How to Date a Dragon

Chapter 18

“Mom, I need you to promise me, when the producer and camera crew get here you’ll be on your best behavior.”

Malinda Russo bristled. “What on earth are you talking about? Why would you think I’d be anything less than gracious?”

“I don’t think you’d be rude or anything… at least not on purpose.”

Bliss’s mother jammed her hands on her hips. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“This is very important to me,” Bliss peeked through the lace curtain and saw the truck pull up with the camera crew. “And to them.”

Malinda waved away her daughter’s concern. “Oh, for heaven’s sake. I may have thought it was just a silly competition before, but now that I see how much it means to you, I’ll be nothing but supportive.”

Bliss hugged her. “Thank you, Mom.” As soon as she let go, she had to add, “And no trying to fix me up with the cameraman or lighting crew. Got it?”

Malinda rolled her eyes. “Why would you think I’d do that?”

Bliss hesitated. Sometimes honesty wasn’t the best policy. “No reason.”

“Are they Italian?”

Bliss blew the bangs out of her eyes. “That’s why! For heaven’s sake, Mom. I don’t know and I don’t care if they’re Italian, Polish, or space aliens… You will not mention that I need a husband—or put across the idea in any other grouping of words. Capiche?”

“Fine, fine.” Her mother waved her hands and left the room, insisting, “I get it, Miss Independent,” on her way into the kitchen.

Bliss prayed her mother really did understand and would leave the unmarried men alone. One of the judges was male but as gay as they came. Her mother’s gaydar might go on the fritz because he was a handsome guy and might look like a good father for Malinda’s future grandchildren.

The doorbell rang and Bliss sucked in a deep breath. Then she forced herself to relax and answered the door, while her mother looked on.

A cameraman stood on their front stoop. “You’re Bliss Russo, right?”

“Yes. Come in.”

He waved to someone behind him and called out, “This is the place.”

In minutes, people, lighting, cameras, and cords invaded the small living room. Mrs. Russo peeked out from the kitchen and her jaw dropped. Bliss offered her mother a comforting smile, which she returned while seeming to relax a smidge.

Maybe this will go all right after all.

“We’re going to set up out there to catch your expression when the host arrives,” the cameraman said, pointing to the stoop, “and here to see hers when you greet her.” He set his marks and the lighting guys set their professional light panels.

“Then, I’d suggest you lead her into your kitchen and introduce her to your big Italian family.”

Oh shit. “You want the whole family here?”

“Well, yeah. That’s what the producers were expecting.”

“I thought it was usually just a roommate or friend…”

“Nope. They want the whole shebang. Let me see the kitchen.” He strode into the kitchen without Bliss showing him the way.

“Um… Would you like some coffee?” Mrs. Russo offered.

“No. Just checking out how many people you can get around the table. Maybe you can whip up a big Italian meal and invite the host to sit down with you. She’ll take a bite, tell you how good it is, then talk about Bliss’s childhood and…”

“My childhood! Oh, my freakin’ God. Don’t you mean the greeting card company my sister started and how I took it over, and… and…”

“Naw. The viewers know all that. They want to get to know the finalists the way their family and friends know them.”

“Oh, how exciting! I’ll call your brothers right now… oh, and we’ll need to use the dining room. I’ll set it with the nice tablecloth and our wedding china…”

Bliss dropped her head into her hands. “Calgon, take me away.”

The cameraman snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah. Do you have a makeup person coming?”

“No. I usually do my own makeup.”

“Yeah, but you learned how to do it for the camera. Your family didn’t.”

“I didn’t expect this big Italian family dinner.”

“Do you want the producers to find someone to help? It’s kind of last minute. I thought you got all this info beforehand.”

Bliss sighed. “Maybe I did. Maybe it was in my apartment that burned down a month ago, or maybe it was in the pile of mail I didn’t get to open Friday night, because that building burned down too.”

The cameraman stared at her wide-eyed. “Jesus. Are you cursed or some kind of firebug?”

Bliss’s mother quickly crossed herself. “Bite your tongue. It has nothing to do with either of those things. It was just bad luck… or maybe good luck since the firefighter who saved her life is now her boyfriend.”

“Seriously?” The cameraman grinned. “Fantastic! That’s a great angle. Can you get him over here too?”

Oh, dear God. Please don’t make me put Drake through this.

Mrs. Russo clapped her hands. “Oh, yes! Bliss, invite Drake.”

Bliss wanted to hang herself. Instead, she saw an opportunity to escape some of the sibling teasing she knew would be in store for her. She rested a hand on her hip. “Tell you what. I’ll call him if I don’t have to invite my brothers, but there are no guarantees Drake will be free.”

“I’ll call the producers,” he said. “You just get that boyfriend of yours to come.”

Bliss smirked. I wish I could take that another way.

Drake was sitting in the EAP’s office when his phone rang. He grabbed it and glanced at the screen. Bliss.

“Sorry, I’ve got to take this.”

The gentleman nodded.

Drake strode to the waiting room before he answered. “Bliss? What’s up?”

“I—uh. I was wondering if you’re free… now.”

Drake glanced back at the inner office. He’d tried to convince the EAP he was not in need of an appointment and the chief had overreacted, but he wasn’t off the hook yet.

“I should be free in a few. Why?”

“The show’s producers really want you here when they interview me.”

“Me? Why?”

“Because it’s some kind of great angle for the TV show—me dating the firefighter who saved my life. They just love this human-interest shit.”

Drake chuckled. “So, what you’re saying is, I get fifteen minutes of fame and you have a better chance of winning the competition.”

“Exactly.”

Hmmm… that might be a great way to remind the chief that I’m doing my job and doing it well… not trying to kill myself and take as many guys with me as I can.

“Sure. I should be there in about an hour.”

“Thanks. I love you for that.”

“Only that?”

Bliss whispered, “I’d tell you all the other great stuff I love about you, but I’m not alone.”

Drake heard her mother’s voice. “I knew it! They’re in love.”

“Mom! Get off the damn phone.”

One hearty giggle later, Drake heard a click.

Bliss let out an audible sigh. “Jesus, Drake, I’m sorry about that. If you want to skip it, I’ll understand. I’m afraid she might try to measure you for a tux.”

He chuckled. “Let her. You never know… See you in an hour.”

Drake hung up and marched into the EAP’s office.

“I’m not suicidal. I don’t need to talk to anyone, and I’ve got a girlfriend who needs me at the moment. I’m out of here.”

Bliss hung up the phone with myriad emotions swirling through her. What should she do first? Give her mother hell for picking up the other phone and listening in? Chastise herself for letting it happen? Or contemplate what Drake meant when he said, “You never know…”?

Bliss chose to contemplate, and a tiny smile spread across her face as she did. If she were twelve, she’d be writing Mrs. Drake Cameron in a notebook. Fortunately she was an adult now and knew it was too soon. She simply gave herself a mental high five and opened her mind to the future possibility.

“I’m sorry I overheard your conversation, Bliss,” her mother said sheepishly as she entered the upstairs master bedroom.

“No you’re not.”

Her mom grinned. “You’re right. I’m not.” She strode over to her daughter and enveloped her in a warm hug. “I’m happy for you.”

If anyone would be happy for me, it’s my mother.

Bliss hugged her back. “Thanks, Mom, but please don’t get carried away.”

“I’d be offended by that, but you’re right. I’m afraid I’ve jumped the gun in the past, and maybe that’s what put you off marriage.”

Gee, ya think? “Mom, I know you just want me to be happy, but I’m afraid your enthusiasm could scare away any potential future I might have with a guy.”

“Not if it’s the right guy.” Her mother’s smile returned.

Bliss had to think about that. How easy would it have been for Drake to walk away when Zina started causing trouble? She didn’t think he was protecting her out of a sense of duty. Well, not only for that reason. He was a good man with an ethical code, and he wouldn’t say he loved her if he didn’t mean it.

Bliss was just about to forgive her mother for years of pushiness when Mrs. Russo said, “Now, aren’t you glad that old building burned down?”

What? Is she kidding? Oh, for the love of… “Sheesh. I wouldn’t go that far, Mom. A lot of people lost everything they owned. Myself included.”

Her mother looped an arm around Bliss’s waist. “Oh, but look what you gained.”

Bliss let out a long sigh. Her mom was her mom, and trying to change her would be an exercise in frustration.

The director, Bliss, and Malinda sat at the kitchen table, waiting for the host to show up. “So, tell us what Bliss was like as a child.”

Bliss cringed but knew Malinda Russo could talk about her children all afternoon. Hopefully, this dry run would help guide her mother so she’d know what to say before they filmed it. Of course, if the director thought something was particularly cute or funny, he might ask her to repeat it for the camera. Bliss crossed her fingers under the table.

Malinda smiled sweetly and sighed. “My youngest was the perfect child. So kind and selfless. Always helping around the house…”

To say Bliss was stunned was an understatement. Who is her mother talking about? I am her youngest… at least I thought I was. So why isn’t she telling the world what a hellion I was and how I gave her three-quarters of her gray hairs… like she usually does.

The doorbell rang at that moment, and Bliss practically jumped out of her chair. “That must be Drake. I’ll get it.”

Malinda followed her. “Or it could be your brothers…”

Bliss stopped in her tracks and whirled on her mother. “Are you kidding me? I thought the deal was if I called Drake, you wouldn’t call Emilio and Ricky, and since when do they knock?”

Malinda pointed to the director. “Well, this nice man here said I should. I’m sorry. I’ve forgotten your name.”

He rose and buttoned his suit jacket. “Boguchwal Mickolajczyk.”

“Hmmm… I may forget again. Do you have a nickname?”

He smiled indulgently. “Yes. You can call me Bo.”

Malinda followed Bliss to the door, mumbling something about long, difficult Polish names. Bliss almost said something about long Italian names, but Malinda wouldn’t equate the two—ever. Bliss made sure she reached the door first and opened it, only to have her brothers push past her.

Ricky ruffled her hair. “Hey, squirt.”

“Christ, Ricky! Do you know how long it took me to do my hair and makeup today?”

Emilio snorted. “Oh, that’s right. You’re a big movie star now, huh?”

“Oh, for frig’s sake, it’s TV and you know it. Ma, did you have to invite them?”

Malinda threw her hands in the air. “As I said before, your producer told me to. I’m just trying to cooperate… like you asked.”

Bliss almost swallowed her tongue when she realized the cameras were rolling. That must be why the guys rang the bell. To warn the cameraman to start rolling.

The boys made a beeline for the kitchen.

Ricky said, “I smell Ma’s chicken parmigiano-reggiano.”

“Don’t you touch that,” Malinda called out as she followed her sons. “I want it to look perfect on television.”

Bliss rolled her eyes. Like her dinner is going to be the center of attention. Though she had to admit, it usually was.

She looked directly at the cameraman. “Can you possibly roll that back and erase it?”

He smiled and kept filming. “You know I can’t. If Bo wants to edit it out, he will.”

She blew the bangs out of her eyes, then strolled to the mirror to check how badly Ricky had ruined her hair.

The door opened and a cameraman poked his head in. “Judith is here, Bliss. It’s showtime.” He closed the door again and the second cameraman focused on the front door, ready to capture the big moment.

Butterflies used to invade her stomach in the beginning of filming the show, but Bliss thought she had gotten used to it. Apparently that wasn’t true, because moths were flapping around in there now.

The doorbell rang and Bliss quickly finger-combed her hair into place. She tried to look natural as she strode to the door and opened it.

“Hi, Judith,” she tried to say enthusiastically upon seeing the tall blond who had cruelly trashed someone’s work in every episode.

To her shock, Judith kissed her on both cheeks.

“Bliss! How marvelous to see you again. I can’t wait to hear all about your hard work over the last six weeks. I understand it was even more difficult because of some unusual circumstances.”

Bliss groaned inwardly while keeping a pleasant smile plastered on her face. She knew exactly what the attention grabber was talking about. Judith wanted her to elaborate on the near disasters—not the work she’d done creating her Hall-Snark cards.

As she’d been coached, Bliss said, “It’s wonderful to see you too, Judith. Come in. I’d like you to meet my family.” Yeah, right. I’d like to hide them in the bushes in the backyard.

She led the woman into her mother’s kitchen where Malinda stirred an empty pot on the stove. Her brothers were sitting at the kitchen table along with her father, who’d apparently decided to leave his man-cave in the basement and make an appearance.

The three men rose and waited to be introduced, almost as if they’d developed manners in the last three minutes. Malinda wiped her perfectly clean hands on her apron and joined the family ticking time-bomb.

“Judith Applebottom, these are my parents, Malinda and Romeo Russo, and my brothers, Ricky and Emilio.”

The host stuck out her hand and shook those of each family member. “Yes. I can see the resemblance,” she said.

Oh, puuulease. We all have dark brown hair and brown eyes. That’s about it. But to their credit, at least none of them look like deer in the headlights or psychotic killers.

“Please have a seat,” Malinda said. “We’re just waiting for one more family member, and then we can eat.”

Oh. My. God. She couldn’t possibly be referring to Drake as family already, could she?

The director yelled, “Cut.”

“What’s the matter?” Malinda said, anxiously. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, that was fine. I’d just like to get everyone together in the living room to talk. The kitchen is a little crowded already and if another relative arrives…”

“He’s not a relative.” Bliss glared at her mother.

She looked sheepish. “Not yet.”

“Oh, God, Ma. Do not blow this out of proportion!”

Bliss’s father blustered, “Malinda, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Bliss’s boyfriend, of course.”

Ricky’s and Emilio’s eyes lit up. Ricky laughed evilly. “The squirt’s got a boyfriend? Oh, I can’t wait…”

“So help me, God, if any of you…” Bliss trailed off when she noticed a camera aimed at her with the red light on.

Everyone was seated in the living room. Bliss fidgeted in the middle of the old-fashioned blue velvet sofa with her parents on either side. Brothers Emilio and Ricky slid the armchairs from beside the fireplace to a spot on each end of the sofa for easy camera viewing.

The host looked for a place to sit until Malinda said, “Ricky. Get up and give our guest your chair. You can take the ottoman.”

“Oh, Ma…”

She silenced him with a severe look.

“Sheesh.” Ricky got up and made a sweeping gesture toward the chair. “Please have a seat, Miss…”

“You can just call me Judith.” She smiled and took the vacated chair. “Is everyone ready?”

“As ready as we’ll ever be,” Bliss muttered.

“Great.”

The director told the cameramen to resume filming. The host had just commented on the delicious dinner, which of course they hadn’t eaten yet. Anticipating her mother’s reaction, Bliss took her hand and gave it a slight squeeze. She’d set up the signal ahead of time. It meant, “shut the hell up,” but naturally she didn’t explain it that way to her mother. “Let me do the talking” is what Bliss had told her it meant.

“So, tell me what Bliss was like growing up, Mr. Russo.”

He laughed. Before he could tell the truth, his wife interjected, “Bliss was a perfect child.”

She was probably going to continue her “sweet and selfless” speech, but her father and two brothers roared with laughter.

The host grinned. “I take it that means she wasn’t so perfect after all?”

The three men grinned at each other, as if daring each other to go first.

Finally, Ricky said, “She was a little pest. She wanted to do whatever we were doing, and we couldn’t get rid of her no matter how hard we tried.”

Emilio chimed in, “Remember the time we put her in the rowboat with no oars and shoved her out to sea?”

Mrs. Russo looked horror stricken. “When did you do that? Why didn’t I know about it?”

“Because you’d have tanned our hides, Ma,” Ricky said.

Judith seemed delighted with the anecdote. “I take it Bliss didn’t tattle on the two of you?”

“Of course not,” Emilio said.

“Well, that’s quite something, isn’t it?”

Ricky laughed again. “Not really. If she’d said anything to our parents, we’d have made her life a living hell.”

“Hmmm.” Judith turned to Bliss. “So what did you do?”

Bliss rolled her eyes. “I dog-paddled my way to shore, then jumped on Emilio and pummeled the life out of him while Ricky laughed his ass off.”

Judith raised her eyebrows. “It sounds as if you learned to take care of yourself at an early age.”

“Oh, yeah. Having two older brothers was all kinds of fun, but at least they prepared me for whatever the rest of the world could throw my way.”

“That explains why you were so cool, calm, and collected throughout the show.”

Bliss snorted. In comparison to the drama queens. “Probably. It also explains why my cards are so snarky.”

Judith chuckled. “I imagine verbally is one way a youngest child could fight back. But your sister started the business. And I believe you said she moved to India. Is she in India right now?”

“Yes. I wish she could be here. She deserves a lot of the credit.”

“But you had no help at all in the past few weeks… in fact, I understand there was a major complication that hindered your progress.”

Bliss took a deep breath. Here it comes. “Yes. One night I was sound asleep in my apartment when the fire alarm went off.”

The host let out a little gasp and looked properly shocked. “The fire alarm?”

As if she doesn’t know this story backward and forward by now. “Yes,” Bliss continued. “The building was on fire and I had to get out. My computer melted in the fire, so I had to buy a new one and recreate all my designs.”

“My goodness!” Judith exclaimed. “How frightening.”

At that moment the doorbell rang. Malinda jumped up. “Oh, let me get that. It’s probably Drake. Bliss, stay right where you are.” Dodging cords and lighting, Mrs. Russo rushed to the front door.

“Cut,” the director yelled. “Mrs. Russo. Wait until the cameras are ready before you open the door.”

She jammed her hands on her hips. “I will not make our guest stand on the stoop and wait while you rearrange your precious cameras.”

If only Bliss could reach across the room and squeeze her mother’s hand—or her throat.

Malinda threw open the door and exclaimed, “Drake! I’m so glad you could make it.”

Fortunately or not, the cameraman managed to get the shot.

“Hello, Mrs. Russo. Nice to see you again.”

She grabbed his hand. “Come in. I can’t wait to introduce you to everyone.”

Not realizing what chaos he was walking into, Drake seemed relaxed and let Mrs. Russo pull him across the room.

“Sit right here next to Bliss.”

“Oh, I don’t want to be on camera. I’ll just wait until you’re all finished.”

The host jumped up and said, “Please. It will help Bliss tremendously if we tell the whole story.” She winked. “And I hear you’re a big part of that story.”

It’ll help the show tremendously. They couldn’t care less if it helps me or not.

Drake smiled at Bliss. “Okay, then. If it’ll help Bliss, I’ll do my best.” He settled in next to her and took her hand. Malinda perched on the arm of the sofa next to Drake. She patted his shoulder and said, “This is the fireman who saved our daughter’s life.” She sniffed and dabbed at fake tears. “When I think about what could have happened…”

“Hold that thought,” the director interjected. He checked to see that the cameras were ready and said, “Roll ’em.”

Judith jumped up, strode over to Drake, and shook his hand. “We have a real, live hero in our midst! It’s an honor to meet you, sir. Bliss, do you want to tell us who this special guy is?”

“Sure. This is my boyfriend, Drake. He’s the firefighter who saved my life.”

“Really? How incredible! Did you know each other before the fire?”

“No. We met in the middle of the smoke. I couldn’t see to find my way out, so he picked me up and carried me to safety.”

The host slapped a hand over her heart. “How romantic.”

Bliss couldn’t imagine the embarrassment Drake must be feeling, but to his credit he didn’t blush. She hoped no one commented on his strange red and yellow streaks, but just in case, she shot her brothers a pointed glare.

Instead her father piped up and said, “You’ve got some punk rock hairdo there, son.”

“Romeo! Don’t be rude. This is the man who saved Blissy’s life!”

Oh, shit. I forgot Dad didn’t see him when he came to help me move… and Mom used my nickname. Bliss pinched the bridge of her nose.

Drake just laughed. “It’s weird, I know.”

Mr. Russo humphed but thankfully let it drop.

The hostess returned to her seat and begged Drake to tell his side of the story.

“You don’t have to do that.” Bliss implored him with her eyes. She hoped he wouldn’t tell them about going in after her computer and getting suspended for it.

“It was just another job,” he said, and shrugged. Then he looked directly into Bliss’s eyes. “Until I met this beautiful lady.”

“Awww… Tell us about that,” Judith urged.

“Oh, don’t make him go through it all again,” Bliss said.

The director yelled, “Cut.”

Judith’s eyes narrowed. “Why not? Do you have something to hide?”

“Of course not! I just don’t want Drake to feel like he’s being cross-examined.”

“It’s okay, Bliss. I mean, there’s not much to tell. It was a typical job.” He winked at her and she breathed a sigh. He seemed to know she didn’t want him to tell the world what an idiot she had been over her stupid computer—especially when it was too late to save it.

“Okay, then. Maybe we’ll talk more about that later. Right now I’ll get back to how it impacted Bliss in the competition.”

Whew.

The director called for the cameras to roll again, and the host acted as if she hadn’t missed a beat. “So, you saw her through the smoke and knew she was in trouble. Tell us about that.”

Drake draped an arm around Bliss’s shoulder. “We help anyone we come across in a fire. We have protective gear, so we—”

The host rolled her eyes and the director yelled, “Cut.”

Judith looked at Drake as if he were an errant child. “People don’t want to hear about what you do for everyone. They want to know about Bliss… and the romance. Can’t you elaborate on how she felt in your arms or something?”

“Uh… I guess so.”

Bliss jumped up. “Look. My family and friends aren’t used to being directed for TV. How about if you cut them a break. Let them say whatever the hell they want. If you don’t like it, you can edit it later.”

Judith and the director exchanged stares. Finally Bo nodded. “That’s fine. We want them to seem as natural as possible.”

“Good.” Bliss sat down again.

Malinda wrung her hands. “We should probably eat dinner soon. I turned off the oven, but the chicken could dry out if it’s left too long.”

Judith waved away the comment. “Oh, I won’t really be eating with you. I’m on a very strict diet and it doesn’t include Italian food. We’ll just smear some sauce on a plate and make it look like I did.”

Malinda rose and crossed her arms. “Are you saying my dinner isn’t good enough for you?”

Uh-oh. Them’s fightin’ words!

“Ma, I’m sure she doesn’t mean it that way.”

“Then why should we waste my excellent gravy on a plate if she doesn’t want to eat it?”

Judith rose and looked as if she was going to stroll over to Malinda but thought better of it. “Mrs. Russo, this is TV. I can’t take the chance of smearing my lipstick or having a spot of red sauce on my chin.”

Ricky spoke up. “Ma, nothing on reality TV is real. Didn’t you know that?”

Malinda huffed. “No, I did not know that. Why would I? If it’s not real, why do they call it reality TV?”

“You know what?” Judith said to Bo. “I think we should just finish up the interview with Bliss and her boyfriend. Then we can be on our way.”

Malinda lifted her nose in the air. “I think that’s a good idea. Everyone else… let’s eat.”