Myth-Chief

THIRTY-FOUR

"Take it easy, fellahs," I said. "We were just leaving, if you don't mind. Uh, you can keep the rest of the gold on the floor here. We don't need all of it. If you would just let us get out of here ... ?"

The captain of the guard, a russet-colored Fox, raised an eyebrow. "Attempting to bribe royal officers? Is that what you are trying to do?"

"Only if it will work," I said, winningly. "I'd rather not cause any trouble. My friends and I just want to get out of here."

"Who are your friends?" the captain asked, suspiciously.

"No one," I said, trying to get a disguise spell going on my companions, but I wasn't fast enough. The wizard countered me with a blast from his wand. "No one at all," I added lamely.

"Why, that's Princess Hermalaya," a brown-furred Swamp Fox declared, gazing at the white-pelted maiden in our midst.

"It is her!" said the wizard.

"Seize them!" the captain bellowed. The guards surged forward and surrounded us.

"What?" Massha asked. "Are you people out of your minds? This is your princess."

"That's right, ma'am," the captain said. "And she is under a writ of exile, as signed by our current ruler, Prime Minister Matfany."

Massha went over to tickle him under the chin with a thick forefinger. "You're not going to listen to that old meanie, are you?"

The captain recoiled. "Ma'am, you are our prisoner, too. Take them away!"

"Look, here, guys," I said. "Let's be reasonable. You are going to take us down and lock us up in the dungeon. And then, what? You all know what's in that writ. You're going to have to take that sweet young lady, whom you have all known since she was a little girl sitting on her father's knee, and you're supposed to put her to death." I flipped a hand toward Hermalaya, who, wrapped up in her oversized white apron, was looking as demure and helpless a damsel in distress as I could ever have wished. "You don't look like the kind of heartless types who can drag their very own princess down the dark steps to the cold, dank, stone cells and listen to her cries for mercy while you prepare for an execution that every one of you knows is completely unjust?"

I had hit my stride now. The guards, even the grizzled veterans, had tears in their eyes. The younger ones broke into open sobs.

The captain turned to the wizard. "I just can't do it."

The wizard looked just as distressed. "Neither can I."

"Gentlemen," Hermalaya said, coming over to lay a gentle hand on each of their wrists. "You must do what you all have to do. I don't want you to get in trouble? I took my chances coming back here, and it just didn't work out. That's the way life is. My daddy would want me to march down there with my head held high and take what I've got coming to me."

"No, princess," the captain said. He pulled a handkerchief out of his sleeve and put his long nose into it. HONK! "We just won't do it. We love you. We're not gonna listen to that old Matfany."

"But you have to," Hermalaya said. "He is the law."

"No, ma'am," the wizard said, with a little smile. "We are the law. He is the administrator. Most of the guard works for Matfany because they like getting paid. This particular squad here is the lawful opposition. Most of the others don't talk to us much because we won't openly renounce you. You are downright lucky that it was us all on duty today. Everybody else is all out there running around after those out-of-towners."

"What out-of-towners?" I asked.

"Strange-looking types." He eyed Chumley up and down. "No offense, sir."

"Okay," Chumley replied, reduced to playing Big Crunch in front of strangers.

"Go on out of here, honey," the captain said with tears in his eyes. "We'll keep it quiet this time, but don't come back again. Look back on the good old days and think about us sometime."

Hermalaya gave him and the wizard a big hug. "Oh, I will! You all are so kind? My daddy would be so proud of you. I know I am."

"There are good new days to come," I promised, "once we get rid of Matfany."

The guards looked at each other. "We're with you, sir," they whispered.

I didn't dare wait another moment for them to change their minds. I gathered up a big ball of magik.

BAMF!

""We've won!" I announced jubilantly to Bunny. I shook my bell pouch at her. The jingle was loud enough I could have attracted hordes of Deveels from all over the Bazaar. Massha set down her handbag. Nunzio and Chumley turned out handful after handful of coins until her desk was a glittering mass of shiny yellow. "And there's plenty more where that came from," I concluded, as Hermalaya offered the little clay pot. Bunny ignored the pile of coins. I realized that Tananda was there, wrapped in a blanket with her hair plastered to her head. Both of them looked worried. "What's wrong'.' Where's Aahz?"

"Skeeve, we have a problem."

"What kind of problem? Where's Aahz?"

"He's back in Foxe-Swampburg." Tananda said. "The Old Folks have been causing a bunch of trouble for Matfany, so Aahz thought it would be a good idea to go and placate them. Well, you know, tact is not exactly his long suit."

"No kidding," said Massha.

Tananda shrugged. "The upshot is that they left us in the swamp. They've got Guido, too."

"'Where's Matfany?" Hermalaya asked, anxiously.

"Him, too," Tananda said. "In fact, they're angrier at him than they are at us. I was the only one who could get out. You have got to go and rescue them."

"Rescue them?" I echoed. "We just got away from a bunch of Hermalaya's own castle guards who were told to kill her if she ever came back home. Let him rot. Aahz can get out of trouble on his own. As he is always telling me, he's a lot better at it than I will ever be."

"No, Skeeve," Tananda said, opening large green eyes at me. "He's not going to get out of this one without help. Those swamps are full of weird old magik, like nothing I have ever seen before. It's way out of my league. That squid could drown them all before I get back. He needs you. Hurry. You can argue with him later."

"Squid?" I asked. "What squid?"

"The Old Folks sicced it on us. They're pretty angry about all the advertising the Deveels have plastered around the kingdom."

I was puzzled. "The Old Folks? They're not dangerous at all. They're just a bunch of ghosts. They played Musical Chairs with us. They ate Cake."

"Skeeve, he really is in trouble. This isn't a joke."

"I am afraid this lady is right?" Hermalaya said. "The Old Folks are pretty much just as formidable as they were when they were alive. Only they can't die anymore, so they can indulge fits of temper when they feel like it? They had some pretty mean things to say when Matfany tossed me out of the castle, but I thought it was best for my people to comply with his wishes? But they were never happy about it. If he walked into their midst, then it could be very bad for them."

"Don't let the contest blind you to what is really important, what?" Chumley said. "Aahz isn't your enemy."

"No, he's not." My temper was softening. I remembered all the good days. I even thought back fondly on those times when he called me names and made fun of me. It was nothing personal. Most Pervects didn't even talk to Klahds. Aahz had been the best friend I ever had in my life. I owed him many favors, not just one little lifesaving expedition. I had to get out there. "You're right," I said. "He would do the same for me. He wouldn't leave me in danger."

"That's it," Bunny said. "This contest isn't about your friendship."

"Can you take me back?" I asked Tananda.

"Oh, I can get you in there," Tananda said. She snapped her fingers, and all the mud fell off her hair and clothes.

"The Old Folks don't mind anyone coming into their domain. They're just fussy about who they let out again. We have to hurry!"

I reached up into the force line that stretched over the office and filled up my reserves. "I'm ready."

"Wait a minute!" Hermalaya exclaimed. She put her arms around me and Tananda. "I'm coming with you?"

"Okay by me. It's your dry-cleaning bill." Tananda clapped her hands together.

BAMF!