The witching hour

Fifty

IT WAS TWO in the morning before they all left. He had never seen so many happy people completely oblivious to what was really going on.

But what was really going on? It was a great warm house, full of laughter and singing, with its many fires burning, and outside the snow floating down, covering the trees and the shrubbery and the paths with luminous whiteness. And why shouldn’t they all be having a wonderful time?

How they’d laughed as they slipped on the snow-covered flagstones, and crunched through the ice in the gutters. There had been enough snow even for the children to make, snowballs. In their caps and mittens they had skittered along the frozen crust that covered the lawn.

Even Aunt Viv had loved the snow. She had drunk too much sherry, and in those moments reminded him frighteningly of his mother, though Bea and Lily, who had become her dearest friends, did not seem to care.

Rowan had been perfect all evening, singing carols with them at the piano, posing for the pictures before the tree.

And this was his dream, wasn’t it, full of radiant faces and ringing voices, people who knew how to appreciate this moment-glasses clinked together in toasts, lips pressed to cheeks, and the melancholy sound of the old songs.

“So sweet of you to do this so soon after the wedding … ”

“ … All gathered like in the old days.”

“Christmas the way it ought to be.”

And they had so admired his precious ornaments, and though they had been cautioned not to, they piled their little presents beneath the tree.

There were moments when he couldn’t stand it. He’d gone upstairs to the third floor and climbed out on the roof of the north bedroom and stood near the parapet wall, looking towards downtown and the city lights. Snow on the rooftop, snow etching windowsills and gables and chimneys, and snow falling thin and beautiful, as far as he could see.

It was everything he’d ever wanted, as full and rich as the wedding, and he had never been more unhappy. It was as if that thing had its hand around his throat. He could have put his fist through a wall in his anxiety. It was bitter, bitter as grief is bitter.

And it seemed in the pockets of quiet through which he wandered, upstairs away from them, that he could feel that thing. That when he laid his naked fingers on the door frames and the doorknobs, he caught great raging glimpses of it in the shadows.

“You’re here, Lasher. I know you’re here.”

Something stepped back for him in the shadows, playing with him, sliding up the dark walls away from him, and then dispersing so that he found himself in the upper hallway, in the dim light, alone.

Anyone spying on him would have thought he was a madman. He laughed. Is that how Daniel McIntyre had seemed in his drunken, wandering old age? What about all the other eunuch husbands who sensed the secret? They went off to mistresses-and certain death, it seemed-or drifted into irrelevance. What the hell was going to happen to him?

But this wasn’t the finish. This was only the beginning, and she had to be playing for time. He had to believe that behind her silent pleas her love waited to reveal itself in truth again.

At last they’d gone.

The very last invitations to Christmas dinner had been tactfully refused, and promises had been made for future get-togethers. Aunt Viv would dine with Bea on Christmas Eve and they weren’t to worry about her. They could have this Christmas to themselves.

Polaroid pictures had been exchanged and sleeping children gathered up from couches, and last-minute hugs given, and then out they all went into the clean bright cold.

Weary of the strain and sick with worry, he’d taken his time locking up. No need to smile now. No need to pretend anything. And God, what had the strain been like for her?

He dreaded going up the stairs. He went through the house checking windows, checking the little green tiny pinpoints of light on the alarm panel, and turning on the faucets to save the pipes from the freeze.

Finally he stood in the parlor, in front of his beautiful lighted tree.

Had there ever been a Christmas as bitter and lonely as this one? He would have been in a rage if it had served any purpose.

For a while he lay on the sofa, letting the fire burn itself out in the fireplace, and talking silently to Julien and Deborah, asking them as he had a thousand times tonight, what was he meant to do?

At last he climbed the stairs. The bedroom was hushed and dark. She was covered with blankets, so he saw only her hair against the pillow, her face turned away.

How many times this evening had he tried to catch her eye, and failed? Had anyone noticed that they spoke not a single syllable to each other? Everyone was too certain of their happiness. Just as he’d been so certain.

He walked silently to the front window and pulled back the heavy damask drape so that he might look at the falling snow for the last time. It was well after midnight-Christmas Eve already. And tonight would come that magic moment when he would take stock of his life and his accomplishments, when he would shape in dreams and plans the coming year.

Rowan, it’s not going to end like this. It’s only a skirmish. We knew at the beginning, so much more than the others …

He turned and saw her hand on the pillow, slender and beautiful, fingers lightly curled.

Silently he drew close to her. He wanted to touch her hand, to feel its warmth against his fingers, to grab hold of her as if she were floating away from him in some dark perilous sea. But he didn’t dare.

His heart was tripping and he felt that warm pain in his chest as he looked back out into the snowfall. And then his eyes settled on her face.

Her eyes were open. She was staring at him in the darkness. And her lips slowly spread in a long, vicious smile.

He was petrified. Her face was white in the dim light from outside, and hard as marble, and the smile was frozen and the eyes gleamed like pieces of glass. His heart quickened and the warm pain spread through his chest. He continued to stare at her, unable to take his eyes off her, and then his hand shot out before he could stop it and he grabbed her wrist.

Her entire body twisted, and the vicious mask of her face crumpled completely and she sat up suddenly, anxious and confused. “What is it, Michael?” She stared at her wrist, and slowly he let her go. “I’m glad you woke me,” she whispered. Her eyes were wide and her lip trembled. “I was having the most terrible dream.”

“What did you dream, Rowan?”

She sat still, peering before her, and then she clasped her hands as if tearing at one with the other. And he was vaguely aware that he’d once seen her in that desperate gesture before.

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I don’t know what it was. It was this place … centuries ago, and these doctors were gathered together. And the body lying on the table was so small.” Her voice was low and full of agony and suddenly the tears spilled down as she looked up at him.

“Rowan.”

She put up her hand. As he sank down on the side of the bed, she pressed her fingers against his lips.

“Don’t say it, Michael, please. Don’t say it. Don’t speak a word.”

She shook her head frantically.

And sick with relief and hurt, he merely slipped his fingers around her neck, and as she bowed her head, he tried not to break down himself.

You know I love you, you know all the things I want to say.

When she was calmer, he took both of her hands and squeezed them tightly and he closed his eyes.

Trust me, Michael.

“OK, honey,” he whispered. “OK.” Clumsily, he stripped off his clothes, and he climbed in under the covers beside her, catching the warm clean fragrance of her flesh, and he lay there, eyes open, thinking that he would never rest, feeling her shiver against him, and then gradually as the hours ticked by, as her body softened and he saw that her eyes were closed, he slipped into uneasy sleep.

It was afternoon when he woke. He was alone, and the bedroom was suffocatingly warm. He showered and dressed and went downstairs. He couldn’t find her. The lights of the tree were burning, but the house was empty.

He went through the rooms one by one.

He went outside in the coldness and walked all through the frozen garden, where the snow had become a hard glistening layer of ice over the walks and the grass. Back around the oak tree, he searched for her, but she was nowhere to be found.

And finally, he put on his heavy coat and he went out for a walk.

The sky was a deep still blue. And the neighborhood was magnificent, all dressed in white, exactly as it had been that long-ago Christmas, the last one that he was ever here.

A panic rose in him.

It was Christmas Eve and they had made no preparations. He had his little gift for her, hidden away in the pantry, a silver hand mirror which he’d found in his shop in San Francisco, and carefully wrapped long before he left, but what did it matter when she had all those jewels and all that gold, and all those riches beyond imagination? And he was alone. His thoughts, were going round in circles.

Christmas Eve and the hours were melting away.

He went into the market on Washington Avenue, which was jammed with last-minute shoppers, and in a daze he bought the turkey and the other makings, rummaging in his pockets for the bills he needed, like a drunk searching for every last penny for a bottle he couldn’t afford. People were laughing and chatting about the snowfall. White Christmas in New Orleans. He found himself staring at them as if they were strange animals. And all their funny noises only made him feel small and alone. He hefted the heavy sack into one arm, and started for home.

He’d walked only a few steps when he saw the firehouse where his dad had once worked. It was all done over; he scarcely recognized it now except that it was in the same place and there was the enormous archway through which the engine had roared out into the street when he was a boy. He and his dad had sat together in straight-back chairs out there on the sidewalk.

He must have looked like a drunk now, for sure stranded there, staring at the firehouse, with all the fire fighters having sense enough to be inside where it was warm. All those years ago, at Christmas, his father dying in that fire.

When he looked up at the sky, he realized it was the color of slate now, and the daylight was dying. Christmas Eve and absolutely everything had gone wrong.

No one answered his call when he came in the door. Only the tree gave off a soft glow in the parlor. He wiped his feet on the that and walked back through the long hallway, his hands and face hurting from the cold. He unpacked the bag and put the turkey out, thinking that he would go through with all the steps, he’d do it the way he’d always done it-and tonight, at midnight, the feast would be ready, just at that hour when in the old days they’d be crowded into the church for Midnight Mass.

It wasn’t Holy Communion, but it was their meal together, and this was Christmas and the house wasn’t haunted and ruined and dark.

Go through the motions.

Like a priest who’s sold his soul to the devil, going to the altar of God to say Mass.

He put the packages in the cupboard. It wasn’t too soon to begin. He laid out the candles. Have to find the candlesticks for them. And surely she was around here somewhere. She’d gone out walking too perhaps and now she was home.

The kitchen was dark. The snow was falling again. He wanted to turn on the lights. In fact, he wanted to turn them on everywhere, to fill the house with light. But he didn’t move. He stood very still in the kitchen, looking out through the French doors over the back garden, watching the snow melt as it struck the surface of the pool. A rim of ice had formed around the edges of the blue water. He saw it glistening and he thought how cold that water must be, so awfully hurtfully cold.

Cold like the Pacific on that summer Sunday when he’d been standing there, empty and slightly afraid. The path from that moment seemed infinitely long. And it was as if all energy or will had left him now, and the cold room held him prisoner, and he could not move a finger to make himself comfortable or safe or warm.

A long time passed. He sat down at the table, lighted a cigarette and watched the darkness come down. The snow had stopped, but the ground was covered in a fresh clean whiteness again.

Time to do something, time to begin the dinner. He knew it, yet he couldn’t move. He smoked another cigarette, comforted by the sight of the tiny burning red flame, and then as he crushed it out, he merely sat still, doing nothing, the way he had for hours in his room on Liberty Street, drifting in and out of a silent panic, unable to think or move.

He didn’t know how long he sat there. But at some time or other, the pool lights came on, shining brilliantly up through the blackness of the night, making a great piece of blue glass of the pool. The dark foliage came alive around it, spattered with the whiteness. And the ground took on a ghostly lunar glow.

He wasn’t alone. He knew it, and as the knowledge penetrated, he realized he had only to turn his head and see her standing there, in the far doorway to the pantry, with her arms folded, her head and shoulders outlined against the pale cabinets behind her, her breath making only the smallest, the most subtle sound.

This was the purest dread he’d ever known. He stood up, slipped the pack of cigarettes into his pocket, and when he looked up she was gone.

He went after her, moving swiftly through the darkened dining room and into the hallway again, and then he saw her all the way at the far end, in the light from the tree, standing against the high white front door.

He saw the keyhole shape perfect and distinct around her, and how small she looked in it, and as he came closer and closer, her stillness shocked him. He was terrified of what he’d see when he finally drew close enough to make out the features of her face in the airy dark.

But it wasn’t that awful marble face he’d seen last night. She was merely looking at him, and the soft colored illumination from the tree filled her eyes with dim reflected light.

“I was going to fix our supper. I bought everything. It’s back there.” How uncertain he sounded. How miserable. He tried to pull himself together. He took a deep breath and hooked his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans. “Look, I can start it now. It’s just a small turkey. It will be done in a few hours, and I have everything. It’s all there. We’ll set the table with the pretty china. We’ve never used any of the china. We’ve never had a meal on the table. This is … this is Christmas Eve.”

“You have to go,” she said.

“I … I don’t understand you.”

“You have to get out of here now.”

“Rowan?”

“You have to leave, Michael. I have to be alone here now.”

“Honey, I don’t understand what you’re telling me.”

“Get out, Michael.” Her voice dropped lower, becoming harder. “I want you to go.”

“It’s Christmas Eve, Rowan. I don’t want to go.”

“It’s my house, Michael, I’m telling you to leave it. I’m telling you to get out.”

He stared at her for a moment, stared at the way her face was changing, at the twist of her drawn lips, at the way her eyes had narrowed and she had lowered her head slightly and was looking up at him from under her brows.

“You … you’re not making any sense, Rowan. Do you realize what you’re saying?”

She took several steps towards him. He braced himself, refusing to be frightened. In fact his fear was alchemizing into anger.

“Get out, Michael,” she hissed at him. “Get out of this house and leave me here to do what I must do.”

Suddenly her hand swung up and forward, and before he realized what was happening, he felt the shocking slap across his face.

The pain stung him. The anger crested; but it was more bitter and painful than any anger he’d ever felt. Shocked and in a fury, he stared at her.

“It’s not you, Rowan!” he said. He reached out for her, and the hand came up and as he went to block it, he felt her shove him backwards against the wall. In rage and confusion, he looked at her. She came closer, her eyes firing in the glow from the parlor.

“Get out of here,” she whispered. “Do you hear what I’m saying?”

Stunned, he watched as her fingers dug into his arm. She shoved him to the left, towards the front door. Her strength was shocking to him, but physical strength had nothing to do with it. It was the malice emanating from her; it was the old mask of hate again covering her features.

“Get out of this house now, I’m ordering you out,” she said, her fingers releasing him, and grabbing at the doorknob and turning it and opening the door on the cold wind.

“How can you do this to me!” he asked her. “Rowan, answer me. How can you do it?”

In desperation, he reached for her and this time nothing stopped him. He caught her and shook her, and her head fell to the side for an instant and then she turned back, merely staring at him, daring him to continue, silently forcing him to let her go.

“What good are you to me dead, Michael?” she whispered. “If you love me, leave now. Come back when I call you. I must do this alone.”

“I can’t. I won’t do it.”

She turned her back on him and walked down the hall, and he went after her.

“Rowan, I’m not going, do you hear me? I don’t care what happens, I’m not leaving you. You can’t ask me to do that.”

“I knew you wouldn’t,” she said softly as he followed her into the dark library. The heavy velvet drapes were closed and he could barely see her figure as she moved towards the desk.

“Rowan, we can’t go on not talking about it. It’s destroying us. Rowan, listen to me.”

“Michael, my beautiful angel, my archangel,” she said, with her back turned to him, her words muffled. “You’d rather die, wouldn’t you, than trust in me?”

“Rowan, I’ll fight him with my bare hands if I have to.” He came towards her. Where were the lamps in this room? He reached out, trying to find the brass lamp beside the chair, and then she wheeled around and bore down on him.

He saw the syringe raised.

“No, Rowan!”

The needle sank into his arm in the same instant.

“Christ, what have you done to me!” But he was already falling to the side, just as if he had no legs, and then the lamp went over on the floor, and he was lying beside it, staring right at the pale sharp spike of the broken bulb.

He tried to say her name, but his lips wouldn’t move.

“Sleep, my darling,” she said. “I love you. I love you with my whole soul.”

Far far away he heard the sound of buttons on a phone. Her voice was so faint and the words … what was she saying? She was talking to Aaron. Yes, Aaron …

And when they lifted him, he said Aaron’s name.

“You’re going to Aaron, Michael,” she whispered. “He’s going to take care of you.”

Not without you, Rowan, he tried to say, but he was sinking down again, and the car was moving, and he heard a man’s voice: “You’ll be OK, Mr. Curry. We’re taking you to your friend. You just lie still back there. Dr. Mayfair said you’re going to be fine.”

Fine, fine, fine …

Hirelings. You don’t understand. She’s a witch, and she’s put me under a spell with her poison, the way Charlotte did it to Petyr, and she’s told you a damnable lie.