Bargain price

CHAPTER 32

“T HEY SHOULD have returned by now.”

“I warned you,” said Jack of Diamonds, nonchalantly popping dried dormice feet into his mouth. “Hope for the best, but expect the worst.”

“They should have returned,” General Doppelganger said again, pacing back and forth in the tent, an activity that apparently fell short of soothing his anxiety, for he split into the twin figures of Generals Doppel and Ganger and they paced; but this did not ease their minds either, and the generals melded back into one.

“It will come as no surprise to me if Dodge fails,” said Jack of Diamonds. “We should be planning for a future we still have the power to shape.”

He glanced uneasily at Hatter Madigan, who’d been sitting silent and still in a corner of the tent, a

pocket-sized holographic crystal in his hand, ever since General Doppelganger told him of the Millinery’s bloody demise. Every so often, Hatter pressed his thumb against the back of the crystal and its image came to life, a female Wonderlander laughing and saying something in a teasing tone. Hatter made Jack uncomfortable. What was going on in that hatted head of his? What if he had gone slowly insane from his thirteen years of exile with its mysterious traumas and challenges? An insane fellow with such deadly skills…To lessen his fears, Jack tried to engage the Milliner in a little chitchat.

“Tell me, Hatter. On your travels, did you have much time to explore what the fruit pies were like?” Ever so slowly, Hatter turned to face Jack and blinked several times, as if adjusting his eyes to the sight

of the wigged gentleman.

Jack laughed uneasily. “Just trying to break the monotony of all this waiting.” He held a handful of dormice feet out to Hatter. “Dormouse foot?”

Hatter looked away, said nothing. A cheer sounded from outside. Hatter stood, pocketed his holographic crystal, and walked quickly out of the tent. General Doppelganger and Jack of Diamonds hurried after him, and if ever there was a welcome sight to a mourning Milliner, this must have been it: Princess Alyss, safe and apparently healthy, surrounded by happy Alyssians, gwynooks, and tuttle-birds, the forest trees adding their voices to the chorus celebrating her return. A welcome sight, to be sure, yet Hatter showed little emotion-a slight upward flicker at the corners of his mouth. Dodge caught his eye and the two nodded to each other in mutual respect.

“Is it…Hatter?” Alyss asked, spying his top hat in the crowd. The Alyssians parted to let him through.

“I am pleased to find you well, Princess.”

Alyss looked at her surroundings. “Am I well? I shouldn’t say so.”

Hatter lowered his head. “Yes, there is no excuse for my losing you and I accept full responsibility. If you choose to demote me to an inferior post as a result of my failure, I hope I may accept it with grace. But Princess, there is much to do if you are to be successful against Redd.”

Alyss sighed, and when she spoke next she sounded more like a monarch than she would have thought possible. “It’s not surprising, Hatter, that you blame yourself for this ‘failure,’ as you call it. But I do not blame you. Who’s to say it wasn’t I who lost you so many years ago? I just meant that all of this”-with a gesture she indicated the Alyssian headquarters-“is a bit of a shock to me after so long a time away.”

Hatter stepped aside as General Doppelganger bustled up to her, bowing repeatedly, then splitting in two. “Princess Alyss!” Generals Doppel and Ganger simultaneously cried. “We are ecstatic to find you safely returned to us! Welcome, Welcome!”

The assembled throng was too busy celebrating to notice the cloud that had darkened Jack of Diamonds’ brow at the sight of the long-lost princess. But Jack was nothing if not willing to turn an unforeseen circumstance to his advantage. He worked his lips into a smile and, sensing a lull in the greetings, butted his way through the crowd.

“Ranking fellow coming through,” he said. “Out of the way, out of the way.”

His prodigious rear knocked people left and right with every stride. He presented himself to Alyss. “Ah, Princess! Surely, you remember your favorite childhood playmate, Jack of Diamonds?”

Alyss glanced at Dodge, who fell to picking at the edge of his sword with great intensity.

Jack took her hand and kissed it. “I have been pining after you for ages, my princess. I’m sure you recall that we were to be married? I have not taken a wife in honor of your memory, and I flatter myself that

you will still have me, provided you are as pleased as I am with my manly figure.” He turned this way and that, modeling his physique for her.

Whether it was the unappetizing figure of Jack of Diamonds twirling around like a fairy, the expectant, joyous faces crowding around her, or both, Alyss herself couldn’t say. But she suddenly felt that it was all too much.

“I think…if I could just lie down for a short while,” she said. “The princess wants a bed!” a nearby gwynook shouted.

“Princess wants a bed!” echoed a Two Card and, as the white knight and his pawn bustled off to make a bed for Alyss, Alyssian after Alyssian repeated this fact as if it were cause for celebration in itself, yet another remarkable happening for which they hadn’t dared hope.