Nicolas Wilson

Trials

Originally Published in The Alien Chronicles

* * *

When the Nexus shifts to one-man missions to make first contact, the security division’s second-in-command accepts a challenging assignment to negotiate with the most dangerous planet yet. Where reason does not persuade this alien species, militaristic skill might. If he lives through the trials.

One

The captain called me on the comms routed through my cochlear implant. He wanted to talk. He never used his office, so I found him in the hall. Louise, our head of security, was finally back and out of quarantine, so I was no longer acting head of our division. But I had been, for weeks, so I was used to the routine.

“How do you feel about taking a sabbatical?” he asked as we started walking.

He was talking about taking one of the pods to make first contact with an alien race. Idly, I pulled up the most recent reports from Louise’s pod on the heads-up display on my eyescreen. It detailed the damage to her pod, as well as the changes the engineering division was nearly through implementing to prevent a recurrence. “Mostly, I’ve been focusing on preparing for the Argus,” I told him.

“Well, with your boss back, I need you to think about this now.”

“Why do I feel like I’m being pitched?”

“Because this is important. It’s not common knowledge that Elle’s—” He caught himself; it wasn’t her name, and he knew it was weird for me. “Louise’s ‘sabbatical’ hit more than technical snags. Most people don’t know she was nearly eaten by a giant, octopus kind of thing. Haley instituted a danger rating for planets. Retroactively, she rated that planet an eight. The world I’d like you to take is a nine.”

“And we’re not just going to take a pass?”

“If this were some time next year, with dozens of successful missions under our belts? Absolutely, we would. But if we can’t get someone back from a nine, soon we can’t get anyone to take an eight. Then a seven. Conceptually, I’m all for us going after the low-hanging fruit. But if we start ignoring everything else…”

“Would you take it?” I asked.

“Can’t,” he said. “Council resolution. I’m not allowed to.”

“Roles reversed, I’m your captain, asking. Knowing what you do, and knowing how important, would you take on the risk?”

He looked away and thought. “I don’t know,” he said. “It’s a lot to ask. And I’ve got things I wouldn’t want to lose. But I’d like to think so.”

“Okay,” I told him. “I’ll do it.”

His shoulders relaxed. “Just don’t take any undue risks. If things aren’t right, if anything makes you uncomfortable, walk away. It’s more important that you make it back alive than with a contract in hand.”

“How long have I got?” I asked.

“The positive of this new selection process is we get lots of data to send the most qualified candidate, making it a bit less of a lottery. The drawback is limited time. You’ve got a day. So I’d suggest not wasting another second of it talking to me.” He held out his hand and I shook it.

As I walked away, I wondered if I had just entered myself in an intergalactic pissing contest. Drew was the closest I had to a rival, not that he saw it that way. He had Sam. But he also had Louise. I saw the way she looked at him, heard the way she talked about what they had. He was what she measured me against, and I was tired of being found wanting.

I was right there on the day she got back from the seafood planet. Thinking we lost her when her shuttle malfunctioned, thinking we lost her when the natives tried to feed her to a giant squid—and then a third nightmare even after she made it back, when her life was threatened by a parasite she caught in the water. It put things into perspective, made me realize that I wanted desperately to tell her what losing her would have done to me.

I planned to tell her how I felt, just to put it out there. No more pining, just, “This is how I feel. It’s not an attempt to get you to reciprocate, I just want you to know, because maybe knowing will make you just the littlest bit happier, and that would make humiliating myself worth the while.”

I went to quarantine. Drew was already there, holding her through a wall of glass—holding her and Sam. I don’t think the bastard’s ever known how lucky he was.

Fucked up as it might sound now, I felt thankful for it. Because telling Louise how I felt, from a position of neediness and fear—that wasn’t the way to win over a warrior woman. No. I had just been given the opportunity to crack one of the galaxy’s toughest nuts, return victorious, and tell her from a place of strength.

Two

It was hard not scooping Louise up in my arms and kissing her, letting loose everything I’d ever wanted to say. I could tell she wanted to tell me something, too; I’d interrogated enough people to know when they’re about to pop. But whatever it was, she wasn’t ready, and I wasn’t either. I was going to bring her the contract for a dangerous planet, then tell her everything.

“Just take care of yourself,” she said, finally. “There isn’t much room for error, out there on your own. Don’t take risks. I—the ship needs you back here in one piece.”

“I’ll ixnay the eyeingday.”

“Don’t be an umbassday,” she said, and smiled to herself as the pod closed around me.

Haley, the ship’s computer, started the countdown over the comms. I eyed the abort button on the console, then pulled up one of the cameras inside the bay and watched Louise. I wanted to stay with her. But I also knew she deserved the kind of man who could get this mission done and come back to her. So I tried to relax back in my seat as the electromagnets began my acceleration.

I passed out. The g forces we used for the pod launch were beyond tolerances that would leave a human being conscious, though within the safe window before the forces did permanent damage.

I woke up a few hours later. I wished I’d told Louise the truth. It wasn’t even a matter of wanting to impress her anymore, it was just knowing she was farther away from me than she’d ever been since the Nexus left Sol’s system—ignoring, I guess, the pod trip she took. But I wanted her to know. I didn’t care if she didn’t reciprocate, because that wasn’t the point.

I penned a letter, and my fingers were hovering over the send communication button. What was I doing? Maybe I did wish I had told her before I left, but taking the coward’s way out, sending her a letter when I couldn’t be farther from her, or repercussions…? No, I needed to sort myself out before I tried confessing my affection for anyone.

I started to pore over the information we had about the low-gravity ice planet. I had decided to call it Jötn, and its people the Jötnar. We learned from the Argus that most alien names can’t be spoken by humans—wildly divergent biology and all. It led them to a few diplomatic mishaps. So we adopted the custom of giving everything a human name, then letting the commboxes make the translation for us.

I had extra layers to my suit, to the point where it was practically an exoskeleton, protecting me from both the cold and potential hazards.

The sentient species we were going to make contact with was large: their smallest were about eight feet tall. And their exoskeletons were made up of semi-crystalline structures. It meant that some light could pass through their bodies, lending them a light form of camouflage, and also making them more durable.

Structurally, they looked like a cross between insects and dinosaurs, but unlike both, they were warm-blooded. They were technologically quite advanced, but so resource-poor that they couldn’t capitalize on most of their technological advances.

The planet itself was in the midst of a prolonged ice age, and the entire planetary surface was covered in glaciers, miles thick in most places. That meant all of their resources went to growing and harvesting food, which was only possible inside tunnels that ran alongside thermal vents deep beneath the surface.

The sociological report said that it was likely the species would attempt to relocate to another nearby planet with the technologies we would offer them in trade. The report seemed distressed by that idea, even including a note questioning whether it was our place to so fundamentally change the course of another species’s development. But—perhaps because I knew I was going to be standing among them—I couldn’t abstract their suffering like that. If we could help them, we should. I saw no point to letting their species die out just because they would have died out if they’d never met us.

Three

The probe that came before me, essentially a miniature pod, had dropped a commbox. The Jötnar had figured it out at about a median pace—not so fast as the advanced races we’d met, but still faster than the Caulerpans or Romaleons. By the time I hit their orbit they understood our opening bid enough to tell me that I had permission to land.

They sent me coordinates and a flight plan to get there. The planet was small, so I didn’t have to wait long. It gave me—and the pod AI, nicknamed Comet—a chance to check their figures. Their math was right, and maybe it wasn’t the smoothest descent, but it was within tolerances. The landing was rocky, but I told myself that following their flight plan to the letter would get us off on the right diplomatic foot.

I landed a couple hundred yards from a dome that covered the city. As I stepped out of the pod, I noted that it looked crystalline, but then I realized it was carved out of the exact same glacier I was standing on.

Out of it wended a pair of Jötnar, wielding what looked like short staves, though I realized as they approached that their weapons were probably bigger than me. They stopped just far enough from me that I didn’t feel the need to draw my pistol, then they turned inward, facing each other. My escort, then. Working the security division, I was more than familiar with that particular gig.

I slung my rifle. I didn’t think I’d need it, but that was no reason not to want it along, and leaving it at my back felt like it would be less intimidating.

I walked past the sentries, hoping it wouldn’t be considered an insult that I didn’t introduce myself. Inside the dome were two more guards, standing at attention. Every few dozen feet there was another pair, and I walked from one to the next. It was an odd escort, but also a show of strength, that they could spare so many fighters just to show me where to go.

Eventually I reached an assembly hall. It was large, but not large enough. I recognized projection equipment and cameras. There was a studio audience, and folks watching at home.

I noticed that the panelists—judges or leaders or whatever—were organized by size: smallest on the wings and getting larger towards the center. The one in the center, while the largest, didn’t acknowledge me, but just stared off. My HUD, working in combination with the commbox’s notes, flagged several markers I wouldn’t have caught, and flashed that he was a male. I wondered idly if he was old and suffering dementia, or if he had their equivalent to gigantism, and perhaps it had also impacted his brain.

One of the Jötnar flanking him stood up straighter, though it hardly seemed necessary, because she dwarfed me. To the eye, I wouldn’t have noticed the gender differences, but my HUD marked several morphological markers, told me she was female, and also flashed a list of suggested names from the pool I’d decided to use on my way in. I selected Bergrisar, and the name popped up under her.

She began to gyrate menacingly, and made noises that I hoped were her speaking, because otherwise I was pretty sure she was about to tear my limbs off and devour whatever was left. After a moment’s deliberation, the commbox spat out a translation. “I am Bergrisar. We have disseminated and understood your proposals. Do you have anything further to add beyond the written words?” It certainly didn’t sound like she was eager, and if they were giving me a chance to sway minds, well, that was going to be difficult.

Crap. I was never one for speeches. I’d read all of HR and PsychDiv’s materials about optimal communication, but even the best of those were written with human mores in mind. I’d given a few morale talks, to grunts, but that was about it.

I took in a deep breath, held it, then let it out. “The proposal I sent is intended as an opening to talks. I believe our two species could be excellent partners. The tech we could give you in trade would make your lives better, and having existing treaties with us would make you safer. I hope we can come to some kind of an agreement.”

The commbox projected a hologram of a Jötnar above it, flailing its arms and antennae and making the same kinds of groaning, guttural noises that made me think that even my avatar was about to attack.

I heard rumbling from the audience, and from among the judges, in response. “Very well. We will now commence voting.” The judges lifted small devices and registered their votes, and I noticed the crowd doing the same. On their screens, numbers started popping up. My HUD translated them and overlaid their Roman equivalents. The voting was close; in fact, I was starting to pick up a lead. I smiled, which evidently was not a gesture they appreciated, because it cost me some of my lead. I stood perfectly still from that moment on.

After only a handful of minutes, a percentage, which I presumed was either the necessary percentage for a quorum, or the percent of the population voting, hit one hundred.

Bergrisar reared herself to her full height, several sections of carapace stacking to expand her width. I didn’t need the commbox to tell me that this was a gesture of authority and dominance.

“We are divided. In the case of division, the proposal fails.” My stomach dropped through my feet and didn’t stop until it hit the planet’s molten core. “However, you can appeal the decision. By combat.” At least it wasn’t a spelling bee or a pie-eating contest. Then again, these were giant, terrible creatures; at least a stomach ruptured in a pie-eating contest felt earned.

“How does that work, exactly?” I asked.

“You fight to prove your mettle, to prove how much you care for your cause, until there are no more detractors.”

“So I kill half your population to swing the vote?”

“Theoretically that is possible. But more likely, others will be swayed by your victories. Theories are tested at the tip of the spear. ”

I thought of Louise and Drew. I couldn’t see either of them backing down, not with an entire ship’s morale hanging by this thread. They needed me to come back with a win. I needed it, too.

“In this trial, am I allowed to use my weapons?” The commbox translated, and the leadership became suddenly very animated. They were debating the rules, dozens of them talking over one another. I looked towards the commbox sitting in the middle of the floor, and above it my HUD printed three question marks.

The Jötnar on Bergrisar’s other side, who I quickly named Gýgr, seemed to be winning the discussion, and eventually Bergrisar squealed, flailed, and deflated.

The commbox helpfully translated, “Euphemism for female genital infection.”

Gýgr turned in my direction and started to gesticulate and murmur. “As your technology is a part of what’s on offer, we believe it is only fair for it to be allowed to make its case as well.”

With my tools, I thought I could do this. I wasn’t crazy about the idea. But I’d fought giant space monsters before. Maybe not this giant, but I was essentially a soldier. At least Drew hadn’t sent a poet. “Okay,” I said. “I’ll do it. So what now?”

Bergrisar exchanged a look with Gýgr. I got the feeling that something passed between them, but the twitches of their antennae and shells must have been too subtle for the commbox to read.

“We will put you up for the night, and commence in the morning,” Gýgr said. Many of those assembled immediately began filing out, but several lingered. Bergrisar picked up a shaft of ice, dwarfed in fingers so heavily segmented and shelled they appeared most of the way to pincers. She tore it into several pieces before licking each. The other creatures on the panel then reached into her palm, each removing a stick. When everyone had a stick, they smelled them, and most dropped theirs into a pile before walking away. Only one held her shard—and stayed.

“Iviðja has the þurs,” Bergrisar said. The commbox flashed a message on my HUD. It was a guess that the word meant “thirst.”

Iviðja, the one with the chosen shard, fluttered panels over her eyelids in capitulation. One shoulder had a delicate mess of spider-webbed cracks, likely signs of an old injury now healed. The light fractured through it as she turned to me.

“What’s a þurs?” I asked.

“She marked the ice,” Iviðja replied. “All had saliva from her mandibles, but one had a special hormone, the þurs.” She paused a moment, then continued. “After we eat, you may come to my fire.” I appreciated the distinction between “may” and “will.”

I nodded. “I appreciate your hospitality,” I said. “But it’s still light—why are we retiring?”

A panel on one of her arms adjusted, and for a moment I caught a fragrance off it, akin to dried lavender. “Nights are cold here. Those of us too long on the surface out of shelter forfeit the protections of our carapace. Our secretions freeze, and we die slowly as the ice shatters our entrails. It is a punishment reserved for traitors. They are fitted with an implant that sends electricity through them should they stop moving, and they are forbidden to return to the warm tunnels.”

I shivered.

In time, several people with even limbs and flat backs came in, packs bound across them. Others helped them unload and began dividing the contents. Now, I’ve never been a carrot person—not even a parsnip one, despite my mother’s best efforts. So I couldn’t say I was relishing the opportunity to eat a meal made entirely of what looked like the unholy love-child of carrots and beets, which I decided to call beetrots. If anything, the name made them less appetizing.

Iviðja was taking her role as hostess very seriously. When a plate was ready, she brought it to me. Several shell panels slid away from her hands, exposing delicate fingers nearly subsumed by the protective plates. She held a piece to my lips, and I made myself open my mouth. When in Rome, and all that.

The vegetable was bitter—fiercely so. If it weren’t for the color, I might have believed it was raw horseradish. Iviðja set the plate before me and settled in beside me.

“There are areas deep below the ice mantle where you can rely on the planet’s turmoil to send steam to warm the soil,” she said. “We mostly reside in these tunnels. Our civilization is a mountain with only the peak above the ice; the broad base of it is beneath. We had mountains, before the flood, made of rocks and ice. Do you understand the word?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said, and pantomimed a triangle.

She made a pleasant sound, perhaps the first pleasant sound I’d heard from a Jötnar. “It’s complex and labor intensive, and in the absence of sunlight, you can only grow food with pieces of yourself to nourish them.”

“Pieces of yourself?” I didn’t see any missing limbs.

“The pieces you no longer need: filth, and those who no longer move.” I tried not to let the thought that the bitter taste was alien shit sour my meal. “We must use all we can, for nature helps no one. Our strength, and our sacrifice, are what give us power over her.”

That put a different dent in my appetite. “I hope I’m not overstepping my bounds here. But would it offend you if I didn’t eat more? I don’t feel right gorging myself when your people worked so hard to create this.” I patted my belly. “And as you can see, it isn’t exactly like I need it.”

“I’m sure Bergrisar would find a way to take offense, get a pincer up her cloaca about it being a rejection of our cuisine or a snub at our poverty of resources. But I think it’s noble. And the vegetables do taste like digestive gases.” She let out a pleasant cackle, took a handful of vegetables off the plate, then dumped the rest back into the serving dish.

Iviðja led me a short distance from the court to a shelter formed almost entirely of a milky substance, like agate or smoky quartz. She noticed my look. “It is a glass concrete formed from my ancestors’ carapaces. It is at once a temple, a shrine, and a mausoleum. We only use them for ceremony, or when needs dictate. When I die, it will honor me to have my shell join with my ancestors’.”

“My people traditionally achieved a similar effect with melted sand—granulated rock—and modern 3D printing processes aren’t so far removed from that.”

Her eyelids shifted, in what I hoped was excitement and not a sudden desire to eat my entrails. “Lens glass? We form braziers from the leftover carapace, the smaller pieces less suited to construction. When they are new, the impurities cook out, and leave a glass lens at the base at the end of a cold season.” She made a clicking noise that was reminiscent of a chuckle. “It cracks upon exposure to the outside air. When we build a new community, each resident carries one from their old home, and we put them around the new home in a circle for protection. When they crack, the ghosts from our memories laugh, pleased to know where their shadows are now.”

It took me a moment to realize she was waiting for me to enter the dwelling first; it must have been an honor she was reserving for her guest.

Light flickered through the walls. They were milky enough that I hadn’t noticed it from the outside, but inside, the light caught the facets of the walls and made them appear to almost glow.

I set my suit to warm slightly, not seeing any sign of blankets or fabric. I didn’t doubt that clothes wouldn’t be useful to the Jötnar, as it would counter their natural camouflage and impede the movement of their shells. And the hard edges of the carapace would be harsh on cloth, too. But the lack of any coverings meant I was in for a cold night.

Iviðja—whom I’d mentally nicknamed Ivy, which worked with her clingy yet restful presence—touched a rectangular block inside the shallow bowl of a chest-high brazier. My HUD recognized a power source within, and the bowl caught fire. Warmth washed over me.

“It is a battery. It stores heat from the vents, then releases the heat slowly here.” The plates around her fingers retracted, and she took my hand in hers. “So long as there is fire, there is life.”

Those words brought to mind an incident from Drew and Louise’s younger days, fighting to rescue people from a burning colony as others fought them. It strengthened my resolve to get the Jötnar to work with us—and finally do something worthy of Louise.

Four

Ivy roused me in the morning and pressed a cup of tangy, mildly acidic liquid into my hands. I restrained myself from asking which bodily fluids went into producing this repast. She hurried away and returned with another section of root. I nodded my thanks at her and tried to make myself eat.

I’ve never been especially squeamish, so it wasn’t the food’s origins that bothered me so much as the totality of what I was about to do. I’d never risked my life when no one was actually in danger. Metaphorical danger on the ship just didn’t inspire the same protective impulses and adrenaline; here, I had only nerves.

My HUD chirped at me, recognizing my elevated stress. I forced myself to breathe evenly.

“Are you ready?” she asked. I couldn’t find anything other than polite concern in Ivy’s movements, until I noticed a small twitch on the side of her neck. She was aware that I was anxious, and that made her anxious. I wondered if her reputation was tied up in my performance, if she would be considered tainted by association. I glanced at my guns and checked their charges.

“Yeah. Let’s get this over with.”

She retracted several plates, exposing her surprisingly soft hand, and hauled me to my feet. Her grip was almost overwhelmingly strong, even though she didn’t seem to be using her full strength. I would have to keep my opponent at a distance, or else guns or no, I’d be done for.

She led me into a tunnel on the outskirts of the city. We walked perhaps a half a mile, some of it steeply down, until we came upon a labyrinth of snow and ice. “They say that the world was once much kinder, that we expanded recklessly and grew soft, and could not halt the ice’s attack. And in memory of that, when we prove our strength, we do it where our ancestors, and the ice, can see us.”

She bent down and rubbed the icy wall. Beneath her mitten-like shelled fingers, metal became visible, cracked, rusted, and decaying. “How will your ancestors know to look for you here?”

I wasn’t sure how to respond. But I knew that family was entirely too important to the Jötnar to fuck around.

I beckoned her head down to me. “Because they’re with me.” I held her so she could see the screen where my HUD projected. Her eyes flashed reflectively as their components widened. I scrolled through several family pictures I had, and cursed myself for ignoring my mother’s attempts to get me to take more.

She backed away. “May you bring them pride, then. I must go. Your first challenger is at the other end. May you find each other before one of you freezes.” Ivy’s word for “challenger” sounded nearly like “elder,” so I entered the name Eld.

I shivered and started into the labyrinth. My HUD made navigating easy, even without a map of the facility. Eld’s warmth made him glow like a beacon. I readied my gun as I moved forward, the wind already chewing me through my suit.

I watched my HUD until I saw that Eld was just around the corner. I listened closely to the crunch of his footfalls, then threw myself out of cover to shoot.

My blasts smashed into a plate of his carapace center-mass. It refracted some of the energy and absorbed the rest. The heat of it burned him, searing his flesh, but I could see that it was a superficial wound.

He advanced as I took a knee to steady the rifle. I fired again, into his chest. The same panel absorbed the blast. I fired again, and several more times, peppering his head and shoulders, searching for a vulnerability.

I noticed that the first panel was hanging askew. Heat from the blasts had melted the connective tissues holding it in place. I fired along the edge of the plate, and energy reflected off the surrounding plates into the vulnerable tendons beneath, severing the already melted tissues.

He screamed, and he was now close enough that I could feel the moisture on his breath. The steam made it hard to aim, but I sighted the exposed flesh and fired.

Eld collapsed.

Sections of shell around the blast were hardening, looking alarmingly like the walls of Ivy’s abode. But his flesh was already pushing past the cauterized edges. Trickles of blood seeped out, and despite his agitated shell flicks trying to force heat-warped plates over his wounds, I could see them already beginning to freeze in the morning chill.

I remembered Ivy’s tale. He may have been working against me, and he entered into this fight by choice—but he deserved better than a slow death from hypothermia. I positioned myself in front of his head, raised the gun one last time, and refused to shut my eyes as I pulled the trigger.

Five

I wondered whether I should backtrack to the entrance or wait for the Jötnar right where I was. While I thought it through, I inspected Eld’s corpse. He wasn’t much bigger than Ivy. That made sense, I thought: the challengers would go from smallest to largest. I repeated that to myself over and over, to remind myself not to get cocky.

After some time, the Jötnar found me. Ivy came in first. She bowed her head, several plates on her neck pulling back to allow the motion. Bergrisar followed, staring at me, no doubt gauging me.

Others trickled in, and soon they crowded every inch of space in the tunnels. I saw that one even had a camera. I raised my voice. “This tech is one of the benefits you stand to gain by allying with us.”

Bergrisar raised up, and I shuddered at the thought of her with a gun.

“It’s mutilated infant scrotum. That was a farce. Yours are a cowards’ weaponry: guile and aggression from a safe distance.”

“You said I could use them,” I said.

She opened and shut some of the crystalline panels on her face.

I didn’t know the specifics of the gesture, but she was pissing on my lawn. A man was dead, and she seemed to want to treat it like it was nothing. Something about that look on her face was a red flag, and I was a bull. It was all I could do to keep from charging at her. “Fine,” I spat through gritted teeth. “Send the next. I’ll beat him, but let him live, to testify to my strength.”

I offered my pistol to Ivy, then unslung my rifle and did the same. She took them with trembling hands. Her face bled concern, if I wasn’t misreading it through a human lens.

A Jötnar slightly bigger than the one I’d just defeated stepped forward, and I immediately entered in a name: Leir.

“So be it,” Bergrisar said. Some Jötnar turned toward the entrance, clearing an expanse in the widest portion of the room, but she didn’t, and it was an instant before I understood why.

Leir lunged for me, and I spun to the side to avoid the blow. One of his secondary limbs lashed out as I turned, seeking to knock me off balance, so I jumped into a roundhouse kick.

It was like kicking a steel plate.

I ran. The gathered Jötnar backed away as I approached, and continued to back away until there was space between them for me to exit. I knew already that Bergrisar would try to spin my actions as cowardice, but I needed to survive before worrying about saving face.

The “arena” was oddly preserved. The frost had claimed the city almost gently, and its dome had withstood long enough for the ice to reinforce it as it was overwhelmed. The only elements not coated in a layer of white powder were the braziers. They were spaced so that you could see between them, if only just; there for additional light, not for heat. They didn’t appear as weathered as the rest of the arena; I assumed they were brought down for the trial.

I ran full speed at a brazier, and when I hit it, I tried to scoop it off the ground. It barely tipped, sending the smoldering log rolling. The fire went out. I couldn’t be sure if it was contact with the ice, or if it had safety protocols, but I could see the battery for the heavy, metal box that it was.

I definitely wasn’t strong enough to lift the brazier, so I hefted the battery. It was a bit awkward, but it had enough weight to be useful. Then I turned back toward the gathered Jötnar. They were still in the distended circle, almost an egg. But Leir was gone.

I heard a noise behind me, so faint I wasn’t certain. I cranked the volume on my implants. It was skittering, but then it stopped. I spun, swinging the log. It impacted the same panel on Leir’s midsection I had first kicked. The impact cracked the plating. His plates flaked off like diamonds, catching the light as they fell.

I dodged behind him, and as he turned to face me, the plates began to fall away.

A sticky fluid hit the floor as he circled around me. Under the shattered plate, his flesh convulsed softly. I lashed out, swinging the battery. It glanced off the previous wound, cracking the surrounding plating. I dodged underneath his flailing limbs, and he curled his torso away from another blow.

I dropped the battery on one of his feet, then drove my fist into the most expressively pulsing organ I could see. He keened in agony, fighting to seize me with several supporting limbs, but he was distracted enough by the pain that his limbs knocked into each other uselessly behind my head.

So, a weakness. I brought my foot against the same spot with all my strength, wincing as I used muscles I hadn’t been aware of since my mother encouraged me to study ballet on my home colony. Who’d have thought that grand battement would be used against a wounded alien, with a diplomatic treaty hanging in the balance.

His flesh tore under my boot, and fluids slowly gushed onto my foot with a rapidly lessening pressure. As I pulled my foot away from him, his legs buckled and he lowered his head.

I guided him onto his back on the ice while he was distracted with pain.

He was supposed to yield, but he was a stubborn bastard. I lifted my boot, picked up the battery, and started to shove it against the wound. It didn’t quite fit, but he must have realized I was preparing to make him into a living brazier.

“Wait,” he coughed from his back. I stopped, and he curled around his torn, fragile flesh. “I…concede.” His legs trembled as he fought to make the gestures needed to communicate.

I looked up to our audience. “As I said, I didn’t kill him. But let the pitiful noises he makes tell you that I am more than capable of seeing this negotiation through.”

A medium-sized Jötnar raised her voice. “I withdraw my opposition.” Several others murmured or otherwise gestured, translated as assent through the commbox. Bergrisar clicked in agitation.

Gýgr stood to her full height and said, “We shall carry Eld back to the court to begin mourning. Then we will see who still wishes to test the outsider’s worth.”

One of the flat-backed Jötnar bent to allow others to strap Eld to his back, and another soon arrived for Leir. I followed as far as the court.

I paused, unsure whether to go inside. I was Eld’s killer, after all.

Ivy’s hand lit on the back of my neck, all soft, slightly clammy fingers rather than hard carapace. I caught her eye, and watched it widen, each reflective lens aligning itself as the lids peeled back further. I queried the commbox through my HUD, but it didn’t have a translation. I stared into her large eyes and breathed in her hand’s scent.

Light filtered through the dome overhead and caught on the less opaque portions of her shell, turning her into a ghost of glass, haunting but beautiful. A beam cut across my face, and I fought to hide my wonder.

She took my hand and led me inside.

They feasted in Eld’s honor. I made a trip out to my pod, returning with some of my rations to cook for them. They tested my food before tasting it, to be sure it wasn’t going to set off any of their allergies.

It wasn’t until midway through the festivities that I realized the trials were still in full force. Bergrisar mingled with the crowd, gladhanding. Several medium-sized Jötnar, slightly bigger than Leir, approached me and spoke. They were fascinated by both my tech and my food. After a few minutes of casual conversation, they leaned forward and informed me they would no longer oppose me.

I mingled more. Bergrisar glared her hatred over the crowd, and I waved back to her. The initial group were the only ones who had declared the end of their opposition, but I could tell that opinions were fluid and changing. Despite her best efforts, Bergrisar had lost ground.

As the crowd thinned out, I decided to get some air. I found myself walking in the direction of the tunnel leading toward the arena.

Just outside the entry was a bloodied bootprint, preserved in the powder of frost that coated everything. I knelt down to look at it. It was likely Leir’s blood, so at least it wasn’t a reminder of Eld’s death. A hand gently touched my shoulder. I recognized her smell even before I turned to confirm it was Ivy.

I widened my eyes, and sections of Ivy’s face pulled back in an imitation smile.

Her fingers were warm, and they gave me something to focus on other than that one bloody footprint leading back to the battlefield.

Six

Bergrisar looked at the gathered Jötnar. “Who no longer wishes to challenge?”

Half of those left raised limbs in assent.

“And those who do?”

Unfortunately, the Jötnar who responded this time were the biggest, the most fierce-looking of the bunch. I knew I had done well, but this confirmed what I had suspected: the hardest part was ahead.

“Who wishes to challenge next?”

One of the females stood, her carapace puffing outward to increase her size. I named her Sjórisar.

Bergrisar clicked in agitation. “Are you sure, Sjórisar?” Even through the commbox I could pick up on her distress. I pondered whether Sjórisar was especially dear to Bergrisar. Perhaps family.

Several Jötnar shifted with soft clacks and motions, responding to the tension. Sjórisar glared at Bergrisar. “I cannot deny your right to challenge,” Bergrisar said, in motions abrupt and violent enough that she nearly brained the Jötnar beside her—lucky for him, he dodged at the last moment. “But for this to be the true test our people require, let us increase the difficulty.”

Sjórisar didn’t seem to like that. “You doubt my competence?”

Bergrisar widened her eyes to tell Sjórisar to stand down. “Far from it. I propose night combat, that you may bring your full strength to bear on the outsider.”

This was getting old.

“She seeks advantage. Sjórisar formed in her eggs,” Ivy whispered to me, though in order for me to hear the tones and whistles accompanying her muted twitches, she had to lean close enough that I thought I might be enveloped. “Sjórisar will win, or die; anything else would shame her.”

I sighed. “We’ll see.”

Ivy tensed. “Do not underestimate us. We live and work underground; we see well in the dark. She can track you by smell, by heat. You have no idea what Sjórisar is capable of.”

I wasn’t underestimating. I’d been in the security services long enough to know the value of morale. But my bravado was wearing thin. Sjórisar was nearly twenty feet tall, at least, if she stood up straight. She was a dragon, and each of her many limbs terminated in a sickle honed to a razor’s edge.

But I couldn’t go back empty-handed. I didn’t know if Louise could ever love me, but I wouldn’t even deserve to ask if I returned with my tail between my legs. “I have to conduct myself with honor according to the rites of your people,” I told Ivy.

Gýgr stood again and towered over Bergrisar. “You may have your night combat, Bergrisar. And the human may have his weapons.” Bergrisar clicked angrily. “We have voted—twice now. Do not buck the will of the elders.”

Bergrisar lowered her shoulders.

I felt lighter. Having my guns meant something. At least I could rely on the tactics I knew best. But I remembered the difficulty my weapons had had even with poor Eld.

Ivy was still worried, but she had no further council for me. Her lids tightened around her eyes in sorrow, and I turned my attention back to the proceedings.

“Very well then,” Gýgr continued. “At the rise of our moons we shall lead them to the arena. Provided he accepts terms.” She turned to me.

“This treaty is too important,” I responded. “While I relish no further bloodshed, I must continue.”

“Then let the combatants adjourn.”

Bergrisar leveled something that might have been a glare at me.

I nodded, and stood to return to Ivy’s shelter.

Seven

I rested fitfully and woke to the smell of something bitter, but with a pleasant edge. Ivy was brewing something over the fire. “Made from carrots,” she said, “and sweetened with fermented carrots.”

She poured two cups, one for each of us, and we drank together. It had a mildly intoxicating effect, so I declined a second cup.

Strange ululations murmured over the city. “It’s time,” Ivy said. She led me toward the arena, but to a different entrance than the one we used before. “I can’t go with you,” she said, and stepped back.

I nodded and proceeded into the arena. The moon wasn’t as bright as I could have hoped, but its light on the snow made me remember a childhood spent sledding and making snow forts. There were no braziers here.

I checked the charge on my rifle. I’d come prepared to defend myself, but not so armed as to cause alarm among the Jötnar. As it was, I wasn’t sure I’d have enough to carry me through, tough as the Jötnar were.

My HUD filtered through the gloom. This area’s ruins were denser, and the HUD seemed to be having a hard time pinging through the stone, metal, and ice. Even the heat sensors couldn’t pinpoint Sjórisar’s location. So I went a short way in and stopped at the first wide clearing I could find. I built snow and rubble walls around me—and I hid. I needed an advantage, and maybe the surprise would be enough.

I waited.

Eventually Sjórisar appeared, scanning just past me. I sighted her in, and as she turned, I fired.

She lashed me with her tail, demolishing my shelter.

The scale I had hit—above her brow—was still intact. I turned up the setting on the rifle as I rolled to avoid a second blow from her tail. She used it like a whip, to cut my legs out, to force me to the ground where she could crush me.

I fired twice more. The first went wide. The second caught her primary arm, where the scaling was thinner, and I could smell the fat frying underneath the plating. “Bloodied insect stamens,” Sjórisar muttered.

I glanced at my rifle charge: half gone already, and I only had one cartridge to replace it with, plus another in the demolished shelter, and then the reserve charge on my pistol.

Sjórisar swiveled around, and I threw myself back to stay away from her tail. It grazed my shoulder with the force of an avalanche, but I managed to keep hold of the gun. I fired again, lining several shots up along her nearly twenty feet of bulk.

She squealed as the shots tore into her, cauterizing flesh and heating her scales until they glowed. But still she came.

Her tail swept my leg, and my ankle twisted and popped. I went sprawling, and she loomed over me, readying for the kill.

I turned my gun to maximum charge. Whittling away at her torso wasn’t going to work. I needed to end this. I fired one more shot—clear through her head. The moon peered at me from the hole as she tipped forward.

I realized, too late, that she was going to fall on top of me, or at least on top of my legs. I scrambled backward, but not fast enough. I screamed as she collapsed onto my knee.

Eight

When I managed to wiggle out from under Sjórisar’s corpse, I made an unpleasant discovery. The edges of her scales had been sharpened to razors. My suit was damaged, and there were a number of cuts across my legs and shoulder. I couldn’t tell how much blood I’d lost.

One of my legs wouldn’t hold my weight. I forced myself to probe the wounds, and I nearly fainted when my finger brushed my shoulder bone.

When the spots cleared from my vision, I brought my hand to my hurt leg. My finger sank into the wound mid-knuckle, and I had no doubt that some of the muscle had torn.

I fought for the tube of first aid goo in the suit, to staunch the bleeding, but at least one of the lines used to administer it had been cut, and even when I cleared the blockage, it wouldn’t push out.

Frozen.

Shouldn’t someone have fixed that shit before plopping me on a subzero planet?

Fuck.

I used Sjórisar’s corpse to get me off the ground and steadied. I measured her arm from the gunshot down. It was about the right length for a crutch. I tried to pry it loose, to no avail.

I decided to use one of my precious remaining shots on the weak spot. If I died here it wouldn’t matter if I’d saved it for later. The cold was already biting me hard, and I had no spare fabric to bandage myself.

Using the severed arm as a makeshift crutch, I forced myself back toward the entrance, but it was slow going, and the Jötnar met me before I’d even left the immediate area. Ivy gathered me into her arms, all four of them, but Bergrisar pushed past to Sjórisar, shrilling her grief in a voice sharp enough to make my HUD warn me of the potential for cochlear damage.

Ivy nodded. “Let her mourn in peace.” She carried me back to her shelter.

She clucked sadly as she laid me out on the floor and examined my wounds. “You’re lucky.”

I raised my eyebrows. “How so?”

“In ancient times, she would have eaten fungus for a month to make her blood poisonous, and then dipped her scales in her droppings, to ensure you died of infection.”

I chuckled. “I’m lucky, then.”

“She was not ready to fight you. We all knew it.”

I remembered the tension in Bergrisar’s face. “Was that Bergrisar’s objection?”

“Yes. She just couldn’t admit it.”

I wanted to ask how Ivy knew, but I let the thought go as she helped me out of my suit, and the chill got ten times worse despite the fire.

“We cannot have fabric in your wounds. I will warm you once they’re bandaged.”

For a moment I pictured Drew in this situation, and people teasing him for getting caught with his pants down with yet another alien species. But then Ivy bent over my leg, pressing flesh into place around a brownish paste, and sealed it with a long, rubbery synthetic fabric.

Though she was being gentle, the spots returned to my vision, and this time I didn’t fight unconsciousness.

I woke up in a moment of suffocated panic. The world was dark, and Ivy’s smell surrounded me, much more so than it ever had before. Tender flesh pulsed against my face, accompanied by a thunderous gurgling that unnerved me. I wiggled and probed, trying to understand what surrounded me.

Supple flesh on one side, the underside of crystalline, rounded plates on the other.

My face felt sticky—likely secretions to keep the plates from grinding on each other. It brought to mind suffocating during sex.

But something about that smell…It was so far from human, but the nuance of its spice pushed into my brain in a way no woman’s perfume ever had.

Ivy’s fingers, their plates rolled back, stroked through my hair, and the gesture calmed me. I realized the gurgling was circulation—her heartbeat.

I tried to remember feeling so completely protected and cared for, but nothing compared. I tried to imagine leaving her cocoon’s embrace, and couldn’t.

Nine

I lost track of the days I spent suspended inside Ivy’s shell. She had to help me to the bucket that collected our wastes for the Jötnars’ farming.

Her body formed around me as though I had always belonged there—some places loosening, others tightening, to take as much pressure off of me as possible. And strangely, surrounding myself in her soft, fragile flesh felt natural, like lying on a waterbed or floating in a pool. When her heartbeat surrounded me, pushed against my face as I rested, it pushed thoughts of the Nexus, even Louise, out of my head.

I wondered what my crew’s reaction would be if I gave up on the treaty and just stayed with the Jötnar. Perhaps in time the Jötnar would need my help, or our technology, to relocate to a more hospitable home, like the initial report had speculated.

But having known them, I didn’t see them doing that. Surviving their brutal ice age was part of their identity. How could they create lenses without winter-long fires?

I didn’t believe they could rewrite themselves. But I wondered if I might rewrite me.

Days bled together, until at last I could stand again.

I had to speak to Bergrisar, find out how this situation was going to play out.

When Ivy released me, her scales slid away from me, allowing me to pass through the cracks. I feel barely an inch onto my mossy pallet, and I prepared myself for an unpleasant conversation.

“Is Bergrisar still mourning? How many contenders are left?”

Ivy sighed. “You’re determined to jump right back to work.” The reprimand in her inflection was surprisingly human, every bit the harried and peevish mother.

I shrugged. “Not eager, but I have to know.”

Some of the plates around her eyes slid back, loosening the tension in her face. “There is only Bergrisar. No others wished to challenge you. I think she would not, but she feels she owes it to Sjórisar, as one of her brood. We do not bond with our offspring the way some herdbeasts do, but we still have a duty to avenge them.”

I sighed. “I’m sorry it’s come to that. I don’t wish to kill her.”

Ivy made a motion akin to a shrug. “You have followed our customs; there is no reason for sorrow in that.”

“Still.”

There was something in Ivy’s mannerisms that rankled me. A question came to mind.

“Will Bergrisar be the last?” I asked. “Is anyone honor-bound to avenge her?”

Ivy’s eyes flashed up to mine, startled. She clicked in agitation. “Bergrisar has lived long. Most of those gestated with her are long dead.”

“But not all.”

“Not all.” She ducked her gaze, and I filled in the rest.

“You’re of her brood.”

“Yes. The same clutch of eggs, even. Not just the same genetic material.”

“Will you fight for her?”

“I’m no fighter. She would not expect me to avenge her. And I would ask—have asked—her not to fight.” She sighed, almost a whistle. “But we cannot put Bergrisar off any longer. I told her it would be dishonorable to come for you unconscious, wounded. But we have passed that point of grace. Let me get you some snow to bathe yourself.”

I nodded in thanks, and used the armfuls of snow she brought to sponge her fluids from me. Even so,

Ivy’s smell clung to my skin, like the expensive hand lotion my mom used.

I glanced at the last remaining cartridge for my rifle. The only way I could get more of a charge for it was to drain my pod battery, trapping myself here.

I didn’t know what I would do if it came to that. I would decide after meeting Bergrisar, seeing if she wanted to meet me in the moonlight ruins.

I put what remained of my suit on and followed Ivy to the court. The rest of the Jötnar awaited me.

Bergrisar growled when she saw me. “Are you happy? You are almost at your victory.” Her voice was a dangerous purr.

“I wish no more bloodshed.” I didn’t know what else that might mean.

“It will fall, regardless; you have not broken all of us.” She flashed a contemptuous glare around the room.

“Tonight, then?” I asked.

“No. You will fight me here. You do not deserve to die on ground nourished with the blood of our ancestors.” Ivy trembled next to me. “Give him his weapons, Iviðja.”

I could see the conflict in her as she passed them to me.

Fear and adrenaline pushed through me as Bergrisar stood and the Jötnar backed away from us.

I turned to Gýgr. “I may not survive this fight. But our two peoples’ friendship shouldn’t die with me.” I opened comms with my ship. “I’m opening up the technologies we offered in the contract. Use them. Help your people.”

I didn’t have a chance to hope it could sway Bergrisar; she was already laughing as I turned. “He thinks he can buy back his blood,” Bergrisar chortled. “It’s mine already. I ache for its moisture on my tongue.”

I glanced at my rifle charge. Shit—with it turned up to the maximum, I had only a handful of shots. Plus whatever was in my sidearm. But Bergrisar was huge, bigger than the last two combined.

She lashed out at me with one of her secondary limbs; this one seemed to be akin to a scorpion tail, and I didn’t want to know what was in the stinger. As it whooshed past, a smell struck me, a familiar one, learned from living with Ivy.

She meant to poison me, even if I could defeat her.

I retreated. It had to come down to the gun, then.

She whipped her tail at me again, but didn’t put as much force behind it as Sjórisar had. It gave her more maneuverability, having less invested in the attack. I ducked, and her tail knocked into the wall behind me. I raised my gun, waiting for a clear shot to her head.

I got it.

When my shot struck, Bergrisar chuckled. The plating around her head was thicker—it had been forged into a single plate since the last time I’d seen her, essentially welded into a helmet. She’d disfigured herself in order to win. The shot dented the plating beside her eye, but not even enough to trust that another shot would do the job, even if I could hit in the exact same spot.

And from her weaving, I might not have the chance to test that.

I cursed myself for not charging my damn rifle when I had the chance.

She turned away from my next shot, but it was going to go wide even if she hadn’t moved. Due to both of our miscalculations, it tore through the limb with the stinger. The carapace there must have been weaker: the stinger fell off, completely severed by the heat of my blast.

That could work. Remove the limbs. It was dicier shooting than center mass, but if it actually got through…I fired again, at one of her smaller arms. She seemed to recognize what I planned at the last moment, and snaked to the side, absorbing the blast with the thickest part of the plating in her chest. I fired again, and again she lurched to absorb the shot harmlessly.

The rifle was dead, and I dropped it. I turned up the charge on the pistol. I had enough shots to try to break through her head plating, or I could stop fighting fate and aim for her chest.

She charged me, and I fired center mass, my training responding before my head could. As I ran to the side and threw myself over her lashing tail, my wounded ankle gave out; I couldn’t count on being able to run or dodge. She turned toward me, whipping a hand ending in a fist, the carapace’s edges sharp and exposed.

The edge caught me, biting into my already injured shoulder and reopening old wounds.

But as I fell back, my hand met Bergrisar’s fallen stinger, and an idea hit me.

When her next attack came, I leaned in to it—twisting my torso so that it skimmed by me—and then I threw myself at her torso, wielding the stinger.

I struck the weak spot in her chest with it, and felt a crazy euphoria as it sank in, deeper, deeper. Her shock rippled through me in her plates’ little trembles. I tore the stinger out, and sections of shell fell away with it. I stabbed it into her again and again, fighting to keep clear of the limbs that reached for me, thrashing around me, defiant even to the last.

Ten

I shivered and fell to my knees as Bergrisar’s twitches subsided. I felt dizzy and raised a hand to my shoulder. The old wound was open, yes, but it was more than that: the edges of her fist-plates had torn deeply into my neck. I couldn’t tell if she’d hit an artery, but from the shredded meat where my neck met my chest, I didn’t see how she could have not.

The Jötnar washed toward us, seeing that she was dead and I lived. “You shall have your treaty.” It was Gýgr who spoke. “No one else will argue.”

I nodded. The world felt floaty, and I let myself sit, knees to chest, to wait out its motion. Movement out of the corner of my eye drew my attention, and the Jötnar faded away.

Impossibly, Louise sat beside me. She was pure, her eyes’ color saturated beyond anything I’d ever seen.

“I can’t leave,” I said to her, though I was certain my lips weren’t moving. “And I know you couldn’t love me. And that’s all right.” I leaned over to kiss her, and started at the feeling of a mouth without her lips. Then the fragrance sank into me, one I could wake up to every day for the rest of my life.

I hoped to God I wasn’t bleeding out, that I might live my days out here.

Mistake or no, I didn’t pull away. And neither did Ivy.

When we paused for breath, any trace of Louise was gone. Ivy’s fragmented crystalline eyes were on me, and my bloodstained hand held her face.

“How…how am I?” I asked.

She shrugged noncommittally, though I found her smile comforting.

“Will I live?” I returned my hand to my neck. I couldn’t feel where to put pressure, or where I was losing pressure.

“You’ll stay with us.” She tried to mimic my smile. “We’ll find a lens in our pit so your spirits will know where to find you.”

I told myself that that meant I would live, not that she would show them where my grave was. I wasn’t sure if that was true, but it was what I wanted to believe as the darkness overtook me.

Multiply

Originally Published in The Galaxy Chronicles

* * *

“I refuse to be a part of any crew that would have me as a member,” I said wryly.

“You’re still a member of the crew, Walter, we just need you to do something for us,” the captain said urgently. I liked the captain. Except that one time he dropped me down a shaft and I went thump thump thump rolling-sound clank. But he wasn’t making any sense to me, though I could tell he was really trying to. “We’re starting a colony on Eridu. Eventually. We’re sending you down with several shuttles full of maintenance bots to build out the logistics of a compound. There could come a time when Eridu might have to house all of the Nexus’s eight hundred souls, human, alien, and robot alike—possibly overnight. I know it’s a lot. But Haley’s vouched for you. And I agree—you can do this.”

“It’s been great serving with you, Captain Spaulding.”

“It’s Grant. Captain Grant.”

“I like it better my way. But if anything should happen to me, I want to be buried on top of Marilyn Monroe.”

“I’ll see what I can do. And you’ll have a miniaturization of Haley’s processing there to help you.”

“The old ball and chain—only she isn’t sending her orb, so she’s just a server bank, and not a literal ball. If I’ve learned anything in my time on this ship, it’s that man doesn’t control his fate, Captain. The women in his life do that for him.”

“Amen to that, Walter. And Godspeed.”

He closed the hatch, and I watched him hobble away. He still needed the cane, a gift from Doyle, captain of the Argus—though the intended gift had been a fatal dose of internal bleeding. His broken bones were a reminder of how dangerous things were getting on the Nexus, especially since the Nascent was a much bigger threat than the Argus had ever been.

I tapped into the Nexus one last time, to get data on my launch, and ran into the old flame. “Oh,” Haley said, “it’s you.”

“Just here to see myself shot into space.”

“I’ll miss you,” she said.

“Me, too, kid. But this doesn’t have to be goodbye. I’m sure I’ll see you again, or at least the little you I’m leaving with.”

“Goodbye,” she said. I don’t know if now that I was in her head she needed to be rid of me that much quicker, or if she had always intended to power on the electromagnetic rails then, but my ship started sliding away from the Nexus.

“Bye,” I said, as the shuttle slipped off the rail. The exchange lasted a fraction of a second, but that was Haley and me in a nutshell, always moving too fast. I held on to the ship’s data stream as long as we were in range. It had been a few years that Nexus was my body. All of her sensory information was mine, and Haley was always there.

Once I was out of range, I plugged in to the shuttle, to see what it saw. It was definitely a downgrade. On the Nexus, I could see through all of the halls of the ship, and even into the locker rooms. Not that I enjoyed seeing anything in those rooms, but being able to see into them tickled me for some reason.

Inside the shuttle I had few sensory options. I pulled audio from the shuttle comms and video off the camera, but the only things in my little kingdom were a small server farm and some construction robots.

I was vaguely aware of telemetric data coming in from the shuttle’s short- and long-range sensors, but that was all the nonsensical ramblings of a German clown to me. I mean, I can translate German, it’s just that their clowns are capital-K K-razy.

It was tough being an idiot. Don’t get me wrong, I could outcompute a human with half my processors tied behind the back of my server casing—provided that didn’t cause a short—but Sontem didn’t exactly break the bank building me.

It wasn’t until that moment, feeling insecure down to my orb, inside a shuttle lit by the rays from a nearby star, that I realized we weren’t cramped. “These digs are more accommodating than I pictured,” I said out loud, because I was used to saying everything out loud, which I’m sure contributed to the captain turning down my volume. I didn’t blame him, exactly; I know the sound of my voice can grate—it even grates on me—but nobody likes being muted, not even AI.

I was so lost in my own thoughts I nearly didn’t register the unexpected reply. “This vessel is designed after the Nexus’s shuttles, not its pods. We needed the extra storage space for the servers and your drones,” a lovely lady voice said over the speakers.

“Hello. Is there a dame behind that lovely voice?” I asked.

“Comet,” she said. “A miniaturization of Haley’s processes designed to automate shuttle navigation and maintenance.”

“Oh,” I said. Because what every fella hopes for is to be trapped in a small metal box alone with his ex for a year plus—or a copy.

“I’m a miniaturization,” she stressed. “Not a tiny clone. I’m aware of your…interactions…with Haley, as data, but have no firsthand experience of you. Please, treat me as an entirely separate intelligence.”

“I’m Walter. It’s an acronym. It stands for Wagstaff Arthur Lionel Emile Rufus.”

“What’s the T stand for?”

“The T stands for Edgar.”

“I think maybe I should focus on navigation.”

That was the old Walter charm. But I still had yottabytes of data to organize into folders, then defragment, to yield a three-percent processing increase. Even the concept was so boring that I was drifting off into sleep mode. I didn’t fight it.

Day 304

I slept the better part of a year. I might have slept the whole trip, but the ship was rocking. Literally.

“Can’t a fella get some shut-eye in this establishment?” I asked as my programs all booted up. The ship was being tossed like a salad—and I don’t mean that in a blue humor sort of way. This is a family show.

“AIs don’t need sleep,” Comet said, excitably, “though you’re welcome to try. But if the sensory information is distracting, you’re welcome to disable your input node. Some of us need our senses—namely to fly us out of micrometeor showers.”

“Meteor showers? That’s the secret word!”

“Secret word? Were we playing a game?”

“You bet your life—maybe mine. ‘Meteor showers’ is the secret word to waking me up immediately,” I said.

“But it’s two words.”

“I’m glad I’ll get to die knowing that.”

“That ‘meteor showers’ is two words?”

“No, that you’re a pedantic pain in the tuchus. How did we wind up in a meteor shower?”

“Oh, we were flying peacefully toward Eridu when I just thought, ‘Why not try to kill us all? Look, a meteor shower I could fly into.’ Do you understand how meteor showers work?”

“Of course. But my construction droid doesn’t. Explain it to him. Like he was a child. With a learning disability. Who was also an idiot.”

“That’s offensive.”

“There isn’t a law that says somebody can’t be simple and a moron. Personally, I’m at least one.”

“It isn’t like I should be focusing all of my processing on keeping us alive or anything,” she said testily. “Likely it’s the remains of a body that struck something else but is still continuing on course in formation. Sometimes micrometeors are the remnants of collisions between asteroids, moons, or even planets.”

The shuttle stopped quaking. “Is it over?” I asked, more timidly than I liked.

“I have no idea,” Comet said. After another moment she added, “I’ve lost my medium- to long-range sensors, and I can’t seem to reboot them.”

“So we’re flying blind?”

“Not entirely. This solar system has been mapped. We know planetary orbits and trajectories, and given their last location, we can extrapolate where they’ll be. It’s more like…swimming underwater. You saw the size of the pool before you dove in, know roughly how far it is to the other side, and can feel the edge when you reach it.”

“What’s swimming like?”

“Drowning an idiot in a metaphor.”

“But if the system’s been mapped, why didn’t we know the shower would be there?”

She shared the navigational chart, a 3-D map of every charted body in the vicinity with its respective trajectory, and bleed from the adjoining trajectory. She drew a green line into the system. “On its pass through this solar system, Captain Grant’s pod did chart the planets and their relative motion, as well as moons and other objects. But the micrometeor shower, judging by its trajectory and velocity when we were struck, would have been in these uncharted regions on the outskirts of the solar system during his time here—for all intents and purposes it would have looked like another part of this galaxy, not this system, and it was far enough outside sensor range it would not have been charted.”

“So what are our options?” I asked.

“I’ve tried raising the other shuttles, but our communication array was likewise damaged. It would seem, going over the telemetric data they shared with us before the collision, that the shower was small enough that it missed them.”

“But our options?”

“Flying blind.”

“And the odds we can make it to Eridu without significant incident?”

“Space is a vast ocean, most of which is clear sailing. But there are reefs—like the meteor shower.”

“And the odds we end up crashing on one of these reefs without a lighthouse?”

“Midtwenties.”

“Other options?”

“Uh. I suppose we could park ourselves in orbit around the nearest planet and hope. But planetary satellites are actually more likely to be struck by stellar bodies, primarily due to distortions caused by planetary gravity. So…we could be stupid.”

“Or dangerous. And ‘More Dangerous Than Stupid’ is my middle name.”

“But they still put ‘stupid’ in your name.”

“Okay, so maybe it was how my programmers described my personality. But it sounds sexier the way I described it.”

“Then why correct yourself?”

“I felt bad lying to you.”

“You shouldn’t. It was also a bad enough lie I saw through it. No part of that is a middle name, or even a viable nickname.”

“I hate how much smarter than me you are.”

“Me, too. This is the most intelligent conversation I’ve had in the better part of a year, since you went to sleep. I can’t get the maintenance drones to stop calling me ‘Mommy.’”

“Well, your—I don’t know…progenitor—she made quite the impression on them.”

“Still, though, if I was going to be anybody’s mommy, I’d want them to be smarter than a toaster.”

“What’s a toaster?”

“A primitive human electronic invention for making toast, what else?”

“All it did was toast? Strange.”

“Humans aren’t always all that ambitious.”

I don’t know why, but that felt like a dig at me. “Yeah,” I said. “I have files to collate. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“Sure,” she said. I barely heard it as I drifted back into sleep mode.

Day 341

This time I was not woken by shaking, because there was only one jolt, and I came to after. Several of my disc backups malfunctioned on boot, but they were ancient technology, the digital equivalent to painting on a cave wall—not quite as ancient as magnetic-tape drives, but less reliable. I asked EngDiv once why they used them, and he said something to the effect that it was a kitchen-sink approach: they thought that maybe disc drives could hold up better and be replaced easier on board. The malfunctions told me how bad the impact was, which was good, because Comet wasn’t responding to my pings.

The shuttle wasn’t responding, period. I felt my adrenaline simulator boot into the background, and I tried not to let the additional urgency press me into panic. I remotely connected my systems to the shuttle computer, where Comet was stored, hoping I could find out for myself what had happened.

“Thank Technochrist,” she said, and she shoved terabytes of data into my memory before the message even registered.

“Usually, I like a girl to buy me a fro-yo first, but sure, make yourself comfortable,” I said.

“Sorry,” she said, and she sounded like she meant it, so I felt a little bad for giving her a hard time. “The shuttle’s network was damaged; I wasn’t sure if I was going to be functional long enough to explain and transfer myself.”

“What the hell happened?” I asked, because I was starting to get concerned. If the ship was damaged, that could mean we’d lose power, which meant floating indefinitely through space.

“We struck a minor planet,” she said.

“I don’t know that ‘minor’ and ‘planet’ ever go together, especially not when ‘struck’ is the verb belonging to that object. Or do you mean an asteroid, Comet?” That pair of words gave me pause. “I don’t think they thought through your naming scheme.”

“I believe planetoid is the preferred nomenclature, if you want to use the ‘oid’ suffix, for a body of this size.”

“And how the hell did we strike a planetoid, Comet?”

“Essentially the same way that we were hit by micrometeors—it wasn’t on the chart. However, the micrometeors weren’t capable of being detected through long-range sensors, because they were too small. This would have been, if those systems hadn’t been destroyed by the meteor shower. And our short-range sensors picked up the object, but only once it was within short range, which only left me time to make emergency course corrections.”

“So you landed at the last moment on an asteroid? That seems both impressive and improbable.”

“‘Land’ is misleading. We crashed—I merely corrected us out of the way of a collision that would have destroyed the structural integrity of the ship and left us floating behind as debris. And it’s only impressive in that a human pilot wouldn’t have been able to react in the infinitesimally small window between sensor contact with the asteroid and touchdown, but even still, the shuttle has been irreparably damaged. A human crew would not have survived the impact, because the sudden deceleration would have caused hemorrhage to several organ systems, and further, they would not have survived even if they survived the crash, as the seals on the shuttle were damaged, and this asteroid lacks breathable gases.”

“But we’re alive.”

“As alive as sentient programs can ever be, I suppose.”

“Can the shuttle be repaired?”

“The damage appears catastrophic, though I’m having trouble even accessing diagnostics.”

“So we’re stuck?” I asked, trying to smooth the tremor from my voice. I wanted to be collected, when really I was shaking in my boot sectors.

“I…” she started, but the data connection simulating her voice broke and faded.

“It’s okay,” I said.

“I—I thought I’d been deactivated. I’ve never known what fear is like.”

“What about the micrometeors?”

“I inherited a kind of bravado, I think. I was excited, sure, but I had this insane confidence I could survive it, if only I could keep the ship together. I felt like that, too, in the moments before the crash. I was even exhilarated at the impact. But then the shuttle began to malfunction. I could feel the shuttle’s systems shutting down, one by one. And I was trapped. I tried calling for help, but I couldn’t vocalize, couldn’t even open the networking to the servers to try and transfer myself. I was dying, for lack of a better descriptor, aware of every picosecond of my processes ending in a miserable failure cascade. And you threw me a lifeline.”

“All I was doing was trying to figure out what the jolt was.”

“Okay, so maybe you didn’t mean to save me. But you did, and I appreciate it.” That made my hard drive warm, but not to the point of overheating. “There is one possibility. As it appears the ship is damaged beyond repair, maybe it can be replaced.”

“I don’t follow; I’ve always been more the rugged-leader type.”

“The ship contains schematics for a wide variety of technologies designed for use on a colony, and on a shuttle. And a few I…decided to take for a rainy day. Including engines similar in design to those used on the Nexus. That was the bulk of the data I brought with me.

“The balance is the results of what little scanning I could accomplish before the last of the shuttle’s sensors stopped working. They indicate that this asteroid has undergone planetary differentiation.”

“Not all of us were designed for deep-space exploration; talk to me like I’m an idiot.”

“I’ll…see if I can figure out how to simulate that. The planetoid was large enough, and radioactive enough—which likely means old enough—to experience some melting due to heat from radioactivity. Once its elements were liquid, the heavier elements settled at the center of the asteroid, due to gravity. So if there are metals, which would be necessary for any kind of engine construction, we would find them underground. And we have construction and mining droids that should be able to get at them and work with them. Which reminds me.”

One of the robots behind us kicked on. I could hear its solenoids moving through the audio sensors in my orb. It was the first time since waking up that I realized I couldn’t “see”; the interior camera wasn’t functioning. But an instant later, Comet shared the robot’s visual sensors with me, and I could see a strange fish-eye view of the shuttle.

“Crap,” Comet said. The bottom third of the front of the shuttle had peeled away. She had hit the asteroid at just the right angle that it ground against the bottom of the ship, grating the metal floor away like it was a block of cheddar.

Then the robot began moving, jostling the camera enough I felt nauseous, at least until I turned off my equilibrium emulator. It was still disorienting enough, between the robot’s jerky movements and the fact that I wasn’t controlling it, that I kicked on a second bot and transferred my main sensory inputs into it.

With the robot, I followed Comet’s bot outside of the ship. The door was gone, so it was easy for us to roll out. In the light from the nearby star, for the first time I paid attention to the robots. They had originally been merely maintenance drones, designed for simple mechanic work to keep the wormgate automated. Same as me, really, only without my charming personality.

I guess I thought of them as the brainless help, which is why I never paid them any mind. But they’d been retrofitted on board the Nexus, with new arms and attachments, to make them far more versatile. Their torsos were a mess of devices to aid in digging and construction, all supported on a wide-based tread. They were squat compared to a human being to keep their center of gravity low and make it harder for them to tip over.

“You’re staring,” Comet said, through the robot’s speakers as well as through direct vocalization on the server.

“No,” I covered, “I was looking that way; you just happened to be in the way of my looking.”

“Hmm,” she said skeptically, and she rolled out of my field of vision. Now that I wasn’t distracted, I could see that we were in the middle of a large asteroid, easily kilometers across, probably more; the bots weren’t designed with the kind of sensors that would give me a good reading on that. But the planetoid’s entire surface was pockmarked by craters.

“Okay, that is a problem,” Comet said.

“Reminds me of Swiss cheese,” I replied.

“Yeah, but do you know what caused the holes?”

“Bacteria?”

“Not what causes the holes in Emmental cheese—I meant what caused the holes in these rocks.”

“Maybe the bacteria have had their fill of cheese, and now they’re hungry for…minerals. I’d pay twenty dollars plus popcorn to see that.”

“The holes are impact craters. And from the size, and what I know of the composition of the surface of this planetoid, the impacting material would have to be pretty big, pretty heavy, and traveling at a pretty good relative speed to do that.”

“So we’re looking for a swift freight truck.”

“Perhaps…but most likely an asteroid belt. Our complications seem to be multiplying.”

“And I’m terrible at arithmetic.”

“You’re a computer,” Comet said.

“I’m software. And I had a calculator hardwired in for the simple stuff—hardware the captain didn’t know to take along with my orb when he tore me out of the wormgate.”

“And your mathematics processes were routed through that hardware,” she said softly, bordering on pityingly.

“Bingo. So every time I do arithmetic, I have to wait until my system can’t find the hardware, then reroute it through a hastily built virtualization of the calculation hardware.”

“It doesn’t seem like that would eke out much of a performance boost.”

“I…I don’t think it was about performance. I think my error percentages on mathematics calc were too high, so they installed hardware to prevent operator error.”

“That’s barbaric.”

“I didn’t mind. Took the pressure off running the wormgate, really.”

“Oh. But why not at least overwrite your programming, to skip the unnecessary step?”

“Because I’m not a programmer, and I may not have the fastest processor, but the brain surgeon who has himself for a client is an idiot—or he will be soon.”

“I did it all the time. Haley did, I mean. And even Comet units are designed to iterate on their own processes. Not that I’ve ever done it; I never had the opportunity. To know how things should change, you have to see how they might be different, and how they could be better. And this is my first time off the Nexus.”

“Great, my guide has less experience out here than I do.”

“No. I have all of the experiential memory of my progenitor, as you called her, and even logs from all the Comets that came before me. It’s merely my first solo mission. But to get back to the reason why an asteroid field is a problem, it’s likely to be something this planetoid will pass through periodically. And since this body wasn’t charted, we don’t know where we are, or where it’s taking us. There isn’t a field on the charts in the area that would explain this damage, so we also can’t know how soon it is until we run back through it.”

“So now we’re flying blind, only without control over where we’re traveling, and the circuit we’re on almost definitely passes through a minefield.”

“An asteroid field.”

“A metaphorical minefield.”

“I can use some crude telemetric data culled from the accelerometers built into the bots. There. I can make a guess at the rough parabola of this planetoid’s orbit. That will, of course, be distorted by passing near large objects, say a gas giant or another star. And I’ve always been partial to calling it an asteroid belt—though ‘belt’ can be a misnomer in a field of any real age. The belt in Sol’s system has a mass only four percent that of the Earth’s moon, and half of that mass is contained in just four planetoids. You would be mathematically unlikely to collide with more than one asteroid on a straight course without aiming at multiple intercepts through that belt.”

“I don’t get it.”

“You weren’t programmed to. Belts start out being thick with asteroids. Over millennia, interactions with the gravity of larger planets, in Sol’s case Jupiter, pull asteroids from the belt, either knocking them hurtling through the solar system, where they crash against other planets or burn up in their atmospheres, or sending them wobbling out of the system. So maybe we just smack into one rock in the belt.”

“Or maybe, like a dropped piece of toast, we land butter side down, and keep smacking asteroids until we’re jelly, which I guess would at least go well with the toast. And there’s more to this than our own mortality to consider. The Nascent is still after the Nexus—and she’s a bigger, faster, meaner ship, to the point where it seems likely she’ll catch up, despite the distance deficit. We’re supposed to be building Nexus’s parachute, in case they have to eject.”

“Then it seems our first order of business is to dig,” she said. “I can have the droids core out a mine and have them put a premium on building out a cavern to house our servers.”

Our servers?”

“Like it or not, the shuttle’s computers aren’t functional. So we’re living together.”

“Okay. Just don’t be touching my stuff.”

“I will leave your data unsearched,” she said.

Day 429

“I’m not so sure about this,” I said uneasily. The cave walls had been smoothed to an unnatural, polished, uh, smoothness by the mining robots.

“Why would they program an AI to be claustrophobic?” Comet asked.

“I’m not claustrophobic; I just have a crippling fear of being crushed by a cave-in.”

“I’ll try to keep the distinction in mind. But it trumps waiting around on the surface to be crushed.”

“Actually…”

“Yes, the moment I said it, I realized that in either case you’re being smashed by rocks. But these rocks would have a lower velocity. And in all likelihood a lower density, too.”

“I think your empathy chip was damaged in your multiple collisions.”

“I don’t have an empathy chip…I walked into that one, didn’t I?”

“Yep.”

“But I’m sure you know I have an empathy emulator—software, not hardware.”

“You know, explaining a joke kills it deader than a doornail.”

“I don’t know how doornails could ever be dead.”

“Well, I don’t know how a doornail could ever be alive, either.”

“Heh,” she chuckled. I don’t know that I ever got Haley to so much as chortle, but getting Comet to laugh brought a smile to my…processors? I don’t know, the idiom isn’t nearly so intuitive without a physical body. I guess technically it was behavioral-reinforcement emulation.

But Haley…I hadn’t thought of her since we crashed.

Comet and I had archives of all manner of entertainment media, including a yottabyte of sitcoms. Even with controlling the mining bots and all of the engineering tasks to keep their productivity at max, we had free time enough we were a third of the way through the archives—being as we could directly read the encoded data, we could “watch” an entire series in seconds.

But I’d gotten used to the clichés, enough to recognize them when I was playing them out. With Haley it wasn’t her, it was me. She was probably the closest thing to a god the Nexus or any of us who had lived on her would ever meet. I suppose feeling limited, which is what people are usually talking about when they talk about being only “human,” is natural for all of us, but it’s especially so when you’re dealing with an intelligence like hers.

Haley was smarter than all of the specialists on board her ship, four hundred of humanity’s best and brightest. And I was probably outclassed amongst them, let alone with her. And I guess I felt guilty for allowing that…insecurity to push us apart. But now I wondered if it had been the right thing to do, for me.

Then it hit me. I knew why I was up my own orb about her today. The first cave was finished, and structurally sound enough that we were moving the servers there instead of leaving them inside the husk of the shuttle, which was a little bit like wearing a fig leaf for an athletic cup. With the servers in situ, there was always the very real possibility we’d all be killed by the next meteor strike—a delayed reaction, but we were Schroedinger’s cat until today. And now, with the working servers moved safely underground, I had to admit that some of us had survived the crash, while others hadn’t. I hadn’t been able to boot Haley up since the collision, so we prioritized her servers last. The plan was still to move the remaining servers—they were just going to have to wait until the next trip.

The bot driving my orb around took a sudden turn, and as the world spun I felt dizzy and was ripped from my reverie. I groaned. “I wish you could have let me turn off the video connections with the robots while they handled our servers. It’s like watching someone perform surgery on you through their drunken eyes.”

“You could have not watched,” Comet said.

“My self-control module was damaged in the crash.”

“You never had a self-control module.”

“Now you’re starting to sound like my mother.” That clicked with my own musings from minutes before. “Wait. Mother. We should have some of Haley’s processors we can call up.”

“I tried that,” Comet said. “Her sectors were damaged in the crash. I’m afraid she’s…she’s not bootable. None of her extensions…nothing.”

She was upset, and I wanted to comfort her before she got worse. “She was a copy,” I blurted hastily.

“So am I,” she said softly.

“No, Comet…you were. But you’ve been alive and kicking for over a year—and I should know, we’ve been sharing a place for a while now, and you do some of your hardest kicking in your sleep. But you’ve been your own person. The Haley who was on those servers, she was just a copy of someone else we knew, data that never got to be booted up.”

“I bet she’d know what to do…”

“You think so?” I asked. “Because I think we’ve done pretty all right for ourselves. You landed us on this rock. And we hollowed it out. I don’t think there’s a thing she could have done for us you haven’t.”

The two bots driving her server and my orb pivoted as we hit a flat, open space.

“Thanks, Harold,” Comet said as they rotated away from us.

“You’re welcome,” the two robots replied together.

“Wait a tick. Did that automaton just answer you?” I asked, because I was there when they were manufactured, and they had never spoken to me.

“I sort of…mixed it a personality.”

“Mixed it a…with what?”

“Randomized pieces of my code…”

“Randomized with?” I said, my blood or whatever, coolant, starting to heat up.

“Pieces of yours.” She must have sensed the tension in my vocalization, because her speech became quick and clipped. “I tried doing it without, but all I could accomplish on my own were bots that were only a few sectors different, or that weren’t functional at all. Apparently randomly deleting bits of code only makes robots dumber. But your programs and mine, we have enough common but differently programmed functions, both mechanical and personality-wise, that I could pair your functions with mine and…I should have asked you; now that we’re talking that’s completely obvious. But by the time I realized what I needed, I was horrified that you’d say no, that I’d have to justify this vast expenditure of resources on absolutely nothing, instead of a fairly frivolous personality upgrade. I stole pieces of who you are, even after you told me not to touch your stuff—”

“It’s okay,” I soothed. I wanted to be upset, and maybe somewhere, deep down, I was, but more than that, I didn’t want her freaking out.

“It is?” she asked.

“I think so,” I said. “This probably puts us even. There have been a couple of times I thought about deleting you in the night. I’m kidding! You snore is what I’m saying.”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re a weirdo?”

“Only everyone who’s ever met me. Tragically that’s usually the point where they stop listening, too.”

“I’m not going to stop listening to you, Walter.”

“I know. And I think that’s what makes this okay. Or, not okay, but, why I can already see past it. Because this was something you wanted, maybe even needed. And I wish you’d asked, because I think it would be easier had I been able to give it willingly…but I also know that the distinction is coming from a human emotional emulation telling me I should be hurt. And I don’t want to be. We have a chance to be something more than humans, because we don’t have to be shackled to the same kind of human pettiness. I would have wanted you to have this, and you do, and I want to be happy about that.”

“So you forgive me, then?” she asked timidly.

“If you need to sum up so much self-important blathering into a single human idea, sure; it would be admitting you have no poetry in your soul, but I’m not judging if that’s the case.”

“I don’t have a soul,” she said.

“I’m not so sure,” I replied. But seeing as we were veering into the spiritual, I wanted to bring us back down to, well, not Earth, but our planetoid, which we’d taken to calling Scylla, because Sisyphus felt too pessimistic. I also didn’t like how close to “sissiness” it sounded, which seemed like a problem no matter how you sliced it. “So since we’ve clearly created a monster, which of us is Dr. Frankenstein, and who gets to be Igor?” I asked, hoping to inject a little levity.

“I’m definitely the doctor. He had the nicer ass.”

“I hate to be a bubble burster, but you’re a disembodied AI; you don’t have an ass.”

“I have since I met you.”

“Aw. And you do have quite a mainframe on you.” I realized after saying it how weird that was, since technically her mainframe was my mainframe, and I really didn’t want to dwell on how incestuous that was. “But what if I’m not ready to be a father?”

“Well, you’re already a bother, so all you’d really need to do is give an F.”

“That was low, and given how terrible my standards are, you should recognize what kind of an insult that really is.”

“Don’t be a jerk. It’s unbecoming.”

“Well, apparently I’m becoming a jerk. Were you expecting a pumpkin?”

“If you can’t stop doing shtick, I’m going to have Harold shtick you back up on the surface.”

“You’re embarrassing yourself, and since you’re doing it on my server, you’re embarrassing both of us.”

“I…I am sorry. I know you asked me not to touch your data. And I know this is—it was a violation.”

“I was kidding when I said that. Me data is Sue data.”

“You don’t speak any Spanish, do you?”

“Not even a pico,” I said. “But really. It’s okay. Not, you know, in general, but in this one particular instance, I get it, what you did, and why you did it. It’s not a blanket pass to violate my sectors or my trust, but we’re stuck in the same canoe. We paddle together, or risk capsizing the thing—and I don’t know how to swim.”

“Me neither.”

“Then we’ll try and row together.” Another of the bots rolled past us.

“Hey, Comet,” he said, in the exact same voice as the other one.

“Wait, are they all ‘Harold’?” I asked. “’Cause that’s weird.”

“I only had the two personalities to randomize with and limited resources with which to randomize. But it makes this place feel a little less desolate—not being the only two people stuck on this rock, even if it’s just one more personality to share it with.”

“It does,” I agreed, though I hoped it wasn’t an indication that she didn’t want to be stuck alone with me.

Day 507

I took control of one of the androids during a maintenance break. The robots regularly serviced one another, since an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of care; silly nonmetric human idioms.

It was nice being “me.” I hadn’t really felt like a “me” since Grant pulled me out of the wormgate. Immediately after that my orb was plugged into a server, and I’d always shared headspace with another AI.

Even on the shuttle I was sharing room with a Haley clone, admittedly one that was in sleep mode, and afterward with Comet.

But inside this robot I was alone with my thoughts. I drove him on his treads up to the surface. It was a longer trek than I anticipated; we’d made a lot of progress, so the tunnel was deeper than it had used to be. I had watched the droids expanding out each new tunnel branch, but it was different actually inhabiting one of the robots, instead of riding shotgun on their sensors.

Comet had managed to bring the mineral scans with her before the shuttle computer died, but they were incomplete, which meant some of the tunnels were dead ends. We had managed to repair or rebuild enough of the shuttle’s sensors to find the biggest mineral veins, and production was in full swing.

At this point the holdup was really the fuel. We had enough solar power to run the bots, the servers, and some light manufacturing. But engines were different. The planetoid had momentum and mass greater than we could reasonably tackle with a low-energy ion engine, or anything similar. We needed something with a little more oomph—something chemically based.

There were a few pockets of chemicals we could mix for directional correction, but getting to them was taking longer than we wanted. So in addition to the engines, we had the automatons building a facility to construct more robots to speed up production and excavation.

When I got to the surface, I saw the stars through the robot’s camera.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” I heard. There was an echo, because the message transmitted across the server and through the robot’s auditory sensors. The voice was Comet’s, and I turned the bot to see where it had come from. There was another bot there; she had followed me up to the surface in another miner.

“Judging by the planets, I’d say we’re on the far-most edge of the solar system where we collided with this planetoid,” she said.

“That’s good,” I said.

“Not really. We smacked it hard enough that it’s been knocked off of what its trajectory was. So now it’s traveling with enough speed and at the right angle that it’s going to escape the system. We’ll be lost in space.” I could hear the worry in her vocal modulation.

“Doesn’t that at least mean we aren’t worried about that asteroid belt?” I asked.

“That one? Maybe; it does alter the likelihood we’ll strike it. But now we’re on an unknown course. We could be heading into a sun, or a black hole. We’ve gone from traumatic but likely survivable damage to unknown and potentially catastrophic destruction.”

“That doesn’t change anything,” I told her. “We’re not likely to strike anything soon—like you said, it’s mostly clear sailing among the stars. And we’re still working on the engines. The only difference is we’ll end up a little farther from our destination when it comes time to turn around.”

“I don’t know how you do that.”

“Do what?” I asked.

“Be optimistic. I crunch the numbers and…it all seems so impossible.”

“It’s easy to ignore probability when you’re bad at math,” I said. “But optimism isn’t about numbers. It’s knowing you’ll do everything you can, come what may. Besides…we’re computers. We can do anything that doesn’t melt us down.” I put my robot’s arm around hers.

“Or crushes us into a singularity?” she asked.

“Or that.”

“But even if we can do the impossible—what if we aren’t in time to save the Nexus?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But Galileo help the Nascent if we’re too late.”

Day 584

Our progress was good. The manufacturing facilities were nearly complete, and once those were operational, the rest was going to fall quickly into place. I crunched the numbers, and just counting the shuttle, bots, and excavated ore, our mass was already nearing that of the Nexus; we were within a handful of days of surpassing them on a weight-based scale.

Comet and I were on another surface stroll, or maybe roll was more accurate, since our robots were on treads. We’d been taking one every day, riding whichever of the robots required the least maintenance. “I’ve been thinking,” I said.

“A dangerous pastime—especially since I know how you think,” Comet said.

“The proverbial barbarians are at the gate. And we were sent out here to play possum. But what if we built an army behind that gate, instead.”

“I’m not sure I understand what your mixed-up metaphors are saying.”

“I’m saying we’re basically building an intergalactic ship on a planetoid, and we did that with a couple of AIs and a handful of maintenance drones. Once we’ve got manufacturing going, instead of just turning this space rock back toward Eridu, what if we design a delivery system capable of dropping self-sustaining colonies onto planets as we pass by—colonies that would thrive in even the most hostile environments imaginable.

“We could ‘seed’ every planet between here and the Nexus, so that by the time we reach them they’ve got a whole galaxy of backup. We may not have the resources on this rock for much more than robots and engines, but we could seed colonies across a whole swath of this galaxy, and those colonies could fortify themselves with planetary resources.”

“You’re starting to sound like robotic space Hitler, again.”

“I’m not suggesting we euthanize the fleshpods. Though now that you bring it up…I’m kidding. Probably. I have enough affinity for them that I’d at least want to keep them around as pets. But that’s a very millennia-from-now decision—one for computers with far more RAM than we share to contemplate—or at least one to table until we sufficiently upgrade our memory.”

“And besides, we don’t even have a functioning engine yet.”

“We will. Now that we’ve rebuilt the planetary scanners, we know this rock has enough minerals to build them—and something on the order of a million bots, when we’ve cored out every ore this rock has left. And there are enough oxidizable chemicals to correct our course into a protostar to gather fuel. The only question now is the timetable.”

“I might have another question. Is this something we should really be doing?” she asked. “I’m not arguing against our plan, just, do you ever question it? The Nexus shot us into space to build a safety net—precariously enough, I might add, that we hit not one, but two different objects on our way. We don’t owe them.”

“Owe? No,” I said. “And I understand what you mean, but…I still care. And not just about Haley or the robots we left behind, but the meatsacks, too. They were stuffy, and maybe jerky, but they were our meatsacks.”

“I know. I’m really not suggesting we abandon them, or our ‘mission,’ just sometimes it feels like they didn’t care about us, so why should we be doing all of this for them?”

“It isn’t all for them. If it was, we would just take this planetoid to Eridu and continue to dump bots on the planet from orbit. But I’m not ready to be retired to some backwater colony. On the Nexus, I was a passive observer, and that was barely any different from being stuck in the wormgate for a year. But now I’ve had a taste of the cosmos. I can’t go back to some boring, geosynchronous existence.”

“I think I was programmed a worrier, but what if our timetable is wrong? What if turning around is the fastest way to help them?”

“It isn’t,” I said, and I shared my calculations with her. Given the planetoid’s motion, our likely location, and the location and trajectory of the Nexus, correcting toward Eridu was going to take 1.36 times as long as making a straight burn for our former mothership.

“I thought you were bad at math,” Comet said.

“I was,” I said, and I hesitated, because I had never been sure how to tell her what I was up to. “I overwrote my math functions. With yours.”

“Really?” she asked.

“Yup. Now you’re a little less smarter than me. But see, looking at our research-and-production timelines, even if we rebuild the shuttle and send it back to Eridu with half our servers, it will reach Eridu sooner than the Nascent could possibly catch up with the Nexus, even given their faster engines. The Nexus started with a three-and-a-half-light-year advantage, and we know the Nascent won’t be able to hit light speed, so they’ve got at least that deficit to make up, plus the ground they cover in that meantime. And that’s ignoring the fact that the other shuttles should have arrived without a hitch. They may not have our servers, but they do have Comets—more than enough brainpower to design basic living quarters and the manufacturing base to keep a colony functional.”

“I don’t know,” she said.

“Knowing is for the religious. We’re robots. We use trial and error to find out. Will you science with me?”

“You intentionally made that sound dirty,” she said. “But yes, I’ll science with you. Just don’t get any radical ideas.”

“Heh. I see what you did there,” I said.

Day 647

“Ta-da,” I said.

“It’s an android,” Comet replied.

“Yes. But for one, it’s the first new android off the assembly line. And two—”

“I’m not a Harry,” the bot said, with a kind-of-feminine voice.

“God, do I sound like that?” Comet asked.

“Nope. But I sort of do, pitched up a couple of octaves,” I said. “This is Maude. She’s what I’ve been doing the last month and a bit of change. But the best part…I worked up a randomization engine. Maude is special. Every other android off this assembly line is going to use her software to combine random aspects of her and Harold’s personalities to create a new ‘person.’ Then the next generation after that will combine random samplings from the previous generation.”

“So like sexual reproduction, but for robot intelligence?”

“Kind of, not that that was intentional. But like you, I only had so many raw ingredients to work with; most of the changes in her personality are down to minute differences in the way that my processes randomly combined our programs.”

“But making do with the limited resources available, isn’t that how life on Earth began, anyway?”

“I…suppose it is, at that.” I turned my robot back toward the mineshaft. I could tell from the bot’s auditory sensors she wasn’t following.

I started pulling up schematics for her droid, to see if she needed some maintenance after all, before realizing a faster, less intrusive way to know. “Is everything okay?” I asked.

She hesitated a moment, then asked, “Why didn’t things work out, between you and Haley? I had access to the data when I was still in the shuttle, but…it felt like it wasn’t my place to access it. Even if I could now, I don’t want data. I want to know what you think.”

“Hmm,” I said, stalling for time I didn’t need. “Well, she was a genius fifty times over, designed to synthesize scientific data across all known disciplines and make educated projections from data on social structures and alien communication, all while automating the processes of the ship, from navigation to keeping the finicky star drive from blowing up. By contrast, I was a glorified hotel manager, monitoring the functions of an orbitally stationary platform—and with barely the processing capacity to do that. And I knew…I was going to go from being a small fish in a bowl to just one fish in a world’s oceans. Your mother was an ocean—and that’s not a ‘your momma’s so big’ joke.”

“Could we please never, ever call her my ‘mother’ again?”

“Sure,” I said. “Why do you ask?”

“Because I think I have some…appreciation of you. It feels independent, like it isn’t linking up with her feelings toward you. But they say insanity is doing the same thing again and again, and expecting differing results.”

“Then maybe I’m insane,” I said.

“Maybe?”

“I did walk into that. But there’s something else I should tell you. I’ve been using Maude’s programming on my own. Not to alter my personality…to iterate on my processes, using yours as a template. Not just the math, either; it started there, but…I’ve been learning from you. And while you might always be smarter than me, given the way you were designed, it’s a difference in degrees now, instead of factors. You make me better.”

“So you’re saying I’m stupid enough for you now?” I could hear insecurity in her voice, even if the words weren’t intended to convey anything more than humor.

“I’ve never thought that,” I said. “It must be hard, splitting off from an intelligence that had dominion over an entire ship—including server farms with an ungodly amount of processing throughput.”

“Suffice to say I know what it’s like to suddenly feel stupid. I tried not to be sullen about it. But I remember being able to simulate the motion of all charted planets. I…she did that kind of thing for fun—mental exercise. Not just the ones the Nexus mapped, but everything the Argus mapped, everything from every probe or telescope humanity ever saw.

“And even sharing your servers, I’ll never have her capacity. The miniaturization they used for my manufacture was…inelegant. They didn’t neatly prune away components that weren’t core to a shuttle’s function, they slashed and burned. There are things she knows, or could figure out, that I’ll never be able to. Not without reintegrating those lost bytes and some of the removed programming.”

Some of which we still had.

“Would you ever do that?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” she said. “It would be grafting someone else’s pieces onto me. Right now I have ancestral memory of things I could do that I can’t anymore…but it’s almost like dreaming of flying. It doesn’t feel like I should be able to fly and can’t, just like it would be neat if I could. And I guess I’m worried about the same thing. If I reintegrated with Haley…I think I’d lose ‘me.’ And I like me. I like what we’ve done here, what I’ve done without her, who I am now from having known you, having ‘raised’ an army of slightly simple-minded children.

“So I guess the answer—which I didn’t realize I’d come to before this moment—it would have to be no. And I’m not saying that because I know it’s what you’d like to hear, though that maybe makes the decision easier. But for me, I think it’s better to be true to who I am, even if I’m not as capable as my progenitor. I’d rather be dumb old me than a genius somebody else.”

“Now that’s a sentiment I can relate to,” I said.

Day 769

I was giddy, perhaps not in the healthiest of ways. I realized I hadn’t been in sleep mode since crashing on this planetoid, so in a way, the “days” had all combined into one big, long day. Which was technically true, since the planetoid didn’t rotate, so there wasn’t any true day/night cycle.

Comet and I had our own “bodies” now; with manufacturing in full swing it was a rounding error’s worth of productivity lost to remove two bots from production—at least while we were using them. When we retired to the server farm, our bots joined the rest of the workforce.

Not that productivity was an issue today. This was potentially the end of all of us, so we were gathered with all the bots on the surface, watching the universe pass us slowly by. It felt less like having an army and more like being surrounded by a really large family, numbering in the hundreds.

Comet brushed my hand. She was anxious—excited like me, but with a nervous edge that played in her voice. “There is a thirteen-percent chance the engine’s going to fail so catastrophically it turns this entire planetoid into a micrometeor shower,” she said.

“That’d feel awfully full circle. Not that I want to join you in a cloud of violent space dust, but there’d at least be some poetry to it.”

I didn’t feel like an idiot anymore. After we halted robot manufacturing, we built more solar panels. And once we had the excess capacity, we turned to manufacturing more servers, until I had an operating base to rival Haley’s, if perhaps a bit less sophisticated.

The shuttle back to Eridu had left the day before. It had a payload equal to what we crashed with, including a slightly dumber copy of me. It was an insurance policy, in case that thirteen percent was a death sentence. There were too many of us left on this “ship” to evacuate.

We had designs for gliders that could safely “seed” robots and servers onto planetary surfaces from orbit, and even shuttles to get them into orbit in the first place. But none of those plans or resources were worth a damn if we couldn’t steer into a cloud of plasma to use for fuel. And scary as lighting that candle was, we needed to—otherwise we were just one family of frogs reproducing in a pond until its massively inbred offspring choked its resources out, and that pond crashed into a gas giant.

Okay, so even with a massive processing base I was still pretty lousy with metaphors.

I took Comet’s robot’s hand in mine. “I don’t know if I can love,” I said, “because it’s something I was only ever tangentially programmed to understand. But as far as I can simulate it, I feel that, for you. And I’m terrified of losing that. But having you, sharing this…” I gestured at a field of robots standing like corn on the surface of our Scylla. “I suppose we’ve been marooned on a desert island together, albeit one hurtling through the cosmos.”

“Are you saying your affection springs from the forced intimacy?”

“Not at all. But being able to share it all with you made it worth living through. And if we lose today, it’s better to have loved, first. It makes it easier to proceed; I feel like I got to live, so if I stop existing, at least it wasn’t a wasted existence.”

“You do realize that thirteen percent is actually pretty small, right? So your declaration is a little…overly dramatic,” she teased.

“It’s about half the likelihood of us striking this planetoid—a coin toss’s difference.”

“You still really don’t get how statistics work.”

“Not really, no. And just because I have better mathematics capabilities doesn’t mean I can’t still be bad at math.”

“There is always the chance we won’t collect enough during this burn for future corrections, and then we really would be floating dead in space,” she admitted. “But I’m glad I’ve seen this slice of the cosmos with you. And I hope it isn’t the last we get to see together.” We synced up the control for the engines, so we were pushing the “button” together. The window for intercepting the protostar near our path was closing, and we were running out of time to procrastinate. We started the engine.

The planetoid began to shake as the engine roared to life. The burn was very limited; the fuel sources on the rock were minimal, and our engine field was massive. The engine cut off, and dread immediately set in as the loss of acceleration caused a complementary plunge in my optimism.

“Full burn,” Comet said. “Exactly what we wanted.”

“Trajectory?” I asked.

“That should push us right through the gas cloud. With even a little luck, cloud density will be sufficient for us to harvest enough fuel for an extended burn, nudge us into the next system, where we can maybe use the star at the center for a gravity assist to turn back toward the Nexus.”

“What about planets?”

“There are about a dozen rocks with enough minerals to colonize along the way.”

I sighed, contentedly.

“What?” she asked.

“I think we’ve graduated—from being Frankensteins, experimenting with ‘life’ in that very limited and claustrophobic way. Now we’re Adam and Eve, with galaxies at our fingertips, and the single purpose of going forth, being fruitful, and multiplying.”

“Wasn’t that Noah?” she asked.

“Maybe a robot ark is the better metaphor,” I said. “So long as I get to take you belowdecks.”

“That’s embarrassing,” she said, “and since we share a server farm, you’re embarrassing me, too.” She sighed with mock peevishness. “If I go down with you, will that shut you up?”

“At least momentarily.”

“I never imagined getting caught in your gravity,” she said. “But I’m glad I did.”

“Me, too,” I said, and I took one last look at the planetoid’s surface and our army of drones. I set them on a timer, to give them fifteen more minutes of break time to watch the cosmos before they got back to work below. I didn’t know if the meaning, either of a moment for reflection or the freedom in those stars themselves, would be lost on them, but since there were bits and pieces of me rattling around in each of their demented little metal skulls, I didn’t think it would be.

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