The Islanders

Foort BE WELCOME

FOORT is of medium size, one of the Manlayl group of islands in the northern subtropical zone. Its name in patois is rendered as BE WELCOME, of which there is more to say.

Foort has several features which make it unusual, not to say unique, in the Archipelago. One of these is that it has a self-sustaining economy. It is almost entirely independent of other islands. It exports nothing and imports only essentials. Few people from other islands ever visit it; few residents of Foort ever travel to other islands. There is a ferry service but the ships that call do so at irregular intervals and are invariably en route to somewhere else. Foort is a brief stopping place, a port of call. In many ways, Foort is an island that is in but not of the Archipelago.

As facilities for visitors are few, and it has little of historical or cultural interest, we shall not devote much space to it in this gazetteer. One of our researchers did visit the island in the preparation of this book, so we know our information is up to date. For the sake of completeness, and the likelihood that some of our readers will have relatives living on Foort, here are a few facts about the place.

Firstly, its patois name is a fake. There never was an indigenous population who would make you welcome. Throughout the island you will see odd references to the island’s mythical past, restaurants and streets and parking lots named after presumed indigenous greats or events of the past — our researcher noted in Foort Town that there was a ‘King Alph’ housing development, a market square named ‘Victory Plaza’, a bistro called the ‘Old Castle Restaurant’, and so on. All this is false. Until the modern property developers moved in, Foort was a barren island of sandy soil and rocky foreshore, with a single mountain at the western end and a range of sand dunes in the east.

A more accurate patois name would be ISLAND OF CONDOMINIUM. The gleaming white towers of Foort dominate the skyline as you approach from any direction across the sea.

The only low or humble buildings on Foort are those of the people who have flocked to the island in search of work. They are the builders, cleaners, security guards, domestic servants, drivers, gardeners, shop-keepers.

There are twenty-seven golf courses on Foort. There are more than one hundred digital television channels. There are five private airstrips. Restaurants and wine bars are found in every street. Alcohol is inexpensive. Nursing and residential homes are numerous. There are three cinemas, one theatre, several dance halls and five casinos. There is a large lending library, with a range of books but a much wider range of videos imported from the northern countries. Every condo is surrounded by a gated private park. The beaches are clean and patrolled by security guards.

There are no massage parlours, strip joints, table-dancing bars or escort services, and there is no red light district. Violent crime does not occur on Foort, but there are occasional cases of dishonesty and these are dealt with effectively by the authorities. Havenic regulations are non-existent, but shelterate laws are in existence. Anti-importunate rules are strict, and erotomanes are not tolerated.

On the extreme eastern edge of the island there is reputed to be a sand dune which lights up at night. Speculating that this might be one of the coastal installations built by the artist Tamarra Deer Oy, who is known to have spent time on Foort, our researcher went to the location. He was unable to find it, or at least to pick out which of the many hundreds of dunes it might be. He met several people who claimed to have seen it, but two of them told him that the power supply was intermittent and in need of repair. No one knew how to do that. Oy himself left Foort a long time before.

There are few freshwater springs on Foort, and no rivers. All water on the island is either recycled or produced by the huge desalination plant on the north coast. A light pall of pollution, created by the plant, as well as by the heavy traffic and the thousands of air-conditioning devices in the condos, hangs over the island.

There is a network of roads that serve all parts of the island. Traffic is continuous, night and day. Every urban street has a track alongside it, used by the mobility vehicles of the halt and the elderly.

The biggest service and retail industries on the island are based on property: the supply of furniture and flooring, painting and decorating, garden maintenance, and so on. The demand from buyers for property is normally matched by the availability caused by death or incapacity. Almost the entire population is expatriate, people who have chosen to abandon the rigours of life under the wartime economies of the northern countries. Apart from the expense of buying property on the open market there are no immigration restrictions, although a return to the mainland is made difficult to the point of impossibility.

People from both warring alliances are welcome on Foort, and all mainland languages are spoken. Although the seignioral authorities maintain there is no zoning in Foort Town, people from the Faiand Alliance do tend to live in one part of the town, the Glaundians in another. There are expat-themed events all year round, with nostalgic playing of familiar music, cooking of traditional dishes and the wearing of folk costumes. Our researcher attended one of these events, and was surprised not only by how late at night it ran, but how uncontrollably drunk most of the people became.

Currency: all.