Castle War

Thirty-six Laboratory

The mainframe hummed and bubbled, whirred and clicked. Tiny sparks ran through a glass tube in one component, wheels spun in another. It was the strangest of machines. But it was working superbly.

“The program’s running fine,” Jeremy said, his eyes fixed on the screen. “It’s nearly done.”

He took a bite of Hostess Twinkie.

Isis, Luster, Dolbert, and Mordecai stood behind him. Osmirik and Jonath were talking in another part of the lab. Osmirik was showing him some very interesting books.

“Shore is an interestin’ place,” Luster said.

“Oh, you’ll love the castle,” Mordecai said. “It’s like a resort in the Catskills. All that’s missing is the social director.”

“I wish we could get some results,” Isis said. “I hope Lord Incarnadine will let us know what readings he’s getting on his instruments.”

Jeremy turned around in the swivel chair. “He said the effects wouldn’t be spectacular. Things will just right themselves, calm down, and that will be that. But just think. What we’re doing in this room is affecting the whole universe. All the universes!”

“It’s a big responsibility,” Isis said. “It was a big job. But you did it, Jeremy. You got us through.”

“With a little help from you, Isis. With just a little help from you.”

“But that’s simply my job. I’m a program, remember. I serve the user.”

“You serve me just fine.” He smiled up at her.

“Ah’d like to see the rest of this here castle,” Luster said. “Iffen it wouldn’t be too much trouble.”

“I’ll be glad to show you around,” Mordecai said. “I still remember how the place is laid out. You have to watch yourself, though. It can be tricky.”

“Yeah,” Jeremy said. “Be careful the first few weeks. After that you’ll get used to the place and it’ll be like home.”

“Wish there was a way't’get word to Momma,” Luster said.

“We have the coordinates for your universe. If you guys can fix the Sidewise Voyager, we can take you right home. Think you can do it again?”

“Well, ah don’t rightly know,” Luster said. “Dolbert, you think fixin’ that there contraption will be a problem?”

Dolbert thought about it, then guffawed.

“Dolbert says it’ll be a challenge,” Luster interpreted, “but he thinks we’re up to it.”

Jeremy and Isis exchanged looks.

Jeremy said, “Luster, how can you understand Dolbert? He doesn’t talk.”

“Beg pardon? Why, he’ll talk yore arm off, iffen you let him. Oh, I know he’s hard to understand sometimes, but —”

“Dolbert must have his own language,” Isis said.

Luster scratched his head. “I guess he does, so't’speak.”

“He fixed the Voyager. He must be brilliant.”

“Wull, Dolbert’s about the smartest man I know. He stays up nights readin’.”

Dolbert chittered some comment.

“Dolbert says he’s ’specially partial to the poetry of Sheats and Kelley.”

Jeremy nodded, then did a take. “Shouldn’t that be ‘Keats and Shelley’?”

Dolbert chortled.

“Not where we come from,” Luster said.

Dolbert thought that was very funny indeed.