To Battle The Gods

5 The meeting of males—and an inconsolable loss

At last did I awaken to the urging of none save myself, an awakening which returned memory to me of what had occurred during the darkness. I lay upon the lenga pelt upon my left side, staring at the fire which had clearly been fed during that same darkness, fully disgusted with the sense of satisfaction my body luxuriated in. By two males had Jalav been used, and the body of Jalav delighted in having been used so, no matter her own will to the contrary. I rolled to my right to let the dimness of the chamber take my sight instead, reaching for a fistful of lenga fur to aid me in calming the rampaging of my thoughts.

Jalav had come to Bellinard to battle the strangers who were enemies to the gods, yet were there others Jalav must do battle with as well. Males there were who refused to heed the words of reason, who proposed all manner of foolishness and demanded that Jalav join them in it. Keepers there were who concerned themselves with naught save the will of Mida, ignorant of their lack of knowledge where the goddess was concerned and serenely sure in that ignorance. Warriors there were, and war leaders as well, who would all demand to follow Jalav when they learned she was to return to the place which was Mida’s Realm upon this world. The goddess Mida herself there was, and the male god Sigurr as well, both of whom wished Jalav ill, in one manner or another. And two males were there, both of whom wished the possession of Jalav, both of whom would fight for that possession, no matter her denial of them both. And indeed had Jalav denied them during the darkness; indeed had she shown how little interest they held for her. Surely had that been a doing of the goddess, a doing which could not now be undone.

A sigh took me as I rolled to my back, a sigh of weariness and frustration and annoyance. How large a number was a warrior to face, before she might find a time of rest? How often must she stand alone in opposition to all others, before the need to do so was no more? The strength and patience which had once seemed unending no longer seemed the same, and well convinced had I grown to be that I would not be permitted to fall during the battle with the strangers. Battle’s end would bring no more than the beginning of many other tasks, tasks either sent by the goddess or performed because of her very existence—yet this I could not allow. In what manner I would see it otherwise I knew not, yet must it be seen so.

I raised myself to sitting upon the lenga pelt, finding no more than the shadow of heaviness remaining from the daru I had swallowed, shaking back the hair which draped me about as the blue silks draped the walls. My breech lay to the left of the fur where Ceralt had thrown it, the dagger wrapped about with my life sign upon the floor cloth not far from it. No other thing than my leg bands had those males left me, that and the smell of their satisfaction with one who had not been able to deny them. Annoyance flared even higher at these thoughts, at myself as well as the males. She who drank so great an amount of daru with free males roaming about surely earned what was done to her, and not again would I indulge in such foolishness. Should those two come to me again, my greeting would be different.

With breech and dagger replaced and swordbelt closed firmly about me, I took myself to the outer chamber to find that those city-folk called servants then fetched fresh provender for the board beneath the eyes of watchful warriors, and when once those warriors had given me greeting for the new fey, I sent them to gather my war leaders to me. There were a number of matters which required seeing to, and that before foolishness attempted to distract me.

I had already partaken of the fresh provender when the last of my war leaders appeared, she who had been in the midst of assigning guardposts to the back of the dwelling. Cenir of the Helda had, of course, first seen her task accomplished before bringing the yellow of her clan colors to join those of the other war leaders already in attendance. It was then that I informed them of a good part of what had occurred while I had been gone, of the way those who had once been enemies had nearly been taken by cowardly trickery, of the way the Sigurri had aided them and myself, of the way I had won the war leadership of those who might no longer be called enemies. Also did I inform them that half of the Sigurri would enter the city that fey, so that their warriors might become acquainted with those who would stand beside them in battle. Grins of approval and anticipation showed from faces of the nine who sat with me upon the floor cloth, however Tilim of the Happa raised a point to be answered.

“Jalav, what of the meeting between these Sigurri and those other males who have come of their own?” she asked, the red of her clan covering sharp against the blue of the floor cloth. “Should the Sigurri be bested, will it not be they who must depart?”

“The Sigurri will not be bested,” I assured her, sipping from the small amount of daru I had allowed myself. “The Sigurri are warriors as those other city males are not, therefore is there likelihood that they will find victory. When once their legions have been given place here in this dwelling, all of you must meet with those who are war leaders to them, and guardposts must be assigned for watching the skies.”

They were silent briefly, staring out in lack of understanding, and then did many begin to speak at once. Words were not easily distinguishable in such an outburst, therefore did I unfold my legs and lean down to my right elbow till their exclamations had sorted themselves out.

“The skies, Jalav?” demanded Gidon at last, her voice rising above those about her. “You believe the strangers will come from the skies?”

“They are the enemies of gods and therefore gods themselves, Gidon,” I replied with a shrug, having considered the point at some length. “In no manner am I able to visualize such a thing, and yet must it be considered. Our new sister clans and the balance of the Sigurri will be set all about this city from without, to stand before any who attempt to take it from the forests. Had that been the sole concern, it would not have been necessary for us to take this place, and yet were we bidden to do so. As the outward approach to the city is already guarded, from what other direction might an attack come? Are we to be taken unawares simply because we are unable to accept such a possibility?”

“In what manner might they come from the skies, Jalav?” asked Rogon, and truly did the Hirga war leader appear incensed and outraged. “How might such cowardly attack be accomplished?”

“Perhaps their gandod or kand will have the ability to fly as though they were lellin,” said I, looking about to see that most felt as Rogon did. “Perhaps they, themselves, are possessed of wings, or have not the need for wings. Mida and Sigurr appear among those they wish to visit surrounded by a mist of gold or black, a mist from which they seem to form. This, too, must be watched for, and also must it be recalled that first may the mist be seen, which will give warning of impending arrival. When once a form has grown to solidity within it, then might that form be faced with weapons.”

“Mida’s will make it so,” muttered Katil the Harra, quickly draining the cup of daru she held. Quite shaken did the brown-clad war leader appear, and she was not alone in feeling so. To battle the gods is no easy thing, for Midanna no less than for others.

“That they may be bested with weapons may not be denied,” said I, raising myself again to sitting, speaking the words with all the assurance I, myself, felt. “Had our swords been useless, would we have been set here against those who come? Surely the glory of death in battle is the right of all Midanna, yet what glory would there be to stand against those who might not be bested? What glory in merely falling, and what sense? No, sisters, greater glory is to be ours, the glory of standing victorious over those who would dare to face us. Do you doubt this?”

“No!” they chorused, heartened by the words I had spoken, grinning about at each other with great gladness. Battle was to be ours, and victory as well, and none doubted that it would be so.

“For what reason do we guard this place, Jalav?” asked Linol, she of the Hersa. “For what reason would the strangers wish to take it?”

“How may we know, Linol?” I asked in turn, unconcerned over so minor a point. “It was here that Mida said the strangers would appear. The reason for that appearance was not told me, nor need we know their purpose in order to halt it. Perhaps they have heard that the use of these city males is sweet, and wish to taste of them themselves.”

“Then we save them from a great disappointment, Jalav,” said Palar amidst the laughter of the others. “At first does one find the use of city males sweet, but that wears off. To find true enjoyment one must keep more than one of them, for one has not the ability to meet the demands of a warrior. The three I have hold my interest now, yet will I likely soon tire of them.”

“You will not find the Sigurri the same,” said I with amusement of my own, noting the quick interest in the eyes of those who looked upon me. “Be certain, however, that the tasting of them is left to a time when alertness is not required of those who indulge in such tasting. The Sigurri have great capacity, and will hold a warrior’s attention often and well. An interruption at such a time will not be welcome, most especially if those who interrupt are the strangers.”

“Indeed do the Sigurri have great capacity, should that light-haired male be a true sampling,” said Rogon, a look of amusement upon her as she sipped at her daru. “I had not thought he would be able to serve as many of my warriors as he did, and that after I myself had used him. He disliked giving service with a dagger at his throat, yet was he most easily aroused and not easily drained. It was some time before we had all he was able to give.”

“He pleased you, then,” said I with a smile of satisfaction, amused that Aysayn had been made to serve so well. Too often had it been he who took service, and most fitting was it that for once he had been made to give.

“Indeed,” said Rogon with a grin for the look upon me, as well pleased with my satisfaction at the task given her, as at her satisfaction with the male. “Surely will my warriors seek out those who enter the city, to learn if all have the ability of...”

“Well, well, I see I should have arrived a good deal earlier,” came the interruption of a voice, one which had no place among us. Few would have had the temerity to interrupt a meeting of war leaders, for few would have been so addled or bereft. Galiose, however, was undeniably oblivious to the manner in which he intruded.

“Truly should I have arrived much the earlier,” said he, his eyes moving from one to the other of my war leaders. “To lose even a moment from being in the company of so large a number of lovely wenches is truly inconsolable loss, and had I known you all gathered here I would not have denied myself. ”

“In such a manner do certain of those of this city also speak,” said Palar to me, a dismissal in the tone she used as she took all attention from the male. “Most often do they prove pitiful in the sleeping leather, for words are the sole thing they have learned to use in a proper manner. Are there other matters you would discuss with us, Jalav?”

“For now I shall merely caution you and your warriors to be as alert as possible,” said I, seeing that Palar’s comment and the chuckling agreement of her sisters had taken the grin from Galiose. “The time of the meeting of the males will surely be a time to expect those who may seek to catch us unawares, and for that reason shall your warriors not attend the doing. Set your guardposts, sisters, and we may speak again when this fey has ended and those who are meant to depart have done so.”

I rose to my feet amid the nods and words of agreement to be heard from those who followed me, they taking themselves from the floor cloth as well, and once the daru they held had been swallowed and their cups replaced upon the board, they took their leave. As the last of them made for the doors Galiose approached me, and once the chamber had been emptied he turned to me with a grimace.

“Undoubtedly their foul dispositions may be attributed to swallowing down that distillation of fire so early in the fey,” said he, eyeing the cup I continued to hold. “For what reason you wenches do so is beyond me, save that you know no better. You may now give over your own cup, for I mean to continue with my inspection of this place as quickly as the others arrive. It will, of course, be halted for the contests, and then be resumed once the disagreement is settled.”

“The thing called inspection will not be resumed, now or later,” I informed him, allowing the smooth strength of freshly brewed daru to slide down my throat. “Males, perhaps, have naught better to do with their time, yet the same is not true of Midanna. I shall spend no more upon such foolishness than the time already given, and wish to hear no more about it.”

“Do you mean to spit upon the word you gave?” he demanded as I turned from him, seeking to return my cup to the board. “You were to continue with me in the company of the others, till a certain decision was made by you. I know of no decision having been reached.”

“And yet I have indeed made a decision,” said I, turning again to look upon him as I folded my arms below where my life sign had once hung. “My decision is as it was to begin with, that I wish neither of those males. Also, should one believe that an oath has been broken by another, one speaks of challenge rather than decisions. Do you mean to speak to me in such a way, male?”

Indeed did the thought of challenge from Galiose please me, as he must surely have been able to see in my eyes. A frown took him as he looked down upon me, rising annoyance and anger beginning to touch him, yet did another speak before he was able to voice the words I most wished to hear.

“No father would speak of challenge to his daughter, lady Jalav,” came the voice of S’Heernoh, causing Galiose and myself to look to the doors where the gray-haired male stood with Aysayn, Lialt and Telion, they four having clearly just arrived. “The High Seat of Ranistard is filled with no more than fatherly concern, therefore does he speak to you as he does. He would see you touched by happiness rather than misery. ”

“Should that be so, he would surely give me challenge,” said I, my tone souring to see that Galiose was no more than annoyed. The anger he had felt was gone, and all knew that no male would give challenge save that his usual reluctance was overcome by the heat in his blood. Had the interruption come but a pair of moments later I would have had what I sought, yet was the time now lost to my purpose.

“Sooner would I give the wench the hiding she merits,” growled Galiose, folding his arms as he looked down upon me with great displeasure. “Did you hear that she refuses to allow us to continue with our inspection?”

“We heard,” agreed S’Heernoh with a sigh, he and the others coming forward separately from the door. Lialt and Telion shook their heads as they made for the board, Aysayn took himself to a seat to one side of the chamber, S’Heernoh alone walking forward to stand beside Galiose. “Perhaps it would be best if she were allowed a longer time for consideration,” said the Walker to the High Seat. “She is surely unused to such things as close association with men, and must be accustomed to them slowly, and with patience. Perhaps another fey will find her agreeable once more. ”

“Never will there be such a fey,” said I distinctly to both males, increasing the annoyance in Galiose and causing S’Heernoh to close his eyes with a further sigh. “Those who wish to indulge in foolishness may do so alone, for this Midanna will have no more of it. Also have I decided that the forthcoming meeting will be held outside the city. Those who are defeated must see the defeat with their own eyes, and I shall not have all manner of city males parading about within the gates. Those of the city who wish to attend may take themselves outside.”

“And then, when we have found victory, we will accompany them back in,” said Galiose, a stiff nod of compliance joining his words. “My men have not had wenches in too long a time, and yours will do them nicely. Then will we at last be able to see properly to the matter of the coming strangers. ”

With such foolishness did Galiose then take himself to join Telion and Lialt at the board, caring naught for the insult he left behind him. Surely, then, did I know regret for the victory the Sigurri would have, a victory which would take from my warriors and myself the pleasure of seeing to such boasting fools with swords. Swords which were in no manner shielded.

“For what reason must you speak with such absolute certainty, lady war leader?” said S’Heernoh from where he stood, now beside my right shoulder. “A perhaps here and a likely there would see to the determination of the High Seat, with insult neither given nor taken. Would you sooner risk yourself by facing him in challenge, and that before the arrival of the strangers?”

“There is likely to be little risk in facing that one in challenge,” said I, turning to raise my eyes to the ones which regarded me so closely. “Perhaps S’Heernoh would now care to discuss his whereabouts of the last darkness. Surely was I of the belief that he had been summoned to the sleeping leather of a war leader.”

“And surely would I have attended that war leader, had I not been taken ill,” said the male, the sincerity in his dark eyes somehow difficult to accept. “The servants who aided me will gladly speak of how suddenly the illness came upon me, and how strongly it held me in its grasp. Was this not explained to you by the servant I sent with word of my indisposition?”

“No servant came, nor was I given explanation,” said I, sensing the odd amusement of the male that lurked behind his eyes and words. For what reason he would feel amusement was one with the doings of all males, yet did I believe I saw the true reason for his “illness.”

“Do you fear Ceralt and Mehrayn so greatly, then, that you would obey them sooner than this war leader? Are you not aware of the fact that there is naught they may do to you that I may not also see done?”

“My lady Jalav, how might I explain?” said he, frustrated now. “The Prince and the High Rider— Neither of them merely indulges in a pleasant pastime, caring little for the outcome of the thing. Each of them seeks to possess the woman he may not continue on without, and this is what you would place me in the midst of? For no reason other than that you feel annoyance toward them? To feel the wrath of a man and warrior about to descend upon one is not the same as to feel the like from a wench and warrior, no matter the ability and skill possessed by that wench. To feel the thing from two men and warriors! Sooner would I have my ending from your hands, lady, for then I would no longer need to peer about cautiously before daring to depart from my room—or attempting to enter yours. Indeed did I seek to obey your command last darkness, fully twice did I seek to do so. The first time I nearly trod upon the High Rider, who had stood himself before your doors; my second attempt found the Prince in his place, equally as large and equally as imposing. Should I have continued on, neither you nor any other wench would again have had pleasure from me—even had I lived.”

The fiercely hissed indignation of the male was nearly laughable, that and his attempt to confine his words to my hearing. Indeed did he fear Ceralt and Mehrayn, as many males seemed to fear them, yet was Jalav in no manner a male.

“Once this fey is done, the Prince and High Rider will no longer concern us, S’Heernoh,” I reassured the male, putting a hand to his shoulder. In some manner the quiver of his fear had not reached his flesh, for the shoulder beneath my hand seemed solid and sure, and more firmly muscled than his leanness would lead one to expect. “With his males defeated Ceralt will need to return them to their villages, and Mehrayn will find that those of his legions and my Midanna who remain without the city will require a leader to be ever with them. I, myself, shall direct those warriors within the city, therefore shall the place beyond the walls be his. At that time I will send for you again—with none to stand before the doors of my chamber.”

“Quite interesting intentions, lady,” muttered the male, taking his eyes from me not soon enough to keep away sight of his vexation. Tall and lean and gray-haired was S’Heernoh, dark-eyed and ever filled with odd amusement, yet not at that moment. Surely did it seem the male had no wish to serve a war leader, and yet such was foolishness. He had served two Summa warriors on our journey to the visiting place of those who had once been enemies; for what reason would he hesitate to do the same with a war leader?

To find reason in the doings of males had ever been beyond me, and surely was S’Heernoh male; therefore did I make no attempt to divine the reasons for his distress, doing no more than taking pleasure from the feel of his shoulder and arm beneath my hand. To put hands upon a well-made male will bring a hum to the throat of any warrior, yet was the time of my diversion most short in duration. The male seemed unaware of my doing till the doors to my chamber opened once again, and then did a glance show him the arrival of Mehrayn and Ceralt. I cared naught for the appearance of those two, yet S’Heernoh felt the weight of their immediate stares and abruptly attempted to brush my hand from him, much as though he were covered with insects. As his eyes were upon the two males rather than upon me I was able to avoid the brushing a short while, and then was my hand at last caught the while rarely-seen-before annoyance flashed from his gaze to mine.

“Perhaps, lady, the High Seat has the right of it, and you do indeed deserve a good hiding,” he growled, his eyes unmoving from my face. “You may not treat such men so, nor may you so unthinkingly place another between you and them. Should you have a reason for refusing them speak to them of it, and perhaps an acceptable path may be discovered which skirts the morass of your refusal.”

“A warrior is to speak with males?” I asked scornfully. “No male will give ear to the wishes of a warrior, those two least of all, and surely would I prove to be as great a fool as they were I to attempt such a thing. And should S’Heernoh wish to range himself with one such as Galiose, surely would he be wise to first don a weapon.”

Then did I take my hand from his grip with a jerk and turn from him, allowing him to speak no further, as he had so clearly intended doing. The seething anger this brought him was no less than his due, in payment for that which he had brought to me. Speak to those who were bound to see their own will done, indeed!

In great annoyance and mounting anger did I look about the chamber, then, to see that Ceralt had gone to those three who stood before the board, and Mehrayn had joined Aysayn where the latter had taken seat. It came to me then that I was soon to be shut of all those males, soon to be free of their constant, abrasive presence, soon to be done with the need for having them about and under foot. Ceralt would be gone and Mehrayn unable to enter the city, the strangers would come in their turn to be seen to, and then might Jalav do as she must, to free herself or end in the attempt. The matter of Sigurr continued to intrude upon my thoughts when they concerned themselves with the challenging of Mida, for it had not yet come to me in what manner I might avoid him. After consideration, surely had it seemed that the beliefs of Rilas had been sent to her, to insure that Jalav would indeed be brought where the male god might reach her, a thing which was ....

“There are words I would have with you, girl,” came a growl of a voice, causing me to raise my eyes to the face of Mehrayn. So intent upon my own thoughts had I been that I had not seen him approach; now he stood directly before me, wide arms folded across broad, bare chest, strong displeasure in the green gaze which came down to me.

“What is it you wish, male?” I asked, annoyed that my thoughts had been interrupted. In no manner was it to be believed that males were capable of such thoughts of their own; had they been, they would have spent more time in the doing and less bedeviling warriors.

“I wish to know for what reason Aysayn was set upon by those wenches of yours,” said Mehrayn, clearly angry. “Did it amuse you to have him put to use as a temple slave, a dagger at his throat, all refusal denied him?”

“Indeed did Jalav find amusement in the thing,” I allowed, meeting his gaze as a warrior and war leader. “For what reason should she not? Did Aysayn not use her in a similar fashion?”

“Did he?” asked Mehrayn, his anger unabated. “With no weapon free to your hand with which you might defend yourself? With a blade at your throat? Till you were nearly unable to walk? Had that been so, I doubt you would have stood with him upon the sands against his enemies. Should the strangers appear this fey, he, too, will stand; and fight; and mayhap find a glory come too soon. All through believing a young girl child was possessed of a true sense of honor.”

The words, bitterly spoken, a matching bitterness beside the anger in his gaze, ended as he turned abruptly from me, his broad stride returning him to the side of Aysayn. In no manner had he given me opportunity to reply, and yet had he done so, I knew not what I would have said. Much did I feel as I had when first I began to travel through the land of males—confused, all certainties become unsure and unsupported. In deep, enmiring confusion I turned then, only to find another no more than a pace from me.

“Wench, you must cease this at once,” said Ceralt, halting just before me to put his fingers to his swordbelt. “There has already been far too much of it, and I will have no more.”

“Of what do you speak?” I asked, in my disturbance paying little mind to what was said. “There are other things I must see to, things of importance . . . . ”

“Naught is of greater importance than the halting of the slaying of a man bit by bloody bit!” he snapped, one hand coming to my face so that I must look up at the anger in his light eyes. “No man lives without ever having erred, no leader leads without commanding that which makes the man in him weep! Galiose erred in having you lashed, and you must indeed hear his words of regret!”

“Regret!” I echoed, understanding naught of the anger he showed. “His words of regret will remove the pain of the lash, the agony of its touch? No longer will memory of the thing come to me because he has spoken of remorse?”

“There is greater pain in memory than that which comes from physical hurt,” said he, a bitterness much like Mehrayn’s in his voice. “Should a man cause agony in a soft, helpless thing through anger and deep indignation, he will soon thereafter find himself without the shield of such emotions, and then must consider what he has done. He must live with his guilt for the rest of his feyd, and to live with a blade in one’s flesh is less painful, for even should the small, soft thing forgive him, no man is ever able to forgive himself. And should she show him bitterness and hurt for the doing instead, surely does a part of him die with each word spoken, each accusation unspoken. To bring hurt to another may at times cause greater agony in oneself; should you be unable to see this and appreciate it, do not speak to Galiose again.”

He withdrew his hand and took himself from me, returning to those he had left as Mehrayn had returned to Aysayn. None in that chamber looked upon me, not even S’Heernoh who stood with back turned and head down, leaning with his fists upon the board above a cup of daru he had poured. Males were they, all of them, wishing to give no more than confusion and pain to a warrior, wishing to see her lie broken at their feet. Soon would that warrior be rid of them, however, all of them, and never again would she enmesh herself in their doings. Hurriedly did I then take myself to the doors to the corridor and through them, speaking no word, knowing I would not be pursued. I was no longer of interest to those males, and how pleased was I at that!

Little difficulty was there in finding a far, quiet chamber in that dwelling, one where none would intrude, one where I might sit undisturbed. Not even thoughts of the strangers came to me there, and I sat for far more than three hind upon the thick blue floor cloth, beside a hand of tall, wide windows made like doors which were covered with maglessa weave, seeing little or naught of the chamber. Neither platforms nor seats were to be found in that place, no more than silks and candle sconces upon the walls, the tall, wide windows, a large section removed from the center of the floor cloth. Oval was that section, as a shield is oval, the smooth stone of the floor ashine amidst the thick, soft floor cloth. For what reason the chamber had been done so I knew not, nor did I care; that none other was there more than sufficed, allowing me the time of nonthought.

At last did memory return of those things requiring attention, stirring me in the place I lay upon the floor cloth on my back, bringing again awareness of my surroundings. One knee had I raised and then left so, hands unmoving upon my middle, leather-bound hair a smoothened lump beneath me. I had no wish to return to that place and time and the requirements of duty, no desire to do other than ride from each of the demands upon me and make them no more; had I been other than a war leader of Midanna I would surely have done so, yet was I solely a war leader. It angered me that this must be so, for the weight of the chains of duty had grown, bringing a heaviness to my soul rather than my body. It angered me also that the strangers had not yet appeared, those on whose behalf I had had so much difficulty so that I might be prepared to meet them. Were they to be much longer in arriving my fury would be difficult to contain.

I sat abruptly upon the cloth and then rose to my feet, resettling my swordbelt before taking myself toward the doors to the chamber. Those matters which awaited would not see to themselves, and best would be to have them done and over with. I descended to the floor below and sought without the dwelling for that place where the kand were kept, passing warriors of many clans who moved about upon tasks of their own. One Hulna warrior assured me she knew the whereabouts of my kan, therefore did I stand and watch the doings all about the while she went to fetch him. It was, perhaps, the latest doing which brought the Hulna such eagerness to take herself to that place where the kand were kept, yet was she scarcely alone in feeling so.

Many grins and murmurs of approval greeted those Sigurri warriors who had been sent within the city, hand upon hand of warriors standing looking upon or advancing with their slowly moving column of twos. From the second, nearer gate did the Sigurri come, negating the need for their traversal of the city, allowing them to look upon those who watched their arrival with matching grins. Had it been possible I would surely have had them sent elsewhere than within the city, and yet in what other manner might I have divided their force to negate what was, without the city, a vastly greater numerical superiority? Truly had I little doubt as to their intentions, being certain they would not turn upon those Midanna they had aided, and yet of what certainty were certainties? Had it been their wish they might easily have taken those warriors who had come to the city with them, and then turned their numbers toward those who held the city. In allowing half their number to enter the city, their numerical superiority was no more; should it be their will to face Midanna with blades, those Midanna would no longer be at so great a disadvantage. The safety of many Midanna lives rested in the hands of one; was that one to turn them to naught through a blind belief in the honor of others?

Not many reckid passed before the Hulna returned with my yellow and brown kan, and then was she off again, to assist with making place for the kand ridden by the Sigurri. A good portion of the grounds of the dwelling nearest the palace had been marked off for that purpose, leather strung between spears driven into the ground serving as an enclosure for the mounts. Quite large had that enclosure been made, to fit the number of kand brought within, and would certainly do for the time that was. Should the feyd begin to stretch unending, other provisions would need to be made.

I mounted my kan in a single leap, settled myself upon his back as he danced beneath me, then turned his head toward the second gate, that which lay beyond the ways of the city. Little desire had I to depart through the lines of the entering Sigurri, and also did I wish to see what occurred before the far gate. I rode beneath bright skies, anticipating with distaste the ever-present throngs who lined and clogged the ways of the city, finding surprise when no more than a double handful of males and city females were to be seen at once upon those ways. Before the gate itself was a strong contingent of Harra and Hersa, alert for any who would enter the city without leave, yet were the gates opened wide to allow departure, and city folk yet trickled through as they gestured without, eager to see what occurred so near. Most departed on foot, hurrying to add themselves to the circle about the area within which moved fewer than four hands of males, each armed with a sword of wood. Large wheeled and covered conveyances had also been taken without, to be placed beyond those who stood, males upon them who had drawn back the coverings and then shouted below to those who stood before them. A number of males had climbed to the beds of the conveyances from where they might see above the heads of those before them, and yet each new male to do so was required to give over what was not easily seen to the one whose conveyance it was, before he was permitted to ascend. I knew not what those city folk might be about, yet it was scarcely likely to be of great importance.

I had halted at the gate to look about before riding through, finding the noise and shoutings of those who watched unexpected, and a Hersa warrior detached herself from her sisters and approached me.

“War leader, the doings have been greatly amusing,” said she, putting a hand to the neck of my kan as she looked up with a grin. “Those in leather and metal, and those in leather with furs upon their legs, have been able to do naught against those in black body cloths. Much do they seem as warriors-to-be standing against war leaders, and should true weapons have been used, the sweet ground would have long since run red with their lifeblood. Those in black are true warriors; the others are not.”

I nodded in silence to hear that which I had known would be, seeing as I did so the victory of yet another Sigurri. Small was that black-clad warrior, considerably smaller than the city male he faced, undoubtedly chosen for that very reason. How foolish city males were, to be ignorant of the fact that a warrior smaller than her sisters must be a good deal more able than they, else would she be unable to hold her own against their greater size and strength. The ability of a warrior lay not in her size but in her skill, a thing clearly known to any warrior. To speak of oneself as a warrior was not to be that thing, a lesson now learned by those who were no more than city and village folk.

I gave thanks to the Hersa who had spoken to me, and then did I make my way through and behind those who watched, taking myself toward those Midanna who also watched the goings-on, yet from the shoulder of the rise. In no manner had they attempted to draw nearer, unsurprising in that they were warriors alert against attack, yet were there a large number of Sigurri in their company, the two groups warriors all, finding amusement in the futile efforts of those who would have the calling without first developing the skill. I rode from clan to clan and gestured my war leaders to me before dismounting, spoke a short while concerning the manner in which their warriors and the Sigurri were to circle the city once the defeated village and city males had departed, then answered what few questions there were. Provender would not be a difficulty for a time, I was also told, yet was the daru long gone and lamented. I smiled at the sighs of longing to be heard, knowing well the needs of warriors, then allowed that I might speak with those war leaders within the city. Surely would they share what daru they had with sisters who were bereft, and should the amount to be had prove insufficient, I would see the renth of the city added to it. Wide smiles and grins quickly replaced sighs, and then was I able to remount in order to return to the city.

Much did it seem that the numbers of those who watched the contests had increased, spreading themselves all about, keeping one from riding among them save with much difficulty. Also moving about were those with wide boards of provender, small cups of that which smelled of meat, somewhat larger cups of that filled full with sweetness. Behind those with provender came those with skins of drink, to the left renth, to the right what seemed much in appearance like that called thrai, a drink I had thought was only of the Sigurri. No presence at all had thrai, its composition no more than heated and colored water, a sweetness added to sicken any who had grown warrior size. Far more of the males about chose to trade for the renth, yet were there those who sought no more than the thrai to trade for their metal, a foolishness to be expected when one considered its source. A shout went up from those nearer the contests, showing yet another victory had been achieved, and then was my kan halted entirely. Deliberately had a hand grabbed my kan’s reins, no uncertainty in the dark eyes which regarded me.

“You ride unconcernedly without me, wench,” said Chaldrin, his calm rumble perhaps a shade less calm than usual. “And yet, for what reason should you not? There are none about here capable of harming you.”

I had no wish to speak to the male—nor any male, for that matter—therefore did I attempt to pull my kan from his grip. What words there had been had already passed between us, yet the male would not allow the thing to lie undisturbed.

“None about capable of bringing you harm, indeed!” said he with a sudden mockery, closing tighter the fist which held to my reins. “These are men about here, and you no more than a wench, and surely were they to take you you would squirm well beneath them. No wench may ride about without a man to protect her.”

A chuckling came from those males who had turned about to see us. All looked upon Chaldrin, large, broad, thick in the waist, a swordbelt closed about the white of his loin wrap, leather bracers tight about his wrists, and then all looked upon me and chuckled. Indeed was Jalav of a lesser size than the male; yet however he bore a scar attesting to the keenness of her blade. Though angered, I simply tried once more to free my mount.

“For what reason do you seek so eagerly to ride from me, wench?” pursued the male, a grin accompanying his rumble, his hand immovable from before my kan. “Do you fear I will take you as I have in the past, forcing obedience and response from you, with none about to give you assistance? Do you seek to flee because you fear me?”

“Jalav fears no male!” I returned in a snarl, truly feeling rage at the strengthened laughter. “No others need be about to give her assistance, for she requires none—as she required none when last she faced you.”

“For the reason that I allowed her her victory?” asked the male in derision, his own laughter even more infuriating. “Think you he shall do the same again, and permit her to fatten the falsity of her pride? In no manner might you best me, wench, save that I allow it.”

Calmly sure and comfortable was the male, greatly amused and strengthened by the raucous calls supporting him, sending his gaze to move over me with the intrusiveness of one who looked upon a slave. So that was the way of it with males, then, the manner in which they boasted and bragged at the expense of one who had once been fool enough to believe them something more than simply male. All males gave pain, as often as they might, and shame and humiliation as well; easily might such things be given to one who was slave, yet was Jalav war leader to all the Midanna.

“As you allowed me my victory, you will feel no hesitation, then, in facing me again,” I returned at once, sliding quickly from my kan to stand and face my challenger. “Your weapon hangs at your side as does mine; withdraw your words or draw your blade.”

“To withdraw the words would not remove the truth of them,” said he, giving my kan’s reins to one of those who stood about. Then did he turn to face me once more, moving till he regained the place he had stood, at last putting hand to hilt. “I shall not this time spare you, wench, therefore had you best look closely to your defense.”

As his sword slid free of its scabbard mine was also in my fist, the two weapons drawn so quickly that those about us backed with a many-voiced gasp, seeking distance between themselves and any soon-to-be-executed backswings. Neither Chaldrin nor I looked upon those who ringed us; one does not look upon any save the one who faces her in challenge, else is she scarcely likely to survive the meeting. The male stepped forward filled full with confidence, his dark eyes marking each movement I made, and then did he swing toward me, casually yet with strength, and made a sound of scorn when I ended the swing with my blade.

“Barely adequate for one of supposed skill, girl,” said he, his tone relentless. “Is this the manner in which you mean to best me? With the movements of an awkward, unschooled child? Perhaps I should have first demanded that you earn the right to face me.”

Again the males about us laughed, some voicing loud agreement, yet did I know that already had I earned what right was needed. No rage came from his taunting but pain, the pain of knowing how great a fool I had been, the pain of memories I had believed to be truth, now turned achingly all to lies. Never had the male felt what I had felt, never had he truly been one with a Midanna. For what reason he had done as he had I was unable to fathom, yet was I more than able to put an end to more of it.

Words were unnecessary to add to the speed of my swing, the strength of my attack. With speed and strength I had at him, then, seeking to cleave his head or slice off an arm or sever the dark-haired visage of him. So furious was my attack that I drove him back, his sword striving in a blur to keep my edge from him, amusement no longer to be seen in his eyes. Shocked were the utterances which now came from all about, yet was I aware of no more than the grass beneath my feet, the hilt in my fist, the male before my blade. Swiftly did his weapon seek to reply, attempting an entry through my guard, but I kept him from it. Almost without thought did I repulse his attempts, sneering at their inadequacy, and then I was suddenly, shockingly aware that he no longer guarded himself. My point flashed toward his middle far too late to understand his purpose, far too late to halt the stroke. Into the middle of him did my sword jar with strength, with naught to deny it, naught to bar its way. Though uncounted enemies had stood so before me, never before had it felt as though I, too, were transfixed. In wild, unreasoning confusion I pulled my blade from him, in some manner certain that doing so would negate the entrance of the blade, yet the great gout of blood released belied that. Pale had Chaldrin gone at the first touch of sharpened metal, a grunt torn from him at its removal, and yet did he look upon me with the warmth of old, and smile the faint smile I had so often seen upon him.

“More than adequate, sister,” he whispered, as the lifeblood poured from him. “Truly the doing of one of great skill, a warrior and war leader without equal.”

“Chaldrin,” I whispered in answer, watching helplessly as he slid to his knees, the sword already fallen from his fist. I could barely bring myself to speak his name, yet he, himself, was not done with speaking.

“My life was not mine but yours, sister,” he breathed, no more than the breath of a breeze upon the grass. “To be no longer fit to ride and stand beside you—is to no longer be deserving of the life you returned. The shame I gave you is now no more—for you have wiped it away with my blood. Also—do I hope—that I may—have your—forgiveness as well—”

“Chaldrin, no!” I cried as he fell forward; I dropped to catch him up in my arms. So heavy was he, and so covered with the blood I had spilled! “Mida, no! Leave him and take me instead!” I screamed, struggling to keep him from the ground, knowing that were I to release him to fall all the way, surely would he be gone from me forever. I fought to keep him erect, by my soul do I swear I fought, yet the weight of him took me down and down, and then was there another who grasped my arms with fingers of rock and threw me from the one who was truly my brother.

“What have you done?” demanded S’Heernoh with a cry, appearing from I know not where, bending quickly over the one I had not been strong enough to keep from the ground. His hands went uselessly to one already gone to the endless dark. Without thought did I regain my feet, find and resheathe my bloody sword, and run to my kan so that I might vault to his back. A pull turned me about and a kick sent me agallop through those hastily making way, and then was I racing toward the forests not far from the city, flying with every bit of speed my kan possessed. Tears flew as well, tears of agony I could not halt, and the forests, when I reached them, were no more than a blur. Without slowing I rode into the blur, caring naught for what might happen, hearing only the cry which wailed and echoed inside me: Chaldrin! My brother Chaldrin! Forever gone, forever no more!

How long I rode and where, I know not; from out of the blur came a low-hanging branch, and then happily I, too, was no more.