Highland Vengeance

Chapter 40

It took me three days to recover. When I was finally well enough to ride, and the storm had weakened to a light snowfall, I returned to Cawdor. I would play the fool no more.

“My lady,” Standish said, greeting me at the gate. He searched my face, concern plastered on his features.

I handed him a note. “Standish, will you please send a messenger for me?”

“Of course. To whom?”

“The Thane of Lochaber.”

Standish bowed. “As you wish, my lady.”

I kissed Lulach on the top of his head. I had brought my son home. And this time, no amount of lies, guilt, nor desire to have things be good—they were not and never would be—would make me go back. Soon, Banquo would come, and my life would be my own again.

* * *

Banquo and Fleance arrived a month later. I had apprised Standish, Tira, and Rhona of Merna’s death. When they rode in, both Banquo and Fleance looked woefully sad. A small party accompanied them, including Morag.

“My lady,” Morag said as I held her horse so she could dismount. “My tired old bones are happy to see you and Cawdor.”

“I have a nice warm fire ready for you, Morag. This is Tira and Rhona. They will help you settle in.”

“Thank you, Lady Gruoch,” she said as she slowly climbed down. “I used to ride the hills half-wild when I was a girl. Now, I think I broke my arse,” Morag said, rubbing her backside.

Rhona laughed. “I think Morag will fit in just fine here. Come along. I’ll steal some of Lady Gruoch’s good wine for you,” Rhona said, extending her arm to the maid.

“Banc!” Lulach yelled, making Banquo smile. I was glad to see the expression on Banquo’s pale and drawn face.

Reaching out, I helped Fleance down from his father’s horse.

“Welcome, my dear. My, how big you have grown. How old are you now, Fleance?”

“I three. Corbie, my mum go to the otherworld,” he said, his eyes welling with tears.

“Yes, love. I know. I’m so sorry,” I said, hugging the boy. “You will stay with me now. I will watch over you. I promise,” I whispered in his ear.

The little boy kissed my cheek and wrapped his arms around my neck. Given he had always been a sprite-like creature, I expected him to struggle to get down. Instead, he sighed heavily and set his cheek on my shoulder.

“My lord,” Standish told Banquo who dismounted. “I’ve arranged chambers for you and your footman. I’ll house your men amongst those of Moray. If you will, Thane,” he said, motioning toward the castle.

Banquo smiled softly at me then followed Standish inside.

“Such a sad sight,” Tira said. “Lord Banquo is usually so merry.”

“These days will be hard for them, but we shall do our best to help.”

Tira nodded, and we headed inside.

I’d rearranged the sleeping chambers so Lulach and Fleance were housed together in the room beside my own, Morag with the boys, and Tira and Rhona in the chamber on the other side. To avoid the gossip that would no doubt follow, I asked Standish to prepare a room for Banquo in another wing of the castle. He would not be able to stay forever, but at least for awhile, he would be amongst friends.

I heard nothing from Macbeth.

Nothing before I left.

Nothing after.

We had seen the true sides of one another.

I saw him for the lying whore he was.

And he had seen the raven.

Wounded by the truth, I cut off the broken part of myself so I would not feel the pain. I was the Lady of Moray. Unless he set me aside, which he could not do, Macbeth would never have a legitimate heir—bastards, apparently, would be in plenty.

Macbeth was nothing to me.

Now, I would do as had always been intended.

With or without Macbeth, I would rule.

* * *

In the weeks that followed, Banquo and Fleance settled into Cawdor. I even began to see some signs of the mischievous boy who used to bedevil his mother. Banquo, however, had yet to return to his mirthful self.

To my surprise, I found him sitting in the garden in the closed wing of the castle all alone one night. The snow had begun to melt, and the first signs of spring were on the horizon. The place was a wet and muddy mess. Banquo sat staring, tears in his eyes.

I sat down on the bench beside him. “Banquo, what is it?”

He shook his head.

Taking his hand in mine, I gazed at him.

“Is it just…the loss?”

“It’s the guilt, the terrible guilt.”

“Guilt?

“How many times did I wish I had not married Merna? I wished I had waited for you. I resented her, resented my marriage to her. As she was dying, do you know what she said? She told me ‘Go to her now. Go to her. She needs you. And you need her. You love her, and she loves you. Go to her.’ She knew all along, Cerridwen. She knew, but she did not resent it. I…wonder about my actions, my choices. I married her while I was in love with someone else.”

“As did I when I married Gillacoemgain. There, right there,” I said, pointing to the small chapel on the other side of the garden. “But I loved him no less. In truth, I loved him very much. And I still do. You loved Merna?”

“Yes,” he whispered.

“Love is a dangerous, confusing creature. We are all her slaves. Gillacoemgain is gone. Merna is gone. But we are still here.”

“Macbeth?”

“Macbeth is dust to me. The raven has seen him for what he is. That part of my life is over.”

“Then what now?”

“Now, we shall watch the winds. I am the Lady of Moray. I will rule the north as I was intended to do. To that end, I have discovered there is movement in the south. Duncan’s fleet will soon set sail to join Rognevald. We will back Thorfinn, and he will have his victory.”

“Let’s hope.”

“No. It is certain. I have foreseen it.”

Banquo looked at me, nodded, then took my hand. “That is good news for the country. But what about us? My staying here breeds gossip. If all believe the Lady of Moray has thrown over her husband for the Thane of Lochaber, it will weaken the north. I…must go soon.”

“I’d rather you stayed.”

“I would rather stay, but…”

We both chuckled.

I smiled at Banquo then gently reached out and stroked his cheek. He was right, but would it always have to be this way? War was coming. What if Macbeth died?

“Don’t think such things. You will live to regret them,” Banquo whispered.

“Druid, stay out of my mind,” I said, smiling gently at him. I shook my head. “Macbeth has betrayed me. It is done between him and me.”

Banquo exhaled deeply. “I hoped he would do better by you. You are so very special. He is blind if he could not see what prize he’d won.”

“He is his father’s son,” I said, my eyes drifting toward Crearwy’s chamber. Terrible images wanted to force themselves on me. I blocked them away. Sighing, I asked, “What will you do?”

“I will ride north to Thorfinn.”

“Fleance will be safe here and well cared for. I promise you.”

“It is a lot to ask.”

“It is nothing to ask. He is your son.”

Banquo smiled tenderly at me.

“When will you go?” I whispered.

“Soon.”

“Soon?”

He nodded. Our eyes searched one another’s faces, raising and answering questions neither of us dared speak aloud.

I reached out then and squeezed his hand. My heart beating hard, I rose and left the garden.

* * *

Late that night, long after the boys and maids had gone to sleep, I rose. I checked on Lulach and Fleance who were cuddled together like puppies on their big bed, Thora lying alongside them. When I opened the door, Thora lifted her head and looked at me, her eyes glimmering in the candlelight. I smiled at her then lifted a finger to my lips, motioning for her to be quiet.

Thora wagged her tail then laid her head back down.

Morag slept on her bed not far from the boys. She snored so loudly, I thought Thorfinn could have been there in her place. I suppressed a chuckle.

I blew out my little candle and set it aside.

The castle was quiet, everyone asleep.

I crept down the hallway to Banquo’s chamber.

The door opened even before I had a chance to knock.

Taking me by the hand, Banquo led me inside.

He turned and closed the door, locking the latch.

He exhaled deeply then took my face into his hands. He leaned in and set a soft, sweet kiss on my lips. His mouth tasted sweet and salty, the taste of honey mead on his lips. The familiar smell of his masculine scent and that of the woods overcame my senses. I fell into the kiss. I kissed him desperately, passionately, setting free years of unspent passion, kisses that had been smothered, love that had been chained.

I set it all free.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and hooked my legs around his waist.

Holding me by my bottom, Banquo carried me to the bed. We started pulling off our clothes as our mouths roved over one another, desperate to make up for lost time, desperate to have that one thing we had both wanted so badly but had denied ourselves due to promises we had made in good faith. Merna, alas, was gone. But she had blessed us and forgiven Banquo all in one breath. And my faith had been utterly destroyed. I could not even fathom the depths of Macbeth’s betrayal. One cousin had been no better than the other. In the end, Macbeth was Findelach’s son. But he wasn’t my husband anymore. His lies had broken the accord between us.

I kissed Banquo eagerly, lovingly.

Laying him down, I slid on top of him and gazed deeply into his eyes. Banquo reached out and stroked my cheek, my hair, touching my breasts tenderly, lovingly. He laced his fingers with mine, the palms where we had made our handfasting touching. My body trembled when those sacred marks met, renewing the promise between us. I leaned forward and kissed him again. Moving gently, I joined my body with that of my true husband. And the pleasure of it was like nothing I had felt in a very long time.

I locked my eyes on Banquo’s.

This was love.

This was what love felt like.

Tears rolled down my cheeks.

Macbeth had made me forget. Macbeth had used and hurt me. Macbeth had used and hurt others to hurt me. Nothing with Macbeth had ever been love.

This was my real husband.

This was my soul’s mate.

This was love.

This was true love.

And it was everything.

* * *

Two days later, Banquo rode to the Moray Firth where he took a ship and sailed north to Thorfinn. War was coming, and Banquo was a soldier. And I, the Lady of Moray, set my sights south and waited, content that I had reclaimed some piece of the life I had always dreamed of.