The Haunted Forest Tour

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

No…

Christopher’s mother was not dead. That was not acceptable. She was a kind, sweet woman who found joy in the smallest things and had an unparalleled zest for life. People like that did not meet their end in this manner. She was destined to pass away quietly in her sleep, not be decapitated by a fucking demon while mistakenly believing that she’d saved them all, instead of dooming them.

Not acceptable.

Christopher stood there silently, dripping blood from the seemingly infinite number of cuts he’d sustained during Pestilence’s extended torture session. He stared into the eyes of Lee, Barbara, and Tina. Their expressions conveyed sympathy, horror, and an intense desire to get the hell away from there.

Her blood had splashed all over the bottom half of Lee’s face. He looked as if he wanted to wipe it off, but wasn’t quite sure if Christopher would take offense to the gesture.

At this moment, the only thing Christopher wanted to do was throw his head back, let out an ear-exploding wail of misery, and rip out his hair in large handfuls.

He did not do this. His mother would not have approved of her son creating a ruckus and causing the death of the few remaining Haunted Forest Tour survivors.

So he remained silent.

Everybody continued to stare at him.

“Forgive me for stating the obvious,” said Lee, finally, “but the trees aren’t parting like the Red Sea.”

Christopher shook his head. “No. No, they aren’t.”

Barbara stepped forward. “Oh, Christopher, I’m so sorry. But she didn’t die in vain.”

Christopher couldn’t help but let out an incredulous laugh. “Actually, she died to fulfill part of a demon spell that, from what I understand, may signal the end of humanity. I may be exaggerating—I didn’t get all the details. So, no, her death wasn’t in vain, but it wasn’t one of those deaths that’s going to cause people to erect a statue.”

Barbara seemed unsure how to respond to that. “Oh.”

Christopher nodded. “Yeah.”

Lee looked down. “Uh, Tina? You’ve got… you’ve got something on your foot.”

Tina glanced at her foot. There was a small chunk of Mindy’s skull on it, with an eyeball attached. She gasped and kicked it away.

“Okay, so, so, so, so I don’t completely understand what has just happened here,” Barbara admitted. “How exactly have we signaled the end of humanity?”

“The demon that rules this forest needed a sacrifice,” said Lee. “He tried to get me to offer up Tommy, and then myself. After I refused I guess he went after, uh, Mindy.”

“He went after me before that,” Christopher said, turning around in a circle so they could all get a good look at his cut-ridden chest and back. “Oh, I had a jolly fucking time after the bird snatched me. Time of my life. Cut, cut, cut, slice, slice, slice. Do I sound like I’ve gone insane? I feel like I sound like I’ve gone insane. Stop me if I sound that way.”

“We really should get out of here,” said Lee.

Christopher nodded his agreement. “Don’t let the insane guy stop you. Did I just pass out?”

Barbara gave him a strange look. “No.”

“Oh, good. Thought I passed out for a second. Listen to me, all of you. For all of us, there comes a time in every man’s life—woman’s too—when he has to take matters into his own hands. We can’t rely on Eddie coming back with the Justice League of America to save us. Eddie didn’t come back, right?”

“Right.”

“Good. I mean, bad. I mean, I didn’t think so. So it’s up to us to save ourselves. I’m tired of letting this forest push me around. I’m tired of the bugs and the tooth-bearing things and the blood and the fur and the claws and the… the stuff. I’m tired of the forest stuff. Lee, could you hold me up for a second? I think I’m going to pass out for real.”

Lee rushed forward and placed his hand on Christopher’s shoulder. Christopher winced in pain.

“Sorry,” Lee said.

“It’s okay. You won’t find any uncut parts. Did I pass out?”

“No.”

“Good. That’s very good. This all goes way beyond a bunch of tourists who were too stupid to go to Disneyland. There is a human host, and that motherfucker is going to make it possible for a nasty-ass dimension to completely overtake our own. I think. Again, still not one hundred percent clear on the details. But we can’t let this happen.”

“How do we stop it?” Tina asked.

“No clue.”

“Find the host,” said Lee.

“That works,” Christopher agreed. “Are any of you the host?”

Nobody responded.

“The host isn’t here,” said Lee. “Look, I talked to the Proof Demon—”

“What’s a Proof Demon?” Christopher asked.

“I think it’s either part of the demon that killed your mother or a follower or whatever. I’m not sure.”

“Why is it called a Proof Demon?”

“Because it’s proof of the supernatural.”

“Why would Pestilence need proof of the supernatural?”

“That’s what I named it. Christopher, I know you’ve just lost the most important person in your life and you’re losing a lot of blood, but stay with me.”

Christopher nodded. “My elbow hurts.”

“Anyway, I’m not saying that we did a Vulcan mind-meld or anything but—”

The trees shook, sending down a shower of pine needles, as a demonic voice howled: “Wheeeere aaaaaaare yoooooooou?” The force of the voice was enough to knock Lee and Christopher to their knees.

“What the hell was that?” Tina demanded.

“Pestilence is pissed,” Christopher noted.

Lee stood up and then pulled Christopher to his feet. “Maybe something went wrong. That has to be good for us, right?”

“Yeah, because we’re not in any danger standing out here in the middle of the forest,” said Tina.

“Look, we have to get out of here,” said Christopher. “We can’t count on anybody to do it for us. Did I already say that? Anyway, we have to assume that help is not on its way, that Eddie is lying dead somewhere without his nose. We are the last remaining survivors of the Haunted Forest Tour, unless any of the people who stayed behind in the tram made it, which I’m pretty sure they didn’t. Lee, Barbara, Tina, Tommy… Tommy’s still alive, right?”

The little boy opened his eyes, peeked over Barbara’s shoulder, and nodded.

“Cool. Lee, Barbara, Tina, Tommy… we’re it. We’re the only people who are going to get ourselves out of this mess. And we’re not going to get out of here by standing around talking. Lee, I’m feeling barely conscious again, could you prop me up?”

Lee put his hand back on Christopher’s shoulder.

“I’m not good at big speeches, and I’m not good at inspiring people, and I’m not good at oral exams, but goddamn it, I know when I see four people who deserve to live. You all deserve to live. We all deserve to get out of here. And we’re not going to let that scaly prick who murdered my mother win. We’re going to get out of this, and we’re going to do it ourselves, because nobody is going to help us.”

“Do you hear a helicopter?” Barbara asked.

Everybody listened.

A familiar voice boomed over a megaphone: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is Eddie Turner, here to save your asses!”

Booth squeezed his eyes shut and winced in pain. Mark stopped the car and looked back at him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m—ow, shit!”

“Migraine?”

“Something like that.” Booth rubbed his forehead with both hands. “Don’t worry about me; just get me out of here.”

Mark glanced over at Hannah. “Do you have any aspirin?”

“I don’t need aspirin!” Booth shouted. “I need for you to start driving!”

“Yes, sir.” Mark applied the accelerator again, hoping very much that it was Booth instead of himself who went to prison. The way things were going, they’d end up sharing a cell and have to alternate bitch duties.

“It wasn’t my fault!” Booth shouted. “They made me!”

“Who made you?”

“I swear, it wasn’t my fault!”

Mark glanced up in the rearview mirror. Was Booth actually crying? He and Hannah exchanged a concerned glance.

“It wasn’t my fault,” Booth repeated, although now Mark couldn’t decide if he was speaking to some unseen presence or to himself. “Not my fault.”

Eddie would’ve loved to fly over the forest in a military chopper, armed with missiles and tear gas and gallons of monster repellent made from Booth’s blood. Swoop down, snatch up the survivors, then be the one to press the button that wiped this forest right the hell off the map. Then he’d fly over to the MapQuest offices and make them revise their online directions to the forest at gunpoint.

But he wasn’t in a military chopper. He was, in fact, in the Eye in the Sky Traffic helicopter for Channel 8 news. The young pilot was not thrilled to be flying over the Haunted Forest after hearing that the last helicopter to do so had been torched by a dragon, but the traffic reporter was ecstatic about the idea of covering the potential rescue.

They did not have missiles or tear gas or monster repellent. They did have one hell of a nice rope ladder that the military let them borrow, and plenty of guns.

Eddie pointed down at the reclamation plant building. “Any chance we can land on that thing?” he asked, shouting to be heard above the noise of the aircraft.

“Are you kidding me? It has a rounded top!”

“Just asking. I drive a tour tram, for Christ’s sake. Get down as low as you can.”

The pilot shook his head. “I’m staying above the trees. Gotta watch for dragons.”

“Okay, okay, whatever you need to do.” Eddie leaned out of the open helicopter door as far as he could without vertigo setting in and peered down at the ground, two hundred feet below. No sign of anybody, but they were probably inside.

“You sure they’re still alive?” asked the reporter.

“Of course not. If they are, I hope they stayed put.”

“I told you we should’ve stayed put!” said Tina.

To be honest, Barbara couldn’t remember if Tina had been in favor of leaving the reclamation plant or against it. Not that it mattered. All that mattered now was to get back to it before Eddie gave up and flew away.

They’d make it. They hadn’t walked far, ten minutes tops, and they’d been going slowly. If they really picked up the pace they’d be okay.

Christopher stumbled and almost fell, but Lee held him up.

Tommy on her back felt like he weighed four hundred pounds.

“I’m going to run ahead,” said Tina.

“No, we shouldn’t split up,” Lee told her.

“Why? Are you guys going to protect me?”

“She’s right,” said Barbara. “Run ahead; make sure Eddie knows we’re on our way.”

Tina nodded.

Then she screamed.

She pointed at something behind Barbara. Barbara spun around to see what it was. Nothing there. She spun back around to face Tina.

“What? What is it?”

“It’s on Tommy!”

She twisted her neck around so quickly that it hurt. Tommy’s eyes were closed, but she couldn’t see anything on him.

“On his shoulder!”

“I still can’t see it! Tommy, you have to let go!”

The little boy’s arms were wrapped around her in a death-grip. She frantically tried to pry them off… how could a six-year-old be so strong?

“Tommy, please! Let go so I can help you!”

Something scraped the back of Barbara’s neck.

Lee rushed forward. Christopher wobbled a bit but didn’t fall over.

“It hurts!” Tommy squealed.

Barbara grabbed Tommy’s wrists and pulled as hard as she could. “Tommy, I can’t get it off you while you’re on my back!”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it!” Lee assured her. She couldn’t see what he was doing, but Tommy’s squeal suddenly intensified.

Barbara counted three—no, four—sets of glowing eyes watching them through the trees.

Christopher stumbled over to help Lee.

Barbara finally pried Tommy’s arms open. She gently but quickly knelt down and wiggled out of his grip.

“It hurts it hurts it hurts!”

Barbara turned around and saw what was on Tommy. A fish. A fish with translucent skin, allowing her to see the skeletal structure, and a head full of oversized teeth like those horrific fish that swam at the very bottom of the ocean and never saw light.

It also had tiny wings. A flying fish should’ve been a comical sight, but this one was about as funny as an infant’s funeral.

Lee crouched down and jabbed his walking stick through the fish’s side. It came out the other end, and he wrenched the fish away from Tommy’s shoulder. Three teeth remained lodged in the little boy’s flesh as Lee tossed his stick aside. Christopher plucked them out.

“It hurts!” Tommy wailed.

“I know it does, sweetie,” said Barbara, wincing at the vicious bite marks on his shoulder. “But we’ll be out of here soon, I promise.”

“It hurts it hurts my leg it hurts!”

Barbara gasped as she saw that an identical fish was on Tommy’s leg, biting through his jeans. Lee grabbed for it. The fish snapped at him, taking off Lee’s index finger at the first knuckle.

The old man did not scream, though it looked like it took every ounce of self-control that he possessed to keep from doing so.

Eddie’s voice boomed over the megaphone again. “I repeat, this is Eddie! I’m hovering over the building where I left you! If you’re still there, come out so I can see you!”

“Run!” Lee shouted at Tina. “Go get help!”

Tina nodded and sprinted off.

“Help me roll him over,” said Christopher. He and Barbara rolled Tommy onto his back, and then Christopher raised the boy’s leg and smashed it onto the ground, hard, crushing the fish underneath it.

He raised Tommy’s leg. The fish was still squirming, so he repeated the process. It stopped squirming.

“You okay, Lee?” he asked.

Lee cradled his injured hand to his chest. “Better than you still, but no.”

Tommy was still screaming and sobbing. There wasn’t much they could do about that. Christopher and Lee pulled him to his feet while Barbara got in position to give him another piggyback ride.

Up ahead, Tina had just about disappeared from sight. She was nothing more than a shadow.

Then another shadow with glowing eyes leapt at her, bringing her down.