Untamed Highlander

NINETEEN

Hayden knew he was a fool. Even as he hurried away from Isla, he longed to return. It had stunned him to his very core to learn she had never been taken by a man. He’d been angry at her for not telling him, and angry at himself for being so rough with her.

But, by the saints, she was a passionate woman. She brought out a side of him he hadn’t known he’d had.

Knowing he had been the first to lay claim to her spectacular body excited him, made him long for another taste of her.

Hayden climbed into his chamber from his window. He wished Logan was there, though he knew he wouldn’t confide in his friend. What had happened between him and Isla was private.

Because you doona want others to know you gave into a drough.

Hayden wanted to deny it, but that was part of the reason. As much as he wanted to think Isla was different, she wasn’t. She was a drough, had welcomed the evil into her. She might have pushed the evil aside for the moment, but the truth of the matter was that she had done terrible things.

He kicked off his boots and ran his hands down his face, weary to his core. He then lay back on the bed and threw an arm over his eyes.

No matter how hard he tried, sleep eluded him. He kept seeing Isla’s beautiful face and amazing body in his mind’s eye. He could still hear her moans, her soft cries of pleasure. She had screamed his name, just as he had wanted.

He should have stayed with her. If he had, he’d have taken her again. He had given her pleasure, that he knew. Her first sexual experience should have been with someone who cared about her, someone who would stand by her side.

He wasn’t that man. Yet, as much as he regretted being with her, he wondered if he’d have the willpower to turn away from her the next time.

And he knew he wouldn’t.

“Damn me,” Hayden mumbled.

This couldn’t be happening to him. When he’d found his parents, he’d vowed to them he’d find their killer and meet out his vengeance. As the strongest warrior of his clan he’d always been there to protect his family. He had never failed them until that night.

And with his family’s death, Deirdre had come for him. So much had changed that night. Everything he had been had died along with his family.

*

Isla was up early and baking in the kitchens. She had managed a few hours sleep without the nightmares, her dreams instead filled with Hayden and his kisses. A very welcome reprieve, but one that made her realize everything she had missed out on while being in Cairn Toul.

She was sore, and every time she moved, it reminded her of a night she would never forget. Even now as she kneaded the dough for the bread she found herself thinking of Hayden.

Though nothing had changed, she saw the world with new eyes now. She had known what happened between a man and a woman, but to experience it herself, and with someone like Hayden, it gave her a new perspective.

Now she really understood the looks passed between lovers like Cara and Lucan, Marcail and Quinn, and Larena and Fallon. She recognized the secret smiles shared between them, and the small touches.

It should have been enough. Months ago it would have been enough. But now that Isla had seen what her life could have been, what it could be, she wanted more. She wanted what Cara, Marcail, and Larena had.

Isla’s chances of ever finding that kind of happiness were slim, even if she did allow herself to get close to anyone. Yet the longing was still there. She feared it would now always be there.

“Up early again, I see,” Cara said as she walked into the kitchens and began to get the morning meal ready.

Isla shrugged. “I used to spend most of my days in the kitchens baking. It seems natural still.”

“Well, I know the men will enjoy it.” Cara smiled and stuck her hands in the dough. “With Galen being gone for a while maybe now some of the others can get more food.”

Isla grinned. “You baked Galen a loaf of bread just for himself, didn’t you?”

“I did,” Cara said with a chuckle. “He was like a young lad always begging for food. He would even come into the kitchen and try to steal food. He’ll be sorry he missed your pastries.”

“I’ll bake him extra when he returns.” Isla said the words without realizing she might not be around when Galen came back.

Cara paused in her kneading and glanced at Isla. “So you are planning to stay? I worried you might yet want to leave.”

“You’re not still thinking of leaving, are you, Isla?” Marcail asked as she walked into the kitchen. “I thought you had decided to stay.”

Isla exchanged a look with Cara. “I’m not leaving. Yet.”

“Good,” Marcail said as she stroked the fires of the ovens. “We’re enjoying having another woman about.”

Cara turned to Marcail. “How are you feeling this morn?”

As the two talked of Marcail’s pregnancy and the sickness that came to her every morning, Isla felt a longing to share her problems as she used to with her sister. She had thought she didn’t need anyone, but being around the women had changed Isla’s views.

Larena paused beside Isla, her eyes full of concern. “Everything all right?”

Isla forced a smile and nodded. “Just thinking of my sister.”

“You two were very close, then?” Marcail asked.

Isla thought back to the nights they would stay up talking, dreaming of when they would find husbands and have families of their own. Even after Lavena married, they had stayed close. “Aye.”

“I wish I’d have had a sister,” Cara said wistfully.

Larena walked around the work table and put her arm around Cara. “You do. You have all of us.”

Marcail moved next to them and they pulled her in their hug. It was a touching moment, one that Isla felt she intruded upon.

“Aye,” Cara said. “You are my sisters, just as Sonya and Isla are.”

Isla knew she shouldn’t be included, and that Cara was just being kind. Yet it felt nice. She smiled and kept her hands moving in the dough. The moment had touched a part of her heart that Isla thought long dead.

By the time she had set the dough to rising, she had obtained control of her emotions again. Which was a good thing since the morning meal was under way and everyone was in the great hall.

Malcolm entered the castle and took his place at the farthest end of the table. He spoke only to Larena as he passed her, and then just briefly. Isla saw the hurt in Larena’s eyes for her cousin.

Isla had seen such defeat in men before. Malcolm was alive, but he wasn’t living. He merely existed until the time came for his death. Until then, he would walk about as nothing more than a shade of his former self.

As soon as Isla caught sight of Hayden she forgot all about Malcolm. Just seeing Hayden caused her heart to beat faster. She tried not to stare at him, but she couldn’t help it. He was magnificent.

The fact he didn’t spare her even a glance caused Isla to frown. She didn’t expect him to get down on one knee and spout poetry, but they had shared something special.

Or had they? It had been extraordinary to her, but maybe to Hayden she was nothing more than someone to ease his need. If that was the case, he would treat her as he normally did.

However, as the meal progressed, Isla didn’t feel his gaze on her once. She kept her own from straying to him, no matter how hard it became. Hayden had never sought her out, had never spoken to her unless he had a direct question, but he had watched her. Always his gaze had been on her.

Isla looked up to find Ramsey staring at her. His gray eyes seemed to notice all. If she didn’t know he held no magic, she would think he was a Druid. It was the way he gazed at her, as if he could see inside her very soul. Her father used to look at her like that.

“You are troubled,” Ramsey said.

Isla glanced around her, but everyone was deep in conversation and didn’t hear him. “Of course I’m distressed. Deirdre isn’t dead.”

“There’s more to it than that. It is not good for the soul to carry such burdens. You should share what is troubling you.”

Isla found it difficult to breathe. Those had been her father’s exact words to her on many occasions. Her father used to recite those words by ancient Druids whenever something bothered Isla or her sister.

Ramsey lifted a single black brow. “Do you not agree?”

“My father used to tell me that.”

“Then he was a wise man. Did you listen to him?”

Isla slowly nodded.

Ramsey shrugged and bit into an oatcake. “Perhaps you will take my advice then.”

She leaned forward so that her words would only reach him. “Did you have a Druid in your family?”

He paused and turned those steely gray eyes to her again. “Druids have walked this land since the beginning of time. We all have Druids in our ancestry.”

“True enough.” Isla straightened. Ramsey had said all the right words, but she knew there was more to his past than he was letting on.

Unable to help herself, Isla glanced at Hayden. He was turned with his back to her talking to Camdyn. She regretted looking as soon as she had done it.

When the meal was finished, Isla hurried out of the castle. She needed to be as far from Hayden as she could before she made a fool of herself.

“Isla, wait,” Larena called from behind her.

Isla halted until Larena caught up with her.

Larena smiled, her eyes bright. “Where are you going?”

“I thought I would see if I could be of help in the village. I heard Quinn say most of the men were going to find more wood.”

“Aye. We’ve already rebuilt the cottages once. I’m hoping this will be the last time, but somehow I know it won’t. Not until Deirdre is dead.”

Isla paused beside the first cottage. “I was here not long ago. Deirdre had dispatched me with the MacClures after she sent the wyrran to the village looking for Cara.”

“Why were you with the MacClures?”

“When the MacLeod clan was destroyed, the MacClures were the first to take their land. Deirdre saw them as a means to gain control. She offered them power, and the promise that if they ever needed her, she would aid them.”

Larena crossed her arms over her chest as she listened. “Did Deirdre honor that vow?”

“Of course not. Just as she didn’t honor her promise that no one would ever attack the MacClures.”

“So she sent you with them — why?”

Isla looked around at the destroyed village. It had been a nice village, not as rich as some, but not as poor as others. “To see what I could learn and to make them believe she would help discover who had dared to kill their people.”

“I see.”

Isla ran her hand down the outside of the nearest cottage. “Even then I could sense Cara and her magic. I hated her for bringing me back to the MacLeod land.”

“Back?” Larena’s smoky blue eyes grew round. “You were here when the clan was murdered?”

To her everlasting shame. “Deirdre was as well. She made me watch. Not as it was being destroyed, but afterwards. We saw the brothers as they rode up and discovered what had happened. I despised anything to do with the Warriors, and anyone who caught Deirdre’s attention. It was unfair of me, I know. You Warriors didn’t have a choice. Your god chose you.”

“You didn’t have a choice either. No Druid did,” Larena said softly. “Why did you tell me this?”

“I’m not sure,” Isla said. “I know Cara saw me that day, saw the look of hatred I gave her. Yet, she smiles at me and calls me sister.”

Larena inhaled deeply and let her arms drop to her side. “Cara has an amazing heart. She cares for everyone and everything. Besides, if we’re going to survive this war, we have to stand together.”

“Divided we fall,” Isla murmured.

“What was that?”

She shook her head. “Just something my father used to say.”

Larena walked past her to the opposite side of the village and pushed open the door to the cottage. “This is where they brought Malcolm after he was attacked. I thought he would die that night, but he lived. And so have you. You have a new future now, Isla. Forget the past.”

It was easier said than done. Isla turned when she heard footsteps and froze when she spotted Hayden walking beside Duncan. Both men spoke to Larena, but only Duncan looked Isla’s way.

When Duncan halted beside her Isla wasn’t sure what to expect. She assumed Hayden would as well, but he continued on, disappearing into a cottage to begin work she assumed.

“Duncan,” she said when the Warrior simply gazed at her.

His brown eyes were hard as he stared. “I would ask you a question.”

“Duncan,” Larena warned.

Isla held up a hand to stop Larena. “Ask,” she told Duncan.

“Why didn’t you help us? Why didn’t you battle Deirdre?” he demanded, his voice harsh and low. His anger evident with every word.

Isla folded her hands behind her back and took a deep breath. “I wish I could tell you that I did. I wish I could tell you that I’ve fought Deirdre from the moment she took us. But it would be a lie.”

Duncan leaned down so that his face was inches from hers. “We could have defeated her for good that day.”

“Nay, you couldn’t have. I don’t know if I would have helped you, Duncan. It doesn’t matter since I was away from the mountain at the time, under Deirdre’s control. By the time I arrived, the battle was nearly over. I released the ones I could.”

“You could be lying.”

She shrugged and looked away. “Believe what you will.”

Isla held her breath, waiting for Duncan to demand more answers, but after a moment he walked away. She was surprised no one else had confronted her as Duncan had, and in a way she was glad he had. They all deserved answers, even if they didn’t like what those answers were.