I thought about my plan all the next morning. I was frightened-but I knew I had to go through with it.
Our group had Free Swim that afternoon. Of course, everyone had a buddy but me.
I dug my bare feet into the muddy shore and watched everyone pair up and head into the water. Puffy white clouds floated overhead, reflected in the nearly still water.
Tiny gnats jumped over the surface of the water. I stared at them, wondering why they didn’t get wet.
“Sarah, it’s swim time,” Liz called. She hurried over to me. She wore a pink one-piece bathing suit under crisp white tennis shorts.
I adjusted my swimsuit top. My hands were trembling.
I really was scared by what I planned to do.
“Why aren’t you swimming?” Liz demanded. She brushed a fly off my shoulder.
“I–I don’t have a buddy,” I stammered.
She glanced around, trying to find someone for me. But everyone was in the lake.
“Well…” Liz twisted her mouth fretfully. “Go ahead and swim by yourself. Stay close to the shore. And I’ll keep an eye on you.”
“Great. Thanks,” I said. I smiled at her, then trotted enthusiastically to the edge of the water.
I didn’t want her to guess that it wasn’t going to be a normal swim for me. That I had something really terrible in mind….
I stepped into the water.
Oooh. So cold.
A cloud rolled over the sun. The sky darkened, and the air grew colder.
My feet sank into the muddy bottom of the lake. Up ahead, I saw the gnats-hundreds of them-hopping on the water.
Yuck, I thought. Why do I have to swim with mud and gnats?
I took a deep breath and stepped out farther. When the cold water was nearly up to my waist, I lowered my body in and started to swim.
I swam a few long laps. I needed to get used to the water. And I needed to get my breathing steady.
A short distance away, Briana and some other girls were having some kind of relay race. They were laughing and cheering. Having a great time.
They won’t be laughing in a few minutes. I told myself bitterly.
A tall spray of water rushed over me. I cried out.
Another wave smacked my face.
It took me a few seconds to realize that I was being splashed-by Aaron.
He rose up in front of me-and spit a stream of water into my face.
“Yuck! How can you put this water in your mouth?” I cried, totally grossed out.
He laughed and splashed away to join his buddy.
He won’t be laughing in a few minutes, either, I told myself. He’ll treat me differently after today.
Everyone will.
I suddenly felt guilty. I should have told Aaron what I planned to do. I didn’t really want to scare him. I wanted to scare everyone else.
But I knew if I told my plan to practical, sensible Aaron, he would talk me out of it. Or go tell Liz so that she would stop me.
Well… no one is going to stop me, I vowed.
Have you guessed my desperate plan?
It was really quite simple.
I planned to drown myself.
Well… not really.
I planned to dive down to the lake bottom. Stay under. A long, long time.
And make everyone think that I had drowned.
I can hold my breath for a very long time. It’s because I play the flute. I’ve really developed my lung power.
I can probably stay underwater for two or three minutes.
Long enough to scare everyone to death.
Everyone will panic. Even Briana, Meg, and Jan.
Everyone will feel sorry for how mean they were to me.
I’ll get a new start. After my close call in the lake, everyone in camp will want to be nice to me.
Everyone will want to be my buddy.
So… here goes.
I took one last look at all the laughing, shouting swimmers.
Then I sucked in the biggest breath I had ever taken.
And plunged down, down to the bottom of the lake.