A Million Suns

68 AMY

MY HANDS ARE SOAKED IN BLOOD. IT’S STILL WARM, JUST LIKE Victria’s body. I move to shut Victria’s staring eyes, and some of her blood — or my blood, I can’t tell which — drips on her face and slides down her cheek. I don’t close her eyes. Let her stare at Orion.

I stand, wiping Victria’s blood on my pants. I pull down the neck of my tunic, staring at the bleeding wound in my left arm, just below my shoulder. Doc fired the gun as he fell. The bullet grazed me — and killed Victria.

I shut my eyes, trying to block out the image before me, but all I can smell is gunpowder and blood. I push my wi-com again. Kit answers immediately. “I found the hatch,” she says, breathless. “I’ll be there soon.”

I rip the green patch off Bartie, who is standing closer to me, but I don’t wait for the light to return to his eyes. Avoiding Victria’s body, I cross the genetics lab to reach Elder. When I peel the med patch from his neck, I leave a line of red on his skin.

I bury my head into the soft spot between Elder’s chest and arm. My blood seeps through his shirt, but I don’t care. I just stand there, willing myself to be as emotionless as he is, even if it’s just because there are still trace amounts of Phydus in his system.

When I feel his arms raise and wrap around me, I break. I sob into his chest, wild, loud, uncontrollable sobs that leave me breathless but still aren’t enough.

“What the frex happened?!” Kit shouts from the doorway. Her eyes are wide and shocked, jumping from Bartie to us to Doc and finally to Victria.

She drops to her knees beside Victria, ignoring the blood that seeps into her trousers.

“It’s too late,” I say.

Her eyes rove across the room, and at first I’m worried that she’s too shocked to do any good. I realize, though, that she’s evaluating all that’s happened and all that needs to be done. She closes Victria’s eyes. I’ve heard people say that dead bodies look like they’re sleeping. But not Victria. She had peace and serenity when her eyes were focused on Orion, but now that they’re shut, she looks well and truly dead.

Kit reaches into her pocket and tosses me two pale yellow patches. “Antidotes for Phydus,” she says, moving immediately to Doc.

“Don’t give him one,” I warn. Kit opens her mouth to protest, but when she sees my look, she nods.

“Perhaps it would be best for him to stay on Phydus,” she says in a worried voice. “He must be in a lot of pain, and the Phydus will dull it.”

“I don’t care about that,” I say, my voice cold and hard. “But keep that patch on him.”

Kit’s hand hovers over Doc’s wound, and she searches my eyes. Finally, she nods slowly, understanding my meaning. She cuts off Doc’s pant leg and bends to examine the wound — right where I aimed, just below his knee. Blood pulses from the bullet hole.

I rip open one of the yellow patches and rub it into Elder’s skin until I see him wince in pain. He blinks, his eyes clearer.

“Back again?” I whisper.

He nods, a grim expression filling his face. He eyes linger on Victria’s body, and I wonder how much he saw and understood while under the influence of the Phydus patch.

“You shot him,” he says, his eyes darting from Doc to me again.

I did. But if I hadn’t — maybe he wouldn’t have fired his gun either. Maybe Victria would still be alive.

“I had to shoot him,” I say, hoping to convince myself of the fact too.

He nods again. I can’t tell if he doubts me or not. Does he blame me for Victria’s death?

“How bad is it?” he finally asks, jerking his head toward my arm.

“Are you hurt too?” Kit says, looking up from Doc as she sprays foam on his wound. The foam bubbles up and turns pink as it disinfects the wound. Kit starts to wrap Doc’s leg in a large bandage.

“I’ll be fine,” I say.

“She’s shot,” Elder says. “In the arm.”

He takes the other yellow patch from me and moves over to Bartie. Bartie’s eyes are glued on Victria’s body the whole time as he shifts from drugged to aware, and once the Phydus has truly left his system, he tries to say something but chokes on the words. He lunges toward Victria, but Elder catches him, and the two stand there, their arms wrapped around each other, all rivalry forgotten in the death of one of their last childhood friends.

“Here,” Kit says.

I jump, surprised — I hadn’t noticed that she’d finished with Doc. Kit cuts away the sleeve of my tunic and cleans the wound with the disinfecting foam.

“Is it bad?” Elder asks as he and Bartie break away.

Kit rips open a pale purple patch.

“No,” I say immediately.

“It’s for pain.”

“No patches.”

She shrugs and starts to wrap my arm. The bleeding hasn’t quite stopped, but it’s slower — I probably won’t even need stitches. It’s Victria who got the full force of the bullet.

“Come on,” Elder says to Bartie.

“Where are you going?” I ask.

“We’re sending Victria to the stars,” Bartie says.

“Let me help.” Kit tugs the bandage around my arm, tight, and I hiss in pain.

Bartie holds Victria by the shoulders, and Elder stoops to pick up her feet. “We can do this alone, Amy.” Elder’s voice is kind, and his eyes beg me to understand. Bartie and Elder need to say goodbye together. They need to remember Victria the way she was before Orion was frozen, and she drowned in her love for him. Before I was unfrozen.

The two men silently carry their friend’s body out the door, toward the hatch, leaving only a bloodstain behind.