The Stainless Steel Rat Joins the Circus

Chapter 28

Some things I remember, others I had to be told about. The mixture of painkillers, booze, fatigue, shock, you name it, kept me out of the picture for a bit. We must have left the hotel safely because the next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed recovering from surgery.

"Went absolutely fine," Angelina said. She was sitting by the bed holding my hand. This was the first thing that I saw when I opened my eyes. And not a bad sight at all.

"Fine?" I muttered.

"The operation on your arm. You had a nasty flesh wound right through your biceps. The medicos cultured a fine new chunk of muscle cells from a couple of cells that you donated. Planted the new muscle, then covered the wound with a skin culture of the same kind. The pain should be gone by now."

"It is!" I flexed my arm. Gloriana put her front trotters up on the bed and snuffled my hand. I managed to give her a good scratch or two. "Oh, the miracles of modern medical science." I looked around. "Where am I?"

"In the medical facilities of the Banco Cuerpo Especial. Which in addition to being the bank of the Special Corps is also an official embassy. It also happens to have its own hospital as well. We are here and safe until the Corps spacer arrives. Soon now."

"We?"

"Bolivar is here as well. The Fetorr police are still looking for him for escaping from their jail. But they are not looking too hard since they have so much else on their hands. James will be here soon. He is finishing the last computerized transfers of all the financial shennanigans. A great profit he says, mostly for the Corps, but a good bit for us for setting the whole thing up."

"How do you feel?"

"Perfectly fine. After all it was you who got shot."

"But it was you who had to sit there and watch it." I thrashed about and managed to sit up in the bed. "I'm getting up.

"Of course. Your clothes are folded on the chair there."

I was a little woozy at first, but that soon passed. Angelina led the way down the hall to a relaxing sort of lounge room with attractive-looking food and drink dispensers against the wall. Bolivar was there drinking a beer and it was reunion time all over again.

"I hear that all of your financial gamesmanship has paid off."

"It certainly has. We have turned a good profit without bankrupting the planet, as Chaise planned to do. Aside from our money-market profits, I am happy to report that you are also well-off financially."

"Who, me? Chaise told me that he had cleaned my account out of all the money he had paid to me."

"He did. I was sure from the very beginning that is what he planned to do-and there was no real way to stop. him. However, as the money was being transferred from bank to bank I saw to it that over five percent was deducted as bank charges. The total sums transferred were so large that even that amount is really impressive. That money is safely buried."

"Buried? I have the feeling that I am missing something."

"It's very simple. The percentage of the money, that we slipped out as it was being transferred, was taken out as cash. Untraceable. With it we bought chips of nanomemory from James's firm. Those chips hold so many nanobytes of memory that one of them the size of your fingernail is worth hundreds of thousands of credits. I buried them in the garden under the roses."

"Well I never…" And I hadn't.

"I'm looking forward to picking some of those roses," was Angelina's practical suggestion.

Our happiness was intense, and our pleasure squared when James came in.

"All done!" he announced. "The Fetorr operation has ended most satisfactory for all concerned."

"Not for all I hope," said I. "Have Chaise, Kaizi-2, and Igor met their just deserts?"

"Justice is swift here, particularly when you try to pinch all of the planetary assets. The gruesome twosome are tucked away where the sun does not shine, with numbers on their chests and bars on their window. Their younger brother is recovering his health and is singing like a bird. He was mentally-if not physically-abused by his older brothers. He is institutionalized and under treatment. Now that he knows that he is beyond the reach of his brothers he appears to be happy for the first time in his life."

"I was feeling guilty about causing him that heart attack," I said. "I guess I shouldn't be." I smacked my lips dryly. "If Angelina is as thirsty as I am she needs liquid aid."

"Good as done. A wine and a beer in that order?" Bolivar asked as he went to the bar. We nodded agreement. James joined him and poured a beer for himself.

Then we all raised our glasses on high.

"Can anyone think of a toast?" Angelina asked.

There was silence until I coughed. They all looked at me.

"Of course. It is a quite simple one. To my family. To missing wives soon to be joined with their distant husbands.

Then-a long life and a happy one for each and every one of us."

We drank to that.

"And a year's vacation for your mother and I," I added.

"I don't believe it," James added.

"Nor do I," James added.

"But it is true," Angelina said. "We had a long talk about it. No work and plenty play. All calls from Inskipp go unanswered. The Special Corps can take care of itself. We live off of our savings and resist all schemes, honest or dishonest, to add more credits to our kitty."

Both boys were dumbfounded. James gurgled and spoke for them both.

"And-at the end of the year…"

"Why we start another year of doing exactly the same thing," Angelina said, smiling sweetly.

The twins looked at me and I nodded patient agreement. "Look, boys, I have saved the universe just once too often. I have been elected president, traveled in time, defeated alien races, robbed countless banks. The time has come, I do believe, to rest on my laurels." I thought a moment. "There is of course one bit of work I might do …"

"You never!" Angelina said, quite angrily.

"Don't misunderstand! Not crookery. I meant I might write down my memoirs. No one will believe me of course."

"Then disguise them as fiction!"

"Of course-what a splendid idea. And I even have a title. The first volume shall be titled-The Stainless Steel Rat. With plenty more volumes to come."

Bolivar rubbed his jaw in thought. "You know, I have always had a secret ambition. After lunar exploration, that is. My newfound expertise in banking will be of great help. I have always felt, deep down, that-I wanted to be a publisher. Can I start with your book, Dad?"

"Of course. Draw up the contract and make sure that the advance on signing is a big one."

"Good as done!"

He began to enthusiastically punch contract details into his pocket computer. James collected the empty glasses and went to get another round of drinks. Angelina leaned over and took my hand.

"You do mean it, Jim, about retiring?"

"I certainly do. If I had any doubts before, this mess with Chaise has washed them away. There are lots of worlds out there. Let us go out and enjoy them."

"Those are the most beautiful words that I think I have ever heard." Then she dug into her purse and took something out and passed it over to me.

"Found that in your pocket. Want to keep it?"

I looked at it and shook my head. "What in the world would I do with a stainless steel rat?"

"Then I'll have it," she said, and put it away. "I'll lock it in a box and keep it handy. Then, whenever I am feeling depressed, or out of sorts, or worried or just anything except just plain happy, I will take it out and look at it. To remind myself of all the fun that we have had." She smiled around at her family, leaned over and gave Gloriana a little scratch between the ears.

"And to also remind myself that we are all so very lucky that we came out of all of our various adventures and escapades without permanent damage."

We drank to that as well.

At peace.