Ripple

Chapter Thirty-One

I stay home sick from school the next day. And in a way, it’s true: I am sick. Sick of the curse. Sick of my life.

I can’t face Cole right now. Not when I know what nearly happened. What I nearly did.

I stay in bed all day as my grandmother’s television blares in the living room. The bowl of soup she gave me sits, cold, on the nightstand next to my bed.

I grip the toy Chevelle in my hand, my thumb sliding over the wheels. Cole nearly joined Steven, six feet under. Because I was too afraid to tell him what I was.

I am supposed to be empty of all feelings, empty of all life. That’s what sirens are in the myths. Killing machines, bent on revenge. But if that’s true, why does the pain in my chest overwhelm me? And why is it that what I want most can’t be met by the siren’s call?

Even Erik wasn’t enough. He was drawn to me just because I was a siren. And that makes him like all the others, even if he knew what he was doing. He wanted me to fix him, and he wanted the life I could give him, but he never really wanted me.

But Cole is different.

And that’s why I’m afraid to see him right now. As long as I don’t face him, as long as I don’t do what I have to do, I can still have the possibility of him. The daydream that he doesn’t sneer and walk away.

But now I know I can’t keep living like this.

I have to tell him.

Tears brim, and I let them slide down my temple, unbidden.

Nothing. That’s what the women in my family get in the end. The guys always leave us far behind when they find out the truth. I don’t know that I can survive that.

I let the tears swallow me whole as I mourn everything I know I’m going to lose once Cole knows.

But then it hits me: Maybe he already does. Maybe he saw me before he drowned, before he mindlessly walked into the lake.

The dreams and hopes that had swelled and grown in the last few weeks shrivel up and die, drowning in my tears.

I turn on my side and hug a pillow against me and let the sobs rack my body, crying so hard it becomes difficult to breathe. I squeeze my eyes shut and wish I could rewind the last month, find the strength to tell him what I should have to begin with.

The next morning, I stand outside the school’s main doors. I didn’t swim last night, which is enough to put me in a foul mood. I nearly went to my lake, but I wasn’t sure what I’d do if Erik were there. If I’d let him hug me, try to take away the pain.

I’m weak. Too weak. And so I stayed away. And now I have a day of classes to get through, and it’s only eight o’clock. I don’t know how I’m going to manage. All I know is that tonight, after all of this is over, I have to go see Cole.

I take in a slow breath and push the heavy entry door open, step into the bustling hallway. Students stream past me, jostling to get to class. They don’t even notice the change in my eyes as they pass me, don’t see that I’m struggling to stay on my feet. I grit my teeth against the pain. It feels as if the carpeted halls are really a gauntlet of broken glass and sharp tin cans splitting the soles of my feet open.

Out of nowhere, a hand clamps onto my wrist. Cold, hard, unwelcome.

I spin around, steeling myself.

But it’s not Cole. It’s Erik. He gives me the strangest look. His eyes are sort of glossed over, a flash of resentment in them. “You were supposed to come over this morning.”

I reach over with my free hand and wrench loose his grip on my arm. “I know, I’m sorry. I’ve had some things to deal with.” I take in his strangely haughty look. I almost don’t recognize him right now. “Look, I’ll talk to you about this later. Soon, okay? Just not right now. I have too much going on.”

That same look flares again, and something inside me shrinks back. I feel a little guilty, but I need to just get through today, make sure Cole is alive and breathing.

I’m still standing close to Erik, so close it wouldn’t take a single step for me to kiss him, when Cole’s hazel eyes come into focus. The second they meet mine, he tears his gaze away and stalks down the hall. Everything inside me hollows out.

A shrill bell rings, and my headache becomes splitting.

That evening, as the sun leaves orange streaks across the skyline, I stand on the beach outside Cole’s house, my bones and limbs still aching. I watch the shadows in his room move behind the curtains. Thirty minutes more, and I’ll have to go. The glow of the sunset seems extreme, illuminating the massive storm clouds building behind me.

The moon should be popping up by now, but the giant bank of clouds blocks it out. I need to swim soon, but I can’t bring myself to leave.

An autumn storm rolls in, and lightning strikes over the ocean, illuminating the sky. Wind whips through my hair, and it streams out behind me, wild and unruly, a moving mass of waves. The cold bites through my blue sweater, but still I stand, and still I stare.

The door to Cole’s room swings open. I consider moving, hiding, but I don’t. I watch him step onto the small deck attached to his room, staying close to the house where the overhang will protect him from the sudden onslaught of raindrops that fall all around me.

One . . . Two . . .

Lightning streaks across the blackened sky, and for one bright moment, I know Cole can see me.

He reaches back and flips the porch light off, engulfing him in shadows as he steps forward into the downpour. His gray T-shirt darkens instantly.

My sweater is soaked through as well, and even my sneakers are wet enough that I can feel the rain on my toes. It’s the sort of rain that soaks you through in seconds, turns your hair to dripping, tangled ropes. I should move. Run. Hide. But I stay rooted as he steps off the deck and into the dunes, as the wind continues to howl.

He climbs over the small sandy hills and crosses the short expanse of reed grass. Before I can react, he’s standing right there in front of me, rain dripping from his hair. His T-shirt clings to the muscles on his shoulders and chest.

“What the hell are you doing?” He has to shout to be heard.

But he’s talking to me. Hope soars in my chest, only to fall at the look in his eyes.

I shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t want this. I nearly killed him, and yet here I am anyway, as if once I tell him what I am—once he realizes it was me at the lake—he’s going to give me another chance. It’s impossible, but still I have to know.

I just can’t stop myself from wanting to be with him. Maybe it’s fate, that he found my lake, went back again. I don’t know why he was there, but all that’s important is that he was.

He’s the only thing that’s ever mattered. He’s the only person I’ve wanted to be close to ever since I knew the truth about myself.

It’s him or no one.

Lightning streaks again, but neither of us flinch. The lightning and thunder seem to be right on top of each other now, and yet we don’t move, don’t break our piercing stares.

“Just answer me one thing!” he yells. The storm nearly swallows his words, ripping them away on the gust of wind. He steps closer and a bead of rainwater slides down the bridge of his nose, drips off. He’s standing so close it lands on the toe of my shoe.

“Did you ever really care about me? At all?”

My lip betrays me by trembling. I resist the urge to step back, retreat. Instead I nod as tears mix with the rain sliding down my cheeks. It’s hard to breathe. I just sniffle.

The anger in his eyes melts, and he reaches out, as if to wipe away the tears. But at the last second, he seems to realize it’s futile. He cups my cheek instead.

“Then why, Lexi? Why are you with him?”

I open my mouth to say something, anything to keep him here with me, but a booming thunderclap rumbles, followed almost instantly by lightning.

I make a decision right then and there. One that will finally tell me if this will ever truly work. I grab him by the T-shirt and pull him closer, shouting into his ear, “I can’t explain. But I can show you. Grab your iPod.”

We sit in my car near the lake, shivering. He from the cold, and me . . . from fear.

My mother played this game once. And it didn’t go well. She showed my dad who she was, and he only ran. It hurts now when I think of it. I never connected with her, never understood her, couldn’t see why she made the choices she did.

But I get it now. Because the same blind hope surges through me. My head and my heart don’t agree. And I’m following my heart. I’m playing with fire, and I know if this all blows up, it’s going to be as bad for me as it was for her. But I can’t have Cole unless I tell him my secrets.

Lying nearly got him killed. It got my mother’s boyfriend killed. Lying is a dangerous game.

Maybe I won’t be able to have him even when he knows the truth about me either. But I have to try. I can’t live like this anymore, not without giving it a shot.

He’s the only thing that makes me feel alive.

“Are you ready?” I say, nearly in a whisper. The rain has quieted, leaves only tiny streaks on the windows. Cole is wearing a jacket now, but I haven’t bothered to change out of my damp sweater and jeans. My toes are wet inside my sneakers, chafing around the edges.

He peers at me in the darkness. “I don’t understand why we’re here.”

“You will. Come on.” I push my door open, and it lets out its usual squeak, only now it sounds like a death knell. It’s not too late to change my mind, pretend I brought him here just to see a lake that looks like a dozen others around here. But that won’t solve anything. That won’t give me Cole.

The rain is little more than a light mist now, and the patchy clouds allow us to see where we’re going by the light of the moon. Funny, how quickly storms pass this close to the ocean.

Cole trips on a root and knocks into me. He’s not used to these paths, can’t navigate his way in the darkness as well as I can. He must have brought a flashlight last night. When he trips again, I take his hand, savor the feeling of it in mine as I lead him by memory. The canopy of the forest blots out the remaining light.

“Wait,” he says, pulling me to a stop. “I’ve been here before—”

“I know,” I say, yanking him back to a walk. I have to get this over with before I change my mind.

His hand is warm in mine, and it’s almost too much. I want to turn around and pin him to a tree and kiss him with everything I have. But instead, I force myself to keep walking, to ignore the humming of my veins.

We emerge into the clearing, and the lake shines under the light of the moon.

“I was just here. Two nights ago . . .” Cole says, a little in awe. “It was so strange, I—”

“I know,” I say. “That’s what this is about. I saw you at this lake over a month ago. Why did you come?”

“I come up here a lot. Not this lake, specifically, but the forest. Just to get away from things. I got turned around that night, ended up here when I should have been on my way home, but it was peaceful and I didn’t want to leave. If you were here, then why didn’t you—”

“Because I didn’t want you to come back. But you did. You don’t understand—this is my lake.”

He furrows his brow. “But it’s part of the park system. At least, I thought it was. One of my favorite trails is just a little further down the gravel road. But this lake is not on the maps.”

“I know. That’s why it’s mine.”

Cole looks like he’s going to say something, then stops himself, looking out at the lake again. I pull him over to the tree where I stood that night I watched him. I can feel it all as if it just happened: the bark digging into my nails, the fury boiling in my veins.

Maybe if I’d known who he’d become to me, how much I’d come to love him, I could have avoided all of this. Instead, I am about to do the one thing I thought I would never do.

Risk everything for a boy.

I guess it’s just the way we are, us sirens. Craving love above all else. Unable to function once we find it. But I refuse to think that everything I have with Cole is as simple as that. He’s one of a kind. I need him. Want him.

Love him.

“Do you want to know what really happened with Steven?”

He searches my eyes, and I just stare right back at him, no longer trying to hide all my secrets. Then he nods.

I look down at the mud between our feet for a long second, taking in a deep breath. I have to do this. I have to. I nearly killed him by hiding the truth.

The words I’d been trying so long to keep inside rush out in one quick burst. “At around eleven that night, at the party, Steven invited me upstairs. I followed him out to the deck, but when I stepped out there, I could hardly hear his voice, because it was like the ocean was raging in my ears. I had this . . . inexplicable need to go swimming. So I asked him to go with me, down to the beach.”

The expression on his face seems frozen, like it’s taking everything he has just to listen to me. The darkness all around us has created odd shadows, and I’m not sure I can see his expression quite right.

I swallow. The story is only going to get worse. “We went down to the beach, and I felt this weird, excited giddiness. It was like an adrenalin rush, but a thousand times stronger. We stripped down and got in the water. Except as soon as I was in, I swam away from him. I . . . I started singing. And then the next thing I knew, everything was silent, and I couldn’t find Steven. I started swimming back to shore and then I . . . then . . . I found him. Floating face down.”

Cole seems to be processing everything in slow motion, his bright hazel eyes turned dark under the waning light of the moon. “You can’t hold yourself responsible for that. He chose to get into the water at night. I read the police reports myself. It’s not your fault.”

“But it is, Cole. It is.”

He blinks and stops. Glances at the lake. Something shifts in his eyes. A flicker of fear?

“I didn’t mean to kill him. I never wanted him to drown. And that’s the truth. I didn’t know what I was doing when I sang. I didn’t know what I was singing at all. But now I know what I am. Know why I wanted to go swimming. I lured him to his death. I’m a siren. It’s what I am.”

At this, he doesn’t move. The moment stretches on and on and on. And then slowly, I see the wheels turning. “I was here a couple of nights ago. I remembering walking here, but then . . . it was like I blacked out. The next thing I knew, I was coughing up lungfuls of water, gasping for breath.”

“That was me. I had to . . . drag you out of the lake and give you CPR.”

“You saved me?”

“Are you not listening? I drowned you!”

The woods are heavy with silence tonight, no crickets or birds. I just told him everything, and he’s just standing there, not even blinking. I wish he’d scream or melt down or run away, because then I’d know what he’s thinking. His silence is enough to make me hope, and all hope ever does is hurt me.

“I don’t understand. Why would he . . . why would I get in the water?”

“It’ll be easier to show you.” I take in such a huge breath my chest visibly expands. This is it. “Did you bring your iPod?”

He nods and fishes it out of the pocket of his baggy jeans, holding out the tiny red player in the palm of his hand.

I stare at it. It’s my fallback plan. If he has those tiny earbuds in his ears, he won’t strain against the tree. Won’t try desperately to follow me into the lake.

“Put the volume on as high as it goes. Something heavy. Rock or something.”

He plays with the dial for a minute, and then music so loud and hard bursts from the headphones I can hear it from where I’m standing, at least four feet away. “Give me your belt.”

He raises an eyebrow but does as I ask, sliding it out of the loops. I grip the leather in my hands as I lead him over to the big cedar tree behind us. “Do you trust me?” I ask, searching his dark expression. What if he runs, right now? What if he doesn’t even want to know what I’m about to show him?

He nods, swallowing, his hazel eyes wide and genuine, totally unguarded. Even after everything that I’ve told him, everything that I’ve done, I can see that he really and truly trusts me, though God knows why.

“Put the headphones in.”

He pushes the earbuds into his ears, cringing a little at the volume. He goes to adjust it, but I put my hand on his, shaking my head. He leaves it alone and slips the iPod into the front pocket of his faded jeans.

I take his hands and twist them behind his back. Then I loop his belt tightly around his wrists, over and over until he’s shackled to the tree, his arms behind his back. I come around to the front and look into his eyes. They’re searching mine for answers. He opens his mouth to speak, but then seems to realize he won’t hear my response with the iPod cranked like it is. With no other recourse, he just stands there, his lips parted, a questioning look in his eyes.

This is the moment my life changes.

For better or worse, I have to show him what I am. I want to close my eyes and make some kind of wish, but instead I lean forward and press my lips against his. It may be my last chance to kiss him, and I’m not going to waste it. He leans into me, straining against the pull of the belt. I cup his face in my hands and let the kiss linger for longer than it should.

Then I tear myself away. I step back and unbutton my wet jeans, sliding them down my legs. His eyes glance downward and then flare wide. I don’t break eye contact as I slip my sweater over my head.

“Lexi—” he starts, his voice louder than he realizes because the iPod is cranked so loud. His voice seems to echo into the quiet forest.

I put a finger to my lips to silence him, hoping he can’t tell how nervous it makes me to know he’s watching me as I stand there, nearly naked, but knowing I have no choice. His eyes dart around, as if he expects to catch someone else watching us. Between the way I’m acting, the darkened sky, and the music blaring in his ears, he must be disoriented, thinking I’m totally crazy.

And maybe I am. My bare feet grow cold against the muddy shore, but for a minute, I can’t seem to move away from the intense, confused expression on Cole’s face. I’ve tied him to a tree in the middle of a state forest and here I stand, half-naked.

I step back until I feel the water lap at my toes. And then I stop.

“Can you hear me?”

Cole gives me a confused look. He can’t.

Good.

I turn away from him, then take a deep, not-quite-soothing breath and dive in.

I stay under. For a long time. I swim in circles and try to get my hammering heart to slow down. I know that when I come up near the surface, the iridescent glint of my skin will be enough to tell him the truth.

Besides, he has to see how long I can go without air.

Finally, I burst up to the surface, forcing my jaw to clamp down. I need to make sure he still has the iPod on, so I turn to look at him. He’s still tied up, still has the earbuds in his ears. He’s staring at me, totally, completely still. He could be a statue.

No . . . wait. Something’s not right with his expression. It’s not shock, or awe, or a thousand things I would expect to see at this point. It’s . . . alarm? Is he actually afraid of me? I hadn’t expected to see actual fear, real apprehension....

My heart shreds. He’s genuinely terrified, by the stark look in his eyes—like I’m going to haul him out and kill him or something. Our eyes can’t seem to tear apart, and I just tread water as I take in the dark fear in his eyes.

And then he moves.

And I realize he’s not tied up anymore.

Huh? The shadows shift and rearrange themselves. And then, the full picture seems to focus. It’s Erik who takes a step away from the tree. The moonlight falls across his face, casting a weird, grim darkness over his eyes. He gives me a twisted smile, one that sends a chill racing down my spine. He takes another step, toward Cole, toward me.

Fear ripples through me again. Down my spine, settling low in my stomach. There’s victory in Erik’s look. Like he’s won. What is he doing?

And then it gets worse. Sienna steps out from behind another tree, one hand gripping the bark like it’s the only thing steadying her.

Pajamas. Somehow that’s the first thing I pick up on. She’s wearing flannel pants and a dark gray CCH T-shirt, probably something she borrowed from Patrick. I seem to be stuck on the pajamas, staring at them as if they’re the most important part of this puzzle. Did Erik go to her house, yank her out of bed, and bring her here?

Panic swells again. How much has she seen? I try to read her expression, and I realize: enough. She’s seen enough. I bite hard on the edge of my lip. Hard enough to draw blood.

Why would Erik do this? Why would he ruin everything in one fell swoop?

I throw myself forward, until my bare feet find muddy bank and I climb out of the water. The lake water drips down my hair, slides down my skin. I take a few hurried steps, embarrassed to have an audience when I’m nearly naked. I instinctively go to grab my clothes, but they’re missing. Stolen.

I start to step backward, hide my body in the water, but it makes my skin crawl. I don’t want to see the iridescent scales on my legs either. I’m not sure what Erik wants, only that he controls the situation. Does he want me in the water, or does he want me out?

And why did he bring Sienna here? To destroy my life completely? Is he panicking because I pushed him away?

I take a few more steps, so that I’m fully on the shore. I should be embarrassed, demand some clothes, but I’m too angry. How could Erik do this? Is he that desperate to separate me from everyone else? Does he think if he isolates me somehow, he’ll win?

“What do you think you’re doing?” My voice was supposed to be angry, demanding, but it comes out pathetic and shaky.

“Ensuring I get what I deserve.” He’s standing there as if he owns the lake, his shoulders squared, his smirk cocky.

He looks nothing like the guy I’ve spent the last few weeks with. Nothing like him.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means I worked very hard to make this all happen, and I’m not going to let you simply throw it away.”

“What are you?” Sienna bounds forward. Her pink slippers sink into the mud as her hair floats out around her in the breeze left over from the storm. She’s inches from me. Her hands ball up and release, flex again, and I brace myself for the punch to the nose I’m sure is coming.

But it doesn’t. I blink. Sienna seems to be in shock, not sure what to say to me or why she’s saying it. Just that she doesn’t understand any of this.

“Did you drive here?” I ask.

She blinks.

I glance over at Erik, who is struggling to keep Cole under control now that he is no longer tied up. I’m not sure how he managed to untie him from the tree and yet still keep his hands bound behind his back. I lower my voice. “Did. You. Drive. Here.” Every word is perfectly articulated, low enough that I don’t think Erik can hear.

Sienna, bless her soul, nods.

“Leave. Please, if you’ve ever trusted me a day in your life, leave. And I swear to you, I’ll tell you everything tomorrow. Everything. Including the truth about Steven. But you have to go.”

Erik knows what I’m doing now, steps forward as if to stop me, his smirk turned into a frown. He didn’t count on this. On Sienna listening to me for a second, once she saw who I was. On Sienna actually having a mind of her own.

I stare into her eyes for a long moment. They look so much like Steven’s, it’s hard not to look away as the pain snakes around my heart. And then . . . she spins around. Runs. Her blonde hair streams behind her as she leaps over a log, breaks into a sprint as the sticks in her path snap under her weight.

A tiny piece of me relaxes. And then I turn to Erik, surprised that he let her go. “You need to leave. This isn’t right and you know it. You’ll never get what you want this way.”

“You don’t even know what I want.” He looks pleased, which sends a shiver of fear down my spine. There’s such a weird gleam of satisfaction in his eyes, like the cat that has the canary.

I grit my teeth. “This isn’t something you can force me into. You want me to give you forever, and I can’t even give you a day. It’ll never work. Just let me go. Let him go.”

He just laughs. “You don’t get it, do you? I don’t want forever. I never did,” he says, giving Cole a little shove. “I was never going to fall in love with you. Yes, love can break your curse, but I don’t give a damn about your bloody curse.”

He pauses, takes in my expression, and grins wider. “See, I’m not cursed to be a nix. Unless you think a horse is cursed to be a horse. I am a nix. Forever and always, a creature of the river. It’s not so bad, really. I get to control people. Drown them when I feel like it.” That creepy smile envelops his face. “And I feel like it fairly often.”

Cole’s eyes flare wider. He’s just realized he’s in danger. That Erik is capable of more than either of us ever realized. He starts to take a step away from Erik, toward me, but Erik is too fast for him. He grabs the back of Cole’s shirt and yanks him.

I’m frozen, blindsided by the harsh reality of who Erik is, by the fact that I stupidly trusted everything he told me. I was too desperate for it all to be true.

“Is anything you said true? Is your mom even a siren?”

The smirk returns as he shakes his head, and then it grows into an ugly, arrogant smile, as if he just came into possession of the world and is about to wave it in front of me before yanking it away. He reaches out and shoves Cole so abruptly that Cole falls to his knees. Because he’s still shackled, he doesn’t put his hands out to catch himself, just falls facedown.

I step forward again, shivering from fear, not quite sure if I should leap forward and launch myself at Erik, or if there’s some more logical way out of this.

Erik turns his attention from Cole to me. Something foreign glitters in his eyes. “You were easier than the other sirens. The guilt of killing made you desperate to believe there was a way out. All I had to do was paint a pretty picture, and you were mine.”

I don’t blink, don’t move. Every muscle in my body seems to go slack at once, as if my entire body wants to give out. I stare at him, the lake water still lapping at my ankles. His devilish smirk grows until he looks possessed.

“At this point, you’re supposed to ask why. Why you. Why a siren.” He pauses. “It’s because humans are so easy to kill. A pretty face like mine, and they fall for anything. They practically walk into the river, and all I have to do is smile. You’ve killed one, you’ve killed a thousand. And in four hundred years, I’ve killed at least that many.”

Four hundred years.

He told me he was turning eighteen.

And that’s when it occurs to me: It was never his ancestors who scorned the disfigured women. It was him. All along, it was him. He didn’t inherit his curse. He was personally cursed. He’s a sociopath. A complete and utter sociopath.

“Do you remember Kate?”

I swallow. Do I play his game? Keep this conversation going? “The girl you told me about at homecoming? The one you fell in love with?”

He nods. “I stumbled upon her one night, a hundred and fifty years ago.”

The story he told me. About a nix finding a siren . . . It was Erik and Kate, not two strangers a century and a half ago.

“My favorite river fed into the ocean where she swam.” He pauses. “She was beautiful. I fell in love with her within the month.”

I wait for the punch line I am sure is coming.

“But she didn’t love me. I broke her curse, and still she didn’t love me.” He looks off into the distance. “So I drowned her.”

My horror grows, along with the smile on his face. “And then I went back to the status quo. Drowning women in the river. The only thing that ever gave me satisfaction.

“But I got bored after a while, and then I got an idea. I find another siren, bring her to the water before her curse is broken . . . well, she’ll put up a real struggle. Sirens can hold their breath so much longer, it makes the whole fight more challenging. And I do enjoy a challenge.”

I step forward, hope he forgets Cole is standing in front of him. “What the hell was the point of all this then? Why feed me all these lies? Why get to know me? I’ve been to this lake every night. You could have killed me by now.”

To this, his grin widens. “You ever watch a cat kill a mouse? They don’t just go for the lethal blow. Not when it’s so much more fun to play with a victim. Killing is a sort of seduction, you know.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Ah, and yet you nearly fell for me. Pity this all ends so soon. I would have so enjoyed hearing those three words before I drowned you.” He smirks. “You’re the eighth, you know. The number would be higher, except it takes so long to find your kind. You’re just not as common as one might think.”

He screws his mouth up to the side as if deep in thought, but it’s all part of his theatricalities. “The last one fell for me in thirty-nine days. I only gave myself three weeks with you, once I was sure you were a siren. Perhaps that was too greedy of me.”

It’s as if my toes have turned into roots and grown right into the bank of the lake. I can’t seem to move, not even an inch. I can’t believe I was so blindsided.

He frowns. “Which leads me to this,” he says, his hand sweeping across the lake. “Your time is up. And lucky for you, so is his. So you can have him after all, as long as you both shall live.” He says the last part as if it’s a marriage vow.

He reaches out and kicks Cole, sending him facedown into the mud. I jump forward to help, but Erik puts a hand up, and the look in his eyes is enough to stop me. Cole wriggles around, trying to get to his knees again, but his arms are bound so tightly he can’t get up. Erik seems to enjoy watching him squirm. “Don’t get me wrong, you’ve been fun at times. But you’re a little on the boring side. Too studious, too serious. The last siren, well, she was a partier. Drowned her sorrows, if you know what I mean.”

Erik waves both hands around maniacally, as the panic rises in my stomach. He’s hanging by a thread now, and I don’t have any plan for getting out of this mess. I turn to look at Cole again, desperation growing. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This isn’t why I brought him here. If only I’d known . . . “Just let him go, Erik. This is between me and you.”

Erik leans down and hauls Cole to his feet. Erik has at least three or four inches, not to mention twenty or thirty pounds, on Cole. If they go at it, Cole’s a dead man. That ugly, devilish smirk rises on Erik’s lips, and he takes a step away from me.

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. It is about Cole. This guy is so in love with you, he’ll probably love you in spite of all this, and then your curse is gone. So he’s gotta go, while you’re still a siren and still fun for me. I need you to be cursed, or haven’t you figured that out yet?”

Erik takes another step. Toward the lake.

“Stop,” I say, my voice as steady as I can manage. “This is stupid! You can’t just—”

And then he half throws, half shoves Cole, who flies into the water, headfirst. The water isn’t very deep that close to shore, but with his hands behind his back . . .

I scramble across the bank and throw myself into the water. I’m stopped when, midway between the land and the lake, I collide with Erik. His arms lock around me. The momentum sends the two of us back into the water.

And then something’s not right. We’re moving backward, almost floating, but I don’t feel Erik taking steps as he drags me into the water. I blink and look down, at where my legs meet the surface, and my heart jumps straight into my throat.

I never asked . . . never wondered what he looked like in the water. I assumed he’d look like me, with shimmery blue skin. But . . . it’s not like that at all. His legs have disappeared, replaced with scaled limbs. More like something on a dragon, a deep red.

His favorite color is red.

Except, they’re not like legs, either. They’re . . . like tentacles, long, winding, slithering around underneath the surface like a den of snakes. I get my hands up and put them against his chest, and then shove hard, and thanks to the water his grip loosens. I slide out. The second I have enough gap, I drop down, under the water, out of his grasp, and throw myself into a swim.

Cole could be underwater right now. Struggling for air . . . his lungs filling with the lake....

My head breaks through the surface, and I take in a ragged breath as the water trails rivers down my face, in my eyes. I blink several times, and with relief, I see Cole.

Just as I think I’m going to make it to shore—to where Cole is coughing and sputtering, wriggling out of the lake because his hands are still tied behind his back, Erik gets a hold of my ankle. I slide backward, under the surface and into the deeper area of the lake. I take a gasp of air a second before I go under.

I will my heart to slow, try to get the panic to ebb so that my oxygen will last longer, but all I can do is blink against the water. Red tentacles flare out all around me. Erik drags me deeper. This must be what it’s like when he finds a girl and drags her into the river.

This must be exactly what it’s like. He’s going to drown me.

I twist, struggling against his hold. But it does nothing. I claw at the bottom of the lake, trying to find something strong enough to hold on to, trying to keep him from dragging me deeper. My fingernails claw at the muddy bottom but come up empty.

This lake isn’t that big. But it’s big enough to drown in. My fingers slide across something, but it goes by so quickly I can’t figure out what it is. With a sudden burst of energy, I drag Erik back—just a foot—far enough that I find it again before he drags me even deeper.

A stick. A little thinner and a little longer than a baseball bat, by the feel of it. It’s getting hard to see with all the silt and dirt we’re stirring up. I grip it in two hands and then twist around and throw everything I have into swinging it, right at his face, and those glowing blue eyes that only just register what’s about to happen.

The water slows it down, but I still manage to crack him hard enough that his grip loosens. I hurtle myself forward, swimming faster than I ever have. When I get shallow enough, I surface, raking in big lungfuls of air.

Cole has somehow gotten the belt off and is stepping into the lake, as if he’s going to help me. As if he wouldn’t drown before he even understood what was happening. “Go! Run!”

My feet find the bottom, and I rush from the lake. If we can get away from the water, our odds are better. But in the water, we don’t stand a chance.

Cole hesitates. Just a millisecond, he wavers, before whirling and running, crashing straight into a bush and falling back down. My bare feet slip on the mud, and then I yank him back to his feet and shove him toward the trail. He takes off running, the underbrush cracking as he races by.

That’s the last thing I see before Erik’s hand clamps over my eyes and mouth, and I feel myself falling backward, into the water. I can’t take another gasp of air before going under, because Erik is blocking my nose and mouth.

Erik holds me against his body in an iron grip, my arms trapped at my sides. I struggle against him, but his grip is too strong. He spins around a few times underwater, like a washing machine, until I don’t even know which way is up.

The breath I took before he covered my mouth is not enough. My lungs already burn. I’m going to drown.

Erik stops spinning, but doesn’t let go. He squeezes tighter, as if he’s going to crush the life right out of me. Black holes crop up in my vision. I can’t let him do this. I can’t die like this. I struggle harder, using the last of my strength. But it’s no use.

I’m really going to die, right here in the lake that’s helped me live all this time.

And then something in the mud-churned water takes focus. Eyes. Hazel ones. Cole’s face looms closer, as if he’s going to kiss me. And then his lips . . .

Am I imagining this? Dreaming of Cole in my last moment?

No, no, he’s not kissing me, he’s . . . breathing for me. I take in the air he’s giving me, and the black holes ebb, and my strength returns. I jerk abruptly, elbowing Erik, and the shock in my attack is enough to jar his focus. His grip slips.

I yank free and grab Cole’s arm, pushing him in front of me. With my help he makes it out of the lake before Erik can get a hold of him. We fall onto the shore, and just as I take a ragged, deep breath of air, I hear Erik coming for me.

For us.

I whirl around, desperate for relief, and I see something. The one thing that could end this. Just as Erik drags me backward again, I slap my hand down on Cole’s belt. It nearly slips through my fingers, but then Cole manages to snag the buckle and flip it in my direction, and my fingers curl around the buttery leather.

I take in another breath, the biggest I can manage, as he pulls me under. Before he can wrap his arms around me, I twist, somehow managing to get behind him. He tries to turn and face me, but I wrap my legs around his waist. He’s so bulky they almost don’t hook on the other side, but all I can do is pray he doesn’t thrash too hard until I can get the belt around Erik’s neck.

As soon as the leather touches his skin, he knows. And he jerks and twists and outmuscles me, but somehow I just squeeze tighter with my legs and get the belt fed through the buckle.

Erik realizes what I’m doing and turns his attention to my legs, gripping each ankle painfully in one of his big hands. I think he could crush my bones with his grip. I ignore the pierce of pain as he untangles my legs from his waist. It’s too late for him.

I tighten the belt around Erik’s neck. I use both hands to hold the end, until I’m sure it’s as tight as it can go. And then I switch into offensive mode, hoping I have enough strength to do what comes next.

Erik thrashes like a prized bronco, but I manage to get my legs around his waist again when his focus is on the belt. I squeeze as hard as possible, then close my eyes and wait.

Wait to see who will die.

It goes on forever, or so it seems, my limbs trembling with the effort. Erik seems as strong as ever, thrashing, spinning, scraping me against the bottom of the lake. Whenever my head surfaces, I take in great gasping breaths, then tighten down on the belt again.

Twice, he plunges as deeply as possible, his body slamming me into the muddy bottom. I nearly open my mouth and let out the air that he’s trying to force from my lungs.

But I just keep holding on.

And then something changes. His struggles grow weaker, about the time my own air seems to be running out. But still I don’t let go. I open my eyes when he goes still, watch the eerie way his platinum hair floats out in front of me. My bare toes find the lake bottom, and I walk backward, dragging him, until finally my head breaks through the surface. I take a ragged breath, filling my screaming, aching lungs.

Water splashes around me as Cole grabs me by the waist and pulls me backward, still dragging Erik’s heavy body.

I don’t let him go until I’m out of the water and the three of us all fall backward. For a long silent moment, all we can do is rake in one heavy breath after another. My wet back presses against Cole’s chest, his ragged breathing matching mine.

But finally, I shift out of his embrace, pull my legs out from underneath Erik’s now still body, and let go of the belt still gripped in my aching fingers.

I’m afraid to look at him, but I have to know.

I crawl closer to Erik. His lips are blue, his skin clammy and white, unnatural. Although I want anything but to be close to him, I lean in, listen for him to take a breath, then feel for a pulse.

He’s really dead. I’ve really killed him.

I rock back on my heels and stare, unmoving, for much too long. Waiting for signs of life, waiting for answers as to what I should do now. But he doesn’t move.

“You had to do it,” Cole says. “He would have killed you. And me. Probably, Sienna.”

I swallow and nod, finally tearing my eyes away from Erik.

Rain begins to fall around us again, waking me. Water drips down Cole’s dark curls into his eyes. “What do we do with him now?”

Do with him? He’s dead. I glance over at him. At the large body sitting in the mud.

Oh. He means the body.

“I—” I start to speak, but I don’t know what I was going to say. What is there to say, really?

My eyes swim out of focus for a minute. “There’s a river right past that tree line.” I pause, the irony of sending Erik to the river isn’t lost on me. I continue, regardless. “It’s wide and deep. We can drag him over there, toss him in. It’ll carry him all the way to the ocean.”

Neither of us moves for a minute. “They’ll know he was strangled.”

“They’d never think it’s me. I’m half his size. They’ll have no evidence, no crime scene. How can they even identify him? He’s four hundred years old. Maybe he forged some records, but if they dig into it ... it won’t hold up.”

Cole just sits there for a long minute. “Okay, let’s do it.”

But neither of us gets up. Instead, we just sit there on the muddy shore as the rain grows heavier. We’re both already soaked anyway.

“How long have you been . . .?”

“A siren?”

He nods.

“I always felt drawn to the ocean, but the real pull didn’t start until my sixteenth birthday. The night—” I stop. “The night I swam with Steven.”

“Is he the only . . .?”

“Yes. Until tonight anyway. That’s why I call this lake mine. It’s the only way I can avoid killing anyone. I have to swim every night or I get sick, and I need somewhere no one can hear me sing. If someone hears me . . . they’ll walk right into the water.”

“Had to,” he says.

“What?”

“Past tense. Had to.”

I blink and stare at him, a lump growing in my throat. “What are you saying?”

“I don’t give a damn about all this. It might be what you are, but it’s not who you are.”

My mouth goes dry. “I killed someone. I killed two people. You need to think about this. Really process it and realize what you’re saying—”

“I know what I’m saying. And I love you.”

A tear trails down my cheek. Three words I thought I’d never hear from him.

It won’t take long to find out if they’re real.