My Blood Approves

Chapter 13

After a shower so long and intense that my skin came out red and raw, Mae decided that it was time that she sat down and had a long talk with me.

Reluctantly, she admitted that she didn’t understand what Jack and I had gone through because she’d only been turned for six months when she met Ezra, and they had been together ever since. There was obviously something very different going on with us, but as long as Peter felt a claim to me, I couldn’t do anything with Jack, or I was risking both of our lives.

Jack and I would have to find a way to be friends without ever being caught up in any moments, and that would probably be easy if I didn’t do anything stupid like, say, bite my lip so he’s attracted to my blood. I ended up staying most of the night over there anyway. There was no way I could sleep after that, so we decided to pretend like nothing had happened. Jack put in The Crow and The Dark Knight, and I curled up on the couch with Mae. He sat on the floor on the far other side of the room with Matilda because that seemed safest.

Even with everything that had happened, Mae astoundingly let Jack drive me home. She had decided not to tell Ezra about the “incident” so we’d have to go on like normal, and that meant that we’d have to get used to being around each other without being stupid. When the sky started to lighten, I finally agreed to go home.

“This is my favorite time of day,” Jack mused, looking at the windows of the Lamborghini as we sped way from his house and towards mine. “The sky is just so pretty right before it changes.”

“It reminds me of a dream,” I agreed somberly. “So… I’m really sorry about what happened earlier.”

“Don’t be. That was my fault. I have to learn how to control my impulses.

You might not believe this, but that’s something that I struggle with,” Jack laughed dryly.

“I bit my lip.” I had done it on purpose, whether I was ready to admit it to myself or not. He wanted me to, and I could feel that the same way I could feel my own heartbeat. I had made the choice to do it, knowing exactly what it would lead to. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” He paused for a moment before adding, “You taste really good.”

“We’re not talking about that. We’re not even thinking about it,” I corrected him.

“I’m not. I wasn’t. I was just making conversation.” That’s what he said, but I could feel the hunger ebbing when I stopped him.

“Well, we can’t talk like that. We can talk about anything but blood or biting or sex.”

“Sure, take out all the fun things,” Jack grumbled.

“It’s for your safety as well as mine.” I shot him a warning look, and he stiffened a little

“Okay. You’re right. Sorry.”

“Do you think maybe we should stop hanging out?” I didn’t want to, not even slightly, but it would be the safest way to avoid anything.

If being around each other would lead to our probable death, then let’s just not be around each other. I had spent over seventeen years without him, and he had spent almost half a century. We could just as easily go back to our lives the way they were before we met, which I would probably end up doing anyway since Peter refused to have anything to do with me.

“No,” Jack answered too quickly. He let out a deep breath, then looked nervously at me. “Why? Do you?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I still want to hang out with you but…” I admitted softly.

My answer hurt him, and at times like that, I hated that I could feel anything he felt. When we had been making out upstairs, it had been amazing, but these situations were murder. His emotions were always so raw and intense.

He had very little self-control when it came to the way he felt.

“Honestly, I don’t know if I could stop even if I wanted to,” Jack said finally. The sky glowed oddly blue-gray as the sun neared the horizon, and the color seemed to match perfectly with Jack’s eyes as he looked over at me.

“Yeah, me neither,” I agreed and forced a smile at him.

For good or bad, there would be no way I could ever back to my life before. If it meant that I had to die trying to live this one, then so be it. But who can really go back to studying for history exams and flirting with drunk guys at a party when there are vampires and the ecstasy that goes along with bloodlust?

Could anyone really shut the door on immortality?

When he dropped me in front of my house, he smiled grimly, and promised that he’d talk to me later on. As I rode up the elevator to my apartment, I had to believe that everything would work out, one way or another.

Ezra was insanely smart, and he’d been around forever. There had to be something that he could figure out that didn’t involve anyone dying. Well, at least not Peter, Jack, or me. They were vampires, after all. No matter how much they tried to convince me otherwise, I knew that there had to be a rather high mortality rate for the humans in their lives.

It wasn’t until I opened the door to the apartment that it really occurred to me what time it was. Milo was dressed and ready for school, but he looked relieved to see me. His happiness was short-lived when my mother cleared her throat loudly, and he grimaced. Sitting in the darkened corner of the living room, she reminded me of some kind of James Bond villain. The dim light from the window hit the cloud of smoke above her head, and a light from the kitchen touched only her slippered feet, leaving the rest of her to hide in the shadows. If she had been stroking a large white cat and spoke in a German accent, she’d be perfect.

“Well, well, nice of you to drop by,” Mom greeted me acidly.

“You’re welcome,” I muttered unsurely, despite the look Milo was giving me that was all but screaming at me not mess with her.

“Where were you all night?” Her tone had gotten even harder, dropping any pretenses of her being even mildly happy to see me.

Milo had to be pretty upset that I wasn’t around, especially since he’d had to deal with Mom first thing in the morning, but even he’d been relieved to see that I was still alive. (And there was becoming a very real threat that I wouldn’t be for much longer.)

“Why didn’t you answer any of my texts?” Milo blurted out, giving me a meaningful look. I’m sure he’d been texting me since he woke up this morning, and then warning me of Mom’s impending tirade as soon as she got home.

“Sorry. My phone was on silent.” I was with Jack, Peter was away on business, and Milo was at home in bed. As far as I was concerned, there was no one else worth keeping my phone on for.

“That doesn’t tell me where you were!” Mom snapped.

The sun had finally managed to peak over the building next door, and light glinted in through the window, revealing the furious expression on her face. She took a long drag from the cigarette, waiting for an answer good enough to explain where I had been until after seven in the morning on a school night.

“I was at Jack’s.” I crossed my fingers, hoping that she still had an infatuation with him that could buy me at least one more Get Out of Jail Free card. Unfortunately, her scowl only deepened, so I knew I was completely out of luck.

“So you’re out all night having sex with a boy that’s way, way too old for you, and I’m just supposed to turn a blind eye to that and let you skip school so you can stay out all night having sex with him again tonight?” As she spoke, her words kept getting louder and louder until she was shouting by the end of the sentence.

“Yeah,” I replied blankly.

There would be no way I could soothe her anger, so I didn’t even bother trying. Milo looked at me questioningly, although I’m not sure if he was questioning my suicidal tendencies or if I’d actually had sex with Jack. Knowing him, it was probably both.

“Alice!” Mom suddenly got to her feet, pointing her finger accusingly at me. “Go get changed and get ready for school!”

“No!” I protested. “I’m tired! I’m going to bed!”

“Alice, I really think you should listen to her,” Milo whispered plaintively.

“I’m tired, too, but I had to wait up for you! And if you think that you can go gallivanting around just because you finally found a boyfriend, then you are sorely mistaken! When you’re under my roof, you abide by my rules!” Her eyes were so angry they were bulging from her skull, but after what I’d seen in the past few days, she no longer seemed all that scary.

“Fine. Then I just won’t live under your roof,” I shrugged.

It was only a matter of time until I moved in with Jack’s family or died, so I didn’t really need to keep this address anyway. I was hardly ever home anymore. It would make more sense for me to live away from here. I hadn’t actually consulted Jack or Mae about this, so I wasn’t really sure how the idea would go over, but I plowed ahead with it anyway.

“Alice!” Milo hissed.

“You are still under eighteen, missy!” Mom didn’t even miss a beat. “You are not going anywhere, and if you even think about, I’ll have your little boyfriend turned in for statutory rape.”

“It won’t stick.” We hadn’t had sex, and I knew Jack could woo anyone into dropping charges. But if she was going to threaten him, then I definitely had no intention of staying. “Why do you even want me here? I’m gone all the time, and I just cost you money. I mean, you only saw me for like five minutes all of last week. What exactly do you want me around for?”

“You’ve got it all figured out then, do you?” Mom shrugged at me. “You got a boyfriend with a little bit of money? He’s gonna take care of you now? Is that what you think? Yeah, well maybe you’ve forgotten, but I had a boyfriend like that once. You know what I got? Two ungrateful kids and not a damn cent from him! So don’t try and tell me things you know nothing about!”

“I’m not trying to tell you anything! I’m just saying that I’m a burden to you! You don’t want me here, I don’t wanna be here, so why am I here?” I asked her emphatically.

She looked a little hurt at that, but nothing I had said wasn’t true. We barely saw each other, and she didn’t know anything about me. The only one that would be hurt was Milo, but she never saw him anyway, and I’d still see him.

“Go. Go ahead,” Mom said evenly. I started walking towards my room, and she held up her hand. “Don’t even think about! That room is full of my stuff. You never paid for a damn thing in your life. So when you leave, you take what you got on your back, and that’s all.”

“Fine, whatever.” I tried to act like it didn’t bother me that I’d be leaving all my personal belongings behind. Like CD’s, diaries, underwear, and everything I had ever owned. But I had made up my mind, and that was it. “I’ll see you… maybe never.” Then I turned and waltzed out of the apartment.

“Alice!” Milo burst out of the apartment after me before the elevator even came. He was dragging his half unzipped backpack and raced towards me.

“Why did you do that?!”

“It just seemed really pointless to stay there any longer.” I tried not to look over at him, so I wouldn’t have to see the pained expression his face.

Leaving home meant that I was leaving him, too.

“You’re really gonna go live with Jack?” He sounded simultaneously surprised and resigned by the idea.

“I don’t see what choice I have.” The elevator doors opened and there were several passengers on it, which I was kind of grateful for. Milo would be less likely to press me for things then, so it’d be easier for me leave things out.

“You definitely have a choice!” Milo insisted incredulously, ignoring the crowd in the elevator. “I know Jack and his family are super amazing, but you haven’t really known him that long. I mean, they’re almost too good to be true.

There’s got to be a dark secret hidden there.”

“You just might be right.”

I bit my lip to keep from smiling, and I realized with the surprise that it didn’t hurt. Running my tongue along my bottom lip, I searched for any bump or scratch from when I had bit it earlier, but there was none. Jack’s saliva really must’ve healed it.

“Come on, Alice,” Milo pleaded when the doors opened. “Be reasonable.”

“When have you ever known me to be reasonable?” I shot him a look while stepping out of the elevator, and he just rolled his eyes.

We stepped outside into the cold, and I wrapped my sweater more tightly around me. All I had on me were the clothes on my back and my cell phone in my pocket, and there was a very good chance that my only rides anywhere were a pair of vampires that had just gone to bed.

“So what?” Milo was walking to the bus stop, and since I had nothing better to do, I walked with him. “This is it? This is like the last time I’ll see you?”

“No, of course not!”

“Be serious.” He had pulled his bag onto into his back, and he readjusted the straps. “You’re going to move in with him and have all these fabulous adventures and completely forget about me.”

“You’re my brother, Milo. I can never forget about you.” And I wouldn’t, but I had a sinking suspicion that he probably wasn’t that far from the truth.

Jack and Peter had a way of consuming my thoughts, and Milo had a way of waiting patiently at home for me. “Look, I’m not saying things won’t be different or that I won’t see you less. But that doesn’t mean things will be bad.”

“Maybe you can just stay there for a night or something,” Milo suggested hopefully. “Give Mom a chance to cool down, and then you can come home. But she’s not completely off base, Alice. You have school and you stayed out until seven in the morning. I don’t care what you were or weren’t doing with Jack -

well, okay, I do, and you’ll totally have to tell me later. But it doesn’t matter.

You’re still in high school. You should be coming home before the sun comes up and getting an education. What happened to Mom could just as easily happen to you if you don’t have a career to fall back on.”

“I am way too tired for you to lecture me about school, okay?” I groaned.

“Just think about it, alright?” The bus was coming towards us, and he looked apprehensively at it. I didn’t want the bus driver to try and make me get on or something, so I started backing away from him. “And turn your phone on!

If you don’t come home tonight, maybe you could at least stop and get some of your things while Mom’s at work. Okay?”

“Okay!” I waved at him, then turned and walked down the block, away from my apartment, away from my brother, away from my life.

For a long time, I just walked around the tree lined streets. They were still completely bare, but I knew that soon they would have little green buds on them. Spring was edging ever closer, with warm temperatures and longer days.

The nights would get shorter, too, and I wondered how Jack contended with that.

I was definitely cold and tired, but I was way too wired up from everything that had happened. My lips still tingled from kissing him, and I wondered dully if I’d ever be able to kiss him again.

Moving out of my mother’s had been rash, I’ll admit it, and she was definitely justified in her anger. I just didn’t have the strength to deal with stuff that so obviously didn’t matter anymore. Maybe I would’ve reacted a little better if I hadn’t had the reminder of Jack’s nearly-forgotten words ringing in my mind. When I asked what it was like to bite a vampire, he’d responded with, “You’ll understand when you’re a vampire.”

It would only be natural that I eventually segued into vampirism. Even if I didn’t move in with them today, I would some day. They were welcoming me into their folds for a reason, and as Jack had so ominously pointed out before I understood what they were, they wanted me to be one of them. It was really only a matter of time, and I kind of wanted to get the ball rolling in the right direction.

I sat down on a bench and pulled my knees up to my chest. The sun was spilling over the buildings, warming my frightfully cold skin, and I wondered how much longer I’d be able to enjoy the sun like this. Being with them would mean missing out on a lot of things, but it didn’t really feel like it. There would be so much more I’d be getting in return.

Pulling out my phone, I hoped that Jack would still be awake. My exhaustion and temperature were starting to wear me down.

“Hello?” Jack answered groggily.

“Sorry. Did I wake you?” I felt bad for waking him, but really I was glad I’d have a ride to a bed.

“Nah, I’m just about to go to bed, though. Why? What do you need?” He still sounded awfully tired, and he yawned loudly into the phone.

“I was just… wondering if I could stay with you for awhile.” I grimaced at my own question and wondered if I was really asking too much from them.

Maybe I should go home and try to make amends with my mother before she changed the locks.

“Yeah, sure. What’s wrong with your place?” Jack replied without even thinking about it.

“I got in a fight with my mom about coming home so late, and I’m not exactly welcome there anymore.”

“Oh, man, I’m sorry,” Jack apologized. “Yeah. Sure. You can stay here as long as you want. Do you need a ride right now?”

“It would be nice, but it’s not necessary.” I still didn’t completely understand his deal with sun, and I wasn’t even sure if he could drive out in it to come get me.

“Yeah, yeah, okay. I’ll be there in like five minutes.” He yawned again and I heard a rustle of movement as he got up, meaning that he’d actually already been in bed.

“I’m not at home, though. I’m on a bench a couple blocks away.” I looked around for a street sign so I could tell him what intersection I was at for sure, but then I realized that he probably already knew. For some reason, he could always find me.

“Cool. Hang tight.” He clicked off the phone, and I shoved my phone back in my pocket.

I felt better knowing that I wouldn’t be stuck on this bench all day like a homeless person, but it was still hard to know if I was doing the right thing.

Nothing in my life had prepared me to deal with situations like this. Up until now, my life consisted of sitting at home with Milo, shopping/partying/hating myself with Jane, and that’s about it. I’d barely even kissed a boy, I’d never driven a car, or been to any states other than tri-state area. My father left when I was two, and my mother had spent my whole life working continuously so we’d have just enough to survive. I knew nothing about life, and here I was, preparing to give it up in exchange for something I didn’t truly understand.

Jack pulled up in front within six minutes of me making the phone call, and I didn’t understand how he could possibly get around that fast. Sure, the car could go 0-300 MPH in like a second, but that didn’t account for all the cars on the road in front of him or stop lights or anything. But here he was, grinning at me tiredly behind gigantic sunglasses. I hopped in the car and decided that I was too tired to question anything. I just wanted to get to his house and take a nice, long nap.

When we got to his house, Jack showed me to my room. It was the guest room at the end of the hall upstairs, the bedroom in the turret. The walls were rounded and there was a balcony in the back. I felt just like Juliet or Rapunzel.

The walls had been painted a soft lilac, that eerily matched the walls of my own room, and the four-post bed had been made at in all white, luxurious comforters. Mae had even left out a pair of satin pajamas on the bed.

“Wow, this is really perfect,” I said, touching the blankets and admiring the room. “It’s exactly like me.”

“It should be.” Jack was standing in the doorway, leaning on the frame to make sure that I had everything, but he yawned tiredly. “Mae did it for you.”

“Like just now? I called and she painted the room?” I furrowed my brow in confusion and disbelief.

“No,” he laughed, shaking his head. “Originally, she kind of thought you’d just be staying in Peter’s room, but when that started seeming like less of an option, she did up this room for you. You were gonna end up here eventually, right?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, but it felt weird knowing that someone had been preparing for me before I even knew I’d be here.

“Mae likes to nest.” Jack noticed my unease and smiled to settle me down.

“It’s her thing. This was just her way of nesting. She doesn’t get to decorate rooms for girls very often, you know.”

“Yeah, I guess not,” I relented.

“Alright, well, I’m gonna get some sleep. But I’ll be right next door if you need me.” He took a step backwards and grinned mischievously. “But don’t you get any ideas.”

“Yeah, I’ll try not to.” I was being sarcastic, but I knew that I’d really have to try not to.

Jack laughed and walked into his room, which as just one thin wall away from mine. Peter was gone, and Mae was downstairs. It would be almost too easy to just go next door and start what we’d finished earlier… But thankfully, my body decided to remember exactly how tired it was. I shut the bedroom door, put on my borrowed pajamas, and almost as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was asleep.