The Land of Painted Caves

Chapter 32

Jondalar and Marona were just coming out of the water as Ayla looked through the bushes. With a stab of anguish, she watched Marona turn to face Jondalar, put her arms around him and press her naked body close to his, then reach up to kiss him. Jondalar bent down to meet her lips. With fascinated horror, she watched his hands begin to caress her body. How many times had she felt his knowing hands?

Ayla wanted to run, but she couldn't move. They moved a few steps closer, toward a soft leather hide spread out on the grass just in front of her. She could see that he wasn't really aroused. But no one had seen him since she arrived, he'd been gone all day, and it was obvious to her that they had already used the leather blanket, at least once. Marona pressed against him again, kissed him deeply, as though with great hunger, then slowly dropped down in front of him. With a languid, knowing laugh, Marona enclosed her mouth around his flaccid manhood while Jondalar stood looking down at her.

Ayla could see his mounting excitement in his expression of intense pleasure. She had never seen his face when she did that to him — was that how he looked? As Marona moved rhythmically back and forth, his tumescent organ pushed her farther away from him as it began to extend.

It was an agony for Ayla to see him with her. She could hardly breathe, her stomach knotted in pain, her head pounded. She had never experienced this kind of feeling before. Was this anguish jealousy? Was this how Jondalar felt when I went to Ranec's bed, she thought? Why didn't he tell me? I didn't know then, I never felt jealousy before, and he never told me. He only said it was my right to choose who I wanted.

That means it's his right to be there with Marona!

Her eyes filled with tears, she couldn't stand it, she had to get away. She turned and started to run blindly through the small woods, but she tripped on an exposed root and crashed to the ground.

'Who's there? What's going on?' Ayla heard Jondalar's voice call out. She scrambled to her feet and started off again as Jondalar pushed the brush aside. 'Ayla? Ayla!' he said in shocked surprise. 'What are you doing here?'

She turned to face the man who was coming after her. 'I didn't mean to interfere,' she said, trying to compose herself. 'You have the right to couple with whoever you want, Jondalar. Even Marona.'

Marona pushed through the screen of bushes and stood close to Jondalar, pressing her body against him. 'That's right, Ayla,' she said with an exultant laugh. 'He can couple with whoever he wants. What do you expect a man to do when his mate is too busy for him? We have coupled often, and not only this summer. Why do you think I moved back to the Ninth Cave? He didn't want me to tell you, but now that you've found out, you might as well know the whole story.' She laughed again; then with a vicious sneer she said, 'You may have stolen him from me, Ayla, but you haven't been able to keep him to yourself.'

'I didn't steal him from you, Marona. I didn't even know you until I arrived here. Jondalar chose me of his own free will. Now he can choose you, if he wants, but tell me, do you really love him? Or are you just trying to cause trouble?' Ayla said. Then she turned and with as much dignity as she could gather, she hurried away.

Jondalar shrugged off the woman hanging on him and caught up with Ayla in a few strides. 'Ayla, please wait! Let me explain!' he said.

'What is there to explain? Marona is right. How could I expect anything else? You were in the middle of something, Jondalar. Why don't you go back and finish it,' she said, starting away again. 'I'm sure Marona will be able to arouse you once more. She had you well on your way.'

'I don't want Marona, not if I can have you, Ayla,' Jondalar said, suddenly afraid he might lose her.

Marona looked at him with surprise. She meant nothing to him, she realised. She had meant nothing to him all along. She had made herself available, and he had found her an expedient way to take care of his urges. Marona glared at them both with anger, but Jondalar didn't notice.

He was concentrated on Ayla. Now he wished he hadn't given in to Marona's invitations, hadn't used her so casually. He was so intent on Ayla, on trying to think of something to say that could somehow explain how he felt, that he didn't even notice when the woman he had so recently been with stormed past him with her clothes bunched up in her arms. But Ayla did.

As a man, after he returned from his stay with Dalanar, Jondalar had always had his choice of women, but he had never really loved one. Nothing ever matched the powerful intensity of his first love, and his memory of those overwhelming emotions had been made stronger by the appalling scandal and disgrace it had brought on both Zolena and himself. She had been his donii-woman, his instructor and guide in the ways that a man should behave with a woman, but he was not supposed to fall in love with her. She was not supposed to allow it.

He had come to believe that he would never love a woman again. He had finally concluded that as a penalty imposed by the Mother for his youthful indiscretion, he would forever be unable to fall in love — until Ayla. And he'd had to travel for more than a year, to an entirely different and unfamiliar place to find her. He loved Ayla more than his life. It overwhelmed him. He would do anything for her, go anyplace for her, he would give his life for her. The only person for whom he felt a love as strong, if of a different nature, was Jonayla.

'You should be grateful she is there to satisfy your needs, Jondalar,' Ayla said, still hurting, and trying to cover the pain. 'I am going to be even busier than ever now. I have been called. I will do as She wishes now. I will be as a child of the Great Earth Mother. I am Zelandoni.'

'You were called? Ayla, when?' His voice was full of frantic worry. He'd seen some of the zelandonia returning from their first call, and he'd seen some, found later, that had not. 'I should have been there, I could have helped you.'

'No, Jondalar. You couldn't have helped me. No one can help. It must be done alone. I survived, and the Mother gave me a great Gift, but I had to make a sacrifice for it. She wanted our baby, Jondalar. I lost it in the cave,' Ayla said with as much dignity as she could muster.

'Our baby? What baby? Jonayla was with me.'

'The baby that was started when I came down from the cliff early one night. I suppose I should consider myself lucky that you hadn't already been with Marona that night, or I wouldn't have had a baby to sacrifice,' she said with hollow bitterness.

'You were pregnant when you were called? Oh, Great Mother!' He was feeling panicky — he didn't want her to leave like that. What could he say to keep her there, to keep her talking. 'Ayla, I know you think that's how new life starts, but you can't be sure.'

'Yes, Jondalar, I can. The Great Mother told me. That was the Gift I received in exchange for my baby's life.' She said it with such haunting, painful certainty, it left no room for doubt. 'I thought we might try to start another, but I can see you are too busy for me.' He stood there, stunned, as she walked away.

'O Doni, Great Mother, what have I done?' Jondalar cried out in anguish. 'I've made her stop loving me. Oh, why did she have to see us?'

He stumbled after her, forgetting his clothes. Then, as she hurried away, he dropped to his knees, and followed her with only his eyes. Look at her, he thought, she's so thin! It must have been so hard for her. Some Acolytes die. What if Ayla had died? I wasn't even there to help her. Why didn't I stay behind with her? I should have known she was almost ready, her training was nearly over, but I wanted to come to the Summer Meeting. I didn't think what might happen to her. All I could think of was myself.

As Ayla was lost to sight, he hunched forward, closed his eyes, and buried his face in his hands, as though trying not to see what he had done.

'Why did I couple with Marona?' he moaned aloud. Ayla has never coupled with anyone but me, he thought, not since Ranec, not since we left the Mamutoi. Even at ceremonies and festivals to honour the Mother, when almost everyone chooses someone else, she has never chosen anyone but me. People talk about it. How many men have looked at me with envy, thinking what great Pleasure I must give her, for her never to choose anyone else.

'Why did Ayla have to see us?'

I never thought she would get here in the daytime. I thought she'd ride all day and get here late. I thought it was safe to come here during the day. I never wanted to cause Ayla pain. She's had enough pain. And now she's lost a baby. I didn't even know she was going to have another baby, and she lost it.

Did it really start that night? It was such an incredible night. I could hardly believe it when she came to bed and woke me up. Will it ever be like that again? She said the Mother wanted our baby. Was it our baby? In exchange Doni gave her a Gift. Ayla was given a Gift from the Mother? The Mother told her it was our baby, my baby and hers.

'Did Ayla lose my baby?' Jondalar said, his forehead knotted with the familiar frown.

Why did she come here? She said she wanted to start another baby. Was she looking for me? We always came to this swimming hole the last time the Meeting was here. I should have thought about that. I shouldn't have brought Marona here. Especially Marona. I knew how Ayla would feel if she found out about her, that's why I made Marona promise never to tell.

'Why did she have to see us?' he beseeched the vacant woods. 'Have I become so used to her never choosing anyone else that I've forgotten what it was like for me?' He recalled the bitter pain and desolation he had felt the time she chose Ranec. I know how she must have felt when she saw me with Marona, he thought. Just the way I did when Ranec told her to come to his bed and she went, but she didn't know then. She thought she was supposed to go with him. How would I feel if she chose someone else now?

I tried to drive her away then because I was so hurt, but she still loved me. She made a Matrimonial tunic for me even when she was promised to Ranec. Jondalar felt the same wretched torment at the thought of losing her now as he had when he thought he was going to lose her to Ranec. Only this time it was worse. This time he was the one who had hurt her.

Ayla ran blindly ahead, tears clouding her vision, but they could not wash away her misery. She had thought about Jondalar at the Ninth Cave, dreamed about him at night, hungered for him on her way, and pushed herself to get here so she could be with him. She couldn't return to the camp and face all the people. She needed to be alone. She stopped at the horse enclosure and led Whinney out, put the horse blanket on her back, and climbed on, then raced her toward the open grassland.

Whinney was still tired from the trip, but responded to the woman's urging and galloped across the plains. Ayla could not get the picture of Marona and Jondalar out of her mind; she could think of nothing else, and soon forgot about directing the horse, but simply rode her. The mare slowed when she felt the woman cease to actively direct her and turned back toward the camp at a slow walk, stopping to graze now and then. It was growing dark by the time they reached the Meeting site, and cooling down fast, but Ayla felt nothing except the deep numbing cold inside her. The horse did not feel her passenger take control again until they reached the horse grove and saw several people.

'Ayla, people have been wondering where you've been,' Proleva said. 'Jonayla was here looking for you, but after she ate, she went to Levela's to play with Bokovan when you didn't return.'

'I've been riding,' Ayla said.

'Jondalar finally turned up,' Joharran said. 'He came stumbling into the camp a while ago. I told him you were looking for him, but he just mumbled something incoherent.'

Her eyes were glazed as she walked into the camp. She passed by Zelandoni without greeting her, without even seeing her.

The woman eyed her sharply. She knew something was wrong. 'Ayla, we haven't seen much of you since you arrived,' the Donier said, surprised that she'd had to speak first.

'I guess not,' Ayla said.

It was plain to Zelandoni that Ayla's thoughts were somewhere else. Jondalar's 'incoherent mumbling' hadn't been unclear to her, even if she hadn't understood the words. His actions were clear enough. She had also seen Marona emerge from the small wooded area looking dishevelled, but not on the normal path used by most members of the Ninth Cave. She came to their camp from a different direction, went directly into the tent she had been sharing, and began to pack up her things. She told Proleva some friends from the Fifth Cave wanted her to stay with them.

Zelandoni had been aware of Jondalar's dalliance with Marona from the beginning. At first she thought there was little harm in it. She knew his true feelings for Ayla, and thought Marona would be just a passing fancy, something to relieve him at a time when Ayla had other demands on her and no choice but to be away at times. But she hadn't counted on Marona's obsession to get him back and to get back at Ayla, or her ability to insinuate herself upon him. Their physical attraction had always been strong. Even in the past, it had been the primary focus of their relationship. Sometimes, Zelandoni had suspected, it was the only thing they had had in common.

The Donier guessed that Ayla hadn't fully recovered from her ordeal in the cave. Her loss of weight and the gaunt hollows in her face would have given her away even if she hadn't seen it in Ayla's eyes. Zelandoni had seen too many Acolytes return from a calling, emerging from a cave or returning from wandering the steppe, not to know the danger of the ordeal. She, herself, almost didn't survive. Since Ayla lost a baby at the same time, she would very likely also be suffering the melancholy most women felt after giving birth, which was often worse after miscarrying.

But the One Who Was First had seen more than the suffering Ayla had endured in the cave in her eyes now. She saw pain, the sharp chilling pain of jealousy with all the related feelings of betrayal, anger, doubt, and fear. She loves him too much; it's not hard to do, the woman once known as Zolena recalled. The First had often wondered during the past few years how a woman who loved a man so much could be Zelandoni, too, but Ayla's talent was formidable. In spite of her love for the man, it could not be ignored. And if anything, his feeling for her was even stronger.

But as much as he loved her, Jondalar was a man with strong drives. It was difficult for him to ignore them. It was especially true when there were no societal constraints against it, and someone as intimately familiar with him as Marona was using every faculty she possessed to encourage him. It was too easy to fall into the habit of going to her rather than bothering Ayla when she was busy.

Zelandoni knew Jondalar hadn't mentioned anything about his ongoing liaison to Ayla, and instinctively, others who cared about them had tried to shield her. They hoped Ayla would not find out, but the Donier knew if he continued, it was a vain hope. He should have known it, too.

In spite of how well she had learned the ways of the Zelandonii and seemed to fit in, Ayla had not been born to them. Their ways were not natural to her. Zelandoni almost wished the Summer Meeting were over. She would like to be able to watch the young woman, make sure she was all right, but the last part of the Summer Meeting was a very busy time for the One Who Was First. She observed the young woman, trying to discern the extent of her feelings over her discovery of Jondalar's encounters with Marona, and what effects it would have.

At Proleva's urging, Ayla accepted a plate of food, but she did little more than push it around. She dumped the food and cleaned the plate, then returned it. 'I wish Jonayla would come back; do you know how long she'll be gone?' Ayla said. 'I'm sorry I wasn't here when she came.'

'You could go to Levela's and get her,' Proleva said. 'Levela would love it if you came to visit. I didn't see where Jondalar went. He may be there, too.'

'I'm really tired,' Ayla said. 'I don't think I'd be very good company. I'm going to bed early, but will you send Jonayla in when she comes?'

'Are you feeling all right, Ayla?' Proleva asked, finding it hard to believe that she would just go to bed. She had been trying to find Jondalar all day, and now she wouldn't even walk a little ways to look for him.

'I'm fine. I'm just tired,' Ayla said, heading for one of the large circular dwellings that ringed the central fireplace.

A wall of sturdy vertical panels made of overlapped cattail leaves, which shed rain, was attached to the outside of a circle of poles sunk into the ground. A second interior wall of panels woven out of flattened bullrush stems was attached to the inside of the poles, leaving an air space between for extra insulation to make it cooler on hot days and, with a fire inside, warmer on cool nights. The roof was a thick thatch of phragmite reeds, sloping down from a centre pole, supported by a circular frame of slender alder poles lashed together. The smoke escaped through a hole near the centre.

The construction provided a fairly large enclosed space that could be left open or divided into smaller areas with movable interior panels. Sleeping rolls were spread out on mats made of bullrushes, tall phragmite reeds, cattail leaves, and grasses around a central fireplace. Ayla partially undressed and crawled into her sleeping roll, but was far from ready to sleep. When she closed her eyes, all she could see was the scene of Jondalar with Marona, and her mind whirled with the implications.

Ayla knew that among the Zelandoni jealousy was not condoned, though she was not as aware that behaviour designed to provoke it was even less acceptable. People recognised that jealousy existed and fully understood its cause, and more important, its often damaging effects. But in a harsh land often overwhelmed by long and bitter glacial winters, survival depended on mutual cooperation and assistance. The unwritten strictures against any behaviour that could undermine the necessary goodwill required to maintain that unanimity and understanding were strongly enforced by social customs.

In such adverse conditions, children were especially at risk. Many died young, and while the community in general was important to their well-being, a close, caring family was considered essential. Though most commonly families began with a woman and man, they could be extended in any number of ways. Not only with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins but, so long as it was agreeable to everyone involved, a woman might select more than one man, a man might choose two, or more women, or even multiple couples might join. The only exception was the prohibition of close family members joining. Siblings could not mate with each other, or those recognised as 'close' cousins, for example. Other relationships were highly disapproved, though not expressly forbidden, such as a young man and his donii-woman.

Once the family was formed, customs and practices had developed to encourage its continuity. Jealousy did not favour long-term bonds, and various measures to alleviate its detrimental effects were understood. Passing attractions could often be appeased by the socially approved festivals to honour the Mother. Incidental relationships outside the family were usually overlooked, if they were conducted with restraint and discretion.

If the appeal of a mate was waning, or a stronger attraction developed, incorporation into the family was preferable to breaking it apart. And when nothing would serve except to sever the knot, there were always penalties of some sort levied against one or another or several of the people involved to discourage breaking apart, particularly when there were children.

Penalties might consist of continued assistance and support of the family for a period of time, sometimes coupled with restrictions against forming a new bond for a similar period of time. Or the penalty might be paid all at once, particularly if one or more of the people wanted to move away. There were no hard-and-fast rules. Each situation was judged individually within generally known customs by a number of people, usually those with no direct interest, who were known to have qualities of wisdom, fairness, and leadership.

If, for example, a man wanted to sever the knot with his mate and leave a family to mate with another woman, there would have to be a waiting period, the duration determined by several factors, one of which might be if the other woman was pregnant. During the wait, they would be urged to join the family rather than break the bond. If there was too much antipathy for the new woman to want to join or for her to be accepted into the family, the man could break the existing bond, but he could be required to assist in the support of the original family for some stated length of time. Or some total amount of stored foods, tools, implements, or whatever that could be traded could be paid at once.

A woman could also leave and, especially if she had children and was living at her mate's Cave, might return to the Cave she was born to, or move to the Cave of another man. If some or all of the children stayed with the mate, or if a woman left a mate who was sick, or disabled, a woman might have to pay a penalty. If they were living at her home Cave, she could ask for the Cave to make an unwanted mate leave — his mother's Cave would then be required to accept him. Usually there would be a reason given — a mate was cruel to her or her children, or he was lazy and didn't provide adequately — although it might not be the real reason. It could be that he wasn't paying enough attention to her, or that she was interested in pursuing someone else, or simply that she was no longer interested in living with him, or any other man.

Occasionally one or the other or both simply said they no longer wished to live together. The Cave's concern was, primarily, for the children and if they were provided for; if they were grown, almost any arrangement that people chose to make was acceptable. If there were no children involved, and no other extenuating circumstances, such as an illness of a family member, the knot could be severed — the relationship broken — with relative ease by either the woman or the man, usually involving little more than cutting a symbolic knot in a rope and moving out.

In any of those situations, jealousy could be most disruptive, but in any case, was not tolerated. The Cave would step in, if necessary. So long as it was agreeable and did not cause problems between Caves or disrupt the relationships of others, people could make almost any arrangements they wanted.

Of course, nothing kept anyone from avoiding a penalty by simply packing up and moving away, but other Caves usually learned about most separations sooner or later, and did not hesitate to exert social pressures as well. He or she would not be driven out, but would not be made very welcome either. A person would have to live alone, or move far away to avoid the penalties, and most people didn't want to be alone or live with strangers.

In the case of Dalanar, he had been more than willing to pay his penalty and then some. He didn't have another woman, and in fact still loved Marthona; he just couldn't bear to stay with her anymore when so much of her time and attention was directed toward the needs of the Ninth Cave. He traded belongings in order to pay the full penalty as soon as possible so he could leave, but he hadn't planned to stay away. He wanted to go only because the situation was too distressing for him to remain, and once he did leave, he just kept going until he found himself in the mountain foothills some distance to the east, where he stumbled across the flint mine, and stayed.

Ayla was still wide awake when Jonayla and Wolf came into the tent. She got up to help her daughter get ready for bed. After some attention from her, Wolf went to the place she had set out for him, using his blankets. She greeted some others who had just come into the large, sturdy, not-quite-permanent structure designed to sleep several, or to keep them dry when it rained.

'Where were you, mother?' Jonayla asked. 'You weren't here when I came back with Zelandoni.'

'I was out riding Whinney,' Ayla explained. To the young girl who loved nothing more than riding her horse, the explanation was sufficient.

'Can I go out with you tomorrow? I haven't ridden Grey for a long time.'

'How long?' Ayla asked with a smile.

'This many days.' Jonayla held out two fingers on one hand and three fingers on the other. She didn't quite have the concept of counting yet, especially relating numbers of fingers to numbers of days.

Ayla smiled. 'Can you say the counting words for how many that is?' She touched each finger to help her.

'One, two, four …,' Jonayla began.

'No, three, and then four.'

'Three, four, five!' Jonayla finished.

'That's very good!' Ayla said. 'Yes, I think we can go riding together tomorrow.'

Children were not separated from adults and regularly taught in an organised way. They learned by observation and trial of adult activities, for the most part. Young children were with a caring adult most of the time, until they showed a desire to explore on their own, and whenever they expressed a desire to try something, they were usually given a tool and shown how. Sometimes they'd find their own tool and try to copy someone. If they really showed an aptitude or desire, child-size versions might be made for them, but they weren't toys so much as smaller-size fully functional tools.

The exception was dolls; it was not easy to create a small-size fully functional baby. Both girls and boys were given replicas of humans of various sizes and shapes when they were young, if they wanted them. In addition, real babies were often cared for by only slightly older siblings, usually under the watchful eye of an adult.

Community activities always included children. They were all encouraged to join in on the dancing and singing that were a part of various festivals, and some became quite good and were encouraged. Mental concepts like counting words were usually picked up incidentally, through storytelling, games, and conversation, although one or more of the zelandonia would occasionally take a group of children off to explain or show some particular concept or activity.

'Usually I go riding with Jondy,' Jonayla said. 'Can he come, too?'

Ayla hesitated a moment. 'I suppose, if he wants to.'

'Where is Jondy?' Jonayla said, looking around, suddenly realising he wasn't there.

'I don't know,' Ayla said.

'He was always here when I went to bed before. I'm glad you're here, mother, but I like it better when you're both here,' Jonayla said.

The thought echoed through Ayla's mind. Yes, so do I, but he wanted to be with Marona.

When Ayla woke the next morning, it took her a few moments to recognise where she was. The inside of the structure was familiar; she had slept in similar ones often. Then it came to her. She was at the Summer Meeting. She glanced toward the place where her daughter usually slept. Jonayla was already gone. The child usually awoke suddenly, and was up and out of bed the next instant. Ayla smiled and looked beside her at Jondalar's place. He wasn't there, and it was obvious he had stayed away all night. Suddenly it all came crashing down on her again. Thinking where he might have been made the hot sting of tears rise and threaten to overflow.

Ayla had learned most of the customs of her adopted people, and had heard stories and legends that helped to explain them, but she wasn't born into the culture, and appropriate behaviour wasn't bred into her bones. She knew the general attitude about jealousy, but primarily in reference to Jondalar's lack of control as a youth. She felt that she had to demonstrate her ability to manage her emotions.

Her experience in the cave had been such a physically and emotionally wrenching ordeal, she was not thinking clearly. She was afraid to turn to anyone for help, afraid it would show that, like Jondalar, she could not control herself. But she was so devastated that, unconsciously, she wanted to strike out, make him feel her pain. She hurt, and she wanted to hurt back, make him sorry. She even considered going back into the cave and begging the Mother to take her, just to make Jondalar sorry.

She forced back her tears. I will not cry, she thought. She had learned to control her tears long ago, when she lived with the Clan. No one will know how I feel, she thought. I will act as though nothing happened. I will visit friends, I will join in the activities, I will meet with the other Acolytes, I will do everything I'm supposed to.

Ayla lay awake, gathering courage to get up and face the day. I will have to talk to Zelandoni and tell her what happened in the cave. It will not be easy to keep anything from her. She always knows. But I can't let her know. I can't tell her that I know how jealousy feels.

Everyone who shared the tent with them knew something had happened between Ayla and Jondalar, and most had a fair idea what it was. For all that he thought he was being discreet, everyone knew about Marona and him — Marona enjoyed flaunting it too much. They had been glad to see Ayla come so things could get back to normal. But when Ayla stayed away all afternoon, a dishevelled Marona tried to sneak back a different way, then packed up all her things and left, and Jondalar returned conspicuously disturbed and didn't come back that night to sleep, it wasn't hard to draw conclusions.

When Ayla finally got up, several people were sitting around a fire outside having a morning meal. It was still early, earlier than she thought. Ayla joined them.

'Proleva, do you know where Jonayla is? I promised her I'd go riding with her today, but I have to talk to Zelandoni first,' Ayla said.

Proleva studied her closely. She was handling it much better today; someone who didn't know her might not realise anything was wrong, but Proleva knew her better than most.

'Jonayla went to Levela's again. She's been spending a lot of time there, and Levela loves it. That little sister of mine has loved having a camp full of children around since she was born, I think,' Proleva said. 'Zelandoni did ask me to tell you that she wants to see you as soon as you can. She said she'll be available all morning.'

'I'll go after I eat, but I think I'll stop off and greet Marsheval and Levela on my way,' Ayla said.

'They'd like that,' Proleva said.

As Ayla approached the campsite, she heard childish voices raised in a squabble. 'So you won. I don't care,' Jonayla shouted at a boy somewhat bigger than her. 'You can win all you want, you can take it all, but you can't have a baby, Bokovan. When I grow up I'm going to have lots of babies, but you can't have any at all. So there!'

Jonayla stood facing the boy, overpowering him in spite of his greater size. The wolf hovered close to the ground, his ears back, looking confused. He didn't know who to protect. Although the boy was bigger, he was younger. He looked hardly more than a baby, but an oversize baby. His chubby short legs were bowed, his body was long in proportion, and his big barrel chest was accentuated by a baby's pot belly. Wolf ran to Ayla when he saw her, and she put her arms around him to calm him down.

Bokovan's shoulders were already much broader than her daughter's, Ayla noticed. He had a big nose on a face that jutted out in the middle, accentuating that nose, and a receding chin. Though his forehead was straight and not sloped, he had a definite bony ridge over his eyes, not huge, but there.

To Ayla there was no question that he had the cast of the Clan, including his dark liquid eyes, but their shape was not quite Clan. Like his mother, he had a slight epicanthic fold, making his eyes seem slanted, and at that moment they were filled with tears. Ayla thought he was an exotically handsome child, though not many others agreed.

The boy ran to Dalanar. 'Dalanah,' he cried, 'Jonayah say I can't ha'wa baby. Tell haw not twue.'

Dalanar picked the boy up and put him on his lap. 'I'm afraid it is true, Bokovan,' Dalanar said. 'Boys can't have babies. Only girls can grow up to have babies. But someday you can mate with a woman and help take care of her babies.'

'But, I wan'na baby, too,' Bokovan said, crying a new sob.

'Jonayla! That was a cruel thing to say,' Ayla reprimanded. 'Come here and say you're sorry to Bokovan. It's not nice to make him cry like that.'

She did feel contrite; she really hadn't meant to make him cry. 'I'm sorry, Bokovan,' Jonayla said.

Ayla almost said that he would help to make babies when he grew up, but thought better of it. She hadn't even spoken to Zelandoni yet, and Bokovan wouldn't understand anyway, but her heart went out to the boy. She knelt down in front of him.

'Hello, Bokovan. My name is Ayla and I've been wanting to meet you. Your mother and Echozar are my friends.'

'Can you say hello to Ayla, Bokovan?'

'He'wo, Ayla,' the boy said, then buried his head in Dalanar's shoulder.

'Can I hold him, Dalanar?'

'I'm not sure if he'll let you. He's very shy and not used to people,' Dalanar said.

Ayla held her arms out to the boy. He looked at her in serious contemplation. There was a liquid depth to his dark, slanted eyes, and something more, she felt. He reached out to her and she took the child from the man's arms. He was heavy! Ayla was surprised at his weight. 'You are going to grow up to be a very big man, Bokovan. Do you know that?' Ayla hugged the boy to her.

'I'm really surprised he went to you,' Dalanar said. 'He never takes to strangers like that.'

'How old is he now?' she asked.

'We can count just past three years for him, but he's big for his age. That can be a problem, especially for a boy. People think he's older than he is. I was always tall for my age when I was a youngster. Jondalar was, too,' Dalanar said.

Why did it hurt so much just to hear Jondalar's name, Ayla thought? She must learn to overcome that. After all, if she was going to be Zelandoni now, she needed to show composure. She had been training to control her mind in many ways — why couldn't she control herself now?

Ayla held the boy as she greeted Levela and Marsheval. 'I understand Jonayla has been here quite often. It seems she'd rather be here than any other place. Thank you for looking after her.'

'We're happy to have her,' Levela said. 'She and my girls are good friends, but I'm glad you finally made it here this year. It was getting so late in the season, we didn't know if you were coming.'

'I had planned to come before this, but things came up and I couldn't leave sooner,' Ayla said.

'How's Marthona? Everyone has missed her,' Levela said.

'She seems better … which reminds me …' She looked at Dalanar.

He spoke before she could ask. 'Joharran sent some people for her yesterday, in the afternoon. If she's up to it, she should be here in a few days.' He saw the questioning look on Levela's face. 'They're going to carry her here on a litter, if she'll allow it. It was Ayla's idea. Folara and young Aldanar seem to be seeing a lot of each other, and she thought Marthona would want to be here if they are getting serious. I know how Jerika would feel if it was Joplaya.' The young couple smiled and nodded. 'Have you seen Jerika or Joplaya yet, Ayla?' Dalanar asked.

'No, I haven't, but I'm on my way to see Zelandoni; then I promised Jonayla we'd go riding together.'

'Why don't you come back to the Lanzadonii camp this evening and stay for a meal?' Dalanar said.

Ayla smiled. 'I'd like that,' she said.

'Perhaps Jondalar can come, too. Do you know where he is?' Ayla lost her smile, Dalanar noted with some concern.

'No, I'm afraid I don't,' Ayla said.

'Well, there's always so much going on at Summer Meetings,' Dalanar said, relieving her of Bokovan.

Yes, there certainly is, Ayla thought as she continued on her way to meet with the zelandonia.