The Incorporated Knight

XV – Stultified Seduction

Where the road from Turonax to Carnutis crosses the river Ust by a rickety bridge, Yolanda said: "Eudoric, we haven't bathed since we left Ysness. Clothar has tried to persuade his courtiers to bathe at least once a fortnight, but so far with little success."

"A worthy idea!" said Eudoric. "If we lead the animals round yon river bend, we can unfoul ourselves out of sight of the bridge."

A quarter-hour later, they found a spot with space ashore to set down their apparel and a clean, sandy river bottom before them. As Eudoric and Forthred began to shed their jackets, Yolanda said:

"Ho there! I cannot expose myself before a person of Forthred's low degree!"

"Mean you that, were he a count or baron, 'twere all right? Where draw you the line? Would a mere knight—"

"Oh, cease your quibbling, Shorty! Forthred, lead the animals back around the bend and tether them out of sight of your master and me. If you are fain to wash whilst we do, that's your affair."

Eudoric resented Yolanda's issuing orders to Forth-red, as if he were her servant; but, not wishing to provoke another tirade, he said nothing. He liked clean-cut lines of authority.

Another quarter-hour, and he and Yolanda were standing waist-deep in the water, scrubbing themselves with handfuls of sand. Yolanda said: "You should have thought to get soap in Ysness."

"Aye, so I should. Failing that, I should have spent hours hunting for soapwort by the roadside. And I ought to be King of Locania, which indeed I might have been had the parents of a forebear of mine been legally wed."

"I'm sorry; I mean not to chide you."

Encouraged by her occasional efforts to be companionable, Eudoric remarked: "You're a fine figure of a woman, Yolanda."

"It rejoices me that you think so. When we reach lands where—"

"Ahoy there!" shouted a rough voice. Standing on the shore where they had left their clothes stood eight men-at-arms, five of them aiming cocked crossbows. The speaker, a burly, red-bearded fellow, shouted: "Come ashore instanter, ye twain!"

"What shall we do?" whispered Yolanda. "From their badges, those are Dorelia's men!"

"I fear we must obey," muttered Eudoric. "We're at their mercy. The range is too short to miss. If we run, we get bolts in the back, and the river's too shallow to escape by swimming under water."

"Well?" reared Redbeard. "Art coming? Or would ye fain be the butts at target practice?"

"Coming," said Eudoric. He and Yolanda dawdled towards the shore while one of the men consulted a piece of parchment, saying:

"Aye, these are the genuine twain whereof Bishop Grippo hath written our master: a vagabond from the Empire, hight Eudoric, and the King's sister, the witch Yolanda. These match the description, and those tethered beasts we passed must bear their baggage."

"Hold your aim steady!" said one of the cross-bowmen. "Shoot if the witch begin to utter a spell, lest we be turned to swine."

"That were small change," said Yolanda.

Redbeard laughed. "Fear nought; she cannot work magic, standing naked in running water without her potions and devices."

"Sirrah!" As she reached the shore, Yolanda addressed the redbeard. "It is not proper for persons of your rank to see a royal princess unclad. Pray turn your backs whilst I do clothe myself!"

Redbeard guffawed. "Since we've already seen all there is to see, what were the point? Methinks ye could give a lusty man a lively canter."

"You dare, you scum!" cried Yolanda, bringing her palm against Redbeard's cheek with force enough to stagger him.

"So!" he shouted, and slapped her back.

For a heartbeat, Yolanda's expression was of pure amazement; as if she had never before been struck in her life. Then she brought up a fist in a whistling arc against the soldier's jaw. Redbeard went sprawling.

"Seize her!" he shouted, scrambling up. "Hugo! Dagobert! Yare! For that, my lady fair, we'll have a tryout in the saddle. Toss the wench on her back and hold her down! Back off there, Master what's-your-name, or you'll get a bolt in the guts!"

Throwing Yolanda supine proved easier said than done. She gave Dagobert a punch in the solar plexus that sent him staggering off doubled over, and Hugo got a fist on the nose that started a runnel of blood.

But two of the arbalesters laid down their weapons and joined Hugo in seizing the woman.

As Yolanda struggled in the hands of the soldiers, and Redbeard fumbled with the fastenings of his breeks, Eudoric's mind raced. If he sprang upon Redbeard, his match in height and weight, could he swing the fellow around as a shield? Or could he dive for his scabbarded sword before the crossbows shot him?

A call in a foreign language wafted around the river bend. A swarm of formidable black-and-yellow hornets filled the air with their buzz and fell indiscriminately upon the eight soldiers and the two bathers. As the pair holding Yolanda released her to bat at the insects, Eudoric seized her wrist and dragged her back into the Ust.

"Take a deep breath and hold it!" he shouted, and threw himself backwards. As he submerged, the hornets that had alighted upon him flew away. When he brought his face out long enough for a quick breath, he saw that Yolanda had likewise gone under.

A glance to shoreward showed the eight soldiers, staggering back upstream towards the bridge, still slapping and yelling. As Eudoric watched, one of them fell, crawled a few paces, and then lay, rolling and thrashing. Presently his movements ceased.

Eudoric nudged Yolanda. When she raised her head, he whispered; "Methinks they're gone."

Again they waded ashore. Yolanda was hardly recognizable, with a face so red and swollen that her eyes were nearly shut, and her body marked with angry scarlet swellings. The knuckles of her right hand bled from the blow she had landed on Dagobert's metal-studded leather coat. Eudoric supposed that he looked much the same.

The fallen soldier lay still with eyes staring blankly, as Forthred approached from around the bend, saying:

"Are ye all right, Sir Eudoric and my lady? Oh, pox! They stung you also!"

Through swollen lips, Yolanda mumbled: "Forthred, didst unpack my magical gear and work the spell with the green vase?"

"Aye, Your Highness. I was out in the river, washing, when the soldiers came by. They'd seen our beasts; they tied their own near the end of the bridge and, leaving one man to watch the horses, came down the river path afoot. I crouched low in the water, so they saw me not. I'd watched Your Highness work your spell aforetime, with the ogre; so I got out the gear and did as nearly as I could remember."

"You did not remember quite all the spell," said Yolanda, "or you would have commanded the hornets to assail the troopers only. Still, my lad, you did surprising well."

Eudoric thought of pointing out that, had not Yolanda insisted the beasts be taken upstream and tied up in sight of the bridge, they might have avoided discovery by the soldiers in the first place. But he thought it better not to bring up the matter. Instead, he said:

"Baldonius warned me against my squire's attempts to play the wizard; but this time it was lucky that he did. Forthred, help us on with our garments. We are too sore from our stings to dress unaided."

This time, Yolanda said nothing about exposing herself to a baseborn churl, but gratefully accepted Forthred's help. Eudoric said: "We must find some safe place where we can lie up to recover. Can either of you propose such a refuge?"

Yolanda said: "I have a minor spell, to detect the presence of magic. Could I locate some country wise-woman, she were more like to give shelter to a fellow practitioner than would the local folk."

"Good!" said Eudoric. "Have at it!"

Half an hour later, Yolanda had set up her tripod, whence rose a plume of smoke. Then, kneeling, she held a crystal ball in cupped hands and stared into its depths. Slowly she turned to face all the compass points. At last she straightened up and pointed northwest.

"The vibrations come strongest thence," she said. "Belike our goal lies beyond those low hills."

It took the rest of the day, with three more halts to work Yolanda's directional spell, before they located a cottage in the woods near the village of Carnutis. The house looked like any other modest Franconian country dwelling, the sort a farmer, neither rich nor poor, might keep; but it lacked such a freeholder's barns, byres, and other outbuildings. Yolanda said:

"If I mistake not, that is whence come the vibrations."

Leaving Forthred to hold the animals, Eudoric and Yolanda approached the door. Eudoric knocked, then stood aside to let Yolanda talk.

A woman opened the door, saying: "Good-afternoon. What would ye?"

Eudoric had the impression that all female magicians were either young and beautiful like Yolanda, or withered and old like Svanhalla of Hasselbourne. This one was neither. She was a robust rustic good-wife in well-preserved middle age, plump and rosy-cheeked, with blond hair lightly streaked with gray. She must, Eudoric thought, have been a pretty girl, and she was still attractive.

The woman and Yolanda exchanged a long series of greetings and responses in an unfamiliar language. At last Yolanda said:

"Eudoric, this is Riguntha of Carnutis, the local healer and seeress. Mistress Riguntha, I present my husband Sir Eudoric of Arduen and his squire Forthred. I have explained our plight."

"Come in," said Riguntha cheerfully. "I have a few simples for your stings and can harbor you for a few days. I can also feed you, provided your man go to the village to buy extra provender. Come in!"

An hour later, Eudoric and Yolanda were seated on a settle in the witch's parlor, while Riguntha dabbed ointment on their stings, talking the while: "... and when ye opened the door, methought ye were the fabled giants made of bladders, so swollen were ye. I'll be bound if your swellings have not already begun to shrink: but I misdoubt ye'll be in fettle to travel again on the morrow. Now then, I'll help you dress.

"I see, Princess, that ye wear those newfangled linen undergarments. When they're worn out, ye can sell them to the makers of that new parchmentlike stuff called paper. As for you, Sir Eudoric, how is't that ye do not the same? All Franconians of gentle birth use linen nowadays, whilst ye go about with rough wool nigh unto your skin."

"I fear," said Eudoric, "that in this matter the Franconians be ahead of us of the Empire. I must try out this novelty in Letitia."

"Aye, aye. 'Tis the same with us countryfolk, being too poor to afford this practice. It reminds me of the time when my husband lived, he went out one day to catch a fish for our supper ..."

Eudoric listened politely, although he found the story of little interest, and he had to pay close attention to follow Riguntha's country dialect. When the anecdote had run its course, he said:

"Tell me, Madam Riguntha! As a child I heard that, for the practice of magical arts, one should forswear the pleasures and pains of intimate commerce with the other sex. Back home, I know an eminent adept: Svanhalla of Hasselbourne. I understand that she has lived celibate all her life, the evidence being her assistance to me in capturing a unicorn. But 'tis plain that this stricture has not applied to you ladies. Explain, pray."

Riguntha giggled nervously. "A shrewd springald! Know, O Eudoric, that 'tis a matter of degree. An ye'd ascend to the very pinnacle of our profession, such as were needed for feats like flying on broomstick, or inflicting mortal ills upon a foe, or living over a hundred years, such self-denial indeed is requisite.

"But I lack such lofty ambitions. Happy am I to attain some modest success in predicting storms, and alleviating diseases of man and beast, and warning the folk against bands of brigands or Duke Sigibert's tax collectors. Not that there's a muchel of difference betwixt the two! If the Triunitarian bishops persuade the Duke to outlaw all magic within the dukedom, save that which they themselves command, the poor folk of Carnutis will lose even the slight succor I can afford em. Have some more beer!"

She smiled charmingly at Eudoric. "And now, good my sir, tell me somewhat of the Empire and thy adventures therein." (Eudoric noted the change to the familiar form of address.) "For mine arts do inform me that thou have undergone enough of such for a man of thrice thine age. Here in Carnutis, we get but little news of the world without, aside from what I can glean by mine arts. Therefore I shall hang upon thine every word!"

Flattered, for the next hour Eudoric told of his journey to Pathenia, of his hunt for the spider Fraka, and of his capture of the unicorn.

When Riguntha carried the plates to the sink, Eudoric cocked an eye at Forthred, murmuring: "Water!"

The apprentice hurried out, hoisted the pail out of the well by the windlass, and brought in a bucketful. Eudoric took a towel to dry dishes. Yolanda sat looking uncomfortable. At last she said:

"Riguntha, can—may I help?"

" Tis good of you to ask, Princess. But tell me: How oft in your life hast washed and dried dishes hitherto?"

"N-never; I was never taught such tasks. But if Eudoric, a dubbed knight, can do such menial work ..."

"Then I fear that your aid, however well-meant, would cause more grief than would its absence. These are my only set of crockery; if they be broken, my next guest must dine on wooden platters. But fear not; I shall have other household tasks for you, if ye can gird up your spirit to tackle em."

Eudoric suppressed a smile. He was pleased to hear his arrogant, class-conscious princess offering to turn a hand at commoners' tasks. Perhaps, he thought, there was hope for her after all.

The couple's bed was an oversized pallet spread on the floor of the main room. Riguntha had the only bedroom; Forthred took a smaller pallet to the pantry. Before Riguntha closed her door, she said:

"Pleasant dreams, ye twain. An ye want aught, hesitate not to call on me."

She threw Eudoric a dazzling smile, as she and her candle disappeared. Yolanda murmured:

"I am loath to complain; but meseems, were I in her shoes, I should have given my visitors the bedroom."

"Have you seen her bed?" Eudoric held up his hands two feet apart. "We could never have slept therein unless intertwined like serpents. Of course, if she gave you the bedroom, she and I could make do here—"

"Eudoric! That is no proper jest!"

Eudoric laughed. "Then be glad for what we have. Good-night, my dear."

An hour later, the hearth fire had died to a clutch of coals. Eudoric found himself sleepless, although the pain and swellings of stings had much abated. His mind kept coming back willy-nilly to Riguntha of Carnutis and her pregnant smile. He sternly told himself that a midnight assignation would be utter madness; the risk appalled his prudent soul. Perhaps Riguntha would gasp and moan so loudly as to awaken the princess. Perhaps Yolanda would awaken anyway and come prowling ...

Eudoric's arguments were conclusive, yet something seemed to have taken possession of his wits. While his conscious mind was determined not to yield to this strange urge, his conscious mind was helpless in the grip of this mysterious compulsion. Even as he mentally shouted Stop! Stop! Go back to bed! Be not a bigger fool than you can help! he slid quietly off the pallet, picked up his cloak from a chair, and softly tried the door to Riguntha's bedchamber.

It gave at once, the hinge not even squeaking. Eudoric wondered if it had been recently oiled.

"Thou art expected," whispered Riguntha, sitting on the edge of" her bed in the light of a candle. "Come in quietly, and slam not the door."

With a smile, she laid herself back. Eudoric closed the door softly, shed his cloak, and sat down on the narrow space between Riguntha's hip and the edge of the bed.

"Now," she whispered, "show me how the gentlemen of the Empire pleasure their ladies!"

Some time later, she said: "I am ready long since. Why dost delay?"

Eudoric slumped. "I'm sorry, Madame Riguntha. I'm fordone. I seem unable to rise to the occasion."

"Forsooth?" She raised herself. "I see what thou meanst. How doth the princess suffer an impotent man?"

"I am not wontedly thus. This has never befallen me before."

"Well, we must essay some more, to raise thy spirit."

Later he said: "Alas, 'tis of no avail. Something has stolen my manhood."

"That lioness whom thou hast wedded, belike. Well, go thy way. I thought to enjoy a gentleman for once; but I see I must make do with unwashed yokels."

Eudoric stole back to his pallet. As he started to straighten out beside Yolanda, he became aware, by the faint light from the hearth, that her eyes were open.

"Well?" she said. "How went it with my Huano of Tarraconia?"

"Let me explain," he said. "I had to ask her— "Forget the tale of cock and bull. I know what befell."

"You do? Then in the name of the Divine Pair, explain it!"

"I blame you not, Eudoric." Yolanda smiled. I saw her slip a potion into your beer and guessed what portended. So I cast a little spell of mine own, lest you consummate the lust she'd imposed upon you."

"I hope your spell be not permanent!"

"Nay, 'twill wear off in a day or two. For a woman in my position at court, it is a handy device for nobbling lubricious noblemen. Now go to sleep; this time you'll have no difficulty."