, much too simple. Why did they make it so easy? Just pushing a few buttons—where is the fun in that?

And what next? What do I do when I have pushed my buttons? What will there be left for me when I have fulfilled my life’s function? What other goal shall I look forward to?

Shall I be like God before He created the world, sitting lonely in an empty universe? How cruel men were to create a God who is self-sufficient living a solitary life throughout eternity. Why have they condemned God, why have they condemned me, to such a lonely prison?