The Final Expedition

Day Forty-Four

I sat on the exercise bike in the Destiny lab, my feet clipped into the pedals, but stationary now. A film was playing on the screen opposite, but I was no longer paying attention. Instead, I kept on playing the moment in the airlock from the day before over and over in my head. I was so disappointed and angry with myself. It should have been one of the highlights of my life.

“Don’t worry about it.” Aki said as she pulled herself through the module on her way to the Kibo module. “Astronauts have months of training for spacewalks. It was a big ask to expect you to throw yourself out of an airlock like that.” I nodded, appreciating the sentiment, even if it did little to lift my despondency.

“It’s true.” Flynn commented from his nearby experiment rack. “Morrison had no business expecting you to climb into a spacesuit and perform an E.V.A. Only real astronauts have the training required.”

“Thanks Flynn.” I replied, giving the American the benefit of the doubt that he was actually sympathising with me rather than having another sly dig.

“Certainly it’s nothing to beat yourself up about.” Aki added.

“I’m just so disappointed with myself.” I replied. “It should have been a dream come true to go for a spacewalk, but instead I froze up like a frightened child. I just feel so… so…”

“Impotent?” Flynn suggested dryly.

“Humiliated.” I finished, glaring at him.

“Perhaps you’ll get another opportunity.” Aki suggested. I nodded and smiled uncertainly, wondering if I even wanted another opportunity.