The Devil You Know

CHAPTER 14

After Adam and Dom left, my big brother once again abandoned me to the wolves by running off to his own room. I wanted to remind him how well it had worked out last time he’d left me alone with Brian, but I managed to refrain. When the door thunked closed behind him, silence, dense and oppressive, settled on the living room.

Brian was still sitting on the couch, but I was far too antsy to hold still, so I wandered around the living room pretending to tidy up while I tried to gather my wits about me. And convince myself that leaping into Brian’s arms and kissing him senseless was a bad idea.

His quiet sigh made something clench in my gut.

“So, are you planning to look at me or speak to me?” he asked. “Or are you just going to ignore me and pretend I’m not here?”

I’d gathered a pile of magazines from the coffee table, but at Brian’s gentle rebuke I dropped them onto the end table and forced myself to sit back down and face him.

“Sorry,” I said. “This is kind of awkward, you know.”

He crossed his arms and leaned back into the cushions of the couch. I realized neither one of us was being terribly watchful, so I picked up one of the Tasers and shifted position so I’d have a clear shot at the door if I needed it. That didn’t save me from Brian’s questioning glance.

“Your friend Adam seems to think you still love me.”

I winced, remembering Adam bellowing something to that effect when he’d brought Brian back to the apartment. I’d hoped Brian was too distracted by all the rest of this mess to have noticed. I just couldn’t seem to catch a break these days.

“If he’s right,” Brian continued mercilessly, “then why are you so determined to push me away?”

I swallowed a sudden lump in my throat. I could try to deny that I loved him, but who the hell would I be kidding? Certainly not Brian! “Because I didn’t want you to get sucked into this shit.”

He cocked his head, his lawyerly instincts perking up. “In other words, you knew you were still in trouble even after that demon abandoned your brother.”

Reluctantly, I nodded. I stared at the Taser in my lap. “And I know it’s not going to go away anytime soon.” I forced myself to look up, to meet Brian’s eyes. “You’ve gotten hurt because of me once before. I’m not going to let it happen again.”

His jaw set grimly. “You’re really a piece of work, you know? Did it ever occur to you that I’m a big boy and can make my own decisions about what risks I want to take?”

For someone who was supposedly trying to push her ex-boyfriend away, I sure was saying things better suited to the opposite purpose. I shook my head in frustration.

“You can’t make an informed decision about this. There are too many things I can’t tell you. All I can do is beg you to listen to me and keep away.” I frowned. “Once it’s safe for you to keep away.”

“I’m not sure I can do that, Morgan.”

As usual, my mouth started moving before my brain caught up. “You’ve been doing a pretty good job lately.”

I felt the blood heating my cheeks, and even though I put a hand over my eyes—as if I could somehow hide from my own stupidity—I saw the spark of triumph in Brian’s eyes. He didn’t say anything, but I had begun to think his sudden disappearance from my life hadn’t meant what I’d thought it had.

Indignation helped chase away my irritation with my runaway tongue. “You hadn’t really given up on me,” I said accusingly. “You were just playing with me!”

He shrugged, still looking smug. “You know what they say—absence makes the heart grow fonder. I thought I’d test the theory out.”

And, damn him, his little experiment had worked. When he’d been pestering me relentlessly, sending me flowers and love letters, trying every romantic gesture known to mankind, it had been almost easy for me to be my normal, contrary self. Someone pushes me, I push right back. Harder, if possible.

“You’re one manipulative son of a bitch,” I told him, but there wasn’t enough heat in my voice to make it the kind of slap-down it was meant to be.

“Honey, I’m a lawyer. I’m paid—and paid well, I might add—to be a manipulative son of a bitch. So now that we have all that out of the way, can we go to bed and have wild monkey sex? I’ve been missing you in more ways than one.” He waggled his eyebrows at me.

The temptation was enough to make me squirm. I doubted he’d forgiven me, doubted even a bout of wild monkey sex would make things right between us after all I’d done to sabotage the relationship. But it would feel so good to lose myself in him, if only for a little while.

I tried not to think about what Brian’s body felt like pressed up against mine. Tried not to think about the physical chemistry between us that practically lit the bed on fire when we were together. Tried not to think about everything I was giving up by giving up on him.

“Sorry,” I said. “I don’t do wild monkey sex when a sociopathic demon might come crashing through my front door any moment.” I thought it made a damn good excuse.

He grinned at me. “So we ask Andrew to keep watch, and then we go have wild monkey sex.”

I suppressed my sudden urge to grin right back at him. “I am not having sex of any kind when my brother’s in the next room. That’s just…eww.” I crinkled up my nose in disgust, and Brian laughed.

“I’m sure your brother knows you’re not a virgin,” Brian started, but I made a slashing gesture across my throat.

“Cut it out. Now! I’m not having sex with you, and I’m not getting back together with you. That’s final. Now, can we talk about something else? Or, better yet, maybe there’s something good on TV.”

I grabbed the remote and turned the TV on, desperate for any escape from the quicksand I was trying to pick my way through. Obviously, I was a lot safer if I just kept my mouth shut.

I expected Brian to protest, but he merely sat back in the cushions and made himself comfortable. He knew he’d pushed as far as he dared, and like any predator worth his salt, he knew when to back off and wait for his prey to make a fatal mistake.

I was beginning to feel like a gazelle with a pride of lions on its ass. Somehow, I needed to figure out how to run faster.

Brian, Andy, and I took turns keeping watch in two-hour shifts. Whoever got the short end of the stick for a shift got to hang out in the living room watching the door while the other two slept. Brian, of course, wanted to sleep in my bed. I told him he could sleep in it when it was my turn to watch, and dared him to keep pushing me. Wisely, he backed off.

After a quick Taser 101 course I let Andy take the first watch and retreated to my bedroom. My entire body felt heavy with exhaustion, not all of it physical. Even so, I had a hard time falling asleep. I wasn’t sure how much I trusted either of my roommates to guard the door. And my treacherous mind kept conjuring images of Brian, nude and eager, lying in bed beside me.

Somehow, I managed to drift off, and once again I dreamed of Lugh. In retrospect, I think I knew he would have something to say to me that night, and perhaps that’s part of why I had such a hard time falling asleep. For a demon, he’s a really great guy, and I actually like him. But his ability to see inside the dark corners of my soul—and his insistence on sharing what he sees—scares the crap out of me. There’s a reason I keep the metaphorical lights out in those corners.

At least we were back in his living room, not his bedroom. Brian’s arrival had put my hormones in overdrive, and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to resist Lugh’s charms if we were in that bedroom.

He looked different today. No black leather. Instead, he wore a pair of close-fitting jeans and a plain white button-down shirt, and he sported a pair of pristine white sneakers. I knew exactly what he was up to. When I had any impure thoughts about Adam, Lugh would appear in my dreams as the S&M poster boy. Now that it was Brian who’d cranked up my hormones, he was going for the all-American-guy look. Only he was far too dangerous-looking to pull that off.

“I like the outfit,” I commented as casually as possible, dropping into the love seat across from him. I myself was wearing comfy knit pajama bottoms with a wispy camisole top. It was better than being naked, but not by much.

Lugh smiled. “I thought you might.”

I scrubbed at my eyes. “Can’t you just let me get a good night’s sleep?”

“You’ve only got two hours coming to you,” he said, knowing I had taken the second watch shift, “and you wasted more than an hour of that tossing and turning. I’m not depriving you of much.”

“But I’m too tired to deal with you right now.” Even to my own ears, I sounded like I was whining.

Not surprisingly, Lugh didn’t care about my desire to escape serious conversations. “I’ll make this brief, then.”

I gave him a dirty look, but he ignored it. “I understand your need to protect Brian,” he said. “And ordinarily, I would do anything possible to keep a defenseless human out of the line of fire. But it’s clear to me—as it is to you, in your heart of hearts—that even if you aren’t actively dating him, he’ll always be vulnerable because of your past history.”

“Thanks!” I snapped. “I needed to feel a little more guilty about dragging him into the middle of a demon civil war.”

“What this means is that there’s no reason for you to keep pushing him away for his own safety. Doing so is hurting both of you, and it’s obviously not keeping him safe.”

But the reasons I was pushing Brian away were so much more complicated than that, and Lugh knew it. Yes, keeping him safe from Dougal’s minions was my primary motivation. But I was also trying to keep him safe from my own majorly fucked-up life.

“And,” Lugh continued, “I think if he’s going to remain in the line of fire, he deserves to know the truth.”

I blinked, not sure I’d heard him correctly. “The truth?”

Lugh nodded, his dark amber eyes seeming to peer into my soul as he stared at me. “You have my permission to tell him about me. And about Dougal.”

“Since when do I need your permission?” I asked, hackles rising for no good reason except that I was uncomfortable.

He smiled. “All right then, my blessing. Does that sound better?”

“Not really,” I muttered, my mind going in circles. If I told Brian everything, then I’d never get rid of him.

And I’d lose the excuse I’d been giving myself for why he couldn’t make an informed decision to stay by my side.

I stared at my hands, my jaw clenched as I imagined tearing down the wall I’d built between myself and the man I loved. How could I bear to do that? I remembered how I’d felt when I’d discovered Raphael had kidnapped him, when I’d seen the terrible, terrifying videotape of the man I loved being tortured on my account. It had been the worst moment of my life, worse even than when I’d been tied to the stake with piles of kindling at my feet.

Tears burned my eyes, and my hands clenched so tightly my fingernails left bloodless crescents in my own skin. “I can’t go through that again,” I whispered.

I wasn’t surprised when Lugh appeared on the love seat beside me and drew me into his arms. And I was too overwhelmed to object when he tucked my head into the crook of his neck and rubbed one strong hand up and down my back. My own arms slipped around his waist, and I squeezed tight, absorbing the warmth and comfort of his body, inhaling his unique scent.

There was nothing sexual about that embrace. Even though I can’t deny I was attracted to him, nor could I fool myself into thinking he wasn’t attracted to me. It was nothing but a glorious, comforting hug, at a time I badly needed one.

“He’ll be safer if he knows,” Lugh said, his voice a barely audible rumble.

Before I could muster another argument, I woke up to the sensation of Andrew tapping my shoulder.

“Wake up, little sister,” he said. “It’s your turn to keep watch.”

I had the feeling I was in for a very long two hours.

I was right about that being one of the longest nights of my life. Even after Andrew had gotten me up and I’d taken my place on the couch, guarding the door, Lugh’s words echoed through my brain. Was I, as usual, being a chickenshit and making excuses for why I was pushing Brian away?

Of course I was. I might not be thrilled to admit it to myself, but I knew truth when I heard it. But, I told myself, I’d had legitimate reasons as well. Reasons that had nothing to do with my hang-ups and insecurities, and everything to do with the danger that clung to me like the stench of cigarette smoke after a night at a bar.

When it was time to wake Brian up to take the next watch, I could have stayed up with him and told him my whole crazy story. I could have opened my heart to him, and eased some of the pain in my own soul. Instead, I merely climbed into bed and fell into a deep and blessedly dreamless sleep.

I woke up the next morning to discover that I’d been the victim of a male conspiracy to let me sleep. I was supposed to have been on watch for one more shift over the course of the night, but Brian and Andy had neglected to wake me, and for once, Lugh hadn’t entered my dreams. I won’t say I was exactly fresh as a daisy, but I didn’t feel like I’d been run over by a truck, either, which was a nice change.

I followed the scent of brewing coffee into the kitchen, and discovered that I had even more company. Dominic was making himself at home in my kitchen, while Adam sat at the table sipping coffee from my favorite mug.

Before my caffeine-deprived brain could come up with an appropriately snarky comment, Brian shoved a mug in my face. The scent of coffee temporarily derailed me, and I took the mug and cupped it in both hands. Of course, after many mornings-after together, Brian knew exactly how I liked my coffee. Gulping down the heavenly brew, burning my tongue more than once, I retreated to the living room, trying my best to ignore the testosterone brigade that had invaded my tiny apartment. Sizzling sounds from the kitchen told me Dominic was cooking. Like Pavlov’s dog, I started drooling at the thought, even before the enticing scents reached my nose.

Adam didn’t take my not-so-subtle hint that I wanted to be left alone. Why was I not surprised? He sat beside me on the sofa, resting his elbow on the back and staring at me.

“What?” I asked, when I couldn’t stand the scrutiny any longer.

“I’m just waiting for the caffeine to hit your system. I know how grumpy you are before your morning coffee.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, then checked over my shoulder. Yup, Brian was standing right there. Heat flooded my cheeks. Brian’s face was studiously neutral, but I knew him too well not to see the suspicion in his eyes. I figured my overactive blush reflex was just making me look even more guilty. And then I remembered the dream of watching Adam and Dominic together, remembered how incredibly hot it had made me, and my cheeks burned even brighter.

“Adam’s just trying to make trouble,” I said tightly. “We’re not even friends, much less lovers.”

“Adam, behave,” Dominic called from the kitchen.

“Yes, Mother,” Adam answered with a wicked grin.

I don’t know if Brian believed me, but he didn’t say anything. I slurped more coffee, feeling the pressure of his eyes on me. Then he shrugged and dismissed the whole thing.

“Whatever,” he said. “I’m going to grab a quick shower.”

I hated that the tension eased out of my shoulders when Brian disappeared into the guest room. I shouldn’t let Adam get to me the way he did, but I just couldn’t help it. And I couldn’t help that Brian’s presence gave Adam so much more fuel to torture me with.

“So what are you two doing here this morning, anyway?” I asked. “And help yourself to my coffee, by the way.” I glanced at Dominic, slaving over my stove. “And help yourself to my kitchen.”

“Thanks,” Dom called cheerfully, frying up something that involved peppers and onions and filled the air with the most enticing aromas imaginable. Short of coffee. He must have been shopping before he’d come over—no way he’d gotten anything that smelled that good out of my fridge.

“I thought you might want to know that your parents have flown the coop,” Adam said, and I almost choked on my coffee.

“What?”

“When I went to interview them last night, they were gone.”

I figured I must not have had enough coffee yet. Surely he wasn’t saying what I thought he was saying. “What do you mean ‘gone’?”

“I mean packed up everything they own and disappeared.”

“That’s impossible.”

Adam shook his head. “Oh, I assure you, it’s quite possible. Aside from packing up everything they own, they also cleared out their bank accounts.”

Andy came over and joined us, looking as shocked as I felt. “But Morgan was just over there yesterday!” he protested.

“Yes, I know,” Adam said with exaggerated patience. “I was there, too, remember? But I assure you, when we went there last night, they were gone. Naturally, I’m trying to find out where they disappeared to, but no one can disappear this thoroughly and this suddenly without some kind of outside help.”

“Bradley Cooper,” I said, knowing the slimy little weasel had to have contacts all over the place. And that he wouldn’t hesitate to use illegal means to cover up whatever the hell it was he—and the Spirit Society—was hiding.

“His name did spring to mind,” Adam agreed.

“Have you had a chance to talk to him yet?”

“He claimed to know nothing. He said he was given the name of the demon to summon by his superiors, and he didn’t ask any questions.”

“Yeah, and cows grow on trees.”

“Of course, since we know what demon he summoned now, I don’t suppose his knowledge or lack thereof matters too much. I think we’re pretty much on our own with Der Jäger. But I’d definitely like to have another chat with him.”

So would I, not that I’d spoken to him anytime recently. I hadn’t been able to entirely cut my parents out of my life, but Cooper had been a different story.

The problem was, Cooper was in this up to his ass, and that meant the likelihood of us getting any straight answers out of him was approximately zilch. I shuddered as I took another sip of coffee, wondering if Adam would now use his special interrogation techniques on Cooper. Better than on my parents—at least, from my point of view—but still dangerous. If Adam resorted to violence, then he’d have to kill Cooper when he was done. Otherwise, he’d be declared rogue and his life would be forfeit.

I couldn’t stand Cooper, but I didn’t want his death on my conscience.

“Let’s hold off on talking to Cooper for now,” I suggested. “I’d say he’s about the last person we’re likely to get info out of.”

Adam gave me a penetrating look, telling me he’d followed my thought process easily. “And who would you suggest we talk to instead?”

Luckily, I had an idea. “Maybe my pediatrician. We have more than one mystery to solve, remember. I know he retired right around when I went to college, but we can probably track him down.”

Adam arched an eyebrow skeptically. “And what exactly do you expect him to tell us?”

“He might be able to tell me what happened to me at The Healing Circle when I was thirteen.”

“And the reason you expect to get a straight answer out of him is…”

I shrugged. “I probably won’t. But I might be able to tell if he’s hiding something or not.”

I remembered Dr. Williams as a kindly old man, who was nice to me even when I was my usual difficult self. I had a hard time believing he’d have been involved with any kind of evil plan to harm me. But he’d been my doctor at the time of what I now was convinced was a suspicious hospitalization, and he had to know something.

I’d have to deal with the Adam problem no matter who I approached with questions, but with kindly old Dr. Williams, I thought I was more likely to get cooperation—and less likely to trigger Adam’s dark side.

“So you’ve become a master interrogator?” Adam asked.

I kept my temper firmly in check. “I just plan to ask him a couple of questions, not interrogate him. And you’re going to stay here and keep the people I care about safe while I do.”

He laughed, as I’d figured he would. Brian, freshly scrubbed, his hair slicked back with water, emerged from the guest bedroom. He looked back and forth between me and Adam like he was trying to figure out the joke.

“Dominic?” I asked, raising my voice to something just under a shout to be heard over Adam’s laughter.

Dom seemed to have finished cooking and was now opening random cabinets in the kitchen, probably looking for dishes. He stopped with his hand still on a cabinet door.

“Yes?”

“Can you talk your boyfriend into staying here on guard duty while I go do a little investigating?” I tried not to emphasize the word “boyfriend,” and I also tried not to glance at Brian to see his reaction. I failed on both counts. When I accidentally caught his eye, he flashed me a rueful smile that could have meant anything.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” Dom asked from the kitchen. He’d located the plates, and was now scooping something out of the pan.

“As long as I stay out in the open where people can see me, Der Jäger wouldn’t dare come after me. Not unless he wants a date with the state of Pennsylvania’s cremation ovens!”

“That’s true, I suppose,” Dominic said, carrying a pair of plates out to the table, which was barely big enough to seat four average-sized people. None of my unwanted visitors was average-sized—not that I was, either—and I didn’t know how we were all supposed to fit at the table.

Since I was asking for a favor, I decided to make myself useful and help serve. I saw the plates were laden with extra-fluffy omelets and home fries, and I was tempted to take two of them for myself.

I set the plates in my hand down on the table, then turned to go get the last one. I almost ran smack into Adam, who’d come up behind me like a sudden summer storm.

“Leave Dom out of this,” he said. “If you have to argue, argue with me.”

“All right, fine. I do not want your company when I go talk to Dr. Williams. I don’t want you—” I almost said exactly what I didn’t want him to do, then remembered just in time that Brian didn’t have the faintest idea what was going on. And despite the fact that Lugh had given me “permission” to tell him everything, I knew I wasn’t going to.

I glanced over at him and saw him watching—and listening—with silent curiosity. Damn it! We’d already said way too much for my comfort. That’s what I got for talking before being fully fueled up on coffee.

“Look,” I said more quietly, feeling almost defeated. “I need to do this my way. Let me at least try. I’ll be careful. I’ll take a Taser. I’ll stay in public places where Der Jäger won’t dare attack me. And I need to know these guys are safe.” I made a sweeping gesture to encompass Brian and Andy and Dom.

Dom grabbed the last plate from the kitchen. “Everyone sit down and eat,” he said, leaning a hip against the kitchen counter as he dug into his own breakfast.

I tried not to hold my breath as the rest of us sat at the table and I awaited Adam’s verdict. He, of course, had to stuff his face full of eggs and savor them before he spoke.

“All right,” he finally said, and I let out the breath I’d been trying not to hold. “But if you don’t get anything out of him, we’re going to have to do it my way.”

I grimaced in what I hoped he’d take for agreement, then took a page from his book and ate like a pig so I wouldn’t have to talk anymore.