A Day for Damnation

FORTY-FOUR

THE FAT black lady was naked.

She was sitting on an old toilet, laughing and rocking happily. She saw me and began to laugh even harder. Her eyes were twinkling.

I couldn't help myself I moved closer.

Her breasts were large and voluminous. They shook like jelly with her every movement; when she laughed, they rippled with waves of hilarity. Her nipples were large and black against her chocolate skin.

Her arms were immense, thicker around than my legs. They shook too with great masses of flesh. I found myself grinning. Her thighs were massive. Her hands were balloons. I loved her. Who wouldn't?! !

I could feel her joy. It poured from her like light-I wanted to bathe in the light.

She knew I was standing in front of her, watching her. She knew I was smiling with her, but she didn't do anything except watch me and rock and laugh.

I wanted to ask her who she was-except I already knew. She couldn't hide it.

She saw it in my eyes that I knew-and she laughed even harder. She laughed and laughed at the joke. Her joke. Our joke.

I laughed too. It was a terrific joke. We looked at each other and we laughed like crazy. It was the craziest joke in the universe. There we were, the two of us, knowing what we knew about each other, each knowing how silly the other looked, each knowing how silly we looked to the other, each knowing how silly all of everything was-and we laughed and laughed ... until we fell into each other's arms.

When the fat black lady hugged you, you stayed hugged.

I was happy in her arms. She loved me. She would hold me forever. I was happy here. She laughed and held me and rocked me and cooed at me.

I whispered, "I know who you are. . . ."

And she whispered back, "And I know who you are-"

I glanced around at the others and giggled; I looked back to her and whispered again, "We're not supposed to be talking here, are we?"

She boomed with hearty guffaws then and hugged me to her massive breasts. "S'all right, hon-bun. None o' them can hear us. Not 'less we want 'em too." She stroked my hair.

Her nipple was near my mouth. I kissed it, and she laughed. I looked up at her, sheepishly. She leaned down to me and whispered, "Don't you stop that, hon-bun. You know your mamma likes it." She lifted her breast toward my mouth and--

--for an instant, I was a baby again, safe and warm and rocking in my mother's arms, happily enraptured--

Mamma loved me. Everything was all right by Mamma. Mamma says yes. Come here and let your mamma hug you, honey-bunny--

The tears were rolling down my cheeks again--

I looked up at Mamma and asked her, "Why--?"

Her face was kind, her eyes were deep. She brought her hand up to my cheeks and with her massive thumb, she gently wiped my tears away.

"Mamma," I repeated. "Why--why did you let this happen here?"

Mamma's face was sad. She whispered to me--something, but I couldn't understand the words--

"Say what, Mamma? I didn't understand--"

Her mouth was moving, but I couldn't-- The sounds weren't turning into words--

"Mamma, please--! Why?"

"Baba-baba-baba--" The black lady was babbling. She wasn't making sense.

"Mama-Mama--" I begged-

But she wasn't Mamma any more. She was just a fat black lady, dirty and smelly. Not laughing, not Mamma, not anyone I knew or wanted to know or--

I was crying again. Again and again for everything I'd lost--but especially for losing my mamma again.

Mamma, please don't leave me--Mamma--