The Year's Greatest Science Fiction & Fantasy 6

A ROSE BY OTHER NAME by Christopher Anvil

Although the devices hove ranged from magic formulae and well-bound voices to satellites and cybernetics, the essential criticism leveled at The Way Things Are (and Where Are They Going?) by the authors so far, contains one common theme: Our failures are those of communication.

Sometimes the failure is one of intent, sometimes of ability. There may be perception without comprehension, or comprehension with no power of articulation. The missing link may be mechanical, semantic, emotional. Often it is no more than the value-deafness that comes of mistaking volume for information. But over and again the trouble seems to lie in some part of the semantic act: the process of abstracting, symbolizing, and reciprocally conveying, mutually meaningful symbols.

Mr. Anvil here proposes a hair of the dog....

A tall man in a tightly belted trenchcoat carried a heavy brief case toward the Pentagon building.

A man in a black overcoat strode with a bulky suitcase toward the Kremlin.

A well-dressed man wearing a dark-blue suit stepped out of a taxi near the United Nations building, and paid the driver. As he walked away, he leaned slightly to the right, as if the attaché case under his left arm held lead instead of paper.

On the sidewalk nearby, a discarded newspaper lifted in the wind to lie face-up before the entrance to the building. Its big black headline read: U.S. will fight!

A set of diagrams in this newspaper showed United States and Soviet missiles, with comparisons of ranges, payloads, and explosive powers, and with the Washington Monument sketched into the background to give an idea of their size.

The well-dressed man with the attaché case strode across the newspaper to the entrance, his heels ripping the tables of missile comparisons as he passed.

Inside the building, the Soviet delegate was at this moment saying:

“The Soviet Union is the most scientifically advanced nation on Earth. The Soviet Union is the most powerful nation on Earth. It is not up to you to say to the Soviet Union, ‘Yes’ or ‘No.’ The Soviet Union has told you what it is going to do. All I can suggest for you is, you had better agree with us.”

The United States delegate said, “That is the view of the Soviet government?”

“That is the view of the Soviet government.”

“In that case, I will have to tell you the view of the United States government. If the Soviet Union carries out this latest piece of brutal aggression, the United States will consider it a direct attack upon its own security. I hope you know what this means.”

There was an uneasy stir in the room.

The Soviet delegate said slowly, “I am sorry to hear you say that. I am authorized to state that the Soviet Union will not retreat on this issue.”

The United States delegate said, “The position of the United States is already plain. If the Soviet Union carries this out, the United States will consider it as a direct attack. There is nothing more I can say.”

In the momentary silence that followed, a guard with a rather stuporous look opened the door to let in a well-dressed man, who was just sliding something back into his attaché case. This man glanced thoughtfully around the room, where someone was just saying:

“Now what do we do?”

Someone else said hesitantly, “A conference, perhaps?”

The Soviet delegate said coolly, “A conference will not settle this. The United States must correct its provocative attitude.”

The United States delegate looked off at a distant wall. “The provocation is this latest Soviet aggression. All that is needed is for the Soviet Union not to do it.”

“The Soviet Union will not retreat in this issue.”

The United States delegate said, “The United States will not retreat on this issue.”

There was a dull silence that lasted for some time.

As the United States and Soviet delegates sat unmoving, there came an urgent plea, “Gentlemen, doesn’t anyone have an idea? However implausible?”

The silence continued long enough to make it plain that now no one could see any way out.

A well-dressed man in dark blue, carrying an attaché case, stepped forward and set the case down on a table with a solid clunk that riveted attention.

“Now,” he said, “we are in a real mess. Very few people on Earth want to get burned alive, poisoned, or smashed to bits. We don’t want a ruinous war. But from the looks of things, we’re likely to get one whether we want it or not.

“The position we are in is like that of a crowd of people locked in a room. Some of us have brought along for our protection large savage dogs. Our two chief members have trained tigers. This menagerie is now straining at the leash. Once the first blow lands, no one can say where it will end.

“What we seem to need right now is someone with skills of a lion tamer. The lion tamer controls the animals by understanding, timing, and distraction.”

The United States and Soviet delegates glanced curiously at each other. The other delegates shifted around with puzzled expressions. Several opened their mouths as if to interrupt, glanced at the United States and Soviet delegates, shut their mouths and looked at the attaché case.

“Now,” the man went on, “a lion tamer’s tools are a pistol, a whip, and a chair. They are used to distract. The pistol contains blank cartridges, the whip is snapped above the animal’s head, and the chair is held with the points of the legs out, so that the animal’s gaze is drawn first to one point, then another, as the chair is shifted. The sharp noise of gun and whip distract the animal’s attention. So does the chair. And so long as the animal’s attention is distracted, its terrific power isn’t put into play. This is how the lion tamer keeps peace.

“The thought processes of a war machine are a little different from the thought processes of a lion or a tiger. But the principle is the same. What we need is something corresponding to the lion tamer’s whip, chair, and gun.”

He unsnapped the cover of the attaché case, and lifted out a dull gray slab with a handle on each end, several dials on its face, and beside them a red button and a blue button.

“It’s generally known,” he said, looking around at the scowling delegates, “that certain mental activities are associated with certain areas of the brain. Damage a given brain area, and you disrupt the corresponding mental action. Speech may be disrupted, while writing remains. A man who speaks French and German may lose his ability to speak French, but still be able to speak German. These things are well-known, but not generally used. Now, who knows if, perhaps, there is a special section of the brain which handles the vocabulary related to military subjects?”

He pushed in the blue button.

The Soviet delegate sat up straight. “What is that button you just pushed?”

“A demonstration button. It actuates when I release it.”

The United States delegate said, “Actuates what?”

“I will show you, if you will be patient just a few minutes.”

“What’s this about brain areas? We can’t open the brain of every general in the world.”

“You won’t have to. Of course, you have heard of resonant frequencies and related topics. Take two tuning forks that vibrate at the same rate. Set one in vibration, and the other across the room will vibrate. Soldiers marching across a bridge break step, lest they start the bridge in vibration and bring it down. The right note on a violin will shatter a glass. Who knows whether minute electrical currents in a particular area of the brain, associated with a certain characteristic mental activity, may not tend to induce a similar activity in the corresponding section of another brain? And, in that case, if it were possible to induce a sufficiently strong current, it might actually overload that particular—”

The United States delegate tensely measured with his eyes the distance to the gray slab on the table.

The Soviet delegate slid his hand toward his waistband.

The man who was speaking took his finger from the blue button.

The Soviet delegate jerked out a small black automatic. The United States delegate shot from his chair in a flying leap. Around the room, men sprang to their feet. There was an instant of violent activity.

Then the automatic fell to the floor. The United States delegate sprawled motionless across the table. Around the room, men crumpled to the floor in the nerveless fashion of the dead drunk.

Just one man remained on his feet, leaning forward with a faintly dazed expression as he reached for the red button. He said, “You have temporarily overloaded certain mental circuits, gentlemen. I have been protected by a ... you might say, a jamming device. You will recover from the effects of this overload. The next one you experience will be a different matter. I am sorry, but there are certain conditions of mental resonance that the human race can’t afford at the moment.” He pressed the red button.

The United States delegate, lying on the table, experienced a momentary surge of rage. In a flash, it was followed by an intensely clear vision of the map of Russia, the polar regions adjoining it, and the nations along its long southern border. Then the map was more than a map, as he saw the economic complexes of the Soviet Union, and the racial and national groups forcibly submerged by the central government. The strong and weak points of the Soviet Union emerged, as in a transparent anatomical model of the human body laid out for an operation.

Not far away, the Soviet delegate could see the submarines off the coasts of the United States, the missiles arcing down the vital industrial areas, the bombers on their long one-way missions, and the unexpected land attack to settle the problem for once and for all. As he thought, he revised the plan continuously, noting an unexpected American strength here, and the possibility of a dangerous counter blow there.

In the minds of another delegate, Great Britain balanced off the United States against the Soviet Union, then by a series of carefully planned moves acquired the moral leadership of a bloc of uncommitted nations. Next, with this as a basis for maneuver—

Another delegate saw leading a Europe small in area but immense in productive power. After first isolating Britain—

At nearly the same split fraction of an instant, all these plans became complete. Each delegate saw his nation’s way to the top with a dazzling, more than human clarity.

And then there was an impression like the brief glow of an overloaded wire. There was a sensation similar to pain.

This experience repeated itself in a great number of places around the globe.

In the Kremlin, a powerfully built marshal blinked at the members of his staff.

“Strange. For just a minute there, I seemed to see—” He shrugged, and pointed at the map. “Now, along the North German Plain here, where we intend to... to—” He scowled, groping for a word. “Hm-m-m. Where we want to ... ah .. . destabilize the ... the ridiculous NATO protective counterproposals—” He stopped, frowning.

The members of his staff straightened up and looked puzzled. A general said, “Marshal, I just had an idea. Now, one of the questions is: Will the Americans . . . ah— Will they ... hm-m-m—” He scowled, glanced off across the room, bit his lip, and said, “Ah... what I’m trying to say is: Will they forcibly demolecularize Paris, Rome, and other Allied centers when we... ah... inundate them with the integrated hyperarticulated elements of our—” He cut himself off suddenly, a look of horror on his face.

The marshal said sharply, “What are you talking about —’demolecularize’? You mean, will they ... hm-m-m ... deconstitute the existent structural pattern by application of intense energy of nuclear fusion?” He stopped and blinked several times as this last sentence played itself back in his mind.

Another member of the staff spoke up hesitantly, “Sir, I’m not exactly sure what you have in mind, but I had a thought back there that struck me as a good workable plan to deconstitutionalize the whole American government in five years by unstructing their political organization through intrasocietal political action simultaneously on all levels. Now—”

“Ah,” said another general, his eyes shining with an inward vision, “I have a better plan. Banana embargo. Listen—”

A fine beading of perspiration appeared on the marshal’s brow. It had occurred to him to wonder if the Americans had somehow just landed the ultimate in foul blows. He groped mentally to try to get his mind back on the track.

At this moment, two men in various shades of blue were sitting by a big globe in the Pentagon building staring at a third man in an olive-colored uniform. There was an air of embarrassment in the room.

At length, one of the men in blue cleared his throat. “General, I hope your plans are based on something a little clearer than that. I don’t see how you can expect us to cooperate with you in recommending that kind of a thing to the President. But now, I just had a remarkable idea. It’s a little unusual; but if I do say so, it’s the kind of thing that can clarify the situation instead of sinking it in hopeless confusion. Now, what I propose is that we immediately proceed to layerize the existent trade routes in depth. This will counteract the Soviet potential nullification of our sea-borne surface-level communications through their underwater superiority. Now, this involves a fairly unusual concept. But what I’m driving at—” .

“Wait a minute,” said the general, in a faintly hurt tone. “You didn’t get my point. It may be that I didn’t express it quite as I intended. But what I mean is, we’ve got to really bat those bricks all over the lot. Otherwise, there’s bound to be trouble. Look—”

The man in Air Force blue cleared his throat. “Frankly, I’ve always suspected there was a certain amount of confusion in both your plans. But I never expected anything like this. Fortunately, I have an idea—”

At the United Nations, the American and Russian delegates were staring at the British delegate, who was saying methodically, “Agriculture, art, literature, science, engineering, medicine, sociology, botany, zoology, beekeeping, tins mi thing, speleology, wa .. . w . .. milita ... mili... mil ... hm-m-m... sewing, needlework, navigation, law, business, barrister, batt... bat... ba— Can’t say it.”

“In other words,” said the United States delegate, “we’re mentally hamstrung. Our vocabulary is gone as regards ... ah— That is, we can talk about practically anything, except subjects having to do with...er ... strong disagreements.”

The Soviet delegate scowled. “This is bad. I just had a good idea, too. Maybe—” He reached for pencil and paper.

A guard came in scowling. “Sorry, sir. There’s no sign of any such person in the building now. He must have gotten away.”

The Soviet delegate was looking glumly at his piece of paper. “Well,” he said, “I do not think I would care to trust the safety of my country to this method of communication.”

Staring up at him from the paper were the words:

“Instructions to head man of Forty-fourth Ground-Walking Club. Seek to interpose your club along the high ground between the not-friendly-to-us fellows and the railway station. Use repeated strong practical urging procedures to obtain results desired.”

The United States delegate had gotten hold of a typewriter, slid in a piece of paper, typed rapidly, and was now scowling in frustration at the result.

The Soviet delegate shook his head. “What’s the word for it? We’ve been bugged. The section of our vocabulary dealing with... with... you know what I mean...that section has been burned out.”

The United States delegate scowled. “Well, we can still stick pins in maps and draw pictures. Eventually we can get across what we mean.”

“Yes, but that is no way to run a wa... wa.. . a strong disagreement. We will have to build up a whole new vocabulary to deal with the subject.”

The United States delegate thought it over, and nodded. “All right.” he said. “Now, look. If we’re each going to have to make new vocabularies, do we want to end up with ... say... sixteen different words in sixteen different languages all for the same thing? Take a... er... ‘strong disagreement.’ Are you going to call it ‘gosnik’ and we call it ‘gack’ and the French call it ‘gouk’ and the Germans call it ‘Gunck’? And then we have to have twenty dozen different sets of dictionaries and hundreds of interpreters so we can merely get some idea what each other is talking about?”

“No,” said the Soviet delegate grimly. “Not that. We should have an international commission to settle that. Maybe there, at least, is something we can agree on. Obviously, it is to everyone’s advantage not to have innumerable new words for the same thing. Meanwhile, perhaps... ah... perhaps for now we had better postpone a final settlement of the present difficulty.”

Six months later, a man wearing a tightly belted trench-coat approached the Pentagon building.

A man carrying a heavy suitcase strode along some distance from the Kremlin.

A taxi carrying a well-dressed man with an attaché case cruised past the United Nations building.

Inside the United Nations building, the debate was getting hot. The Soviet delegate said angrily:

“The Soviet Union is the most scientifically advanced and unquestionably the most gacknik nation on Earth. The Soviet Union will not take dictation from anybody. We have given you an extra half-year to make up your minds, and now we are going to put it to you bluntly:

“If you want to cush a gack with us over this issue, we will mongel you. We will grock you into the middle of next week. No running dog of a capitalist imperialist will get out in one piece. You may hurt us in the process, but we will absolutely bocket you. The day of decadent capitalism is over.”

A rush of marvelous dialectic burst into life in the Soviet delegate’s mind. For a split instant he could see with unnatural clarity not only why, but how, his nation’s philosophy was bound to emerge triumphant—if handled properly—and even without a ruinous gack, too.

Unknown to the Soviet delegate, the United States delegate was simultaneously experiencing a clear insight into the stunning possibilities of basic American beliefs, which up to now had hardly been tapped at all.

At the same time, other delegates were sitting straight, their eyes fixed on distant visions.

The instant of dazzling certainty burnt itself out.

“Yes,” said the Soviet delegate, as if in a trance. “No need to even cush a gack. Inevitably, victory must go to communi... commu ... comm... com—” He stared in horror.

The American delegate shut his eyes and groaned. “Capi-talis ... capita ... capi... cap ... rugged individu .. . rugged indi... rugge ... rug ... rug—” He looked up. “Now we’ve got to have another conference. And then, on top of that, we’ve got to somehow cram our new definitions down the throats of the thirty per cent of the people they don’t reach with their device.”

The Soviet delegate felt for his chair and sat down heavily. “Dialectic materia ... dialecti... dial... dia—” He put his head in both hands and drew in a deep shuddering breath.

The British delegate was saying, “Thin red li... thin re ... thin ... thin— This hurts.”

“Yes,” said the United States delegate. “But if this goes on, we may end up with a complete, new, unified language. Maybe that’s the idea.”

The Soviet delegate drew in a deep breath and looked up gloomily. “Also, this answers one long-standing question.”

“What’s that?”

“One of your writers asked it long ago: ‘What’s in a name?’”

The delegates all nodded with sickly expressions.

“Now we know.”