The Shining Girls

Harper ^{13 JUNE 1993}

A black rage swills through Harper’s head. He should have killed the brown boy at the newspaper. Dragged him to a window and hurled him down onto the street. He played coy with him. He humored him. As if he was some empty-eyed idiot from Manteno State Hospital with his chin covered in his own saliva and shit in his pants.

It had taken every whit of his self-control to ask reasonable questions. Not how the fuck is she still alive and where is the cunt? But, is she in the office, he’d like to talk to her about the awards. He’s very interested in the awards. Could he talk to her, please? Is she here?

He pushed it too far. He saw the boy switch from bored contempt to wary alertness. ‘I’ll just call security to fetch her for you,’ he’d said, which Harper understood perfectly.

‘No need. Tell her I was here for her, all right? I’ll come back.’ It’s immediately apparent how bad a mistake it was to say it. Enough that he buys a White Sox baseball cap on the street and pulls the brim down low over his face, because he half suspects the goddamn boy will call the police. He goes straight to the train. He needs to get back to the House to figure this out.

She’ll be harder to find if she’s spooked, but he can’t keep the bile back. He wants her to know. Let her run. Let her hide. He’ll dig her out like he used to do with rabbits, dragging her out of her hole by the scruff of her neck while she flails and screams, before he cuts her throat.

Watching the city slide past the windows of the train, he touches himself with the back of his hand through his pants. But his consternation is too overwhelming. It defeats him. Everything is slipping. It’s her. He should have taken her when she didn’t have the dog. There were other opportunities.

He feels terribly alone. He feels like plunging his knife into someone’s face to relieve the pressure building up behind his eyes. He has to get back to the House. He has to fix this. He will go back to find her to try and unravel where he has gone wrong. The stars must realign.

He doesn’t see Kirby. Not even when he gets off the train.