mother used to say I'd get nearsighted and stoop-shouldered. She
lied, of course. I got tall and see at twenty-twenty. But damn it, /
wasn't looking.
I'm aware that these are all random events. And maybe it's just
hindsight.
But sometimes it seems to me that once in a while you can look at all
the random events you live through every day and see that suddenly
there's a mechanism that's just clicked on, you can see it right then
and there- and the events are not so random anymore. The mechanism is
eating them, absorbing them, growing larger and larger, feeding on the
events of your life. To what end? You don't know.
The mechanism is you.
But it's also fate, luck, chance. All the things that are not you but
that will change you anyway, irreparably, forever.
Maybe you'd better forget all this.
I'm still a fool, and I meander.