Bargain price

CHAPTER 4

K ING NOLAN and his men left Outerwilderbeastia behind. They passed through a narrow stretch of the Everlasting Forest and were stampeding through the eastern edge of Wondertropolis, the most rural area of the capital, home to farmers and those favoring the quiet country life, when their spirit-danes stopped and reared up on their hind legs, agitated. Speckled across the tranquil landscape, looking harmless, and partly camouflaged by the day’s lengthening shadows, were Redd’s undealt card soldiers, lying flat one on top of another, each deck fifty-two soldiers thick, awaiting orders.

“Redd’s decks are stacked.”

So whatever King Arch decided, it would no longer matter; Wonderland didn’t have the luxury of waiting for his answer.

“We have to warn the palace,” said King Nolan.

One of his men removed a looking glass communicator from his saddlebag and began tapping out a coded message on its keyboard. If the soldier had had time to hit the Send button, his message would have appeared on a crystal viewer in the Security Oversight Room of Heart Palace. But with a sound akin to the metal blades of scissors rapidly opening and closing, an unseen deck hidden in nearby underbrush fanned out and surrounded the king and his men. The air filled with adrenaline-induced war cries from Redd’s soldiers, agony-infused moans from the throats of King Nolan’s men. The looking glass communicator fell against a rock and shattered, its owner dead before the device hit the ground.

The Wonderlanders were outnumbered five to one. At the center of the skirmish, slashing his sword this way and that, was King Nolan, still atop his trusted spirit-dane when a figure in a scarlet cloak passed through the fighting, untouched, and stabbed him through the heart with her pointed scepter.

“My queen…” he moaned, slumping into death, blood leaking from the corners of his mouth. “My queen…”

G OT HIM, I got him, I got him! A laughing Alyss left Bibwit Harte frowning at the half-eaten gwormmies in his hand and ran into the palace’s Issa Room, where (finally!) she found Dodge Anders standing to attention, waiting for her. He looked as if he would have waited for her all his life, if necessary.

“I was wondering where you were,” she said, breathless. “I thought you were ignoring me.” “I had to get you a present, didn’t I? Why’re you running?”

“No reason.”

“Uh-huh.” Dodge knew she must have been up to something, she was always up to something, but he let it go. He handed her a small box tied with red ribbon and bowed. “Happy birthday, Princess.”

“Cut it out.”

Alyss didn’t like her best friend bowing to her and he knew it. Hadn’t she told him so countless times,

saying she didn’t care if he was a commoner, she just didn’t want him doing it? He was her elder by three years and four months. Did he like bowing to a younger girl? And what was so bad, or lowly, about

being a commoner anyway? It gave Dodge the freedom to venture out beyond the palace grounds, and Alyss wouldn’t have minded that. For all her rebellion and free spirit, she had never been outside the luxurious confines of Heart Palace.

She opened the present and stared down at a gleaming, sharp, triangular-shaped tooth resting on a bed of puff.

“Jabberwock tooth,” Dodge said.

“You didn’t kill the beast yourself, I hope?”

Jabberwocky were huge, ferocious creatures living in the Volcanic Plains-a land of active volcanoes, lava rivers, and geysers of noxious gas, extremely dangerous for any Wonderlander to enter. But you never could tell what Dodge might do. Ever since the age of three, when he toddled into the coat of his father’s guardsman uniform and saluted, the direction of his life had been known. Dodge wanted nothing more than to be like his father, Sir Justice Anders, who had distinguished himself with his bravery in the civil war and been awarded his current position by the queen herself. Dodge now stood before Alyss in his own guardsman uniform, complete with fleur-de-lis badge.

“No, I didn’t kill the jabberwock,” he said. “I bought that in a shop.” “I’ll keep it forever,” Alyss said.

She slipped the tooth onto her necklace. She had grown up with Dodge, couldn’t remember a time in her life when he hadn’t been her partner in adventure. By her bed, she kept a holographic crystal that

showed him, at four years old, kissing her cheek as she sat in her royal baby carriage. Officers of the court stood frowning in the background. What their problem was, Alyss never understood, but she cherished the crystal all the same.

Dodge became embarrassed whenever she showed it to him, so she showed it to him often. He knew why the court officers were frowning: the importance of class distinctions, of consorting with your own kind. Alyss might not care about such stuff, but Sir Justice had explained the situation to his son and Dodge understood that part of being a successful guardsman meant abiding by what was considered proper, by not allowing his affections for anybody-especially Alyss-to compromise his duty.

“You can never marry the princess, Dodge,” Sir Justice had explained, sympathetic, even a little proud that the princess had taken a liking to his son. “She will one day be your queen. You can show your affection by serving her to the best of your ability, but she has to marry someone from a suit family, and Jack of Diamonds is the only boy of proper rank close to her age. I’m sorry, Dodge, but you and the princess…it’s not in the cards.”

“I understand, Father.” But this had been only half true; Dodge’s head understood, his heart did not. “Don’t you have to practice any military exercises?” Alyss asked now.

“I can always use more practice, my princess.” “Stop calling me that. You know I don’t like it.”

“I can never forget who and what you are, my princess.”

Alyss clicked her tongue. Sometimes Dodge’s seriousness could be tiresome. “I have a new military

exercise for you,” she said. “We must pretend we’re enjoying ourselves at a party. Music is playing, there are mounds of delicious food, and you and I begin to dance.” She held out her hand.

Dodge hesitated. “Come on.”

He put an arm around Alyss’ waist and moved with her in gentle circles. He had never touched the princess before-not like this. She smelled of sweet earth and powder. It was a clean, delicate smell. Did all girls smell like this or only princesses? A potted sunflower in the corner of the room began to serenade them.

“This isn’t a military exercise,” he said, making a weak attempt to free himself.

“I order you not to go anywhere. While we’re dancing, Redd and her soldiers crash into the room. It’s a surprise attack. People are screaming and running. People are dying. But you stay calm. You promise to protect me.”

“You know I’d protect you, Alyss.” He felt warm all over and a little dizzy. He was holding the princess close. He could feel her breath on his cheek. He was the luckiest boy in the queendom.

“And then you battle Redd and her soldiers.”

He didn’t want to let her go, but he did, brandishing his sword. He jousted this way and that with his imaginary foes, spinning and ducking in imitation of Hatter Madigan, whose military workouts he often watched and studied.

“And after many close calls,” Alyss narrated, “your life in danger every second, you defeat the soldiers and stab your sword into Redd.”

Dodge looked the picture of intensity as he plunged his sword into the air where he envisioned Redd to be. He made a show of eyeing his handiwork, his vanquished foes littered on the ground before him. He returned his sword to its scabbard.

“I’m saved,” Alyss continued, “but I’m shaken by what I’ve just witnessed. You calm my nerves by dancing with me.”

The sunflower in the corner again began to serenade. Without hesitation this time, Dodge took Alyss and spun her about the room. He had loosened up despite himself, despite what he knew his father would think of his behavior. He was reveling in feelings he should not have allowed himself to feel.

“Will you be my king, Dodge?”

“If it pleases you, Princess,” he said, trying to be nonchalant, “I-”

“You there, clean my boots!” a voice shouted from the corridor. “Servant, do my bidding!” Dodge immediately stepped away from Alyss, stood stiffly to attention.

“Wash my waistcoat, make my bed, powder my wig!” the voice shouted.

Ten-year-old Jack of Diamonds, heir to the Diamond family estate, marched into the Issa Room. He stopped when he saw Alyss and Dodge.

“What are you doing?” Alyss asked him.

“I’m practicing being a royal personage. What does it look like I’m doing?”

Jack of Diamonds would have been a handsome boy if not for his bullying personality and for the fact that he had the biggest, roundest rear end in Wonderland. It looked like he carried an inflated cushion in the back of his trousers. He also had the silly pretension of wearing a long, white powdered wig because he’d heard that the well-to-do in other worlds wore powdered wigs. He eyed the discarded box and ribbon on the floor. He eyed the jabberwock tooth hanging from Alyss’ necklace.

“The question is,” he said, “what are you two doing?” Neither Alyss nor Dodge answered.

“Playing mushy, mushy love with the princess, are we?” He laughed and approached Alyss, touched the jabberwock tooth hanging at her throat.

“Leave that alone,” Dodge warned.

“Sweet Princess, when we’re older and you’re my wife, I’ll give you presents of diamonds and more diamonds, not the rotten teeth of stupid animals.”

“Just go away,” Alyss pleaded.

“Leave her alone,” said Dodge. “I mean it.”

Jack of Diamonds turned to face this son of a guardsman. He put a finger to his lips and pretended to be deep in thought. “Let me see now…ah, I’ve got it. Eenie meenie miney moo, I’m more important than you.”

Dodge flung out his fists and knocked Jack to the floor, left him splayed there with his wig askew, looking not at all like a person of high rank. Dodge braced himself for a fight, but Jack scrambled to his feet and ran out of the room and down the corridor toward the royal gardens.

“We have to get out of here if we don’t want to be in trouble,” Alyss said. “He’ll tell his father on you.”

It wasn’t at all the sort of thing a guardsman should do, but Dodge grabbed Alyss’ hand and led her to a life-size sculpture of Queen Issa, Alyss’ great-grandmother. He pressed on the ruby at the front of Issa’s crown and a door in the wall appeared, opening on to one of the many servants’ tunnels that ran under Heart Palace.

“Where’re we going?” Alyss asked. “You’ll see.”

Hand in hand they raced off down the tunnel, past guardsmen headed to their watch-posts, past servants carrying platters of jollyjellies, fried wondercrumpets, and tarty tarts.