My Blood Approves

Chapter 10

One hot bath, two pm Tylenol, and a hot tea and brandy (courtesy of Milo and my mother’s alcohol cabinet) later, I managed to fall asleep. Milo saw the wreck I was when I came home, and I promised him that I would tell him another day, but I couldn’t muster the strength to do it then. When I woke up, my pillow was soaked, and I knew I had been crying in my sleep. Milo informed me that I’d been moaning all night long, but thankfully, he couldn’t understand anything.

I stumbled around the house most of the day, and I’m surprised that I didn’t bump into any objects. Milo forced me to eat, but swallowing felt like a massive chore. I put on comfy sweats and a tee shirt and didn’t even bother with showering. It would be too much work, and I didn’t even know if I’d see Jack or Peter today. There was a very good chance that I’d never see either of them again. Peter had run away, and Jack…

“Alice, I don’t think you should go over there anymore.” Milo stood next to the couch, frowning at me. I had curled up in a ball, and I stared blankly at the TV with my phone gripped in my hand. “You keep coming home looking completely drained. I don’t know what they’re doing to you, but it can’t be good.”

“You should see what I do to them,” I mumbled.

“What?” His soft brown eyes were filled with concern, so I just looked away from him.

“Nothing.”

“Alice, I’m serious.” Milo had that parental vibe going on, and normally, I’d cave under it, but I was too numb to react to anything. I just pulled the blanket up over my head so I wouldn’t have to look at him.

“Just leave me alone!” I said as forcefully as I could.

Eventually, he walked away, and I stayed buried underneath the covers.

The horrible truth was that I didn’t really want to be alive anymore. Last night had devastated me too succinctly. Everything was confusing and it hurt, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was all some kind of bad dream. Then, my phone played “Time Warp” and my eyes snapped open.

Ezra’s back. He’ll be there to pick you up in fifteen minutes.

Why not you? Are you okay? Is everything alright? I demanded, feeling my heart race painfully.

I can’t be alone with you. I’m fine. Ezra will explain more. I’ll see you soon.

Jack messaged me back, but somehow, I still felt relieved. I had been anxious to have a car ride alone with him so I could talk to him more, but he was right. It was probably safer for both of us if that didn’t happen.

“You’re not going over there!” Milo watched me as I pulled on my Famous Stars and Straps zippered hoodie, the one I had worn the night Jack had been attacked by that dog.

“Yeah, I am,” I replied flatly, searching around for my shoes.

“Dressed like that?” Milo asked in disbelief.

“Yeah.” Finally, I found my shoes and slipped them on. “Things have changed. I don’t need to impress them anymore.”

“Are you like breaking up with them or something?”

“I don’t know.” I hadn’t really thought about me not choosing to see them, but as soon as I did, I dismissed it. It would be impossible for me to ever end things with them. I was inexorably tied to Peter, and I’d probably fallen in love with Jack.

“We have school tomorrow!” Milo called as I opened the door.

“I don’t care,” I said and then left.

Ezra didn’t drive quite as fast as Jack, or maybe he felt it was more polite to actually give me time to get ready. Either way, I beat him outside. I sat on the curb, shivering in the cold, and trying not to envision the worst, when he finally pulled up in the Lexus. I had never been in the car, but I recognized it instantly from the garage.

“I hope I didn’t keep you waiting long,” Ezra smiled warmly at me when I got inside. He saw me shiver, so he turned up the heat. “Let me know when it gets warm enough for you. We don’t really feel the cold the way you do.”

“Okay.” The seat felt warm and comfortable, especially after freezing on the curb, and I sunk deeper into it.

“How are you doing?” Ezra asked sincerely, and I tried to answer him as honestly as I could.

“I’m… absorbing a lot of things. Is Jack okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine,” he nodded. “He just needed some time to get himself together.”

“Is he going to be okay being around me again?” There was a bitter catch22 that had been plaguing me. I didn’t want to be around Jack if it was going to torture him so much, but I couldn’t imagine not being around him either.

“Yes. Last night, there were a lot of emotions going for you both. It’s very new territory, for all of us really, and there’s going to be some missteps.” He spoke evenly, and his deep voice managed to soothe me in a way that had been lacking since I came home last night. “But you both will have to be more careful around each other. It should be easier now that you’re both aware of the limitations.”

“I hope so.” I pulled my sweatshirt tighter to me, even though I wasn’t cold anymore. “Is Peter back?”

“Not yet. But he will be soon.”

“Jack said that I’m meant for Peter. What does that mean?” I looked over at Ezra, and half-expected him to give me the same run around as everyone else.

“We don’t fully understand why it happens, except that vampires are pack animals. Mythology has set us up to be extreme loners, but at our core, emotionally, we’re very human. We desire companionship, like anyone else, but ours has to be more selective.” As he spoke, he kept one hand on the wheel, while the other one bobbed a silver ring over his fingers. “Our blood is almost magnetized to our — for a lack of a better word — soul mates. We feel it intrinsically when we find each other.”

“Is Mae your soul mate?” I asked quietly.

“She is.” His eyes had that faraway look again, and the corners of his mouth curled up ever so slightly. “I lived 255 years without her, but now, I couldn’t imagine existing a single day without her. I even ‘dated’ before I met her, but it was impossible to make lasting relationships. That was part of the reason that I turned Peter. I was desperately lonely, and he traveled around with me for awhile. But then he met his mate.”

“Wait,” I interrupted. “I thought I was Peter’s ‘mate.’”

“I told you this was new for all of us,” Ezra looked over at me. “Peter met a vampire named Elise, and they lived together for only a brief time. Maybe ten or twenty years. He knows it to the exact day, but he never speaks of it.”

“What happened?” I glanced out the window, and I realized we weren’t taking the normal route to his house. In fact, if my guess was right, he wasn’t taking me anywhere near their place. “Where are we going?”

“I thought it would be better if the two of us had some time to talk before we went back.” Ezra must have read the confusion on my face because he continued. “Some of this would be better if Jack didn’t hear.”

“Oh,” I said. Jack had mentioned that they didn’t like to tell him anything, and he wasn’t kidding. “So what happened with Peter?”

“Elise was killed.” Ezra heard my sharp intake of breath and smiled humorlessly. “We’re not truly immortal. There was some fight amongst vampires. They were arguing over who had control over a certain area.

Vampires are notoriously territorial and possessive, but then again, so are humans, and in most ways, we are just heightened versions of yourselves.”

“So you’re saying that another vampire killed Elise?” My eyes were wide, and he nodded.

“It nearly killed Peter. He went into a very dark period for awhile.” A troubled expression went on Ezra’s face, and I was certain that I didn’t want to know what Peter had been through or what he had done. “He’s fought in every major war since WWI, up until this last excursion in the Middle East. He had a bit of a blood lust or a death wish, or some combination of that, for a very long time, but he’s mostly come out of it now. He’s not the same man he once was, though.”

“It must’ve been terrible for him,” I murmured. I had spent hardly any time with him, but it would be agony for me if anything happened to him. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have eternity with his soul mate, and then have it ripped out from under him.

“It was,” Ezra agreed solemnly. “But he had moved on, as best he could.

After Elise died, he had just assumed that that part of his life was over. We all had. But then you came along.”

“How did you know I was meant for Peter?” I asked. Jack had stumbled upon me long before I met Peter.

“We didn’t, not at first, although Mae suspected immediately.” With that, Ezra gave a small shrug. “Toss it up to women’s intuition. None of it really made sense at first.”

“What do you mean?” I crinkled my forehead, trying to understand.

“For starter’s, your human.” Ezra gave me an even look, and I shook my head. “We’re never intended for humans. Both Peter and Elise were vampires when they met, and so was Mae when I met her. There was a very good chance that had we met while one of us was human, we wouldn’t have taken a second look. We’re not callous, exactly, but we just don’t feel attachments to humans the way we do to other vampires. It’s probably a survival mechanism since your lives are so fleeting, and well, you’re our food.” He grimaced a little at that, but I didn’t say anything.

“When Jack came home and said he’d met you, we couldn’t figure it out,” Ezra went on. “He connected with you instantly, but he didn’t feel that… physical need, the way we do.” I nodded, knowing exactly what he’d meant. I felt it the instant I saw Peter, and it only got more intense with time. “But the connection was something we all understood. Because Peter is of my blood, I felt connected with Elise, and both Peter and Jack feel connected with Mae on a higher sense than they would with just any other vampire.”

“Do you feel connected with me?” I thought that I felt connected with him, but it was hard to tell what was a real connection and not just falling under the spell of his perfection.

“Yes.” Ezra smiled warmly at me, and I flushed. “I feel more connected to you than I have with any human since I’ve been a vampire. I enjoy being around you, but more than that, I want to protect you.”

“Jack said my safety was top priority for you,” I mumbled dazedly. It was insanely flattering and intimidating knowing that I had fallen into Ezra’s favor.

“He wasn’t exaggerating,” Ezra grinned wider. “You are in a very unique position. The three of us would sooner hurt ourselves than see something done to you.”

“Is that what the issue is about biting me?” I asked.

“Yes, and no.” Ezra tilted his head. “Remember when I said that we were possessive and territorial? As soon as Peter met you, you were his. He felt it inside him, the way you do. In a sense, he is yours, too, but since you’re a less dominant species, it’s not quite the same. No offense.”

“None taken.” They were better than me, and I knew it.

“Peter lost Elise, and it devastated him completely. There is nothing in the world that even compares to the pain he felt when he lost her, and he vowed never to feel that way again. To be perfectly honest, I doubt that he could survive it.” Ezra exhaled deeply, looking rather sad. “So he doesn’t want to want you. It doesn’t change the way he feels, because nothing can. But he’s been fighting it and trying to find a way around it. On top of everything, you’re so fragile. When you’re with someone, the way we are, we frequently drink each other’s blood. Drinking another vampire’s, or anyone’s really, is the most intimate act there is. But for you, it is dangerous, especially with Peter feeling the way he feels. It would be very easy for him to get caught up in the moment and take things too far.

“He ran the other night because he didn’t want to hurt you,” Ezra continued. “It’s not supposed to be this hard, Alice. It’s usually a very simple, clean process. You meet, you fall in love, and you live happily ever after. But this is much, much more complicated.”

“Because of Elise?”

“Yes, and because you’re human.” He had a drawn expression and he sighed. “And because of Jack.”

“Because Jack wanted to bite me last night?”

“It’s more than that.” Ezra looked at me knowingly. “Alice, Jack’s fallen in love with you.”

“What?” Startled, I blushed randomly. I had considered the possibility that I was falling in love with him, but as Ezra had just explained, vampires didn’t fall in love with humans they weren’t meant for. Or any humans, actually. “I–I didn’t think that was possible.”

“Neither did I,” Ezra admitted soberly. “He shouldn’t feel anything for you.

You’re human, you’re meant for Peter, and you’re not his. Maybe it was because he spent so much time with you before you had a chance to meet Peter and fully meld with him, and with Peter rejecting everything so much… I don’t know.”

“So… what does this mean? Does it transfer? Can I just be with Jack instead of Peter?” I asked, and Ezra looked very shocked by my questions.

“You would want that?” He looked at me evenly. “You want to be with Jack instead of Peter?”

“I don’t know,” I confessed uneasily. “I mean, if Peter doesn’t even want me, it just seems stupid to force something.”

“Peter still wants you,” Ezra was quick to clarify.

“Then why isn’t he with me?” I demanded. “Why was Jack the one I wanted last night?”

“I don’t know,” Ezra said at length. “Peter will be home soon, and hopefully, we can get some of this straightened out then.” The car had started gliding into familiar territory, and I knew we weren’t far from their home.

“What about Jack?” I asked softly.

“Peter can’t know how he feels or how close he came to biting you last night,” Ezra warned me finitely. “And he can’t ever bite you. Peter will be able to smell him on you, and that won’t be good for either of you.”

“Am I still allowed to be around Jack?” My heart broke at the thought of a life without him, even if I had Peter.

“Yes, of course. You both just have to be very in control of yourselves.”

“Are you sure that I am meant for Peter?” I asked him carefully as we pulled into the driveway.

“Yes.” Ezra answered finitely. The garage door closed behind us, but we stayed in the car. “Something’s off this time, but there’s no other explanation.”

“Oh.” It was strange how one sentence could exhilarate and devastate me.

“Are you in love with Jack?” Ezra’s voice was barely above a whisper, as if he was afraid of someone hearing.

“I don’t know,” I admitted honestly. Tears welled in my eyes and I bit my lip.

“Alice, listen to me very carefully. If you care anything for Jack, you mustn’t act on it.” His deep brown eyes settled on me, conveying the severity of his words. “I’m not trying to frighten you, but… it’s just the way things are, and I am very sorry.”

“It’s alright.” I wiped my palms across my eyes, trying to smear away the tears.

“Are you okay to go in?” Ezra asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I insisted. He waited for me to open the car door and start getting out before he got out. “So, does Mae like me so much cause of the whole blood thing and her being yours and all that?”

“No. Mae loves you because she’s Mae, and that’s what she does.” Ezra smiled brightly me, relieved to talking about a subject he was quite fond of.

Putting his hand on the small of my back, we walked into the house. “Honestly, are we what you envisioned when you thought of vampires?”

“Hardly,” I scoffed, and he laughed heartily.

“You’re home!” Mae exclaimed suddenly, running into the entrance and throwing her arms around me. For the first time ever, Matilda didn’t run and greet us, but then I realized that’s because Jack wasn’t with me. “I was a little afraid we’d scared you off last night.”

“You can never scare me off,” I said into her shoulder. She finally released me and cupped my face in her hands, staring at me as if to make sure I was real.

“Oh you look so tired! Did you sleep at all?” Her eyes had a pained look, so I nodded and forced a smile. “You know what you need, love? A nice warm Jacuzzi. We have a fabulous Jacuzzi tub in our master suite, and I’ll just get some bubbles going and you’ll be as right as rain.”

“How right is rain really?” Jack wondered dryly, and I pulled my head away from hers to look over at him. He was leaning casually against the doorway and smiling crookedly at me. My heart felt elated just at the sight of him. Last night, I had become so positive that he would be dead or gone forever, and I couldn’t contain myself. I rushed over to him and threw my arms tightly around his waist. “Hey, I’m okay, I’m okay.” He gently pushed me off, holding his hands on my shoulder until I was half a foot away from him. “Okay? I’m okay.”

“I was just worried.” I wanted to cry, and I didn’t know why. I blinked rapidly and swallowed hard.

“Yeah, you look like it,” Jack said quietly, his expression softening.

“She just needs a nice warm bubble bath!” Mae exclaimed, wrapping an arm tightly around my waist so she could pull me away from Jack, and it did require some effort on her part. “We have some wonderful lilac bath salts that just melt the tension away.” Mae continued telling me all the amazing features of her tub as she led me away, but I glanced back over my shoulder at Jack.

“You’ve really got to be more careful,” Ezra warned him.

“I didn’t even do anything!” Jack protested, and I wondered dully how this all could possibly work out in the end.