The Devil You Know

CHAPTER 27

I felt the pressure of Brian’s eyes on me as his question hung unanswered. During the brief time I’d been under Lugh’s control back when I’d almost been burned at the stake, he had used me to help Raphael burn another demon host alive. In that case, both the demon and his host had richly deserved it, and yet everything inside me had recoiled at the idea. I’m sure if Lugh weren’t with me to keep me from dreaming anything he doesn’t want me to dream, I’d have had nightmares about that. But bad as it had been, how much worse would it be when the host was the man who’d raised me since birth?

My head swam, and for a moment I thought I might faint.

I shook my head violently to clear it. Oh, no. I was not going to faint. That might be the easy way out—faint dead away and let Lugh take care of the ugly business—but I’ve never been one to do anything the easy way. And if I was going to condone burning a man alive, I had damn well better step up to the plate and admit it.

“Can you exorcize the demon?” Brian asked me, and I realized I’d neglected to mention to him my hard-won revelation that exorcism merely sends demons back to the Demon Realm.

I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat as I pushed myself to my feet. “Possibly. Unfortunately, I found out from Lugh that exorcism doesn’t actually kill them. And Der Jäger has to die.”

Der Jäger had been fixing me with a baleful, hostile glare the whole time. But when he heard my words, his eyes went wide, and an expression that looked a lot like fear crossed his face. He opened his mouth to say something, but I didn’t want to hear it, so I gave him another jolt. His body convulsed with the new dose of electricity, and he couldn’t control my father’s mouth enough to form words.

“You can’t be serious,” Brian said quietly, and I realized he’d managed to drag himself to his feet beside me.

I didn’t answer.

“Jesus, Morgan! That’s your father!”

“No shit?” I retorted, in what was supposed to sound like an angry voice. I think it came out more like hysteria.

“Surely there has to be a better way,” Brian said, but it sounded more like a question than a statement.

My heart was jackhammering again, and I swayed dizzily. How much easier it would be if I’d just let myself pass out! I could wash my hands of all responsibility. I wouldn’t have to kill my dad, and I wouldn’t have to see the horrified look in Brian’s eyes.

I felt Lugh once again knocking on the doors of my mind, but I locked them up tight. If I could have thrown away the keys, I would have.

“If you’ve got a better idea how to neutralize him without killing him, I’m all ears,” I heard myself saying. It was almost like I was having an out-of-body experience, my soul trying to retreat from the horrible reality of what I had to do. I kept reminding myself that my dad was long gone, buried in some deep, dark oubliette inside his own mind. Better for him to die than to live like that for the rest of his life.

But would he live like that the rest of his life? After all, Andy had made it back, and he’d had Raphael in his head for ten years. My father couldn’t have had Der Jäger for even twenty-four hours yet. My heart thudded. It didn’t matter what he’d allowed Cooper and Neely to do to me. It didn’t matter that he’d never really loved me. It didn’t matter that he was cold and unfeeling and could be downright nasty. It didn’t even matter that he wasn’t biologically my father. He was my dad.

Demons adhere to a strict code of morality wherein the ends justify the means. Even the nicest, kindest, gentlest of them would not hesitate to do the “right thing” in my position. But as I looked at my father sprawled on the ground with a sociopathic demon staring out of his eyes, I knew I didn’t have what it takes.

I winced in pain as Lugh started pounding on my skull again. I wasn’t hearing his voice in my head at the moment, but I knew what he was thinking.

“Are you all right?” Brian asked, putting his hand on my arm and peering into my face with obvious concern.

I couldn’t imagine what expression I must have been wearing to make him look at me like that when he still thought I was about to commit patricide. I whimpered as Lugh kept up his assault.

“You’re right,” I gasped to Brian as I tried to remember how to breathe through the pain of keeping my mental doors shut. “I can’t kill him.” In reality, I wasn’t really sure I could have done it even if the host hadn’t been my dad. Shit, what kind of person has what it takes to burn another human being alive? Not the kind of person I want to be, that’s for sure. And that was even if I could work out the logistics of how to do it without being arrested for murder.

“What’s the matter with you?” Brian asked, and I would have been touched by the worry in his voice if I didn’t hurt so damn much.

“Lugh is trying his best to take over. I can’t let him or he’ll take the decision out of both of our hands.” I was glad for Brian’s hands on my shoulders. I needed an anchor as the pain threatened to wash me away.

“What are you going to do?”

Another whimper crawled up my throat, and I wondered how long it would be before I passed out from the pain. “I’d exorcize him if Lugh would only let up, but I don’t think he’s going to. We need to get out of here before Lugh wins.”

I twisted out of Brian’s grip, hurting too much to talk anymore. He watched me with haunted eyes. “But even if you exorcized him, he could just come back in another host, right? And he’ll come after you again.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, not that it helped. “It doesn’t matter,” I insisted, though I knew it did. “I can’t kill my own father.” I was disoriented in the darkened woods and had no idea which direction the parking lot was, but I knew I had to get out of here soon. I couldn’t take much more.

Picking a direction at random, I started to run. I couldn’t see worth a damn, and my head hurt so much I could barely keep my eyes open. I ran smack-dab into a tree, stumbling back a couple of steps before plunging forward again.

Distantly, I heard Brian yelling at me to stop, but I was sure that if I stopped, I’d collapse to the ground and that would be all she wrote.

“Please, Lugh,” I begged with the small amount of air I managed to drag into my lungs. “Please don’t do this.” But he didn’t let up, and I didn’t stop running.

Until something slammed into my legs and I fell flat on my face.

I kicked out blindly, and Brian cursed when my foot glanced off the side of his leg.

“Stop it!” he shouted at me. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“No!” I wailed as darkness seemed to be creeping into the edges of my vision. “I can’t hold him off much longer.” I tried to get up, but Brian held me down, practically sitting on me.

“Calm down!” he said, but he didn’t exactly sound calm himself.

“Let me go.”

“Not until you calm down.”

There was still an edge of panic in his voice, but I also heard implacable will. I tried to slow down my breathing, tried to do as he ordered, but the pain wouldn’t let me. I wanted to tell him exactly what was happening to me in a calm, logical manner, but my brain refused to cooperate. Instead of talking, I struggled helplessly until the effort became too much and my defenses crumpled.

The last time Lugh had taken over my body while I was conscious, I’d had the unsettling experience of riding around in my own body without being able to move a muscle. This time was different.

One moment, I was lying on the forest floor with Brian sitting on my ass to keep me down. The next, I was somewhere else, surrounded by inky, impenetrable darkness.

“Lugh!” I shouted. “Don’t you dare do this!”

Naturally, there was no response. I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face, so I stuck both hands out in front of me as I took a step.

It only took two steps before my hands encountered what felt like a stone wall. I tried to tell myself this was good news, that I’d found a way to orient myself in the darkness. I didn’t even come close to convincing myself.

Hand over hand, I followed that stone wall for about three more paces until I found a corner. I skimmed over the corner and continued following the wall, but my heart now beat like a frightened rabbit’s. I knew where I was, what Lugh had done to me.

My cell seemed to be maybe seven by seven, and completely barren. Cold, damp stone comprised the four walls, and cold, damp earth the floor. When I craned my neck upward, I saw a circular opening about two stories up. Pale blue moonlight filtered through the bars that blocked that opening, but it didn’t reach even halfway down the walls before it was swallowed by the dark.

Shivering, I crossed my arms over my chest. “You bastard,” I said, but I sounded as scared as I felt. I didn’t believe Lugh would leave me down here indefinitely. He was no doubt pissed at me for not letting him in voluntarily, but he was a lot better at letting go of his anger than I was. But even knowing my imprisonment was bound to be short-term, dread pooled in my gut, and my nerves vibrated as if I’d drunk about fifteen cups of coffee.

Unable to hold still, I started pounding on one wall with the flat of my hand.

“Lugh! Let me out of here!” Even the sound of my hand hitting the walls seemed to be swallowed by the darkness, and my voice sounded small and tinny. If this were a real place rather than a waking nightmare, the sound would have echoed.

My hand started to hurt from the abuse, so I kicked the wall instead, my voice rising and growing thinner as panic threatened to overwhelm me.

“Lugh!”

But there was no answer, and the walls stayed firm and solid. I flung myself across the cell to a different wall, pounding with my fist even though I knew I was bruising the hell out of my hand. The panic was taking on a life of its own, sucking the air from the depths of the oubliette, making my lungs work doubly hard.

The stone wall was rough and craggy, so I tried to climb it. Maybe if I were a seasoned rock climber, I would have been able to make it to the top. Probably not, though. And even if I had, the opening was barred.

As it was, all I managed to do was break my fingernails to the quick and throw more fuel onto the fire of my panic. Desperate to escape, I rammed my shoulder into the wall as if it were a door I was intent on breaking down. Of course, it didn’t budge, and the force of my charge caused me to bang my head for good measure.

The blow stunned me, and I staggered. My head spun, my knees weakened, and I collapsed to the cold, earthen floor.

I lay there on my back, staring up at the faint hint of light from above, wishing I would pass out, knowing I wouldn’t. Tears dripped from the corners of my eyes, sliding down my face into my ears. My whole body was drenched with sweat, and yet I shivered incessantly, my teeth chattering loudly in the otherwise oppressive silence.

How long would it take for me to go completely mad? Some hosts seemed to lose themselves within hours of taking on demons, but surely Lugh wouldn’t do that to me, wouldn’t destroy me so utterly in a fit of pique.

My heart seemed to stutter in my chest. What if Lugh had miscalculated? What if he thought I could stand this for a short period of time, but he was wrong? What if he tried to free me, but he couldn’t get me out? I could spend the rest of my life down here, alone in the dark.

Terror drove me to my feet once more, and, screaming like a maniac, I battered myself against the walls, not caring how much it hurt or how little good it seemed to do. When battering them didn’t work, I scrabbled at them with my jagged, broken fingernails, as if I could claw my way through solid stone.

Suddenly, my limbs went completely limp, and I crumpled to the ground once more.