Castle War

Thirty-five Keep — Near The Guest Residence

“I’ve never been more hungry in my life,” Thaxton said.

“Me neither,” Dalton said.

Something strange was coming down the hall. It looked a bit like Snowclaw, but it was yellow.

The strange creature ran past them, and for some reason, despite the fact that it was the most fearsome kind of beast one could imagine, it looked frightened.

It had reason. Something was chasing it. They heard a strangely familiar chuttering sound and turned. The thing that made the noise looked for all the world … actually there was no question about it. It was a giant floating chain saw, buzzing loudly and angrily, and it was hot on the beast’s tail.

The erstwhile golfers watched the anomalous machine go past. It paid them no mind at all.

“What do you make of that?” Thaxton wanted to know.

“No comment. Obviously a lot has been going on.”

They continued down the hall until they ran into Linda Barclay and the beautiful, red-haired Sheila Jankowski.

Linda ran up to Dalton and threw her arms around him.

“Whoa, girl,” he said. “We’re all right!”

“We were so worried about you!” Linda looked with dismay at their smudged faces and the singed and tattered remains of their spiffy golf outfits. “My God, what happened to you? What were you two doing?”

“Golfing,” Thaxton said.

She kissed them both, then said, “You wouldn’t believe what’s been going on here. First, all the aspects went on the fritz, then some goofy twin of Gene shows up and stirs up all kinds of trouble, and then some goofy double of Incarnadine barges in with six hundred nasty Guardsmen, and then I almost freak out when my double tries to kill me, and —” She started coughing and couldn’t stop.

“Take it easy,” Dalton said, thumping her back. “Calm down, Linda, honey.”

Wearing a beautiful vacation suntan, Sheila said, “She’s been through a lot. She told me all about it. The thing about her double is weird.”

“What I want to know,” Dalton said, “is what the animated chain saws are all about.”

“It’s a spell we cooked up together,” Sheila said. “The castle was full of people who didn’t belong here. The situation was a complete mess. We wanted something really frightening that would chase them all back to where they belonged, and that’s what we came up with. The saws pick out strangers, anyone who isn’t from this world, and, like, harass them. A lot.”

Linda coughed and said, “Yeah, they really did the trick. All the strange Guardsmen are gone, and most of the yellow Snowclaws.”

“That’s the other thing I wanted to ask about,” Dalton said. “The yellow Snowclaws. But maybe I better wait.”

“We’ll talk about it over dinner,” Linda said. “Are you hungry? Some of the castle cooks came back already, so there might be some food up in the Queen’s Hall.”

“Well, let’s go. But what’s this about your nearly getting killed?”

“It was my double. I must have some sort of deep nasty streak in me, because —”

Linda stopped when she saw Gene come out of a side passage.

“You’re still here?” she said coldly.

“Hello,” Gene said.

“Where did you get that baggy outfit? It looks ridiculous. By the way, aren’t you surprised to find me still alive?”

Gene looked at Sheila, then at Thaxton and Dalton, then back at Linda.

Linda said, “When I saw her pull the gun, I materialized a bulletproof vest under my blouse. I didn’t expect darts, of course, and the dart did penetrate the vest, but it didn’t break the skin. I faked passing out, and then …” Linda stopped, disturbed by Gene’s curious stare. Only then did she realize who it was.

“Gene!”

She jumped on him and nearly knocked him over.