A Day for Damnation

SIXTEEN

I FROZE.

I knew I had to get back. But my sense of direction had totally failed.

I was afraid to take a step in any direction, for fear I would be going the wrong way. I could be only a few meters from the ship and unable to see it.

The wrong decision would kill us.

I stood there, trembling with the realization, paralyzed by my own terror. I had to do something! Duke needed attention now. And neither of us had much air left.

I didn't know where the beeper was. It wasn't in Duke's hand or on his belt. I'd looked for it when I grabbed him. That was before the pink closed in. And now, it was getting deeper. There was nothing but pink. It was waist-high now.

I had to do something.

Now.

Even if it was the wrong thing to do.

I hadn't turned since grabbing Duke-I should still be pointed in the right direction. I didn't know what else to do.

I held the freezer in my left hand and sprayed it forward. I could hear the whoosh. I saw nothing-but I could feel the chill in the air.

This was crazy. It couldn't work. I moved forward anyway slowly. I tested each step before putting my weight down. Suddenly, the pink gave way beneath me. I let out a yell-I hung onto Duke-and we slid down a long slope of powder. We came to rest at the bottom, buried in pinkness. I couldn't find the place where the ground ended and the air began. We were wrapped in spiderwebs. I wasn't even sure which way was up any more. I fired the freezer in the direction I thought was forward. The chill woke me up.

I caught my breath. I sat up. Somehow, I stood up. The belt of Duke's harness was still looped around my arm. My God! He was still with me!

I started pushing forward again. I was frustrated-I was angry!

Dammit! This is Jim McCarthy here! I'm not supposed to die like this! Not this young! I'm only twenty-four! There's supposed to be more to my life! I'm important! I'm part of the war against the Chtorr! "Hey, God! Listen up! This is James Edward McCarthy! It's too soon! I haven't had the rest of my life yet!

"Hey, God, come on-let's be reasonable here." I staggered on, dragging Duke with me, spraying the air ahead with chill, and trying to hang onto my footing. I didn't know which way I was going. "Hey, God, give me a sign. Something. Anything. Please. Save me. Save Duke. At least save Duke. I've already got Shorty's death on my conscience. Isn't that enough? Let me save Dukethen you can have me if you want me. I'm scared of dying, God-" I gulped on that one "-and I'm sorry, I've been an asshole. Please-God, I thought you had bigger plans for me. This isn't the way it's supposed to work out, is it?" My throat was getting dry. My voice cracked. I didn't know why I was saying all this. It was just something to say while I pushed on.

And then, something happened. Inside me.

Something shifted.

I realized what I was doing. I remembered something Duke had said to me. "You oughta try it sometime."

I gulped again.

This was stupid. But

I could feel myself really caring. Really wanting to make contact. If it were possible.

"Um-I don't know how to do this, I really don't. I guess I should just talk, shouldn't I? So, um-let me start at the beginning. I'm really doing this for Duke. I've been selfish and-oh, hell, I know you can't save Duke without saving me too, but-"

My feet moved. My mouth worked. I pushed forward. And I prayed.

"God-I don't even know if I believe in you. I don't know that you exist. I never thought about it. So-I guess I'm just another goddam hypocrite only believing in you now when there's no other hope-I'm going crazy here, God-it's just not fair. I'd always thought someday I'd have the chance to find out what it all meant. Are you listening, God?" I stumbled then and fell forward into the pink and somehow the belt to Duke's harness came off my arm. I felt it slip off.

It was gone.

I lay there in the powder, paralyzed.

Duke was only inches from me. If I moved, I could lose him. I had to be careful. Very careful.

I raised myself up to my knees. I reached backward, back and back-I fumbled in the dust. Please, God-let me find Duke. Nothing else-let me find Duke.

I ignored the sound in my ears. I had to find Duke. Carefully, I turned myself around, praying that I wouldn't slip sideways down another slope, or turn myself the wrong way. I felt around. I sprawled flat and felt ahead-my hand touched something-I grabbed it

It was Duke's arm. Oh, thank you, God!

I felt around for his face. I found it. I was blind. The world was pink. I didn't care if I never saw again. Just let him be alive! I brought my face close to Duke's and listened. Tried to listen. Couldn't. There was too much noise. But his mask was making rasping sounds! He was still breathing! Oh, sweet heaven-thank you, God! Now, please-let me get him to the chopper!

The sound in my ears was getting louder. Annoying. Insistent. What the hell was that anyway? It sounded like a siren.

I stopped to catch my breath. And listened.

The sound was muffled by the dust. It was close by, yet sounded very far away. Some kind of whooping.

It was a siren! It came out of the pinkness as a steady series of short sharp rising yelps.

The chopper? It had to be!

What was it doing way over there to my left? I'd been heading wrong! I didn't care. Thank you, God! We could make it!

I tied Duke's belt around my wrist again. I stumbled back to my feet. I faced the siren. I pushed. I dragged Duke behind me. I focused only on the sound.

It was whooping like a demon. Like someone beating a bassett hound. The strokes were sharp and steady. A yelping purple sound. It was the only thing in the world that wasn't pink. And I pushed toward it.

I sprayed the liquid nitrogen ahead. I crunched through dust. I pushed through crackling spiderweb fluffiness. Everything was pink. But I could hear the siren and I knew that we were saved! Thank you, God. Thanks!

There is a job here for me, isn't there!