MINDLESS MACHINE

Three of the four walls in the elevator were vidscreens, showing a panoramic view of the city around our office — what you’d see if the elevator were glass and the tree trunk transparent. Oolom architecture used that trick a lot: cramped enclosed spaces like elevator cabs were prettied up with airy visuals (not to mention wind sounds and artificial breeze) to make them seem wide-open to the world.

Standing back by the elevator door, Tic quietly gazed at the cityscape. He had good stillness — no slouching, no, fidgets, no sighs. Presence in the present.

I had plenty of time to watch him. (More devil-be-damned waiting.) Oolom elevators climb slug-slowly… only as fast as you can glide up a lazy air thermal. Their elevators go down a lot faster, matching the typical airspeed of an Oolom in landing descent.

This particular elevator had no lights of its own — just the glow of the stars and the dried-pea moon. From below came the subdued spill of streetlamps. There was also the glittery flicker of crocus-flies, already out of hibernation and flashing their tiny mating beacons: hoping to do the dance and get eggs laid before predators woke for spring… just as I hoped this clump-hole of an elevator would reach our stop before the blessed cream-blossoms opened next month…

In the twinkling quiet, Tic asked, "What did the Peacock Tail feel like?"

He hadn’t moved from that perfect stillness. Just a soft-voiced question in the dark.

"I never touched whatever it was," I told him. "It didn’t come that close to me."

"Not physically," Tic said. "What did it feel like emotionally?"

I shook my head, not knowing what he wanted to hear. "My emotions were running on a different track at the time: scared out of my skin that I’d get my face burned off."

"Even so," Tic said, "the Peacock was something new and surprising. The instant you saw it, didn’t you have a reaction? ‘Dear-dear, more trouble’… or maybe, ‘Hurrah, I’m saved.’ "

"Does it make a difference?" I asked.

"One never knows. What does the elevator feel like to you?"

"Like an elevator!"

"Just a mindless machine?"

I gave him a sour look. "Don’t tell me the elevator is smart like the windows."

Tic smiled. "You still remember the windows?"

"Sure."

"Then Xe likes you. Even if you insist on playing obtuse. What does the elevator feel like?"

"It’s tired," I answered, saying the first thing that came into my mind. "Feeling cruel overworked. In the old days, it had nearly nothing to do — the Ooloms didn’t use it much. But now that we’ve got three human proctors…"

Four.

"Sorry, four counting me, so now that we’ve got four human proctors…"

I stopped. Tic’s mouth hadn’t moved; so who said Four?

The world-soul?

The elevator?

"Yipe," I said. "Yipe, yipe, yipe."

"It’s a stimulating world once you hear the machines." Tic had a smug dollop of I-told-you-so in his voice. "If you insist on challenging the metaphors, an elevator can’t really feel tired, of course. It’s just due for maintenance… since it does have to work harder carrying you lead-weight humans several trips a day rather than delicately light Ooloms a few times a year. But when the elevator reports it’s wearing out, the world-soul represents that as being tired… at least in the minds of those who are properly attuned."

I groaned. "I’m picking up sob stories from an elevator."

"No. The world-soul is projecting information in a form you can easily grasp. Would you prefer a deluge of cold performance statistics? We’re both animals, Smallwood: social animals with abundant brain space evolved for analyzing emotions, and a scanty pittance for analyzing numbers. The world-soul likes to present data in a form our brains are best equipped to understand — that the elevator is deplorably fatigued from lugging around you human lardasses."

Who’re you calling a lardass, bone-boy? I came close to growling that. But for all I knew, Tic might ask the elevator what it thought… and I did not want to have this blasted machine tell me, Just between us, Faye, you could stand to lose a few kilos…

Time to change the subject. I said, "Why’d you ask how the Peacock Tail felt? Do you think it’s tied up with the world-soul too?"

"No. Mere curiosity." Tic looked out over the city. "These days, I pick up emotions everywhere. Not just from machines, but from truly inanimate things. Rocks. Trees. Running water. I can actually feel…" He stopped, shook his head. "Tico. I anthropomorphize everything. Except people, of course. Even my poor beleaguered brain can’t anthropomorphize them."

He lapsed into silence. One of his hands gently stroked the elevator wall.


When the doors opened on the sixth floor (finally!), I stepped into the narrow area that circled the elevator shaft — a wretched excuse for a foyer providing access to the four offices at this level. The entrance to Chappalar’s old office was already gliding open. Tic must have called ahead with his link-seed.

"I’ve left things as they were," Tic muttered as we went inside. "Tradition — you know."

That was grin-worthy. Ooloms never redecorated when they took over someone else’s property, especially if the previous owner had died. It might have been a religious thing, but I doubt it — whenever the subject came up with humans around, Ooloms got a sheep-guilty look. Not like true believers with devout moral objections to change; more like people who were just too lazy to renovate.

Whatever the excuse, they didn’t take things down, they didn’t move things around, they didn’t modernize, repaint, or refurbish. Furniture stayed where it was till it literally fell apart… and even then, the inhabitants might step over the broken pieces for years unless circumstances forced them to buy a replacement. (By "circumstances" I mean when they ran out of places to sit.) I’ve visited Oolom homes with dozens of painted portraits on the wall, all unknown strangers — pictures left by former owners, generations old and never removed.

So it didn’t surprise me Chappalar’s office hadn’t changed. The desk slanted at the same angle toward the door. The racks of file packets still tilted ten degrees off level. The water-filled crystal wind chimes dangled in their usual halfhearted glumness above the window. ("Oh… should we tinkle now? Is it really necessary? Bother…")

The room contained everything that had always been here… except Chappalar himself. Enough to give you the weeps, if you let yourself dwell on it.

"So what should we do?" I said, too bright-voiced and twice as brisk. "Where do we start?"

Tic stared at me hard for a moment, then answered, "I’ve already scanned Chappalar’s on-line files for references to Maya." My mouth was open before I could stop myself, nigh-on asking how he’d scanned the files when I only mentioned Maya’s name a few minutes ago; but with a single flick of his link-seed, Tic could have set the world-soul to searching while we rode up the elevator. "So," he continued, "all we have left is checking the off-line packets."

Which was pure donkeywork — not the sort of thing I could dump on a master proctor while Dainty Miss Probationary sat back and watched. I had to do my share… meaning I had to choose between the terror of reading the packets by link-seed, or the cowardice of loading the files into a mechanical reader.

No. If I nellied out and used the reader, Tic would ask, "Stick or bag?"

"I’ll take half the files," I told him. "You take the rest."

He nodded, his face bland. It cranked me off that he didn’t say, "Thank you," or "Bully for you, getting past the fear." Then again, I would have got just as cranked off if he’d said any such patronizing thing.

Not one for consistency, our Faye.


Tic and I divided the files into two equal stacks, then carried them to Chappalar’s desk. The desktop had five loading slots spaced across its surface; I waited for Tic to choose one, then took the one farthest from his. Childish; especially since Tic didn’t notice. His face already had a distant emptiness as he fed in the first packet.

Fumbling to catch up, I popped the top packet from my stack into the input slot. The reader whished softly as it removed the file’s outer jacket and slipped out the strand of bubble chips inside; through the glass viewport, I could see the bubbles meshing into place around the access drum, like a necklace of thumb-sized diamonds laid onto black velvet. Hydraulics pumped up activation enzymes, and the diamonds grew soft and gloopy, mushy as frog eggs — liquid information, melding into the reader’s data flow, coming on-line.

Anytime now, I told myself. Nothing stopping me from accessing what the file contained.

Deep breath.

World-soul, attend. Search file for occurrences of the name "Maya" or close homologues.

I didn’t have to specify which file, which input port — all those things would be tagged onto the transmission by my subconscious. For that matter, I didn’t have to sub-vocalize an explicit command… any more than I had to say, "Arm, lift up," when I reached for a beer. The unspoken impulse was enough; my link-seed understood what I wanted the moment I wanted it, and had dashed off a request to the datasphere long before I spoke the words in my mind.

A second passed. Then I found myself pushing the eject button, watching the bubble chips harden back to diamonds and the packet closing around them. There’d been no sensation of the world-soul "speaking" to me, telling me the file didn’t mention Maya; I just knew the file contained nothing relevant, as surely as I knew the colors of my spouses’ eyes.

Knowing without the experience of learning. Spooky.


Three more packets. Loading them, rejecting them, with no intelligible moment of transition between wondering whether a file referred to Maya and the certainty that it didn’t. Out of morbid curiosity, I tried to doubt that I’d scanned the files at all. The doubt wouldn’t come; my brain was dead certain it knew the files were clean, even though I had no idea what the chips actually contained.

Creepy. Goosepimply. Enough that when I reached the fifth packet I took a moment to read the outside label, just so I’d know what my brain was looking at.

The tag said archaeology liaison bureau. Chappalar once mentioned he scrutinized archaeological activities for the whole planet — easy work, because the "bureau" was actually a single man working out of a fiddly-dick office just down the street from us. Whenever the Heritage Board on New Earth authorized an exploration of Demoth’s ruins, our archaeology liaison was supposed to handle local arrangements (transportation, accommodation, and so on).

Not that the Heritage Board had authorized a single dig during my lifetime. As I’ve said, the board wrote off our planet long ago. So the bureau man collected his pay and spent his time teaching oboe lessons to local teens; he played with a woodwind quintet and was supposedly quite good. (If it’s not a contradiction to use "oboe" and "good" in the same sentence.)

Every year, Chappalar submitted a suggestion to the Speaker-General’s office, recommending the liaison job be dissolved or folded in with some other department. Every year, the SGO replied that the Technocracy had rejected the idea. The Heritage Board bureaucrats demanded we have someone standing ready in case they ever favored Demoth with their assy-brassy attention… and the SGO decided each year not to fight the Technocracy over a single man’s salary.

I loaded the archaeology file and watched it congeal into the reader. When it was spooled up for access, I psyched myself to deliver another request to the world-soul… and found the answer was already in my mind.

The file contained a letter signed "Maya Cuttack, Ph.D." What did the letter say? I knew that too, as if I’d memorized the message decades ago as junior-school rotework.


Dear Proctor Chappalar,

I trust it is not improper to ask for help from the Vigil — as an offworlder, I do not know what is considered appropriate on Demoth — but I am having trouble with one of your local officials, and I understand you act as a kind of ombudsman who can cut through red tape.

I am an archaeologist from Mirabile and am trying to launch an excavation in the interior of Great St. Caspian. The area contains abandoned mines dating back more than two thousand years before the Oolom colonization, and I should very much like to determine which race or races were active on Demoth at that time.

Unfortunately, my intended excavation site is owned by a company named Rustico Nickel… and while company officials are not opposed to my work, they say they cannot grant permission for me to dig unless I get an official archaeology permit.

(No surprise. Any digging on mine-owned land had to satisfy a slew of safety regulations — like requiring the company to install industrial-grade emergency equipment and establish a comprehensive risk-management program. If Rustico let Maya stick a single shovel in the soil, they’d have to pay for all those things to keep the Mines Commission happy. Very expensive. Rustico could only dodge the safety costs if Maya’s dig was an officially recognized archaeology project; and that meant a license from the Heritage Board.)

Unfortunately, my request for an excavation permit has fallen on deaf ears in Demoth’s Archaeology Liaison Bureau. The man there says he cannot issue licenses himself — that is a matter for the Technocracy’s Heritage Board. But the Heritage Board will not issue a license until it receives something called a Statement of Non-Opposition from the Demoth government… which the Archaeology Liaison Officer says he cannot give without some ridiculous background check that I am expected to pay for out of my own pocket.

Help! Is there anything you can do to make an underfunded scientist’s life easier?

Yours in hope

Maya Cuttack, Ph.D.

c/o The Henry Smallwood Guest Home

Sallysweet River


"Ouch," I said. "Have you ever had that feeling of someone walking on your grave?" The Henry Smallwood Guest Home was a manor lodge built on the old muddy site of the Circus — a place to house the worshipfully respectful Oolom tourists who flocked to pay tribute to Dads’s memory. If you looked at it one way, I shouldn’t be surprised an offplanet archaeologist had set up residence at the guest home; it was the closest thing to a hotel in the whole underpopulated interior of Great St. Caspian.

Still. This Maya Cuttack, possibly a robot, possibly a murderer… staying nearly on top of my old bedroom in Sallysweet River. It made the hairs curl on the back of my neck.


"You’ve found something?" Master Tic asked.

"An archaeologist named Maya Cuttack — an offworlder, which is why she didn’t show up when you scanned the census database. She wrote to Chappalar…" The date of the letter appeared in my mind. "She wrote to him four weeks ago." More details from the file kept popping into my head. "He investigated the situation, then met with her to explain what was going on… which obviously started their acquaintance."

"Where is this Maya now?"

"Sallysweet River."

Tic went very quiet. Every Oolom on Demoth knew the name of the town. Most of them thought of it as a place of salvation, but for Tic… anything associated with the plague probably hit him like a hammerfist to the head.

"Sallysweet River," he said. His voice was level, but he enunciated every syllable precisely. "What could possibly interest an archaeologist around that place?"

"The usual ruins," I replied. "Householes. Some ancient mines." I couldn’t help picturing the tunnel we’d used as a mass grave. The one where we regularly touched off explosions from the fumes of decay. Oh yes, there was a place archaeologists could find some eye-catching artifacts.

Tic was silent a moment, brooding. Then he drew a sharp breath, and said, "Fine. The world-soul confirms that Maya Cuttack applied to excavate several sites around Sallysweet River. The archaeology bureau conducted the usual elementary validation check on her credentials — doctorate from Pune University on Mirabile, participation in digs on Caproche, Muta, the Divian Free Republic…"

His voice trailed off. As if it meant something that Maya had connections with the republic. After his time scrutinizing the trade talks, maybe Tic had developed some unkind opinions about the Freeps. Or maybe, like most Ooloms, he just loathed Freeps on general principles.

I said, "If Maya’s got a history going back some time, she probably isn’t an android."

"Unless the real Maya was replaced," Tic replied. "Perhaps on that Free Republic dig…"

I rolled my eyes. "Don’t start. Our first duty is to contact her. Has she… no. Damn." I was going to ask if she’d registered her comm number with the Demoth world-soul; that way we could just beep her. But I suddenly knew with absolute certainty that Maya had never signed into the public directory. (The world-soul planting things in my head again.) And her comm number didn’t show up in Chappalar’s file. Either Maya hadn’t gotten a standard wrist-implant — one of those people who refused to adulterate her body on religious/medical/aesthetic grounds — or else she’d deliberately avoided revealing her number.

Tic must have accessed the world-soul for the same information. "The best we can do," he said, "is leave a message where she’s staying. Nothing explicit. Just have her call us as soon as possible." He waved in my direction, not looking at me. "You do it. This is your scrutiny, not mine."

His voice full of gruff. No question that this stuck in his craw, how Sallysweet River had suddenly come into the equation. My craw was turning fair sticky too, considering I had to make a call and hear someone chirp, "Henry Smallwood Guest Home," on the other end of the line. But I went to the phone screen beside Chappalar’s desk and reached toward the control pad.

Before my finger touched a single button, the screen flashed on and displayed the words CALLING… HENRY SMALLWOOD GUEST HOME, SALLYSWEET RIVER.

"Lord weeping Jesus," I groaned. "Even the phone can read my mind."

"Say thank you," Tic whispered.

"Thanks generously, phone," I said through gritted teeth. Since that didn’t sound so gracious, I gave the display box a pat, the gingerish way you do when you’re introduced to someone’s new pet and it turns out to be an alien organism with spikes.

The screen bloomed to show a fresh-faced Homo sap man and Oolom woman smiling side by side — a dandified establishment like the HSGH wanted callers to see instantly that it welcomed both species. Not that either species was actually present on-screen; the man and woman were likely computer mock-ups, psychometrically designed to appeal to the most desirable demographics. "Henry Smallwood Guest Home," the man said with a voice so honestly charming, I couldn’t help but mistrust it. "How may we help you?"

"I’m with the Vigil," I said, "and I’d like to leave an urgent message for Maya Cuttack. I understand she’s staying with you?"

"We’d be happy to take your message," the Oolom woman replied, "but if it’s urgent, we can’t guarantee when Dr. Cuttack will receive it."

"Why?"

"Our guests come and go," the man said. "We never know when they might pick up their messages."

"Are you saying Dr. Cuttack isn’t in residence right now?"

"We can’t give out such information on our guests," the woman answered, her face brimming with regret that she couldn’t satisfy my every whim.

Behind the display box, out of sight from the screen, Tic mouthed, Just leave a note. I did, asking Maya "to call Faye Smallwood as soon as possible for an urgent message." Something gave me the waries about leaving my personal number; so I rhymed off the code for the Vigil instead. Our phone system was smart enough to forward the call to me if I wasn’t in the office.

When I’d cut the connection, Tic said, "Let’s hope she doesn’t get the message for at least an hour."

"Why?"

"Because the world-soul tells me that’s the flying time to Sallysweet River. Gird yourself, Smallwood, we’re going in."


No. We didn’t hop a waiting skimmer and spunk off to face the enemy. Tic and I weren’t witless… nor were we police club-thumpers, equipped with badges, body armor, and all mod cons for buttonholing possible murder suspects. I gave a silent inward cheer when Tic asked, "Who do you know with the local gendarmes, Smallwood? Someone with a dash of authority to rally the troops on our behalf. Someone who’ll listen to you talk about Maya without dismissing you as a total loon."

"There’s a Captain Cheticamp," I answered. "We got along cozily enough last night."

Tic motioned toward the phone again. "Call this cozy fellow and bend him to your will."

Basil Cheticamp, bless him, was actually on duty; he even knew background details on Chappalar’s murder, though he wasn’t part of the inquiry team. Just as well he hadn’t been directly involved — when he heard how the investigators had overlooked Maya as a lead, Cheticamp swore they’d all be drummed down to dogcatchers. He promised to dispatch a squad to Sallysweet River on the double: two detectives to ask Dr. Cuttack polite questions, and a pack of armored ScrambleTac officers just in case homicidal androids came marching across the tundra. He was already paging his troops, when I asked, "Where will we meet your people?"

The captain stopped mid-sentence and gave me the steely-eyed glare. "Meet?"

"The Vigil intends to scrutinize your handling of this case. A master proctor and I will accompany your squad to Sallysweet River."

"Ms. Smallwood…"

"Proctor Smallwood," I corrected. His glare got two ore-grades steelier. "Proctor Smallwood, it is precious inappropriate for civilians—"

"We aren’t civilians," I interrupted. "We’re members of the Vigil. We have a legal right to scrutinize police activity however we see fit."

"You’ll get a complete report on everything that happens."

"Not good enough. Master Tic and I want to be present on the scene."

Cheticamp’s face went lemonish. "Tic? Tic’s in Bonaventure? Smallwood, every police officer on the planet knows Tic is…"

"A total loon?" I suggested.

"Worse: a Jonah. There isn’t a single rattlesnake on Demoth, but if Tic went walking in the woods, he’d find one. Not that it would bite him — it’d go for the next poor bugger to come down the trail. If Tic is in Bonaventure…"

Cheticamp shook his head. Not a happy man.

Part of me wanted to let him off the hook; after all, why should Tic and I plop ourselves into the line of fire? We could stay home, read the police reports, evaluate what we read…

But that was a piss-poor way to run a scrutiny. Dissect the paperwork, but never trust it — advice as old as the Vigil itself. Get out of the office. Go through the closed doors.

"Captain," I said in my most humble Mom-Faye voice, "we don’t want to do your job… we only want to do ours. You know we aren’t trying to push you around, or rake your people over the coals; we’re just observing your procedures, the way the Vigil always does. Sure and all, this is an extra complication for you, but your department and the Vigil have always worked it out in the past. Right?"

I hoped that was true. Police generally had a sulky tolerance for the Vigil — not that they liked us breathing over their shoulders, but they’d lived with our presence long enough that we came with the landscape: like paperwork and foot patrol. On the other hand, if Cheticamp had ever got his knuckles rapped because of a Vigil report…

The captain sighed. "All right, Proctor Smallwood. You and Tic can go in-country with the squad. I’ll go too, as your personal escort. Pick you up in five minutes."

The screen went blank before I could say thank you.

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