Myth-Chief

TWENTY-NINE

That problem was solved. Too bad there was no easy solution to the cranky crowd that now surged around us. I had thought at first there were only a few dozen, but hundreds, even thousands of Swamp Foxes had made the hike up the steep path to make their displeasure known.

I had to hand it to Matfany. He never flinched. He hopped up on a handy rock, stuck his thumb in the lapel of his coat, and addressed them.

"Good people of Foxe-Swampburg, I am happy to see you all. I want to talk to you today about our nation's prosperity. We have had some hard times in the past. In that light, some hard decisions had to be made by me so that our nation could survive. Our resources were few, so I enlisted the help of some kindly folks to help us get back on our feet." He opened a hand toward us. When the baleful eyes of the Swamp Foxes turned our way, I wished that he hadn't. Nothing like an angry mob to make you start to look for the exit.

"What are you going to do about that eyesore behind you?" a passionate female voice demanded.

"This fine exhibition is part of our recovery," Matfany said. "We have to welcome new partners into our midst for at least a time. I hope you will embrace them as I have. It is all for the benefit of our fine country. I hope to lead you into a prosperous future in which we can hold our heads high and stand proudly beside our neighbors. It is my contention that Foxe-Swampburg will return to being a kind and welcoming place for visitors ..."

SPLAT! Streamers of stinking goo sprayed all over me and Guido. Someone in the crowd had thoughtfully brought along a basket of decayed vegetables. I backed up until I could feel the cliff face at my back.

"Mention Hermalaya," I hissed.

"Ah, yes," Matfany said, straightening his glasses. "It may take you some time to get used to the new form of government here in our nation, but it is for the best. My cabinet and I have your best interests in mind. You are welcome to send queries and concerns to my office. I am especially interested in hearing where problems need to be addressed."

"What about the princess?" I hissed.

"Some of you have voiced your displeasure at the absence of Princess Hermalaya. I am afraid her actions did not fit in with survival of our nation for the future."

"But she's our princess!" a lone voice cried out.

"That is beside the point," Matfany said, sternly. "I am your prime minister! I have been running this country all throughout the crisis of the pinchbugs and the specter of bankruptcy that has followed in its wake. I am the one pulling you back from the brink of disaster." He loomed over them. His shadow seemed to cast outward over most of the crowd. "Are you questioning my judgement?"

They cowered back, filled with fear, until someone raised a copy of The Princess's Diary.

"Yes! Yes, we are! Hermalaya loved us! We want her back!"

That broke the logjam.

"Yes! Yes!'" they began to chant. "Bring hack our princess. Down with Matfany! Down with Matfany!" My worst nightmare loomed as the crowd started to surge toward us

Suddenly, the Salamanders began to fall off the sign above our heads.

The bright orange lizards landed on the rioting Swamp Foxes, who howled and leaped around, bellowing with pain. The Salamanders, trying to scramble to safety, accidentally set fur and signs on fire. The protesters forgot all about us in their rush to put out the blazes. I pulled back into an overhang out of the rain of fire. Pervects have tough skin, but fire is one thing that can destroy us. My companions crowded in after me. Outside, the Deveels ran in circles, howling about their precious advertising. For the moment, no one was thinking about us.

"That saved our bacon." I said. "I gotta hand it to Skeeve for timing."

"Skeeve's not doing that," Tananda said. "He would never hurt Salamanders."

"Then who?" Guido asked. "Show me the magicians causing the cascade. If they are not in a concealed place, I am sure I can pick them off from here."

She looked up at the sky. I knew she was reading force lines. Since I had lost my powers I could no longer see them. "No one is pulling magik out of there. This is a natural phenomenon of some kind."

We heard a gentle cough behind us to attract our attention.

"It's the Old Folks," Matfany said, squeezed into the rear of the niche. "I told you they don't like people messing up their mountains and things."

The force of Salamanders gathered up their injured members and assembled in a group at the base of the Geek's sign.

"That's it!" Pintubo squeaked indignantly at me. "We quit! This dimension is too dangerous for us to work! We are out of here! You'll be hearing from our legal representative! He'll burn you up!" They flashed out of existence.

"Hey, Aahz, I warned you!" Gribaldi said, coming over to shake his fist at me. "We've had enough. You had better give us our money back."

"No!" I exclaimed. "Put up something else, anything! Your choice. I always thought Salamanders were a bad idea. How about Shutterbug photos? You could have your picture up here, too."

"No more," Matfany said. He poked a fingernail at the Deveel's collarbone. "We are not having Deveels leering down at us from up here. You can put your names up in a more genteel fashion. Some of my folks have been out of work for a while. They'd be pleased to have the jobs. I don't want to have to make it a law to use local labor, but I will if I have to."

The assembled Swamp Foxes were outraged. "We won't work for them. And we don't want you! We want our princess back!"

They started to chant again.

"Bring back our princess! Bring back our princess!"

Something whizzed past me and impacted on the stone face at my side. It was a rock. They had run out of vegetables, but they weren't out of missiles.

"We'd better beat a retreat," I said. I reached into my pocket for my D-hopper.

An unlucky stone smashed into my wrist. It caught the tip of the magical device and sent it spiraling out of my reach. I dashed out and made a flying leap to catch it.

Guido jumped out after me, brandishing his crossbow in an attempt to cover me, but you might as well have held up an umbrella under a waterfall. The Swamp Foxes piled onto us. I got a foot in the eye and grabbed for the nearest tail. I closed my teeth on it.

"Yow!" the owner bellowed. He must have retaliated against whoever was near his mouth, because another cry erupted from the pile of beings on my back. In a moment, it turned into a writhing, scratching, punching mass. I got off a few more punches and bites as I scrabbled on my hands and knees toward daylight. A Swamp Fox, also on all fours, met me face-to-face and bared his teeth. I snarled back. He recoiled slightly, but a dozen others shouldered up beside him. I faced a ring of glowing, yellow eyes. Well, if I couldn't ignore a fight, the best thing I could do was win it. I bunched up my thigh muscles and jumped backward, out of their way. The only real way to win a fight is not to get in it.

The Swamp Foxes were stunned for a moment, then came after me, barking and howling. I dashed around the rock Matfany was still standing on, trying to find my D-hopper or a way down off the mountain. I dodged my pursuers three times. Then they got smart and split up. I found myself with my back to the giant rock, facing dozens of sets of teeth. Above my head, Tananda had been treed by another crowd of Swamp Foxes. Guido wrestled with one of the largest specimens I had ever seen, the two of them straining to toss the other one over.

"Stop this!" Matfany bellowed over all the noise. "Stop all this at once!"

The gang facing me straightened up like chastised schoolboys and looked up at him. The prime minister stood on top of his rock with his fists on his hips. He glared at them over his glasses.

"Ladies and gentlemen—I hope that you all are ladies and gentlemen! How dare you show such disrespect to these people who are our guests and visitors? You were all brought up with much better manners than that! You are Swamp Foxes! Honest, courteous, sensible people. Now, I am sure that you would like to apologize to our guests. Go on! Apologize! Right this very minute!"

The leader of the pack put out a paw.

"I certainly am sorry, sir. I hope you didn't take offense from us?"

"Not at all," I said, clasping the hand and letting it go hastily. "No problem."

All around me, the locals, some of them with torn or burned fur and blackened eyes were offering their heartfelt regrets to the Deveels and other merchants. I had to hand it to Matfany. I had never met anyone else who had such natural authority that he could call a mob to order with one bellow.

"That's better," Matfany said. He bounded lightly down from the boulder. "Thai's more of the civilized people that I have always known you to be. Now, may I wish you a sincere good night. Come along, Mister Aahz."

He started walking down the hill. He was so smooth that it even took ME a moment to realize he was talking to me. I hurried after him. The mob parted to let him go by. I stepped over a sign. Guido shook hands with his wrestling partner and followed. Tananda caught up with me and tilted an incredulous glance over her shoulder at the immobile gang of protesters. I stumped beside Matfany.

"That was incredible," I whispered to him.

"Ten years of teaching high-school history, sir," Matfany confided.

"How long's the lull going to hold?"

"About five more seconds. I suggest we start running, as of now ... three, two, one ..."

"Kill him! He exiled our princess!"

"Kill him!"

"Retreat is in order, gentlemen and madame," Matfany said. He took to his heels. Tananda dashed after him. Guido and I looked at each other and headed off in their wake.

The mob tore after us.