Through the Zombie Glass

Chapter 22 Can’t Go Back to Yesterday

Nana had waited up for me, and I hugged her as planned. She looked me over and twittered over each of my bruises and abrasions.

“I’m so glad you’re okay. When Cole called and told me you’d been in a car accident, my heart almost stopped.”

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“Ali, I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”

“Nana, I...” Didn’t know what to say.

“I know you’re fighting for a good cause, but it’s hard on me sometimes. Waiting and worrying.”

“I’m sorry,” I repeated, but I couldn’t promise to morph into a normal teenager with normal problems, and we both knew it.

“Yes, well, enough about that for now.” As she bustled around the kitchen to make me a sandwich, she changed the subject and said, “Are you and Cole back together? Or are you seeing two hot totties at the same time? Or are you single and just playing the court?”

Hot totties? Playing the court? “No, Cole and I aren’t back together, but we are going to a party on Thursday. And Gavin... Well, he and I will only ever be friends.”

“I think maybe you need to rethink things with Cole. He’s good for you. You light up when you see him, and he can actually get you to smile. It’s an honor few people receive.”

I smiled so rarely? I hadn’t noticed.

She slid the sandwich in front of me, and after I’d eaten every crumb, she put the plate in the sink and patted my shoulder. “Ali, bear, I know your mom talked to you about, you know, sex, so there’s no need for me to mention STDs and babies.”

Someone kill me. “Right. No need,” I managed to croak.

“But I’m going to mention them anyway. I read that a lot of teens are too embarrassed to buy condoms, and that’s one of the reasons teen pregnancy is so high, so, if you ever want me to, you know, buy you some, please just let me know. Not that I’m condoning sex at your age. I’m not. I really think you should wait until your emotions are as ready as your body.”

Seriously. A gun to the head. A knife in the gut. Either would work. “Cole and I haven’t had sex.”

“But judging by the way you look at him, you’ve considered it and I’d guess you’ve come pretty close—”

“Nana. Please.”

“Oh, all right. I just don’t want to see you get hurt. Sex can be a commitment for a girl, and a mere moment for a boy and—”

“Nana!”

“Okay, okay. Go on to bed,” she said, kissing my temple. “You look ready to fall over.”

Cheeks burning, I stood and gave her another hug. “Love you.”

“Love you, too. I’ll see you in the morning before school.”

I drifted to sleep the moment I was snuggled in the softness of my covers.

I wasn’t sure how many hours passed before I noticed the light streaming through the curtains. A new day. I lumbered out of bed, my body far more sore than it had been last night. A hot, steaming shower helped, but not enough to keep me from wincing as I dressed in a pink T-shirt and jeans and dried my hair, leaving it down.

My door opened, the hinges loud. “Ali?” Nana said. “You awake?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. You’ve got a visitor.”

I frowned. “Who?”

Gavin stepped beside her and grinned. “Me.”

Nana arched a brow at me.

I shrugged—I wasn’t sure why he was here—then nodded to let her know I’d be okay with him.

For a moment, she wrestled with indecision. And I think if the situation had been any different—if I hadn’t been a slayer, used to taking care of myself, if I hadn’t been dealing with Z.A., fearing for my life—she would have forced us to go into the living room.

“You have ten minutes,” she finally said, and walked away.

Gavin stepped inside and I was grateful he didn’t shut the door. Curious, I motioned for him to sit at the desk, then eased onto the side of the bed, across from him.

He laughed. “Afraid the vision will come true?”

Yes. No. Maybe. “What are you doing here?”

“Thought I’d drive you to school today.”

“That’s nice of you.”

“Well, I’m a nice guy.”

“I guess that depends who you ask,” I said drily, and he grinned.

“Funny girl.” He sobered. “I heard about the crash and explosion and wanted to check on you. You okay?”

“I’m sore and upset a man was killed in front of me, but yeah. I’m dealing.”

“I’m sorry.”

I nodded to acknowledge the words. My nose wrinkled as I caught a peculiar scent, distracting me. “What is it I’m smelling?”

“My manliness?”

I crossed my arms. “Seriously. What?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s like you couldn’t decide on an air freshener, so you decided to use them all.”

He gave another exuberant laugh. “Maybe that’s exactly what happened.”

“Or...you were with another girl or six last night? Oh, my gosh. That’s it!”

He shrugged, unabashed.

“How do you get the girls to flock to you like that?”

“Besides this beautiful face?” he said, rubbing his jaw. “I can speak French, and they like it.”

I gaped. “You speak French?”

His eyelids dipped to half-mast, as if they were too heavy to hold up. “Je peux casser trois briques avec ma main.”

Grinning, I fanned myself.

He wiggled his brows. “Sexy, right?”

“Not going to answer that. So, what’d you say?”

“I can break three bricks with my hand.”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed.

He stood, drawing my gaze to the band of skin revealed as the hem of his shirt lifted from his jeans. Tanned muscles underneath. Beautiful. But I was happy to note I still felt nothing romantic for him.

“We should go.” He held out his hand, waved his fingers.

His scent wafted to me once again. This time, hunger pangs followed.

Feed.

I moaned. Not again. Not here, not now. Not with him.

Fight this.

“Ali?” Concerned, he closed the distance.

Even though I told myself not to, I gripped him by the forearms. I rose to my tiptoes and put my nose at his neck, breathing deeply. So. Good.

“Ali?” Curiosity this time.

“You should run.” Even as I warned him, I swung him around and pushed, sending him to the bed, on his back. As he bounced, I climbed on top of him. “Don’t run. I need you,” I said, only I wasn’t speaking this time. She was.

She’d used my voice, putting everything she had into taking me over.

Gavin’s brows furrowed with confusion, but he didn’t protest as I leaned down...down...and pressed my lips against his neck. One of his hands actually tangled in my hair, holding me close, helping her.

“Let me shut the door,” he whispered.

Stop! I inwardly screamed. Please, stop.

She laughed with glee. “No.” Gripping his chin, she forced his head to the side for better access. He allowed it, his lower body arching into mine. He ran his fingers down my spine, cupped my butt.

She ran my tongue up the length of his throat.

He shuddered. “Yeah. I like that, but one of us really should shut the door.”

“Forget the stupid door.” She bared my teeth.

Hard bands wrapped around my upper arms and jerked me backward.

She struggled to free my body and get back to Gavin. So close! His eyes were wide. He was panting from exertion, his pulse thumping wildly. He was confused—no, now he was afraid. She’d made him afraid, and she knew the fear would taste so sweet.

“Her eyes are red,” he gasped out.

“Ali! Snap out of it.”

Cole’s voice.

I tried to speak. I gurgled.

He tossed me on the floor and pinned me with his knees. She continued to struggle against him, turning my head in an effort to bite into his inner thigh.

He barked something. I don’t know what. Then Gavin was there, placing something in Cole’s hand. A needle. A needle Cole jabbed into my neck. A familiar cool stream bathed me.

I sagged into the carpet. Cole glared down at me, violet eyes crackling.

“Ali,” he said.

“Yes,” I croaked.

He eased off me. “You were trying to feed from him.”

I rolled to my side and curled into a ball. “Leave. Please.”

“Ali.” Gavin this time.

“Get out of here.” Cole scooped me up in his arms and carried me toward the bed.

Gavin was trying to lead my Nana away.

“Is she going to be okay?” she whispered.

“Yeah. I’ve got her now.” Cole lay down with me still locked tight in his embrace.

He held me for a long while, whispering to me, smoothing his hands through my hair.

“I hate this,” I said.

“I know.”

“She took over, Cole. She used my voice, controlled my actions.”

“The new antidote stopped her.”

“For now. But we both know I can’t take the antidote forever.”

He kissed my temple.

“Cole.”

“Yes?”

“If she takes over and the antidote doesn’t work, I need you to—”

“Don’t say it,” he growled.

“—kill me,” I finished anyway. “Please.”

“That’s not going to happen, Ali.”

That wasn’t what my instincts said. Maybe it was time to bring back my original to-do list, version two, but with a slight tweak. Find a way to disable the zombie inside me. Kill the zombie inside me. Addendum: even if I have to die, too.

I made it through the school day without incident. I hadn’t wanted to go, but Cole had insisted, citing I couldn’t afford another absence. He watched over me, making sure my zombie side didn’t try to take over.

He even dropped me off at work, only to return an hour later and remain inside the coffeehouse for the rest of my shift. My coworkers stared at him, the guys frightened, the girls excited. Everyone whispered, speculating about who he was, and why he was there.

I think I blew their minds when I left with him.

“Any zombie sightings tonight?” I asked. The moon was high, full.

“So far, none.”

“Shouldn’t you be out there searching?”

“I traded nights with Gavin.” His voice tightened. “He owed me.”

“Don’t fight him over me. Over what happened.”

“I want to, but I won’t,” he said tightly. “You aren’t mine. Not officially. Technically he didn’t do anything wrong.”

He dropped me off at home but didn’t try to kiss me. I couldn’t blame him.

I received a text from him the next day. No party tonight, I’m sorry & I’m not ditching U this time, promise. My dad is sending me out of town. Will U miss me?

Me: I plead the 5th.

Him: I will definitely miss U.

Sappy girl. My heart soared.

I could have gone to the party with Kat, but after what had happened with Gavin, I wasn’t going to risk it. And, to be honest, I was kind of bummed that I wouldn’t be seeing Cole.

As the week passed, I received at least one text a day from him.

Friday.

Him: I can’t stop thinking about our last kiss. U were topless.

Me (blushing): Thanks 4 the reminder.

Him: If U needed a reminder, I need 2 work on my technique.

Saturday.

Him: Are U eating properly?

Me: Yes, Dad.

Him: I kind of like the sound of that. How about a spanking??

Sunday.

Him: I actually watched the Hallmark channel 2day & thought of U. The main couple went at it like monkeys.

Where was he? Who was he with?

The questions began to plague me, but I never asked. I wanted him to offer the information freely.

Monday.

Him: I hear Z’s were out last night in Bama. U being careful? I know U walk home from work—when I get back I’m teaching U how 2 drive, no more excuses from U.

Me: I’m being careful, swear. Are U?

Him: When I’ve got something precious 2 come home 2? YES.

How did all caps make me feel so warm and fuzzy?

Tuesday.

Him: I’m in a bunkhouse with six other guys, & 3 of them snore. Am considering offering myself 2 the Z’s on silver platter just 2 escape.

Me: No girls there 2 soothe UR pains?

What a subtle hint.

Him: Why, Ali B, is that jealousy I detect??

Me: NO!

It was. It so was. Lying? Really? Over this? I kind of sucked.

He didn’t respond, and I reeled with guilt.

Wednesday.

Him: There’s only 1 girl 4 me.

After that, the texts stopped coming. Another week passed. I couldn’t allow myself to worry. The more stressed I was, the weaker my body was, and I needed my body at top strength.

Mr. Ankh had managed to duplicate the antidote, so I had an unlimited supply. And as long as I injected myself three times a day, all signs of Z.A. were kept at bay.

Check off the list: disabled.

Side note: for now.

How long would the reprieve last? Not much longer, I didn’t think.

But I wasn’t going to worry about that today. Nana and I stood on Kat’s doorstep, a glass partition between us and warmth. Just as Nana raised her hand to ring the bell, an apron-wearing Kat stepped into view. She smiled when she spotted us.

She was pale today. I’d gone to a few of her dialysis appointments and knew she’d had one late last night. She had three a week, sometimes four, and they were grueling on her, but she never complained—more than a dozen times.

“Hurry up before you freeze us all!” she said, waving us in. Flour streaked her cheek, and there was a smear of something red on her chin. “Oh, and Merry Christmas.”

This morning, I’d called for Emma, needing her face to be the first I saw on Christmas, just as it had been when she was alive. She’d arrived with a huge smile and hadn’t seemed to mind that she was dead (in body) and that our family wasn’t together. I was trying not to mind, as well.

Nana had given me a glass heart, with tiny pictures of my mom, dad, grandfather and sister peppered throughout. I would cherish it forever. I’d given Nana a bracelet with a charm to represent every member of our family.

Two guys sat in the living room with Kat’s dad, Gary. All three guys stared at the TV, riveted by the football game. My attention became riveted on one of the guys and I stumbled to a halt, nearly dropping the pumpkin pie I held.

“Cole,” I gasped. He was back. He was here.

He hadn’t called or texted me.

Three pairs of eyes swung in my direction.

Gary stood and grinned. “Nice to see you again, Ali.”

“You, too,” I said with a distracted nod.

My gaze remained locked with Cole’s, my heart careening out of control. I waited for a vision, hoping, praying, but...no. Not this time. “When did you get back?”

“Three days ago,” he admitted through tight lips.

Three days. Why had he stopped texting? Had he met someone else? I swallowed the questions I clearly had no right to ask, but couldn’t swallow my hurt. “Well, I’m glad you’re okay.”

Kat patted me on the butt. “After I explained to Cole the consequences of not coming, he was more than happy to show up.”

“Threatening people again, Katherine?” Gary tsked.

“Always, Daddy.”

“It’s one of the things I like best about her,” Frosty said.

Gary ignored him and looked to Cole. “I’m sorry about that, son.”

“Don’t be.” Cole looked me over, seeming to drink me in, and I shivered. “I wanted to be here.”

Then why hadn’t he contacted me? Why a renewal of the hot-and-cold treatment?

Nana swept into the living room, taking a seat between the two boys. “I’ve missed you guys, and it hurts my heart that you never come by anymore. So, now you’re going to make it up to me and tell me what’s been going on in your lives.”

“Come on,” Kat whispered to me.

I followed her to the kitchen. “What did you threaten Cole with?” I asked when we were alone.

“I told him I’d set you up with my cousin Rick.”

“And that worked?”

“Like magic.”

I fit the pie between the giant turkey and the stuffing. The rest of the counter was covered with bowls of broccoli and rice casserole, cranberry sauce, green beans, corn, gravy, mashed potatoes and to my surprise, spaghetti.

“You did all of this?” I asked.

“Everything but the spaghetti.”

“Which you have because...?”

“Of my rules. I only eat what I’m craving, and I was craving my dad’s spaghetti. He got up earlier and made it for me so he’d be out of my way when I needed the kitchen.”

How sweet was that? “Well, what can I do to help?”

“Exactly what you’re doing. Stand there and look pretty. The rolls are baking, and as soon as they’re done, we’ll be ready to consume like the manimals we are.”

Cole stalked into the room. He didn’t say a word, but grabbed my hand and led me away, much like he’d done Halloween night. I glanced back at Kat. Just as she had at the club, she gave me a thumbs-up.

He didn’t stop until we were on the front porch, the cold surrounding us.

“You have to stop doing that,” I said.

“What?”

“Tugging me around without a word.”

“And give you a chance to refuse?”

Good point.

“How are you?” he asked, peering deep into my eyes, searching for...what?

“I’m good.” I licked my lips. “How have you been?”

“Busy. My dad was upset that I didn’t tell him about the spy sooner.”

“Is that why he sent you away?”

“One of the reasons. By the way, he’s been following Ethan and so far hasn’t found anything suspicious.”

Were we on the wrong track? “What’s another reason?”

He sighed. “He thought I needed to take a break from... Well, it doesn’t matter.”

From me, then. I did my best to mask my wounded feelings.

“Don’t,” Cole said, brushing his fingertips over my cheek. “He thought I needed some perspective, so he sent me to Georgia to help Gavin and Veronica’s usual crew.”

“They went with you?” I shrieked. Then I cringed.

He actually smiled. “No. They stayed here.” He tugged at the hem of my shirt, causing me to stumble into him. “So...I got you a Christmas present.”

My eyes widened. “But I didn’t get you anything. I mean, I thought about it, but I didn’t—”

“That’s okay,” he said, his grin widening. “I can’t give yours to you now. I have to wait till you come over to my house. Having you there is all the gift I need.”

What could he have gotten me?

His expression suddenly darkened, surprising me, reminding me of a storm about to break. “About Gavin, and what happened with him.”

Guilt pierced me, and my gaze dropped to my feet. That was right, we hadn’t talked about it. Not really. “I’m sorry. He came over. We were in the middle of a conversation, an innocent conversation, and the hunger hit.”

“Don’t be sorry. I came over, too, hoping to drive you to school. Your grandmother mentioned Gavin was there, so I sprinted back to your room. I was planning to clean the floor with his face. Then I saw you on the bed with him, and I admit, it looked bad. But then it hit me. I know you. You wouldn’t kiss me one day, and another guy the next, and you wouldn’t kiss a guy with the door open while your grandmother was in the other room. The truth hit me a second later, and I grabbed you before you could bite him.”

“You trusted me,” I said, shocked to my soul, “despite what you saw.” That was absolutely, utterly huge.

“Yes,” he said. He fit his hands against my jaw. “I told you I did. I’m in this thing, Ali. All the way.”

“But...why did you stop texting me?”

I saw the ice frost over his eyes, and I shuddered. “My dad was monitoring my phone feed.”

Oh. The ice wasn’t for me, but for his father.

I looked away from him, trying to give myself time to think, and caught a glance of my reflection in the glass. I stumbled backward.

Zombie Ali was back.

Flickers of red burned in her eyes, and the black smudges on her cheeks were thicker. She smiled at me, waved—and then, through the reflection, I watched her step out of my body, away from the glass.